Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Jordan

I knocked on El's dorm room door at 6:15 that evening. Butterflies fluttered around my stomach, even though this was just a routine study session. We'd done dozens over the past year.

His words from earlier today still circled my brain. Sex and exercise release the most endorphins. You're missing out.

He wasn't wrong. I would love to release some endorphins with Ellis—preferably with sex rather than a gym workout—but I could hardly tell him that. He saw me as a friend.

My knuckles had barely hit the door when Ellis yanked it open. "There you are."

I adjusted the strap on my army green messenger bag. "Sorry. I got caught up at Callahan's office, and then I had to swing by my place before heading back to campus."

"Don't apologize. You're doing me a huge favor." He stepped back. "Come in."

"Oh, uh, I thought we could go to the library…" I trailed off as I took in his sweaty tank and clingy shorts that left so very little to the imagination. And my imagination really didn't need help when it came to lusting after my best friend.

"I'm already set up here," Ellis said.

I stepped inside, shutting the door behind me, and just about swallowed my tongue when Ellis pulled his tank top over his head, baring his muscular physique.

"Wh-what?" I fumbled.

Ellis seemed oblivious to the way my eyes tried to pop out of my head.

"I was just getting a light workout in. I haven't been able to spend as much time at the gym. When I am there, I've got to focus on getting personal trainer hours in, you know? My parents are paying my tuition, but I don't want to ask them to pay for my room and board too."

I nodded, heart still lodged in my throat as I panicked inside.

Do not get hard. Do NOT get hard.

Ellis pulled a fresh shirt on, one with sleeves, mercifully. The relief was short-lived. He sprawled out on his bed, resting on his elbows, legs manspreading all over the place.

My brain nearly imploded at the sight of his bulky body, muscles popping every which way, in the place he slept every night. In the place he might…do other unmentionable things, too.

I took a breath. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the library? It might be more comfortable."

"More comfortable than my bed?" Ellis scoffed. "No, this is good."

Damn. I really wasn't sure I could focus with him on his bed. Ellis and I spent enough time together that I'd almost desensitized myself to his attractiveness. Almost. But usually we met up on campus, grabbed dinner, or hung out at Zach's. We didn't lounge around in our bedrooms together.

"You're probably hungry," I hedged. "We can't have you studying on an empty stomach."

"Yeah, I am."

"Good, so let's go out."

Ellis popped up—at least he was off the bed now—and grabbed his cell from his dresser top. "I'll order in. Pizza good?"

"Okay, where is my best friend, you body snatcher! The El I know and lo—like would never put pizza in the holy temple of his body."

That slip was totally unnoticeable, right? Kill me now.

Ellis snorted a laugh. "Normally, you'd be right, but I've been really good all week, and I need some reward for studying, right? Not to mention not tearing out Vic's hair."

I chuckled. "I admire your restraint."

"He's just such a jerk! I don't know what Clay sees in him."

"Well, I don't know what you see in Clay, so…" Ellis turned wounded eyes on me, and I changed the subject. "Let me get out my notes. We should get to work."

While Ellis placed an order via an app on his phone, I set my bag on his desk and unloaded my old notes from Callahan's course.

Focus on the task at hand. That will get you through tonight. You survived all those LSAT tutor sessions. You can do this too.

Of course, Ellis had come to my place for LSAT tutoring. And we'd done it in the living room, not a bedroom. He also hadn't taken off his shirt right in front of me.

My crush hadn't been half as bad before I saw how smart and determined he was, either.

Still, I could do this, right?

"I'm ready." El's breath tickled my neck, and I jumped. He'd come up behind me while I sorted out the notes. "Let's study!"

I laughed, some of my tension easing at his enthusiasm. Ellis could be such an adorable golden retriever sometimes, but you couldn't fault his optimism.

"Okay, I've got my notes." I held them up. "We can go over what my highlighting code means, so you know what's most important."

Ellis took them from me, scanning the first section. "This is great, Jordan. I was afraid I was in over my head with this class after Callahan's speech about first years. You're really saving my ass."

"It's just some notes."

"From the TA, who also happened to be a kickass student. I'm getting a huge advantage over every other student in the class, and I know it." Ellis paused. "It almost makes me feel guilty. Except when it comes to Victor. Can you tutor everyone but Victor? Or even better, give him tainted notes with all the wrong information? I want to see him squirm as he realizes he's inferior to me in every way."

Ellis clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide and horrified.

I laughed. "Are you okay?"

Ellis dropped onto the end of his bed and groaned. "That was so mean. I'm not mean. I'm usually, like, the nicest. Do you think I'm horrible?"

"Of course not." I sat in the desk chair, opting to keep a little space between us even though a part of me wanted to rush over and let Ellis lean on me. "Victor got under your skin, that's all. It's normal."

Ellis huffed. "It's not normal for me. I'm not one of those mean, sassy twinks."

"Yeah, I think Vic is superior in that regard," I said with a smirk.

He let out a little laugh. "Still, I'm a better person than this, Jordan. Maybe coming here was the wrong choice. I just wanted to show Clayton that I can be a smart, capable partner. I can be as successful and ambitious as the next guy."

"Can you?"

The words were out before I could stop them. Damn my missing filter when it came to tact.

"You don't think I'm smart or capable?" he asked, big blue eyes looking at me as if I'd just killed a puppy.

"No, you are!" I said. "That's not what I meant. I was just wondering if you're really that ambitious, or if you're just trying to prove something to Clay. This is your life , El. You shouldn't shape it into what he wants."

"This is what I want too," Ellis said.

"Is it?—"

"Let's study," he repeated, cutting me short.

Probably for the best. We'd gone down this road once before, and I didn't want to upset Ellis. I really didn't. I just hated watching him contort himself to fit some image he thought Clay wanted him to be.

Ellis was the nicest, sweetest, most incredible person just as he was.

"I can't tutor the whole class," I said, shifting gears. "But you're free to share any notes you want. If that makes you feel better."

Ellis perked up. "Oh, it does. Thanks for this, Jordan."

"And if you don't want to help out Victor, don't feel bad. He'd never help you, either. As demonstrated today."

"Yeah." Ellis sighed, dropped his eyes to the sheet of notebook paper in his hand. "It's going to be a long semester, huh? If Victor has his way, you'll be my only friend in law school."

"No way. You're way too likable for that."

Ellis's smile went straight to my heart. "You're too sweet, Jordan."

I shrugged uncomfortably. I really wasn't. Just honest.

"I'm too busy for friends anyway," Ellis said. "Between work and law school…"

"You've got a lot on your plate," I said. "But I'm here to help however I can."

A knock came at the door. "Queen City Pizza!"

Ellis hopped up. "Oh, good. Time for food."

I breathed a sigh of relief. That conversation was getting too heavy. Reassuring Ellis was like walking a tightrope. I wanted to offer supportive friendship, but my longing for more was a weight tugging me toward the ground.

And beneath me? Not a single net to catch our friendship if I overbalanced.