Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Jordan

"You ready for school to start again?" Zach asked as he settled onto his sofa for our weekly movie night.

We used to exclusively watch romance movies, but with our long-distance friend Skylar tuning in to request horror movies and Zach's fiancé, Tristan, preferring action, we'd branched out a little.

Austin snorted from the loveseat, where he sat with his boyfriend, Chase. "As if Jordan ever stops going to school."

I shrugged because he wasn't wrong. I was pursuing an MBA and a law degree at the same time. Most people would call that insane. I called it the thing that kept me sane.

I'd never been particularly good with people. This weekly movie night was my only social outlet outside of classes and internships. It was easier to embrace my geekiness than to wish for other things.

Things like Ellis Woods.

He came flying through the front door, all gorgeous face and insanely buff body and bright eyes.

My heart sped at the sight of him, as it always did.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, brandishing an envelope. "I got in! I got into law school. I can finally win back Clayton!"

And my heart fell. As it always did when he brought up his worthless ex-boyfriend.

Ellis was determined to win him back. He'd worked his ass off to study for and take the LSATs over this past year. And now he'd gotten into law school.

The same one Clayton and I both attended.

So I could watch Ellis win back the love of his life, who most definitely didn't deserve him. Yay me.

"Congrats, Ellis!" Zach said.

"That's so awesome." Becca's voice was warm with pride. "I knew you could do it."

Austin held up his hand for a high-five. "Badass, man."

The others added their congratulations to the mix. Only I was speechless.

Ellis threw himself into my arms, his hard body pressing all up against my weak-ass one.

"I couldn't have done it without you, Jordan. Thank you so much for helping me prepare."

Yeah. I was officially that guy. The one pushed into the friend zone, which wouldn't be so bad all on its own. But then, from that friend zone, I'd helped Ellis do the one thing that would help him win over another man.

Pathetic.

But what else could I do?

I didn't just want Ellis Woods. I didn't just covet him for his sexy body or even his sweet, generous demeanor. No, it was worse than that.

So much worse.

"You're welcome," I croaked, patting his back and stepping away before I could really appreciate the weight of his body against mine. It was too painful to taunt myself with possibilities that would never exist.

Better to bury my head in my books and put silly fantasies out of my mind. I would become a lawyer. But a boyfriend? Probably not. And El's boyfriend? Definitely not. That man was so far out of my league that he was the moon and I wasn't even an astronaut.

Ellis turned to our friends. "So, what's the movie tonight?"

My mind went blank. Luckily, Tristan answered. "It's your turn to pick."

Inwardly, I groaned. Talk about salt in the wound, because Ellis would definitely choose?—

" Legally Blonde !" he exclaimed, clapping his hands in excitement. "Yes! It's been too long since we saw that one."

"A whole six weeks," I muttered.

Not that I was counting.

Ellis looked at me uncertainly. "If you don't want to see it…"

Gah . And this was why he killed me. Ellis was such a people-pleaser. But he didn't need to do anything more than exist to please me.

Even when he had his heart set on that bastard Clayton.

"No, no. It's good. We should watch it."

Ellis's smile lit up his whole face. There was something magical about that smile.

I stumbled back a step, unsteady under the blast of joy.

"This movie is my inspiration," he said, though it was no surprise to me. "If Elle could go to law school, then so could I. We even have the same name!"

"That's true," Becca said with a smile.

"Elle decided her ex wasn't worth it," I pointed out, even though I knew better.

The only time I'd ever made Ellis angry was when I'd tried to tell him that he shouldn't turn his life upside down for a man who didn't deserve him.

"You don't think I can do it either," he'd said, betrayal in his eyes.

I'd spent months studying with him to prove that wasn't true.

I'd support Ellis in anything. Even if it meant watching him run into a burning building when I wanted to protect him from it. He might rescue his relationship, but he'd undoubtedly get burned in the end.

Ellis waved off my comment. "Clayton isn't like that jerk," he said. "He actually loves me."

My friends all looked at me, as if braced for me to say something tactless.

I was usually the first one to give blunt honesty where it wasn't wanted. But I'd tried and failed enough times with Ellis to know there was no changing his mind. He was determined to see this through.

All I could do was stand outside that burning building, blanket in my arms, and hope I could smother the flames before Ellis was totally destroyed.

"I'll grab the snacks," I said, needing a minute to regain my cool.

"I'll come with you." Austin's boyfriend, Chase, followed me to the kitchen.

"Don't even think you're getting all the Oreos," I warned.

"I brought my own," he said. "Just thought you might need to talk to someone."

"Was I that obvious? Fuck ."

"Afraid so." He opened the pantry and handed me a bag of microwavable popcorn. "So, how long have you been in love with Ellis?"

I tossed the popcorn into the microwave and turned it on, then opened the refrigerator to fetch drinks. I wasn't avoiding the question. I was just so damn tired of being the punchline of this joke.

Chase waited patiently, leaning back against the closed pantry.

"Since the day I met him," I admitted. "I was in a hurry. Dropped my books all over the sidewalk. Ellis stopped to help me pick them up. He was impressed by the amount of weight I lugged in my bag." I chuckled. "Probably the only time I ever impressed someone with my strength."

Chase cracked a smile. "Ellis and you always seemed close. I wondered…"

I shook my head. "He's in love with Clayton. Has been since the moment we met. I always knew there wasn't a chance." I snorted. "As if there would be, anyway. I mean, look at me."

I gestured to my average, somewhat soft body. I was not the fittest guy. I ate too much junk food and exercised too little.

But it hardly mattered. Even when I was in high school and tried lifting weights, I'd never been able to put on much muscle.

I would never look like Ellis.

Or even the leaner but still muscled All-American jock that was Clayton Warner III.

"What I see is the way Ellis looks at you," Chase said. "You're important to him. He wanted to share his excitement with you, not anyone else."

Guilt flickered. I knew I hadn't shown enough enthusiasm.

"I helped him study," I hedged. "He just feels grateful to me."

Chase looked skeptical. "Maybe."

The microwave dinged, saving me from the painful conversation. I wanted to stop thinking about all the things I wanted with Ellis. It was better to focus on what was realistic. I could be his friend. I could be supportive and encouraging. Fuck knew his ex would never be those things for him.

If all I got was friendship in return, it would be enough. It had to be. Because Ellis was too precious to sacrifice in the name of jealousy.

While I dumped the popcorn in the bowl and salted it, I worked to put on a happy face. I was so damn proud of Ellis. He'd worked incredibly hard. For someone who'd had no interest in the law to pass the LSATs on his first try…

I shook my head. It just showed what Ellis was trying so hard to prove. He wasn't just a muscle head. He was damn smart. Of course, I'd always known that.

He was sweet, sort of naive at times, but Ellis wasn't dumb.

That would be me. Because I was the one in love with a man who'd never look at me as more than a friend.

Still, it was time to show I deserved that friendship.

I walked back into the living room, where our friends sat around chatting while they waited to start the movie.

Ellis looked up from the footstool, happiness sparkling in his eyes. He'd left the armchair open for me.

"Can you believe it, Jordie? I'll get to go to school with you."

His happiness boosted my own, and I didn't have to fake it as I smiled down at him.

"I knew you'd get there. You're going to take that law school by storm."

He gave a nervous wiggle as I took the seat behind him. "I hope so. This is a big step, and I have no idea what I'm doing."

I squeezed his shoulder. "You know I'm here to help you."

"I know." He glanced back at me. "You're the best friend. I couldn't do any of this without you."

"Well, luckily, you won't have to," I said lightly, ignoring the pain that flared at being called his friend.

Friendship wasn't a consolation prize. It might not be everything I wanted, but it had a priceless value.

Just like Ellis.