Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Jordan

Metallica blasted from my speakers while I typed up my notes from the interviews I'd done with Flex Gym staffers earlier that day.

It didn't do much to drown out my guilt over ghosting Ellis. I'd rescheduled my visit to the gym to avoid him because I didn't know how to face him yet.

I would figure it out, though. Even if all Ellis wanted was friendship after that incredible night, I'd find a way to give it to him. I'd give him anything, really. Even my broken heart.

I frowned down at the interview notes, trying to focus. Not one of the staffers remembered a complaint being made by the plaintiff. There was not a single written report of any issues involving the FitnessMaster. They could have been lying. Even though I was working on behalf of the gym, they might be afraid of losing their job for screwing the pooch. But I didn't think so. They'd seemed genuinely baffled.

I typed in another line or two before my mind drifted once again to last night. To the way Ellis had pulled me into his bed. The teasing sparkle in his eye as he mentioned putting his muscle to good use.

Fuck.

How could I ever forget the intimacy of that moment? I didn't want to forget it. I wanted to tuck it somewhere safe, so I could pull it out and savor it again and again. But if Ellis wanted to forget it, if he wanted to move on with Clay or someone else, my treasure would become torture.

There was a thud at my front door. It startled me from my thoughts.

I barely heard it over the music blaring through the apartment. I walked over to the stereo and turned the volume dial down. The thud became a pounding.

"Jordan!" Ellis called through the door. "I know you're in there!"

My heart jumped. What was Ellis doing here? He should be at Flex, inspecting their equipment.

He wailed on the door some more. "Jordie, if you don't open up, I swear to?—"

I yanked the door open. "Ellis?"

"Hi," he said softly.

Then he grasped my face and kissed me.

I stiffened, caught off-guard. Questions tumbled through my head. This time, I wasn't so caught up in the moment I could ignore them.

Ellis pulled back, eyes worried. "Jordan, did I get it wrong? Are you upset about what happened last night?"

"I…" I swallowed and shook my head. "I don't know how I feel."

The shattered expression on his face was a knife to my heart. I never wanted to hurt Ellis.

"It's just, I don't do casual sex," I said. "Friends with benefits just isn't something I think I can handle."

Ellis nodded. "I don't think that would work for either of us."

I swallowed hard. "Yeah, I figured as much. I hope you don't regret last night."

"No!" Ellis exclaimed. "Never. Last night was amazing, Jordan. I…can't even express what it meant to me."

"Me too," I managed.

"Can I come in? I think we should talk."

I hesitated. Ellis stood in the hallway outside my apartment. I guarded the threshold like some sort of gargoyle.

Was I ready to handle the aftermath of finally getting a taste of what I could have with Ellis if things were different? If he wasn't in love with Clay, but was instead in love with me?

"Please," Ellis said softly.

That was all it took. The key to all my defenses. I stepped back and let him inside.

"I'm not sure we really need to talk," I hedged, retreating toward my couch, where I'd left my laptop open on the coffee table.

I realized my mistake when Ellis sat beside me, so close his knees brushed mine. He rested one large hand on my thigh. The closeness made it impossible to guard myself against the hurt if this conversation went badly.

"Jordie, last night was great. I never really imagined how good it could be with us. I was blind to that, and I'm sorry."

I blinked, confused. "You don't need to apologize. If anyone should, it's me. I know how you feel about Clay. I shouldn't have let things go so far?—"

"No," Ellis cut me off. "That's where you're wrong."

"What do you mean?"

Ellis licked his lips, looking nervous for the first time. "I, uh…I told Clay to kick rocks. I don't want him back."

My heart lurched, and I spoke before my brain caught up. " Fucking finally!"

Ellis looked chagrined. "Yeah, I'm a little slow, I guess."

I winced. "No, fuck, I'm sorry. Are you okay? I know how you love him."

"That's just it, Jordie. I don't love him anymore."

"Oh. Well, that's…good."

Ellis started to smile. "Aren't you going to ask me why I realized that today of all days?"

My throat tightened, and my heart began to race ahead. Was this it? Would Ellis finally say what I'd wanted to hear? I'd been afraid to hope for so long I almost couldn't get the words out.

Almost.

Ellis was here. He was smiling encouragingly at me. And it was past time for me to step up and acknowledge the love I held for my best friend.

"Why, El?" I asked, surprised my voice came out so even and calm.

"Because last night I realized that I've gone and fallen in love with you."

He raised a trembling hand to my cheek, looked deeply into my eyes, and said, "Jordie, would you consider being my boyfriend? If you only want friendship, I'll understand. But I want more. I think I would have figured it out a lot sooner if I wasn't so set on this stupid quest to win back Clay, and I?—"

This time, I surged forward to kiss him.

Unlike me, Ellis didn't go rigid and unresponsive. He pulled me in and met my urgent kiss, parting his lips, flicking out his tongue, and greeting me as if I hadn't run out on him last night.

Oh god. I totally ran out on him.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, then kissed him again. "Shouldn't have left last night." Kiss. "I was afraid."

Kiss. kiss kiss.

I couldn't keep my lips off him. Not now that he'd granted me access to his beautiful mouth. Ellis chuckled into our kisses, mumbling responses in the few seconds I gave him as our lips parted then reunited again and again.

"Should have seen it sooner," Ellis said, holding me tighter. "Seen what you meant to me."

I pressed my forehead to his, breathing hard, and closed my eyes. "Are you sure this is… I'm not a rebound, am I? You've been invested in Clay for a long time."

"You're not a rebound," Ellis said. "I was holding on to a fantasy. You're the real thing."

I opened my eyes, meeting his intent blue ones. My lips quirked. "No one would accuse me of a being a fantasy, that's for sure."

Ellis pulled back, mouth twisting. "Don't do that."

My heart dropped. "What?"

"Don't put yourself down. You did it last night too. Do you think I dragged you into my room and got you naked because I don't like what I see?"

"Uh…" I wasn't sure how to answer that. I'd been a geek my whole life, burying myself in books because I didn't know how to connect with people.

Ellis had always been different. He'd been too friendly, too sweet, too warm for awkward distance to ever stand a chance. He'd not broken the ice so much as melted it away with one glorious smile.

I didn't see myself as special, but for some unfathomable reason, he did.

"Sorry," I managed.

"That's okay." Ellis brushed a thumb over my bottom lip. "Just watch it, okay? That's my boyfriend you're talking about, and I think he's pretty freaking amazing." He paused. "And hot. I seriously want in his pants again as soon as possible."

I gave a shaky laugh. "Sorry, didn't mean to insult such an awesome guy."

"Good," Ellis said. "Now, let's kiss and make up."

This was really happening, then. Ellis wanted me. Last night wasn't a fluke. Wasn't a one-time impulsive hookup that Ellis would regret.

Last night was the beginning of more. The beginning of everything I was certain I'd never have.

I pulled him into another kiss, this one soft and sweet. Then paused.

"Wait, aren't you supposed to be at the gym inspecting equipment?"

"Maybe?" He pulled away. "I guess I could go?—"

"No," I growled, tugging him back to me for a longer kiss. "We'll go together."

"Later?"

I swung a leg over his hip and settled into his lap to kiss him harder. " Much later."