8. Hazel

Chapter Eight

HAZEL

“ Y ou need to get up.” A rough voice grunts in my ear and rumbles against my back. “It’s almost eleven, and that means I’m failing to keep your sleep schedule normal.”

I grin, fully embrace the butterflies in my stomach, and burrow further under my blanket.

“Sunny...” Knox scolds as his big old paw moves from my shoulder to my side. “I will take drastic measures if I have to.”

With a very childish giggle, I scoot down the bed, so far down that if I rolled, I’d probably be face to face with his dick but there are sheets between us and I won’t.

Knox grunts, but I can hear his smile. “Fine. If that’s how you want to play it, then you can’t hold me responsible for what happens next. You asked for this, Sunny.”

He’s been at my apartment since Friday, the day of concussions, gibberish and super embarrassing nude mishaps, and he has been calling me Sunny the entire time.

Today’s Monday.

That’s almost three whole days of me and Knox Riley holed up in my one room home, and the man obviously knows who I am because he’s been calling me that almost every time we talk save for when he throws in a sweetheart or baby .

Needless to say, I’m swooning my ass off and while we haven’t talked about the Godzilla-sized elephant in the room, I haven’t felt the need to say anything either.

Ignorance is bliss and all that.

Knox rolls away from me, but only for a second before the sheet flies off my body and is replaced by the man himself as he proceeds to tickle me until I can’t breathe.

He discovered my weakness by accident the first night he stayed.

Knox is a sleep-cuddler.

I’m not sure if that’s a thing but I just made it one.

He started out on top of the blankets on the far edge of the bed, but by the time he hit his REM cycle, Knox was all up in my personal space. I enjoyed it, have enjoyed it a lot, but when he accidentally stuck his hand under my shirt—that had to be an accident, right?—and lightly brushed his fingers along my rib cage, I laughed so hard I woke us both up and threw an elbow that made my MMA fighter proud. Since then, Knox has tickled me whenever I don’t comply, which is surprising that the beast of a man whose nickname is TKO is so hands on and seems to enjoy torturing me as much as I enjoy him doing it.

“You up now?” Knox grins down at my face, his fingers digging and squeezing my hip. “Gonna stay up and start your day?”

“No!” I wheeze, then throw my head back and let out the most unattractive laugh ever. I’m an ugly crier as well as an unattractive laugher. It’s a gift.

He moves to my armpits next, uses those mammoth thighs to pin me down while he straddles my lap. “Gotta stay up, Haze. It’s good for the melon after a concussion.”

Tears are rolling down my cheeks, snorts and honks flying out of my mouth. “I just want to sleep!”

“Not allowed.” Knox goes for my ribs and just when I’m pretty sure I’m going to pee both of our pants, I realize that today is Monday.

“Uncle!” I shriek. “Uncle! It’s Monday!”

He immediately rolls off me and flops onto his back. “Correct.”

“I have clients!” I leap from the bed like a goddamn gazelle. “My first appointment was at ten. Oh my god, Mr. Willis is going to have a coronary.”

Knox starts laughing and when I spin to face him, one arm already pulled out of my sweatshirt, the other fighting with my drawstring, I get a crushing wave of heat in all the wrong places. Or the right ones depending on who you ask.

He’s laid out on my bed in nothing but basketball shorts, legs crossed at the ankles, arms folded behind his head. Knox’s hair is messy as hell, which is pretty much its permanent state, and his scruff is a little thicker, but I can smell his soap so I know he showered. Then came out here to kill me with tickles and panty melting smiles. He is just so fucking pretty.

“Calm down, Sunny.” He grins. “You think I’d do you like that?”

No, but I know how I want him to do me.

“What did you do?” I drop my arms, still half out of my sweatshirt, and make myself look like the hot mess I am.

Those almost black eyes dance, sparkle, and do all the pretty things. “I rescheduled your clients. Explained to them what happened Friday and booked them starting Wednesday. Figured that way you’d be back in your right mind by then.”

I scowl. “What, are you my secretary now or something? I’m fine to see clients today, Knox.”

“And how, exactly, do you intend to see clients without the ability to get hands on?”

I want to smack that smug grin right off his beautiful face. Then kiss it.

Instead, I stomp my foot like a toddler and huff, “I’m inventive!”

Knox barks out a laugh, one that has me smiling, the bastard. He has a really great laugh.

“Oh, I know, but even the great Hazel Ruth Hollis can’t perform her duties without her hands.” Then he smiles wider as he scratches his super bare chest. “Just like she can’t stitch up the back of her own head.”

“Jerk!” But he’s right. I’m still not 100%, close but not there yet, and while I probably could do relaxation yoga with my regulars, lead meditation and maybe throw them on the rolling table without overexerting myself, that’s about the extent of things.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Knox asks as he ignores what I called him, rolls out of bed and swaggers his way to the fridge.

He’s been doing that a lot, too.

Apparently, Linda failed to mention her oldest baby is a fantastic cook, something Knox attributes to the way he has to eat while he’s gaining and cutting weight for his fights, and if he keeps it up, he’s going to make me fat.

But that’s not all Linda forgot to tell me.

Not only can the man cook, but he keeps a house better than I do, and that’s coming from someone who cleans when she’s emotional. A lot of it is OCD driven, but it’s also the discipline he has from years of sports, sports that had him traveling a lot, so Knox sort of became a neat freak minimalist out of necessity.

He’s also apparently a huge fan of pets and a secret cat lover but since he spends so much time on the road, he’s never had so much as a goldfish. Now Boris and Princess Glitter Butt are getting years of pent-up animal love from a freaking bear. A teddy bear, but a bear, nonetheless.

We also have a lot in common regarding how we like to spend our free time.

We’ve been out for runs every morning. Well, Knox jogs in place while I walk because he won’t let me do more than that with stitches in my melon .

We like a lot of the same shows, nothing current, but we have agreed on just about everything Netflix and Hulu have to offer, and I was super excited when I found out Knox loves Archer as much as I do.

And when I’m not staggering behind him while he tries not to run circles around me or watching hilarious blundering cartoon spies, we talk about everything and nothing until we have no words left or sit in very comfortable silence and read.

Knox gave me tons of shit when he looked at my bookshelves, though, and I overlooked that because I love a man who reads.

Unbeknownst to me, I apparently own all his brother and sister-in-law’s novels, including the scorching hot series they’re collaborating on.

There was pride in his voice when he gave me hell, a genuine level of pride and affection for his baby brother, but there was a bit of longing there.

I’m assuming it’s because Blake moved to Georgia, but then again, for as much as we talk, we haven’t really shared. At least Knox hasn’t. I’ve damn near told him my life story at this point.

“Sunny?”

I blink as I try to put my shirt on correctly. “Sorry. I’m not really hungry.” Which is the truth. Not talking about the elephant in the room has started to give me wicked anxiety, and that means my appetite has gone down and my desire to sleep has gone up.

I’m not like Knox.

My anxiety tends to make me shut down, disconnect from the world because I get so lost in my head that I start to believe my own lies, so I spend a lot of time in bed and if I do eat, it’s usually something loaded with sugar and terrible for me. And just because I have the desire to sleep doesn’t mean I actually do. It’s mostly just me lying in bed with the blankets pulled up over my head, staring into the darkness, freaking out about everything in my life.

Knox ignores me and starts rummaging through the fridge. “I’m thinking something simple. Bacon and eggs, maybe some Texas toast, fruit. Nothing too heavy but high protein and filling.” He pulls out the necessary items, sets them on the counter, then feeds the cats before he returns to the breakfast he’ll be eating alone. “How’s that sound, Sunny?”

I absentmindedly nod, bite my cheek and decide to possibly pop the happy little bubble I’ve been living in. “How long have you known?”

“Known what?” Knox grabs a spatula then smirks to himself.

Shithead .

He knows exactly what I’m asking, but Knox is going to be a jerk and make me say it first.

“How long have you known ?”

He cracks at least eight eggs into a bowl and starts whisking while he adds a little milk. “I’m gonna need more than that, Hazel. That question can be taken any number of ways.”

“You know exactly what I’m asking, Mr. Riley.” I cross my arms against my chest with a satisfied grin. For the most part, I’ve been calling him by his first name, but when I want to get under his skin, I don’t, and it drives him nuts. He says once you’ve stayed at someone’s house multiple times in order to help them recover from a concussion, there’s no reason to try to stay professional. And while I agree, I’m still trying to hold on to a shred of boundary with him. I’m failing, but I’m in denial, so it’s fine.

“Hazel...”

I roll my eyes. “Don’t play dumb with me.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“And you think you know me so well?”

“Better than you think.”

Knox drops the whisk in the bowl, turns to face me, and leans his hip into the small counter. “Really? And how well do you know me, Sunny?”

“Well enough.” I narrow my eyes. “I know you know , Mr. Riley.”

He huffs. “Know what?”

“Fine. You don’t want to talk about it? Fine. We’ll just keep pretending that we don’t have some vague history and the first time we spoke was in my clinic when you acted like a jackass. It’s the perfect meet-cute.” I turn around and avoid the heated look he’s giving me by making the bed. “Ridiculous.” Grumbling to myself, which I find myself doing a lot when Knox is around. “Two grown ass adults can’t even have a conversation about?— “

Suddenly there’s a hand on my elbow, spinning me around so I’m staring directly at the sexiest chest hair I’ve ever been lucky enough to get close to. “Hazel.” The chest behind the hair grunts. “Look at me.”

Slowly, my eyes travel over the pecs of steel, the collarbone of glory, the Adam’s apple of greatness, and land on the face of a god, deep brown eyes raging with a storm I want to get stranded in.

“Hazel...” Knox sighs, both hands now on my elbows. “Sunny, don’t get mad.”

“I’m not mad.” Okay, I’m kinda mad. More anxious than anything because I need to talk about this. When things go unresolved, undiscussed, they eat at me.

“You’re a little mad.”

I purse my lips. “Maybe.”

He smiles, using that soft, pretty one. “You are mad, but I don’t want that. I don’t want you to be upset at all.”

“Then talk to me, tell me what I want to know.”

Knox stares into my eyes, stares so hard he can probably see my soul, then his hands start moving up and down my arms. “I haven’t known that long.”

“How long?”

“Friday pretty much confirmed it, but I had a feeling most of the week.”

I nod and blow out a breath. “Me too. How did you figure it out?”

“The look of panic you were still wearing after I called you Sunny the first time.” His smile grows. “Kind of a dead giveaway. What about you?”

My entire body relaxes, a combination of finally talking about this and the way he’s still rubbing my arms. “Same. When you called me that I knew for sure, but before that, well, I was just pretty positive.”

“What gave me away?”

I smile up at him, not a big beaming one, but it’s genuine. “The green shoes, for starters. All the Pearl Jam shirts. Then I was able to compare your fight history to lapses in our communication. Little clues that were hard to ignore.”

“Same.” He smirks. “I don’t know very many women who call their grandmother Nona and wear glaze as an accessory.”

I giggle. “Yeah, well, I’m one of a kind.”

“You really are.” Knox looks at me for a long time, those dark eyes still searching. “I wasn’t really sure we’d ever meet.”

“Me either,” I say way too breathily as my eyes laser in on the way he licks his lips. “I wasn’t really sure you’d want to.”

“Oh, I wanted to, I just knew we shouldn’t.”

My gaze snaps to his. “We shouldn’t?”

Knox shakes his head. “No. If we met, it’d be real and if it was real, I’d want more.” Now he’s staring at my lips and oh good grief, I might explode from that alone. “I’d want to spend time with you, fill in all the gaps we intentionally left in our conversations, see if our chemistry went beyond the app.”

I’m not sure if I regret forcing him to talk about this or want to do a happy dance because of it. It totally depends on what he says next because if it’s and now I know it doesn’t, you’re hideous and annoying so we should never talk again, I’m going to cry and regret this in a big fat way.

“Despite knowing that I’ll never be what someone like you deserves, I wanted all of that anyway, especially when I found you naked and bleeding. I knew you were my sunshine, and I wanted so badly to be in your light, your warmth, that I ignored my better judgment and weaseled my way into your life deeper than before.” Knox’s hands slide up my arms, over my shoulders, to either side of my neck. “The urge to protect you, take care of you, to be the man you deserve was too great and now that I know who you are to me, how vital you are to me, I’m not sure bowing out is an option anymore.”

Jesus .

He may not be a romance writer, but obviously having a way with words runs in the Riley bloodline.

“My darkest desires, deepest fantasies and most unrealistic dreams came true when I realized you are the woman who has been there for me when no one else was, who got through to me when no one else could, and I’m going to be selfish for once.” Knox leans toward me, his lips a mere few millimeters from mine. “I’m going to ignore everything in my head screaming at me to stay away from you and give into the selfish desire to explore what we share. And I’m going to kiss you now, Sunny, but only if you want me to.”

I am so fucking gone for this man, I could literally melt into a puddle on the floor.

We can unpack all the shit he said later, but right now, I really want him to kiss me and if he doesn’t, I very literally might burst into tears.

So, I nod, but don’t get to speak because the second my head stops moving, Knox is cupping my cheeks and caressing my lips with his.

Tentative. Exploring. Gentle.

His lips move almost cautiously against mine at first, carefully, but when I whimper from how sweet our first kiss is, I set off a damn bomb.

Knox tilts my face, slants his mouth over mine and deepens the kiss; he kisses me harder than I have ever been kissed before.

He starts backing me toward the bed, my hands now on his waist for balance and when my calves hit the mattress, Knox turns, sits on the edge and pulls me down so I’m straddling his lap, our lips touching the entire time.

My hands dive into his hair, thread through those honey brown strands I’ve been dying to touch and when his palms land on my hips, squeezing them hard, I moan into his mouth and Knox takes full advantage.

His tongue finds mine in an instant, pushes past my lips, and takes total control. He explores every inch; sucks on my tongue, my lip, bites gently while he presses my hips down into his, and sweet baby goats, Knox is hard .

So hard and big and with the way he’s holding me, that monster cock is rolling against my pussy, hitting my clit in a rhythm that will make me come if he keeps it up.

“Sunny,” Knox grunts as I tighten my hold, as my body rocks against his like it was made to do it. “Hazel, fuck, I’ve wanted to kiss you for so damn long.”

“Mmhmm,” I moan as I crush my mouth to his, as I kiss him with everything I’ve got. “Me too.”

He grins, nips my lips and rolls my hips a little faster. “Even when I was giving you hell?”

“Especially then,” I gasp. “I wanted to shut you up.”

Knox chuckles but it turns into a grunt when I bear down, chase the high, the release that I’m now teetering on the edge of. “Fuck. Sunny, baby, I want you so fucking bad.”

In a haze, I nod, grab his face and kiss the hell out of him, but when his hands move to my ass and his fingers slip under the waistband of my pajama pants, a record scratches in my head.

“Wait,” I pant breathlessly. Oh god. Oh god this is not how I wanted to tell him I have the world’s oldest hymen. “Knox.”

“Sunny.” He smiles against my skin as he starts kissing my neck.

“Knox, I have to…” Another moan escapes my stupid mouth as he sucks on the skin right over my hammering pulse. “I have to tell you something.”

He just hums his response and continues pressing open mouth kisses to my throat.

“Mm—Knox!” I almost scream as he licks up the side of my neck and bites my earlobe, one hand now under my sweatshirt and on my itty bitty boobie.

Why does he have to be so damn good at this?

“Maybe it’s wrong...” he mumbles into my skin. “But I can’t get the image of you naked on your bathroom counter out of my head.”

Hopefully not because it grossed him out.

“Your perfect tits with berry-colored nipples.” Knox pinches one of the nipples he’s referring to and I gasp. “Your tight little body painted in the sexiest shade of ivory I have ever seen. That hot as fuck landing strip between your thighs.”

“Knox...” I groan as he grips said thighs and grinds me against him. Damnit, focus . “Knox, I have to tell you something.”

“It can wait.”

I grab his face again and make sure he’s looking me in the eye. “It really can’t.”

He smiles, his eyes hooded, his hair a disaster from my fingers. “Tell me then, Sunny. Just make it quick.” His thumb brushes my nipple. “I need you out of these clothes and on top?— “

“I’m a virgin,” I blurt like the awkward, stupid girl I am.

And when all he does is blink, his hands stilling, I know without a doubt I just lost the man I’m totally in love with.

“You’re kidding.”

I shake my head, let go of his face, and lean back. “I’m really not.”

“You’re not?”

Another shake of my head.

Knox frowns, then removes his hand from my breast. “But you’re?— “

“I know.” Tears burn in my eyes as I drop them from his. “I know. I’m in my mid-thirties but I can assure you, I’m a virgin.”

“How is that even possible?” His hand leaves my hip next, and I’m done.

Awkwardly, I climb off his lap, straighten my clothes without looking at him and shrug. “I’m not what most men want. In school I was either pitied or shunned, a loner orphan who dressed weird and walked with a limp. Beyond that, guys just didn’t really want to be seen with the quirky, awkward girl.” I laugh without an ounce of humor. “And when it came to a one-night stand or something, even the possibility of getting off wasn’t enough for someone to look past…” My hand motions head to toe, my eyes stuck on the floor. “All this.” Another hollow chuckle. “The scars are a pretty big turn off.”

Silence.

So much silence.

It’s probably a good thing I’ve never been in love before Knox because this kind of heartbreak more than once in my life? I’d be a bigger mess than I already am, one I’ll probably become anyway because I have a feeling loving Knox Riley isn’t something I can recover from.

“Hazel...”

My eyes are glued to my fuzzy pink socks. “It’s okay, I get it. I really do.”

Knox grunts, but I can hear him scrub his hands through his hair. “Hazel, it’s just... that’s really important, special… something you should trust to someone who... I can’t be that guy for you, Hazel.”

“Right.” I nod, those tears I was fighting slipping down my cheeks. “I understand. It’s fine.”

He gets to his feet. “Hazel?— “

“It’s fine, Mr. Riley.” I start backing toward my bathroom. “It wasn’t like that anyway, right? I just blurred the line between business and... whatever this was. It’s my fault. I’m na?ve and I got confused. I read too much into things.”

“Hazel— “

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me the last few days. It means a lot that you put your life on hold for me.” Is it possible to actually feel your heart break? “I think it would be best if I didn’t continue seeing you, as a patient or otherwise, Mr. Riley. I’m sure you’ll find someone else to help you get healthy for your fight. Good luck with that. I wish you all the best, I really do.”

“Hazel, stop. Just?— “

“I’m going to take a shower and I’d appreciate it if you locked up after you leave, and activate the alarm on your way out. Thanks again, Mr. Riley, for everything.”

As soon as I’m in the bathroom, I lock the door, the door Knox replaced after he broke the original one, turn on the shower, sink to the floor next to it and fall apart.

I shouldn’t have let him kiss me, shouldn’t have pushed to talk about things.

I shouldn’t have snooped around enough to confirm the man I was in love with was, in fact, the man I was falling for, nor should I have entertained the idea of an unrealistic future with either of them.

But my poor na?ve heart is an optimistic little shit, so I did anyway, and now I have to navigate another devastating loss without anyone at all because I lost my best friend, too.

Doctor or not, I’m still pretty fucking stupid.