10. Knox

Chapter Ten

KNOX

I slam on the brakes as I whip into the spot next to Hazel’s boat, white knuckle the steering wheel and count backwards from ten when I see another car on the other side of hers.

It’s nine.

Nine o’clock at night.

Nine o’clock on a Friday night and my sunshine is standing outside her door dressed to kill in a sparkly tank top, a light black sweater, skintight jeans and fuck me heels.

You know the kind.

Black. Shiny. Spiked. Red sole to match her cherry red lips.

The kind of heels I’d like thrown over my shoulders while I fuck her like I own her, my girl wearing those and nothing else.

She’s even wearing a little more makeup than normal, hair in her signature topknot but all loose and wispy.

It’s sex hair.

Fuck me heels, and sex hair, and cherry red lips.

Someone is about to die.

And Hazel is standing there staring at my car with a shocked look on her gorgeous face next to some six-foot nothing cocksucker who looks like he’s right off the cover of fucking GQ or some shit.

Looks like it’ll be you, buddy. Sorry about your luck .

I throw open my door, seeing nothing but red, murder on my mind as I plant my feet on the ground. I try to calm myself down, try to take a cleansing breath, remembering in vain the meditation shit Hazel taught me, but when the wannabe model steps protectively in front of her, I snap.

“What the fuck is this?” I bark, my fists clenched at my sides so I don’t knock him the fuck out just yet.

“Hazel, call the police.”

She rolls her eyes. “I don’t need to?—”

“What do you want?” The preppy asshat asks, trying to appear a little taller as I stop about three feet from where they’re standing. “We’ll do whatever you ask, just don’t hurt anyone.”

I smirk as I cross my arms against my chest.

I’m glad he’s scared, he should be. He’s with my girl whether he knows it or not, and I’m about to make that real fucking clear.

What a joke, this d-bag thinking he has a shot with my Sunny.

Then I act like he’s not even here. “I asked you a question.”

Hazel’s green eyes glimmer with tears, but only for a second before they harden. “One I don’t have to answer.”

“Who the fuck is this?” I nod toward the preppy boy. “And what the fuck are you doing out with him?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s none of your goddamn business.”

Oh, she’s gonna pay for that later.

Sunny is lucky I like her feisty.

“Wrong.”

“I’m going to call the police.” The human jockstrap says, and this time Hazel doesn’t try to stop him.

But I’m not worried.

Got nothing to worry about.

“You wanna tell me why you’re out with this douche, or do I need to ask him?”

Hazel glares at me, glares almost hard enough it hides the hurt, but I see it. “It’s fine, Stan.” She sighs. “He’s a former client.”

Ouch .

Stan blinks wide, shit brown eyes. “Well, then we still need to call the police. It’s pretty unhealthy for him to be stalking around your home and place of business late at night, don’t you think?”

“It’s fine.” She sighs again then touches his arm lightly, something that makes me want to pop his head right off his pencil neck and punt it across the parking lot. “I had a nice time tonight. I really appreciate you insisting I go and picking me up. It was fun.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to get help?”

Hazel smiles softly, giving him one of my smiles. “I’m sure. Mr. Riley will be leaving soon.”

Like hell I will.

But she’s getting rid of Stan, so I’m not gonna give him a reason to stay.

He looks between us a couple times. “Okay, but if you need me, just call. I’m right around the corner and I can be here just as quickly as the police can.”

“Thank you.” She squeezes his arm. “We’ll talk soon, okay?”

Stan nods, then signs his own death warrant when he leans down and kisses her cheek before he practically runs to his car when I growl. I even snap my teeth at him.

“What are you doing here, Mr. Riley?”

I stare at the mini coop a little longer, throw up a condescending finger wave, and give that pansy my most menacing grin as he tears out of the parking lot. Then I turn back to Sunny and fuck, she looks so damn hot right now my dick is noticing, but neither of us are a fan of the Mr. Riley shit or finding her with another man just a few days after the most epic make out session I’ve ever been a part of.

“Who the fuck was that?”

Hazel frowns, then starts digging through her purse. “I still have no intention of answering your question, so I’d suggest you answer mine. You have until I find my keys to do that or else neither of us will have our morbid curiosity satisfied.”

I hate that she’s using her professional tone on me, the one she used when we first met face to face, the one she tried to use at my first session. I don’t want that, don’t want walls between us, but since I built the fuckers, it’ll be my job to demolish them.

“We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t,” Sunny says from basically inside her bag. “Things were clear the last time we spoke, everything that needed to be said was, so there isn’t anything to talk about now. You’re no longer my client, I’m no longer your therapist, and you didn’t leave anything here when you walked out. There’s nothing to talk about.”

I’m in front of her in three long strides, something that makes her jump when she finally comes up for air with a huff. “I disagree.”

“And I don’t care.” She blinks wide grass green eyes at me, then drops them when they well with tears. “As far as I’m concerned, you said it all on Monday and since I’m not really in a place to rehash that, I’d appreciate it if you left now. I’m doing fine on my own by reminding myself why you did so in the first place.”

“Sunny...” Goddamnit, I really fucking hurt her. My own insecurities, my issues, they are still very present, but they have nothing on how I made my sunshine feel and that just fucking guts me. “Sunny, please?— “

“Please don’t call me that.” Her voice cracks as she shakes her head. “Dr. Hollis is fine since we’re acquaintances at best.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Sometimes...” A tear slips down her porcelain cheek, but she swipes it away. “Sometimes history is best left at that. You can learn from it, value it for what it was, but it needs to stay buried in the past so it doesn’t repeat itself. Sometimes, history needs to be forgotten so its scars don’t hurt the present or mar the future.”

She’s absolutely right, but not when it comes to our history.

We have five years of supporting each other through tough times, of being there for each other unconditionally and pulling each other out of some dark places. Five years of getting to know each other in a way no one else can, five years of falling in love and seeing the light through all that darkness. That can’t be buried or forgotten, it shouldn’t be. It should be built on, allowed the chance to grow and spread, to touch every corner of the dark, to be consumed by the light and explode into a bright as fuck present and future. Our history should be the foundation laid in stone for a life together that neither of us expected or thought we deserved but wanted all the same.

Unfortunately, I don’t get to say any of that because Hazel finds her keys, gives me her back and unlocks the door.

Desperate and fearful, I blurt the first thing I can think of to get her to listen. “I was scared.”

She stops with her hand on the knob. Hazel doesn’t turn it—that’s a step in the right direction.

“I was scared, Hazel. When I figured out who you are to me, both on and offline, I realized that the feelings I had were more real because you are everything I’ve wanted but denied myself for years. I... I choked.” I take a deep breath, but don’t take my eyes off her in case she might disappear. “I’ve been hurt before. Not just losing my dad or the belt. I’ve been hurt by someone who I thought was going to be in my life for the long haul and it’s made me doubt a lot of things, myself included. If someone who promised to be there for me through whatever life sent our way could do that, hurt me in such a deep way and walk away without a backward glance, then why... Why should I think anyone else would be different? Why should I think I deserve that if I thought I had it, but lost it all so quickly?”

I scrub a hand through my hair, my anxiety spiking to excruciating levels. “I froze up because all I could think about was how perfect you are, how amazing it was that you were willing to offer me so much in such a short period of time, and I had to convince myself that I didn’t deserve that in order to protect what’s left of my heart. I took the coward’s way out because I was scared of this thing between us, scared of how real it is and what it means. And I was scared that I’d let you down in the end… and you’d walk away from me, too.”

Hazel sniffles but still doesn’t look at me. “I’m sorry you were hurt, Knox, I truly am. I don’t want you to feel that way because you do deserve all the happiness and love in the world but...” She takes a slow, shaky breath. “But I’ve been hurt too and I can’t allow myself to hurt anymore. If what you said, if you leaving destroyed me the way it did after only a few days of realizing who you are, what you mean to me, then what’ll happen if I open myself up and more than a few days go by before you do it again? The more time invested, the bigger the hurt, and I just know… being hurt by you will be my undoing.”

I watch her wipe more tears from her face, then push open the door. “I value our history so much more than you will ever know, but I also learned from it and for me, it has to stay buried in the past because while you’re protecting what’s left of your heart, there isn’t anything left of mine to protect. It’s been yours for too long and now I don’t even want it back.” Hazel steps inside her apartment then pins me with watery red rimmed eyes and a sad smile. “Take care, Mr. Riley. I wish you all the best.” Then she closes the door and successfully rips my heart right out of my chest.

Feeling worse than I have in years, I turn and start back to my car slowly, but when I grip the handle, I stop.

Nope .

I’m not going down without a fight.

Knox TKO Riley never goes down without a fight and Hazel is beyond worth fighting for. She’s everything; the sunshine in my soul, my present and my future, and I’m not going to let her walk away, not without making all of that perfectly clear first.

If I put it all out there and she still doesn’t want me, fine, but at least I’ll know I fought for the woman I want forever with.

Which is why I lock my Caddy, spin on my heel and march up to her door. I don’t knock because I don’t care, I just grab the knob and throw that shit open so hard it snaps back against the wall.

“I love you!” I bark in a very unromantic way as my eyes land on a sobbing Sunny sitting on the end of her bed.

Jesus .

That just kills me and as much as I want to go to her, to kiss away her tears and hold her, I have to show her my soul with the Hazel shaped hole in it first. “I am fucking in love with you, Hazel Ruth Hollis, and I am not leaving until you tell me you’re not in love with me too.”

“Knox...” she cries. “I can’t... I can’t do this right now. I’m... I’m... I’m still too raw. I can’t?— “

“Then don’t, baby.” I jimmy her door back into place and take a few tentative steps toward her. “Don’t do it at all.”

Hazel covers her face, cries into those delicate hands and shakes her head.

In one of the riskiest moves of my life, I walk right in front of her, drop to my knees and carefully pull her hands away from her beautiful face.

“Sunny.” I sigh in relief when she lets me. “I mean it. I choked because I was scared, and I was scared because I’m so in love with you that I can barely function without you. I love you, Hazel, and I’m sorry I hurt you, sorry for what I said and what I didn’t say, and I’m serious. I can barely breathe without you. You’ve been my rock for years, had my heart for just as long. You’re the reason I’ve only been a mildly insufferable prick instead of a full blown one.”

Hazel snorts through her tears, thank God, but quickly covers her mouth and nose. “Please tell me I didn’t blow snot on you.”

I smile and shake my head. “You didn’t, but I wouldn’t care even if you did.”

She lowers her hands, her green eyes searching. “You really mean that?”

I nod.

“All of it?”

Another one.

She rolls her lips between her teeth, chewing on them. “I can’t do that again, Knox. I need you to talk to me because if you don’t and end up saying things that hurt me, no matter the intent, I will have to walk away. My heart can’t take it.”

“I swear, baby. I’ll need your help and a hell of a lot of your patience, but I swear I will talk to you about whatever is going on in my head. I won’t talk out of my ass like that ever again.”

“Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.” Hazel smiles a little brighter. “You’re a big grunty bear most of the time, I have a feeling talking out of your ass is second nature.”

I chuckle, then get real brave and slide my hands up her thighs and pull her by her phenomenal butt to the edge of the mattress. “You’re not wrong, Sunny.”

“I know.” She lifts her hands and cups my cheeks. “But you’re my bear, Mr. Riley, and you have a spectacular ass.”

I blink at her, then lose my shit; I laugh louder and harder than I have in god knows how long.

I may be sneaky funny , but Hazel isn’t. She’s funny in a way that totally blindsides you and leaves your chest warm and fuzzy afterward.

“I really fucking love you.” I smile as she lets me get between her thighs, wrap my arms around her, and press my forehead to hers. “And that being said, don’t call me Mr. Riley anymore, okay? It’s starting to feel like when Ma scolded us as kids and screamed our full names from blocks away.” I brush my lips against hers in a bold fucking move, and relief floods every inch of my body when she kisses me back. “Unless, of course, you happen to be screaming it. Something along the lines of yes, just like that Mr. Riley or oh my god, Mr. Riley, your cock is going to split me in two .”

Hazel blushes, kisses me one more time, then sighs against my lips. “About that...”

“Sunny, there’s nothing I need to know about that other than what you told me already. I reacted like an asshole to the best fucking news I’ve ever been given.”

“Yeah, okay.” She rolls her eyes as she sits up just a little. “I wasn’t offering you my v-card as some sort of stupid gift or something, lord knows I’ve tried to get rid of the damn thing, I just wanted you to know so you weren’t surprised or weirded out when I didn’t know what I was doing. That being said, I highly doubt you’ve been dreaming your entire life of meeting a thirty-five-year-old virgin to deflower when you were thirty-eight. Every guy in our age bracket will be jealous of the super inexperienced woman you accidentally fell in love with, I’m sure.”

“Hazel, sunshine, I say this with the utmost affection and respect, but shut the hell up.”

She frowns.

“You have no idea how fucking excited I am to be your first, because I also intend to be your last.” Her eyes widen, but I keep going. “I didn’t accidentally fall in love with you. I knew exactly what was happening and embraced it. I just kept it to myself because, well, you know, I’m an idiot.” She giggles and nods, the minx. “But ultimately, while I absolutely love the idea of being the only man ever to get inside your pretty little pussy and destroy it, that doesn’t really matter. Do I want your hot as sin body? Absolutely, but I want your heart more than that, more than anything.” Then I smirk. “The fact that all of this”—I motion from her head to her toes like she did Monday—“comes with a heart bigger and more beautiful than any I’ve ever met before? That’s just a bonus.”

Hazel smiles, then frowns, then gives me the cutest lopsided grin I’ve ever seen. “Is it weird that I find how vulgar you were endearing? I can honestly say I’ve never had anyone make me swoon while talking about destroying my pussy before.”

“Good,” I grunt as my cock stirs. He likes hearing her say pussy. “Another first I can claim.”

“Such a bear.” She smiles so big as she leans toward me. “My bear, but bear all the same.” Hazel smiles against my lips before she kisses them a few times. “I love you, Knox.”

And there it is.

That’s what I was hoping to hear, and now that I have, fuck, it is so on.

“Yeah?” I straighten up, widen her thighs so they can cradle my hips and she can feel how serious I am about everything I said. “You love me?”

“Mmhmm.” She sighs as I kiss her lips, her jaw, her throat. “Very much.”

My hands find her ass, squeeze and pull her closer, making sure my mesh covered hard-on is right along the seam of those skintight jeans. “Even though I’m a...” Wait a minute. Wait one goddamn minute. “Who the fuck was that guy?”

Hazel fists the front of my t-shirt as I try to lean back. “Knox?—”

“Was that a date ? He some guy you met online?”

Even when she’s looking at me like I’m a moron that is annoying as hell, my sunshine is gorgeous. “You’re some guy I met online.”

I scowl. “Yeah, and look how that’s going.”

“Oh my god, Knox, seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. I want to know who the fuck Stan is to you, then I want you to give me his address so I can go beat the shit out of him for that fucking kiss on your cheek.”

“Knock it off, you big growly bear.” Hazel swats at my shoulder.

I grimace in pain as white-hot daggers rip up my entire arm.

My boner deflates.

Hazel gasps, has the nerve to poke my shoulder, then scowls as she yanks my shirt over my head so fast I didn’t feel it come off.

My boner is back.

My sunshine is scowling harder.

Her tiny fingers are now prodding and squeezing my shoulder.

And I’m oddly aroused, in so much pain I might throw up, and happier than I’ve been in a long fucking time.

It’s funny what being in love does to a person.