32. Chase

Mercy.

The bright light over my head blocked the sight of the nurse as she bent over me, smiling down at me as she covered my face with the mask. I was going under the knife and all I wanted was to tell Mercy I loved her one last time. Why had I been so stupid and pushed her away? This might be my last chance, and instead of seizing the opportunity, I made sure that neither of us got a chance to say goodbye.

Things started to turn hazy and my mind drifted off.

Mercy.

"Would you shut up?Geez, let the man sleep. He'll wake up when he's good and ready."

"It's been days. How long are we going to wait? Let's pull the plug and head home."

"Nice. I'm sure he'd be grateful you're so willing to end his life."

"What life? He's hooked up to tubes and pissing in a catheter. I'm not sure that could qualify as a life."

I had to agree with whatever jackass was about to pull the plug on me. Even though I couldn't voice those thoughts, I didn't have any desire to be stuck in a bed. I tried to grunt, but darkness clouded my mind, making me slip back below the water filling my mind.

"I'm telling you,something isn't right!"

Mercy.

"He should be awake by now, and the fact that they aren't telling us anything is a classic sign that they don't know what's wrong."

"Let's not jump to conclusions. That's all I'm asking."

"It's not jumping to conclusions," she snapped. "It was normal a few days ago. Everyone wakes up at their own rate. Now, it's clear there's an issue. Something either went wrong with the surgery and they don't want to tell us, or they have no fucking clue what happened!"

There was something wrong with me? I could hear them. They were talking around me. I recognized the voices, even if I could only place Mercy's. Maybe they didn't know I was awake in here. I needed to think really hard. Maybe it would send my brain waves into overdrive or something.

But the strain of trying to think only made me tired and I slipped off into the darkness again.

"Wake up, you stupid fucker."

I recognized that voice instantly, and it wasn't good. Peeling my eyes open, I could barely see the outline of his face as he hovered near my bed. Fuck, it was him, alright.

"You know, I'm not sticking around for days on end while you decide whether or not you're going to grace us with your presence."

My finger twitched on the bed beside me. Using all my brain power, I tried to wiggle my finger, but I wasn't sure it actually worked. How the hell was I supposed to communicate with him? Then again, he was me. I was him. Asher was just a figment of my imagination, and he was here to stay apparently.

"Go away," I mumbled, drifting off to sleep again.

"It's been three weeks.Give us something!"

The stress in Mercy's voice was clear. Had it really been three weeks? How long was I going to lay here? Crap, had I lost all brain function? If I had, I wouldn't be thinking about any of this, would I?

"Ma'am, I know?—"

"You know?" Mercy shrieked. "Don't give me that shit. I'm a doctor!"

"I know. You've told us many times."

"Then you know not to give it to me any way other than straight. Just tell me what you think is going on."

I wanted to hear that as well. I wasn't very excited about being trapped in my body. Not only that, but so much time seemed to have passed. If I fell asleep again, would it be a year later? Fuck that. I couldn't handle this. Either I had to get myself out of this or face being a vegetable for the rest of my life.

The last time I tried to let everyone know I was awake, I'd slept for weeks. I couldn't drain all my energy, but if I didn't, I might never wake up. I focused on moving my fingers. I could imagine lifting one and thought I felt something brush against my skin. That was a start, but I was already sweating. It wasn't enough to move a finger. They had to see that I was awake. Maybe they could give me a shot of adrenaline.

"He's just taking his sweet time. It's a sympathy thing."

"You're such an asshole."

"Yeah, you keep telling me that."

"Because it's true."

"Just don't let Mercy hear you say that shit. This is hard enough on her."

Wait, she wasn't here anymore? Where'd she go?

"I give it another week and she's out. Seriously, she can't put her life on hold forever."

"Is there any part of you that actually feels bad about what's happening?"

"You say that like I don't care. I'm hurt."

"You certainly don't sound like you care."

"That's because I'm a realist. Sorry if that hurts your delicate sensibilities."

Stop!

I shouted in my head over and over again, praying like hell I would actually wake up this time. I thought I heard an increase in beeping, but then everything went dark again.

"We're nothopeful at this point, Mr. Carter. Honestly, we've tried everything. The surgery was a success, but sometimes the body can't handle the stress of everything."

"You sliced into his brain. How can you be sure you didn't knick the wrong thing?" my father asked.

I tuned them out as I felt something brush against my arm.

"I should be back in my fucking cabin right now, but I'm here instead, waiting on your sorry ass to wake up," Asher rumbled. "And if you have a sympathetic bone in your body, you'll put us all out of our misery. Your parents are driving us insane. Your dad's a dick."

I chuckled at his words, feeling a smile float through me.

"Are you—Chase."

His harsh tone caught me off guard.

"Were you fucking smiling?"

Was I?

"I said, your dad is a dick, so wake the fuck up or I'm gonna have to put a bullet in his head."

Again, a chuckle ripped from my chest, but this time, light accompanied the feeling. Asher's face filled my vision and a look of relief replaced panic. For just a moment, I was so fucking thankful to be awake. But then it hit me that if he was here, the surgery was a flop.

"Fucker," I grumbled.

"Did he just say something?"

That was Patrick. I heard his feet pounding closer to me before I turned my head and saw his ugly face. Shaking his head with a sardonic smile, he barked out a laugh.

"Fuck, I thought for sure I was gonna have to pull the plug."

"Ass," I muttered, though it came out harsh and muted. Fuck, I needed some water. Why did I feel so tired? Fuck, my arms and legs felt like lead. I needed to get out of this bed. I tried to sit up, but didn't get very far before I fell back against the bed.

"Aw, look at that," Patrick grinned. "He's trying to sit up, just like a newborn calf."

The door swung open and Mercy rushed in, stopping when she saw I was awake. Now I really needed to get up because all I wanted was to hold her in my arms and make sure she was real. I had imagined her too, but there wasn't a trace of any injury on her. The scrapes and bruises from our days on the run had long since healed. How long had I been asleep?

"Mercy." The sound barely left my lips when she shoved Patrick in the chair and flung herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck in any way she could as I was plastered to the bed. With as much strength as I could muster, I shifted my hand until I gripped her shirt, holding myself to her as much as possible. Fuck, I missed that smell.

I closed my eyes and breathed her in.

"Oh, hell no," Patrick intervened. "Don't go to sleep yet. You just fucking woke up."

A chuckle broke free from my lips and Mercy leaned back, tears spilling down her cheeks as she smiled at me.

"I thought I lost you," she whispered.

"Hard…to kill," I murmured.

"That's why I stuck with you so long. Better to take my chances with you than a pansy ass like Patrick."

"Hey, I resent that!" Patrick snapped.

Mercy sucked in a deep breath, closing her eyes as she squeezed my hand. This had to be hard on her. Hell, I'd pretty much tossed her out of my life right before the surgery. Which reminded me…

"How long…" I had to stop and swallow before continuing. "—have I been…asleep?"

"Almost a month," Mercy said, her smile growing despite the tears in her eyes.

Her eyes drifted to our connected hands. I ran my thumb over the back of her hand, not able to do much else right now. I was already so fucking tired. "I'm sorry."

She nodded, refusing to meet my eyes as she sniffled. "I know."

"Yeah, yeah. He's sorry. You're sorry. We're all so fucking happy you're awake. What about the real question?" Patrick asked.

"Not now," Mercy snapped.

"I think we all want to know if it worked," Patrick said, staring at me intently.

I didn't dare look at Asher. I already knew he wasn't supposed to be there, that this would devastate Mercy and cause her more pain. I couldn't do that to her, but if I didn't tell her, I was undermining every piece of our relationship and the honesty we'd built before all this started.

My lip turned up in the corner as I watched her. "It didn't work," I whispered.

Her eyebrows pulled down in a frown. She turned to Patrick, who was fucking smiling.

"What are you talking about? Of course it worked," Asher snapped. "You're awake."

"But I still see you and I'm not supposed to."

Patrick tossed back his head and laughed, but Mercy in all her glory stood and shoved Patrick so hard he fell out of the chair. "You didn't tell him Asher was coming before he went into surgery?" she shrieked. "You're such an ass!"

Confused, I looked back to Asher, then to Patrick, who was on the floor laughing hysterically. "What's going on?"

"I'm really Asher," Asher muttered.

"Yeah, I know that, but you're also in my head."

"No, that's the real Asher," Mercy sighed. "Cash found him before you went into surgery and convinced him to come since he's the one you've been hallucinating. But somebody—" she said, shooting Patrick a stabbing glare— "was supposed to tell you before the surgery so you would know when you woke up."

Patrick pulled himself off the floor, still gasping for air. "You gotta admit, that was so much more hilarious."

I cocked my head at Asher, waiting for him to tell me he was really in my head. But instead, he sank down in the chair beside my bed and stared at me expectantly.

"How do I know it's really you?" I croaked out.

"I don't know how to answer that," he shrugged. "What would your hallucination say?"

"Anything my brain wanted him to."

"Then I guess you're fucked."

I chuckled at the irony of the situation, that only I could tell my brain that Asher was real, yet that's exactly what my hallucination would want me to think. "Patrick, maybe next time you should think of a safe word or something."

"Yeah, I didn't think of that," he frowned, scratching the back of his head. "Hey, I think she broke the skin. I'm fucking bleeding!"

"And?"

"And?" he said incredulously. "Your girlfriend beat me up! Aren't you gonna do something about that?"

"Sure, let me jump up and take care of the little woman," I laughed, barely getting the words out.

"Let me get you some water," Mercy grinned, stepping away. Patrick backed up as she passed, leaving enough space that she couldn't reach him. But on her way back, she pulled out the chair just as he was about to sit down and he fell on his ass.

"Fuck, that hurt, woman!" he grimaced, rubbing his tailbone as he rolled over. "You could have broken my ass!"

"Serves you right," she grinned, holding the cup to my lips.

The cool water hit my throat like a thousand knives, scratching at first, but with every swallow soothing the ache from lack of use. But just as I was about to take another sip, Mercy pulled back.

"Slow down. I would hate to piss off your doctor."

"She's lying," Patrick mumbled. "She's been getting great joy out of yelling at them."

"That's because it's better than talking to you," Asher retorted. "Go get the doctor."

"You go get the doctor," Patrick argued.

I closed my eyes and listened to them bicker as Mercy squeezed my hand. I was back.

You'd thinkafter sleeping for so long, I would be wide awake, but no matter how hard I tried, sleep kept claiming me. Thankfully, when my parents came in, I was already exhausted, so they didn't stay long. However, those short visits wouldn't last forever. Pretty soon, they'd force their way into my room and refuse to leave. The only thing keeping them at bay for now was the fact that I couldn't stay awake longer than ten minutes at a time.

However, the constant interruption from the nurses kept me from getting the sleep my body demanded.

"Hey, sugar. How are we feeling today?"

Kitty. She was the bubbly nurse who always called me ‘sugar' no matter how many times I asked her not to. She was nothing but a tiny thing who constantly shot Mercy approving glances when she saw me reaching to hold onto Mercy. I wouldn't deny that I was using my powers of persuasion to keep the nurses on my side. It helped during my grumpy days when I snapped at anyone who walked in the room.

"We are feeling like shit," I grumbled. "Why can't you let me sleep more than ten minutes at a time?"

She chuckled, patting my hand as she pulled the charting station closer. "Let's see. The doctor is lowering your pain meds. That'll help you stay awake longer and give you more time to adore that pretty little doctor of yours."

"I doubt lowering my meds is going to help me stay awake," I growled. "Not with how often everyone comes stomping in here."

"You'll stay awake," she laughed, as if this whole situation was so funny. "Where is the beautiful Mercy?"

I shrugged, unsure why she'd left me when I was sleeping. That's why I was so grumpy this morning. I expected to wake up to her face, and instead, I woke to an empty room.

"Your parents are waiting in the hall," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Should I tell them to come back later?"

"No. They'll just stand out there all morning. Might as well get it over with," I sighed.

"It must be so horrible to have so many people waiting on you." She shot me a pointed look, pursing her lips at me.

"I know," I grumbled. "I'm an ass."

"You're frustrated," she corrected. "Don't worry. The doctor talked with your therapist. They're changing things up. You'll be walking out of here in no time."

The thought of getting to my feet without forgetting how to actually move them sent a spark of hope through me. I was tired of struggling to do the smallest thing, of forgetting how to open a jello or use the remote. It was slowly coming back to me, and Mercy worked with me constantly, showing me flashcards to jog my memory.

But that wasn't my biggest concern.

Cash had been great, but what happened when I was released? What was the procedure for getting cleared to work again? How long would it take? Would I even still have a job?

"Sugar," Kitty said, waiting for me to look at her.

"Huh?"

"You were lost in thought."

I grunted in reply, not ready to share my thoughts with her, no matter how sweet she was.

The door opened and Asher walked in. I shook my head, still unable to believe my eyes when I saw him, but the fact that Kitty saw him too reassured me. I was pretty sure everyone made a point of acknowledging him when he walked in the room just to reassure me I wasn't hallucinating him.

"Good morning, Asher. How are we today?"

Unlike me, Asher didn't play along with Kitty's charm. He was still the grumpy ass he was before he came to the hospital. Despite his glares, Kitty wasn't deterred. She was never anything but kind to him.

"I'll leave you to it. Call me if you need me." She glanced at Asher, then back to me, picking up something I wasn't. "I'll tell your parents to wait."

"They'll be happy about that," I grinned.

Patting my hand, she walked out the door. I glanced at Asher, expecting some sort of reaction from him, but instead, he sat there brooding like he always did. It had only been a few days since I woke up, and every day he was here, he stayed silent in the corner of the room. He rarely spoke to me, which was strange after having him in my head so much and carrying on conversations with him.

Looking back, I should have known it wasn't really him. The old Asher was gone, and in his place was this depressed man who couldn't get his shit together. I was a fucking mess at the moment, but his mood rivaled mine in an unprecedented way. There was no talking to him, no dragging him out of the state he was in.

"I'm leaving," he finally spoke up, his voice nothing but a low grumble.

"I figured you wouldn't stick around for long."

His fists clenched as he continued to stare at the ground. I waited for anything else from him, but he stayed silent.

"So, where's home now?"

Again, he didn't say anything. It was painfully obvious to anyone who really watched him that Asher was not okay, and probably never would be again. The guilt that ate at him would never truly disappear. He felt he killed his wife, and no matter how many times he read the coroner's report, showing just how much medication she had in her system—medication that wasn't prescribed to her—he would never believe that her death was anything but his fault.

"It'll be weird not having you in my head," I smirked, trying to draw him out a little. "Are you gonna wait around to say goodbye or…"

He shook his head. "And have everyone try to talk me out of leaving? I can't hear one more fucking speech from Cash about how I need a support system."

"Yeah, I've gotten that speech too," I chuckled. "But hey, look on the bright side, you won't have Patrick annoying the shit out of you anymore."

When he didn't respond, I wondered if he was actually ready to leave us or if there was some part of him that wanted to come home with us and just be…normal again.

He shoved to his feet and headed for the door. There was no way in hell I was letting him walk out of the room like that.

"I already told you, everything's fine with Mercy. Stop grilling me about it," I said, still staring at the spot he just vacated. "If Mercy wants to leave, that's on her."

"Chase?" Asher said, his voice laced with concern, yet I still didn't turn to him.

"I'm just so fucking tired of dealing with it all. I need it to end," I grumbled, resting my head back.

I heard his footsteps marching toward me and knew I had him. "Chase, what the fuck is going on?" he demanded.

Finally, I turned and faced him, then frowned as I let my gaze travel back to where he once sat.

"I'm getting the doctor," he snapped, turning on his heel and marching out of the room.

Chuckling to myself, I knew he would leave the moment he found out I wasn't really hallucinating someone else being in the room with me. But I'd deal with that when the time came. For now, I just needed him to stay long enough to get him to open up a little. I couldn't leave things as they were, not when he was there with me when I was losing my mind…even if I had hallucinated him the whole time.

Mercy stormed into the room, her face pinched in concern as she hurried over to me. She was soon followed by Asher and the doctor, along with my parents. So, the gang was all here. The only thing missing was?—

"What the fuck is going on?" Cash boomed as he strode into the room, followed by Patrick, who didn't seem all that worried.

He caught my eye, raising his brows at me. I gave a subtle shake of my head, then flicked my eyes to Asher so he would know the plan. The slight smirk on his face was all I needed to know he was with me.

"I don't understand," Mercy said, squeezing my hand. "They said they got the whole tumor. What's going on?"

"We need to run some more tests to be sure, but it's possible there's some regrowth, though it would be unusual for it to happen this fast. However, with all his other cognitive issues, we haven't started the treatment we discussed and?—"

"I want an MRI right now," Mercy demanded.

"Why the hell didn't you tell us you were seeing more hallucinations?" Cash demanded.

"Well, I didn't know when Asher was a hallucination," I said in my defense. "Did you really think I would notice again?"

"Who was it this time?" Asher demanded.

I frowned at him. "I was talking to you."

It wasn't a lie. Hand to God, I was talking to him. He just happened to think I was talking to the air.

With his arms crossed over his chest, he sent a worried look to Cash. Yeah, I got it. I was an ass for making them all worry about me. Patrick understood, though.

"I'm sure he's fine. Nothing to worry about," Patrick stepped in. "The best thing to do is go about our business until he gets the MRI. Right, Doc?"

"Well, the new hallucinations could be…some sort of manifestation of?—"

"Exactly what I was saying," Patrick interrupted, clapping him on the shoulder. "I was about to head out for the day."

"You just got here," Cash argued.

"Right, but I can't just hang around the hospital all day. That would be boring. Besides, I should really get back home. There's shit to do. I'm pretty sure everyone's thinking the same thing after a month of waiting around on his lazy ass."

I hid my smile as he played it up for the crowd. In all honesty, I wished they all would go home. All except for Mercy.

"What's wrong with you?" my dad boomed. "Your friend is in the hospital and you're going to leave?"

He shot a confused look to my father. "Yeah, but you're here. And Asher. I doubt he's going anywhere."

"Actually—" Asher spoke up, wincing as he looked back at me.

"You're leaving?" Cash asked, his voice filled with disbelief.

"Cash, the man has waited around long enough. Let him go," I sighed.

"Let him go?" Cash's voice was incredulous as he stomped toward me. "He's who you're hallucinating about and you want us to let him go?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I doubt there's much reason behind why it's him I keep seeing. He wasn't there and so my mind decided to put him there. It's not like it means anything."

"Actually," the doctor spoke up. "I believe your hallucinations could have everything to do with him. Given the stress you're under, if you thought he was leaving, your brain could be forcing you to relive what you were going through when he was around as a coping mechanism."

We all looked at Asher expectantly.

"What? So, I need to stick around?"

"Need to stick around?" my dad shouted.

I winced at his booming voice, still uncomfortable with loud noises after the surgery. My head instantly swam with dizziness and Mercy gripped my hand when she caught on to my distress. If she knew I was doing this to myself, she'd be pissed as hell at me.

"Will you please lower your voices," Mercy hissed. "Asher, I can't make you stay, but if you care about him at all…Please," she pleaded. "Just until we can figure this out," she said in a quiet voice.

Leave it to my Mercy to bring out the big guns on my behalf. I squeezed her hand in thanks, though she didn't know what I was thanking her for.

"Fine," Asher relented. "I'll stay."