12. Chase

Breathing hard,I walked into the locker room and stripped out of my workout clothes. I was pushing myself harder, punishing myself for falling for a client. I couldn't afford to make that mistake again. It fucked with my head on the job, and was torturing me now.

Several times, I went home and swore I saw her sitting in my armchair, reading a medical journal. Of course, it was all in my head. The moment I called out her name, she vanished right in front of me. Wishful thinking on my part. If anyone saw me talking to someone who wasn't there, they'd send me in to have my head shrunk. That or they'd mock me for weeks on end.

I turned on the water in the shower and rested my head against the green tile wall. It would be just as easy to head home and get cleaned up there, but my muscles were burning from how hard I ran, trying to force Mercy from my head. It hadn't worked, so I ran another five miles. I was so exhausted now, I needed a soak in the hot tub to ease the pains in my thighs before I attempted to leave the building.

"Rough day?" Nick asked as he stepped into the shower beside me, turning on the water.

I grunted in response, keeping my eyes closed.

"Any reason you're pushing yourself so hard?"

"You mean, other than the fact that it's a training center?"

"I never pushed myself as hard in the military as you did today, and I'm a SEAL."

"Yeah, I believe that," I deadpanned.

"Seriously, it's like you're punishing yourself out there."

I finally pushed off the wall and grabbed my soap, working it over my body. Christ, I stunk. "Call it punishment for being an idiot."

I heard his laugh right before he ducked his head under the water, coming out shaking his head and spraying water everywhere. "Are you still going on about that? So you got lost in the jungle? It could happen to anyone."

"But it didn't happen to anyone. Patrick made it out fine."

"Patrick is lucky as hell. Anyone could have gotten lost out there. Besides, he had that asshole Elijah with him. He was very motivated to get rid of him. I would know. He shoved him off on me as soon as he got to the chopper."

I laughed at that. It sounded like something Patrick would do. "You'll get used to him."

"I didn't want to be here to begin with," he muttered. "If it weren't for Fox, I'd still be at the police department."

"But then you'd be working their hours," I grinned.

"I was content there. Now I'm around Fox all the time. He won't leave me the fuck alone."

I hadn't seen him hanging around a lot. "He's off on his meditation retreat right now."

Nick slid a glare my way. "You mean the one he's holding on level 4? Yeah, that's so far away."

"So, don't see him."

"Kind of hard when he shows up in the middle of the night."

I turned to face him, intrigued now by his attitude toward a man who he served with. "I thought you two were good friends?"

"Fox is…bad for me."

"In what way?"

He was silent for a minute, then his eyes met mine. Only the man staring at me now had a darkness to him I hadn't seen before. It was actually kind of creepy. "I'm not myself when I'm around him. I got away for a reason, but now that I'm back?—"

Before he could finish his thought, Patrick burst into the showers fully dressed, hiding behind the wall, pressing his finger to his lips for us to be quiet. I quirked an eyebrow at Nick, then went back to washing myself. However, the silence didn't last long.

"Patrick," Fox called out in a sing-song voice. "I know that you're in there, and that you're all alone."

"Isn't that from Home Alone?" I asked Nick.

Patrick punched me in the leg, sending a shock of pain through my thigh. I narrowed my eyes at him, then let him have it. "Patrick, how many times have I told you, I don't swing that way," I shouted. "Get off me before I tell Cash."

Fox jumped out with an ah-ha! Laughing, he pulled Patrick soaking wet out of the shower. "Man, you almost missed the most important part of our session!"

"What session?" I asked, not really interested, but it would give me something to mock Patrick for later.

"Oh, I was teaching him some deep breathing techniques."

I liked where this was going. "Yeah, that'll come in handy when you're going down on a woman."

Fox shook his head at me. "It's to become one with your inner self. Meditation is no joke. Think of all the people who can be helped with a little spiritual intervention."

"Sure," I chuckled. "If you believe in that sort of thing."

"I could help you," Fox said eagerly, stepping forward and getting wet. He didn't even seem to care that he was standing in the shower fully clothed with two naked men.

"I don't need help, and I don't believe in meditation. However, I believe this guy," I said, grabbing Nick around the neck and dragging him closer, "is definitely interested."

"Don't touch me when I'm naked," Nick snapped, flinging my arm from around his neck.

Fox ignored his irritation. "Oh, Nick needs it just as much as I do. Remember that time in the desert with the woman?"

"I'm not interested," Nick bit out.

Fox's eyebrows pulled down as he stepped closer. "I feel this dark energy swirling around you. I think you could greatly benefit from a cleansing."

"What happened in the desert?"

"Yeah, and what woman?" Patrick asked, just as intrigued as me.

"Fox, let it go," Nick snapped.

"You know you need this just as much as me. Maybe more."

"In what way?" I asked curiously.

"Nick has a little secret," Fox grinned. "While I let my freak flag fly, Nick likes to keep it all bottled up inside. Isn't that right? It's what we bonded over."

In an instant, Nick was in Fox's face, shoving him up against the tile wall. "Shut your fucking mouth."

Fox slapped him on the back, laughing hysterically. "It's so funny. We used to be so similar. Well, until I found my peace. Now…" He took a deep breath in through his nose, closed his eyes, and let it out. "Nothing can get to me. I'm untouchable." Then his peaceful look fell and he stared at Nick with his usual unflinching gaze. "You know you need this before the demons take over."

He turned to me with a huge grin and slapped me on the shoulder. "Well, I'm off to my session. Patrick, let's leave these men to the delights of their shower."

"But I?—"

"No time to waste! The herbal tea will be cold if we don't get back soon!"

Patrick grumbled as he followed Fox with a heavy sigh. As for the new information on our most recent teammate, well, that was for him to reveal in his own time. And based on the glare he was shooting me, he was telling jack shit anytime soon.

I turned back to the shower and rinsed my hair under the warm spray. "So, drinks tonight?"

"Why? Because we're naked in the shower together?"

"Um…" I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, wondering what he hoped I would say. "Not really, man. Just wanted a drink."

"Relax. I'm just fucking with you."

He chuckled, shutting off the water as he grabbed a towel, drying off his hair. "Why not? It's not like I have anyone waiting at home for me. Maybe I'll find someone to take home."

"Got anyone in mind?"

He stopped and quirked an eye at me. "Yeah, beautiful and willing to spread her legs. Any other questions?"

I shook my head and waited for him to leave before killing the water overhead and grabbing my own towel. Once I was dressed, I headed out to my truck and drove over to the bar. I assumed Nick would meet me there, and when I arrived, I was a little surprised to find him in the parking lot with a woman, but it looked like they were having an argument. However, the moment he saw me, he stepped back and shoved his hands in his pockets, allowing the woman to drive off.

"What was that?" I asked as I walked up to him.

"Nothing. Just making sure she wasn't drinking and driving," he muttered, stomping off to the bar.

Somehow, I didn't believe him, but he clearly didn't want to discuss it. I headed over to the bar and took a seat on a stool, waving to the bartender. There was a new guy tonight, and he didn't recognize me or know what my regular was, which kind of pissed me off even though it was illogical.

"What'll it be?"

"Bourbon."

"And you?" he asked as Nick sat down.

"Whatever he's having. And he's paying."

"Of course I am," I grumbled. "You're just as bad as Patrick."

"I'm the new guy on the team. Show me some love."

"I think it's the other way around."

He took his drink as the bartender slid it across the bar and rotated on his stool, slowly checking out who was here tonight. I'd looked as I walked in and there wasn't a single woman that enticed me. No surprise there.

"What about her?" he asked, jerking his head into the corner.

I glanced over my shoulder and grimaced. "Candy?"

He shrugged. "She's easy. You know she'll put out."

"And she's already making her way through OPS. No thanks."

"Two men doesn't count as making her way through. Besides, she must be good to keep Duke on the hook as long as he did."

"Still not interested."

"Yeah, I get the feeling it's gonna be that way for the foreseeable future. That chick really fucked you up."

I took my drink and slung it back, not answering his non-question.

"Hey, Lock is in the corner with some guys. Let's go."

I grabbed his jacket and stopped him before he could make a fatal error. "Don't do it."

"Drink with our teammates? Do you have something against them?"

"No, but trust me on this one. It's for the best."

His eyes roamed back to the table, then to me. "Is it because of the women at the table?"

"Look, it's a big ordeal. I'm telling you, don't do it."

He rolled his eyes and jerked his arm out of my grasp. Groaning, I figured I might as well watch the show.

"Hey, scoot over, Scottie," he said, tapping him on the shoulder.

Scottie frowned at Nick, shaking his head. "Are you serious?"

"You can't scoot over? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

At that, Scottie shoved back his chair and stood. "Seriously? What's wrong with you?"

Nick, not understanding, turned to me. "What the fuck is his problem?"

I shrugged. "I told you not to come over here."

"I asked him to scoot, not sit on the fucking floor."

Lock, ever the peacemaker, stood with his hands outstretched to calm the growing tension in the room. "Alright, let's just calm down. We can work this out."

"Work what out?" Nick snapped. "I've got a chair. All I need is space. It's one fucking spot."

"One—" Lock's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "And I suppose you want a spot for Chase too."

"Well, he does work with us," Nick scoffed.

Lock sighed and pulled out his notepad from his back pocket. "Alright, if you insist. Now, with twelve of us at the table and two additions, that means we all need to shift approximately three inches."

"Don't forget that one chair doesn't move," Edu cut in.

"Right, so that makes it five inches we all need to scoot."

I winced as Nick rolled his eyes. "Gee, that was a lot of work," he said, shoving his chair at the table. He was about to sit down when Lock panicked and held out his hand.

"Whoa," he chuckled. "We're not done."

"What are you talking about? We made space."

Lock shot me a nasty look. "Why did you bring him?"

"I told him not to come over here."

"Well, next time do a better job," he snapped, then ran his fingers through his long hair. "Alright, now…we have four single men and five couples. It would make sense to have Scottie switch places with Quinn so he can talk with the newbies."

"Now, hold on a minute," Quinn scoffed. "If you make me switch with him, I'll be right next to Juliette."

Lock crossed his arms, already pissed at her. "And you have a problem with my wife?"

"No, but if you put us next to each other, that leaves Jane all alone."

That didn't make sense. "She has Bree and Sarah to talk to."

"Yes, but Sarah and Bree are at the other end of the table, which means Bree would constantly be turning her head to talk to both of them. In the end, since Sarah is on the end, Jane would get left out since she's in the middle of the table," Quinn explained.

Nick's eyebrow twitched as he listened to the explanation. "What's going on?"

"I told you not to come over here."

An argument broke out around the table as Lock started drawing diagrams, trying to figure out how to position everyone so it worked out to add two more people to the table. I watched in amusement, trying not to laugh at how serious this was becoming.

"So, you still want to join the table?"

"Christ, I thought I was depressed about my life. Let's go to the bar."

"Sounds good."

We turned and walked away, not bothering to interrupt the arguing. It wouldn't matter anyway. They wouldn't realize we were gone until the new seating arrangements had been figured out.

The whole housewas plunged in darkness when I walked through the door later that night. My attempt at clearing my mind didn't work. A few drinks could erase anyone from my head, but in the end, not even that worked. Walking into my empty house only made it worse.

I stumbled over to the table and dropped my keys in the dish with a clang. I wasn't drunk, but this headache was killing me. Bourbon didn't agree with me tonight. I nearly headed right upstairs, but something in the living room caught my eye. I kept walking past the doorway, headed for the kitchen as I pulled my gun.

Creeping around the corner, I held my gun to the back of the intruder's head. "What the fuck are you doing in my house?"

The light flicked on next to the chair and my jaw dropped. I walked around the chair just to be sure I wasn't seeing things. "Asher? What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I take it you're not happy to see me."

I was too stunned to come up with a good answer. "Most people call first."

He sat slumped in my chair wearing jeans and a t-shirt. His boots were worn, not at all like what he used to wear to work, and the beard he was sporting showed just how long it had been since he actually cared about his appearance. But it was the haunted look in his eyes that killed me. I hoped with time it would get better. Instead, he looked worse than before.

I walked across the room and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, pouring a generous amount in both. After handing one off to him, I sat across from him on the couch. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I could ask you the same."

"You're in my house," I said slowly.

He swirled the amber liquid around the glass, watching it carefully. "You haven't checked in for a while. I was getting worried."

"Well, that happens when you disappear. How exactly did you expect me to find you?"

"You have your ways."

I took a long drink and stayed silent. For all the months I had worried about him, there were an equal number where I hated him for making me worry. After that stunt where he tried to kill himself, I scoured articles online, looking for anyone who fit his description in the obituaries. Nothing had turned up, and after a while, I had to force myself to stop looking.

"So, what do you want to know?" he asked.

"Why are you asking me? You're the one who showed up here."

"I figured you have questions."

"About why you disappeared or why you tried to kill yourself in front of us?"

"You already know the answer to that. You were there. You saw what I went through."

"Yeah, and you should have realized what you were doing to us that night. You didn't stop to think about how your death would have affected us."

"You seem to be doing fine on your own. I'm not sure it would have bothered you that much."

"Is that really what you think of us? That we just moved on with life and forgot about you?"

"You haven't looked for me lately."

"You don't know that."

He huffed out a laugh. "Trust me, I know."

Angered, I swallowed my drink and slammed the glass on the table. "What do you want?"

"Just checking in. I figured if I let you know I was alive, you would stop beating yourself up about Mercy."

That gave me pause. "How do you know about Mercy?"

"I have my ways."

"That's it?" I huffed. "Some cryptic message from you is all I get? What the fuck do you want?"

"I want you to be better than me. Get the help you need."

"I don't need any fucking help."

"Right, because you haven't been fucked up. I know you."

"Obviously not or you wouldn't have left," I snapped.

"It wasn't about you. It was about doing what was right for me."

"Yeah, that's what everyone says. It's always about them."

"Isn't that basically what you did with Mercy? You walked out on her because you couldn't handle what happened. You walked away for you, not her."

"Bullshit," I spat.

"If it was bullshit, you wouldn't be killing yourself over what happened and letting that asshole talk you into walking away from her. You had something with her."

"Again, how do you fucking know?" I snapped, jumping to my feet. "Are you spying on me or something?"

He shook his head, setting down the glass as he stood. "We've been together for a while. You never could hide things from me."

I wasn't going to stand here and listen to this crap any longer. I was half drunk and not in the mood for this bullshit. "You know what? I'm going to bed. Unlike you, I still have a job to go to in the morning. Sleep on the couch. If you're still here in the morning, maybe you'll consider coming back to work."

And with that, I stomped upstairs and shoved Asher from my mind. When I came down in the morning, his glass of whiskey still sat on the table, but he was nowhere to be seen.