11. Chapter 10

Others do not stir even as I open the large door. Guards stay passed out at their stations, snoring as I tiptoe by them. I search each face among them, but none belong to Kirian.

When I reach the top of the stairs, a set of glowing eyes are on me. A dog lies between where I stand and the exit. He lets out a low growl as the floor creaks. This stops me dead in my tracks as I wait for it to attack. The dog takes a look around the room in search of the noise, but its eyes do not find me, further evidence that this is just a dream. When its ears relax, and it lays its head back down on its large paw, I move again for the door. I try to pull the handle, but it does not open.

I inspect its brass lock before searching the walls for a key. There is nothing. The glow of city lights catches my eye. An office opposite the door. This door was closed when I arrived. Beyond it is a window, or more importantly, a key.

I squeeze through the space in the door without moving it so as to not rouse the dog. A man sits slumped in a wooden chair by the window. Cigarette butts litter the ashtray on his desk. When I cannot find a key, I head for the window. Thick metal bars line its interior. One is bent slightly, creating a hole just big enough that I am sure I can get through.

I stick my head out first. The drop is not far, no further than my favorite resting place above the lake in an old oak tree. The man shifts, and his head hits the wall behind him. My shoulders tense as I prepare for him to wake, but he does not. I make as little noise as possible as I shimmy through the bars.

My feet hit the ground with a thud. My ankle burns, but I pay no attention to it as I suck in as much cool, free air as I possibly can. My ankle twitches as I stand. Pain. Something I have never felt in a dream before. I felt it as I was being pulled through the cell and now as I walk on my injured foot.

My head feels light as if I might faint.

None of these feelings make sense, or maybe I am so exhausted that my dreams are becoming hallucinations. The wind blows my hair across my face. It sticks to my eyelashes. I pull the strands from my face, pulling all my hair together and tucking it into my shirt to be rid of it.

Empty, quiet streets. Stars speckle the sky. Dream, nightmare, or hallucination, I will take it.

Leave, never come back.So, I do. I run, not daring to glance behind me. I don"t know where to go, but I know I cannot stay here.

Lamps begin to illuminate windows as I pass. My bare feet are beginning to blister as they rub against the dirt streets of Thorn Row. My head aches and a stitch stings at my side. I barely make it three blocks before I begin to slow.

Two men appear before me. They stand with their arms crossed, stepping from side to side so that I cannot pass. Playing with their food, I suppose. They smell of cheap beer and spirits, a smell I remember many times as Cedric stumbled through the castle in a drunken stupor after a long night out.

One of them burps as he bends down to inspect me. "Where are you off to, boy?" He asks. I tilt my head down to conceal my features. I do not answer so as to not give myself away. Then, I try to proceed forward. He steps in front of me and inches even closer with his face.

He reaches a dirtied hand out and places the edge of his finger on my chin. When I meet his eyes, his face contorts with confusion as he looks me up and down carefully before stopping at my chest. "Well, well, look what we have here." He lets out a laugh from down in his fat belly, sending him back a step.

The other man is intrigued. I hear his heavy, drunken breathing as he walks up behind me. I shudder as he sends a large and slightly damp hand crashing down onto my shoulder. Fuck.

"You shouldn"t be out this late, little lady." He hiccups, applying pressure to my shoulder. As he pushes a hand into his pocket, his jacket parts slightly, revealing a knife that hangs from his chest in its sheath. He retrieves a flask from his deep pocket and takes a swig of its contents. "I"d be happy to escort you-hic-back home." he laughs, and the men exchange looks. One that lets the other know that his offer means something else entirely.

I could snag his dagger, plunge it into the side of the smaller one"s chest, then take off in hopes the big one is slow. "Which way?" he asks as he licks his cracked lips. I pull my eyes from the silver piece. It"s so close, I just have to reach out and grab it. Think.

Pointing to a random group of houses, "Over there, only a few blocks down." I lie. They drunkenly follow my finger in that direction. With their heads turned, I spin sharply on my heels, sending a twinge of pain down my twisted ankle. Using the opportunity while their heads are turned to run. They curse at me as I go, I have no idea where I"m headed, my head pounds and my muscles do not propel me as fast as I would like.

I can see a woman carrying a lantern down a side street. If I can get to her, maybe she can help. She is there one second and gone the next as a large figure appears from a doorway. Just as big and stinky as the last two. Unable to stop fast enough, I hit him head on, his gut springs me backwards, I trip over my feet and into the arms of one of the others who pulls me back up by the hair. So weak. I tell myself as I shudder in pain.

"Going somewhere?" one asks from behind me, all three have now circled around me, blocking any chance of escape.

"Home." I say as confidently as I can while the man still has his hand wrapped in my hair. "My Mother is expecting me," I say in hopes that they will give up if they know that someone is waiting for me.

"Surely your mum can wait a little longer. Yeah?" he forces our faces together as he speaks. His breath stings my nostrils with the smell of liquor. If I held a match to his lips, it would ignite me with flames. "Come on, girl, the boys back at the pub are going to get a kick out of this." He picks at the collar of the jail"s plain white shirt that I wear. "A pretty little thing like you, ha, dressed in men"s clothing." He snorts. The others have no objections as the man releases my hair and ushers me into the alley behind the pub.

Men wander about, smoking and drinking outside the door. They watch as we pass in amusement. A man spits onto the ground as he watches us, a woman curled around his arm. She"s dressed in a small skirt that hikes up to the hip and her brassiere makes her breast nearly touch her chin as she looks down. Her makeup is dark to match the circles under her eyes. Above her lip is a poorly covered bruise. The man then exchanges coins with the woman for reasons that I try not to think about before they walk inside. We follow behind them to enter, they take a left and head for a set of stairs. I look around the bar, curious eyes find mine as men mill around and a band plays an upbeat tune in the corner.

When the door slams behind us, I tense before gluing my eyes to the floor. Finally, I have my freedom from that jail cell, but this is somehow so much worse. Disgusting pigs, all men are. I should have known that, with Hansel Luz and Cedric, even Kirian. No one is to be trusted. The three men take me to a table where they pull out chairs for themselves.

One gestures to their knee, asking me to take a seat. I do not move. His disappointment is nearly palpable as he gives me another once over. He waves over a woman, Rosie, he calls her. "Let"s get you into something more…ladylike," he says in a playful voice. She carries mugs on a platter with swishing brown liquid as she makes her way over, looking at me curiously before noticing that I am indeed a woman. The man does not ask this time as he grabs at my hips and places me squarely on his knee. I can feel his stomach on my backside, and my own stomach twists in knots.

"I see you boys are up to no good." Rosie says, her eyes never leave mine. "What can I get ya"." She asks the group.

"This one here is going to need a change of clothes." The man"s words tickle the hairs on the back of my neck. The others nod their heads in agreement.

"I might have an extra uniform upstairs." She says, bored. Rosie"s eyes snake their way down to my exposed toes. She ignores the "help me" look I give her as she sets the beer down on the table for the men to grab before she leaves.

The larger of the three shoves a mug into my hand. "Drink up." He says with a smile, his teeth are gray, and his face looks to be infested with bugs, little white dots surrounded by red around his mouth.

I try to stand, but hands come crashing down once more, holding me in place as he leans forward. "We are just having a little fun is all." He whispers, his breath hot in my ear. Slowly, his hand strays from my hip to the inside of my thigh. I do all I can to keep the bile from rising to my throat.

Anger, disgust and embarrassment boil my blood. Liquid black drips from the dark corners of the room, threatening to kill the man that holds me. The words, more clear than anything I have ever heard them say before. He does not stop. His finger makes small circles that travel to the inside of my hip.

His mouth is still near my ear as he sits comfortably too close to me. Fight or flight, this is where I make my decision. Before his hand can travel further, I quickly turn my head towards him. My teeth sink into his ear, I bite down hard, and when he pushes me off of him, I do not let go. The warm drip of blood falls from the corner of my mouth. I gag before spitting the chunk of flesh to the floor.

My hands fly up as the men stand. I place my fists in front of me in a defense-like stance that I had seen Cedric take many times while sparring with his friends all while making sure to keep an eye on the other men as they look between us in surprise. The man whose ear I have tasted stands and takes a step towards me "you little-"he stops mid sentence, cupping his left ear as red gushes from between his fingers.

I take a step back to further myself from that look as if he wants to kill me. Let him, I would rather die than be subject to whatever plans they have for me tonight. My heart is beating faster than it should, but I don"t dare turn away from them. The men all look up at the same time. One straightens his shoulders, and the other turns away as if he has just remembered that he has somewhere to be. I take one more step back, but I can move no further as my back hits something hard.

"These men bothering you, Miss?" a man says from behind me, above me. I almost laugh as I recognize the voice. Kirian. Curse the Gods, how they play these cruel jokes on me.

"We were just having some fun, boss. We swear, she came in here on her own, looked lost." He lies, the other two suddenly become very interested in their drinks. I almost can"t help but roll my eyes at the chicken shit before me. Boss? Kirian must be their superior in The Guard. I tip my head back and squint up at him. He doesn"t look at me. He keeps his eye on the man who had his hands on me.

I can feel the anger radiating off his skin, the same anger that I felt not that long ago upon that man"s lap.

Kirian"s face is of a furious storm, his eyes locked on the bloodied soldier. The men cower as Kirian steps towards them, his hand still firmly on my arm, but I plant my feet on the ground, pulling him in the opposite direction. I do not want to be anywhere near these men any longer.

"Funs over." Kirian growls. He pushes me in front of him as he turns. We walk quickly to the door.

He doesn"t stop after we exit, we walk further but I notice it"s not in the direction of the jail.

As the smell of smoke, strong perfume, and the shouts of drunken men fade away, he slows. His grip loosens on my arm as we approach a large building. I slip into step beside him, but he does not let me go. He does not say anything, but his jaw clenches tightly. I look down at our footsteps to avoid his burning rage.

We come to a halting stop. It"s a different kind of fear I feel now than I felt on the lap of that man, a different kind of fear than when Father"s beast limped into his room. Put to trial. Hung. The words ring in my ears again and again. My fate slowly creeping up on me no matter how hard I try to prevent it.

He drops his hand to my elbow before pulling me close to him violently. I see a flash of the same face, the one I saw when he held me against the wall in the integration room, anger, pity, and regret all in one. "What the fuck were you thinking?" he asks through his teeth. Almost off my feet, he takes my shoulders and holds me up to face him.

I haven"t really been thinking at all, not past my escape anyways. My escape that was so dream-like I haven"t had time to understand it.

"I wasn"t – "I start, but he cuts me off.

"Do you know how stupid that was?" He"s furious. He releases me and turns around. He places his hands atop his head, his large arms flexing as he curses under his breath. When he turns back to face me, I can"t seem to hold his eyes.

"Those men? I would have gotten away," I say unconvincingly as I look in the direction of the pub. His piercing green eyes darken. I"m unsure of the emotions that they hold. It looks a lot like worry, a look Lupita would often give me but never voice her opinion on.

Kirian does not hold his tongue. "What did you think they were going to do after that little stunt? Release you?" he huffs out a frustrated laugh.

"Whatever." I barely get the word from my mouth before he erupts again in anger.

"You have no idea of the things that happen here. You have no idea how the real world works, Katsia!" he says my name in two syllables, like a curse.

His words hit me hard because I wish I did understand. All the books I read and all the maps I"ve studied were nothing compared to real world experience, but it was not my choice to be kept from this place. Even if I would have left with my sisters I would be in a different kind of confinement. I hunch over slightly as the pain in my stomach grows once more. I pull my arms in tight. I can"t help the way I am, and that fills me with so much shame that it makes me sick.

We stand in silence for a moment. I make sure to keep my head down so that he can"t see what must be written all over my face. "Take me back," I whisper. It"s the only option, I know that. I stretch out my arms, tapping my wrists together, signaling that I am prepared for the same ties he placed on me at House Luz.

He huffs out a breath, sweet mint. "We aren"t going back." He places his large hand on the two of mine, it covers them completely as he pushes them down. I rest them at my sides and look up at him as I try to make sense of what that means.

"What?" I ask.

"Three days, all you had to do was wait three days, Katsia." There it is again, my name, a curse on his lips. This time, he is mad for an entirely different reason.

"For what?" the words are hardly audible, even to me. Kirian doesn"t say anything. He"s still fuming, practically pacing back and forth as he thinks. "For what?" I nearly shout to get his attention. This has his head snapping back at me.

He looks around in search of listening ears. "Not here." He grabs me again. He begins to pull me further into darkness.

There is no word that describes my emotion as he drags me down the side street. Kirian has never given me any reason to trust him. Run. Everything in me tells me I should do so. I look down at the hand that holds mine. I stop.

Kirian turns when my feet are no longer moving. "Katsia, please," he begs.

"Why should I trust you?" I ask him sincerely.

He searches the street we are on, and I can tell that he grows impatient with every passing second. Then, he takes a step forward, forcing my back against the wall. The Shadows warn me, but it"s not Kirian they fuss over. A patrol guard passes by, taking a long look down the street for a moment before continuing on his route.

Kirian"s sternum is almost pressed against my face as if his body would have hidden me if the guard were to come this way. I am about to push him off of me, but he tips his head down to look at me, and as soon as the thought comes, it goes just as fast. He steps back but not nearly enough, only the amount needed to speak to me face to face. His hand is still firmly in my own. "You shouldn"t." he warns me.

"I"m not going to run," I say as I yank my arm from him.

His face becomes soft as he looks down at me, only half of him illuminated by a streetlamp far away. "You"re safe. You"ve always been safe." His words come in a calming lull. I tilt my head up to meet his eyes and I don"t know why but I believe him, believe that I will be safe if I go with him, so I do.

He looks to his left, and soon, his feet follow. "I didn"t know," I whisper as I take a step in his direction, suddenly guilty for my accidental escape.

"How could you have?" he says over his shoulder, his hand tensing at his side. I realize he isn"t angry with me. He is angry with himself.

Kirian then seems to go into a deep state of thought. I can see it, the inner struggle. I don"t dare say a word as he leads the way.

We take a few alleyways and push the branches of a larin tree to the side so that we cross a small garden area before he finally speaks his mind. "That first night when I questioned you, I just needed to make sure for myself." He takes another turn, taking us up a set of stairs. "That you really weren"t a part of what your Father has done." He pauses for a moment, surveying the building"s windows beside us. He gives me a sideways glance before we continue. "The other guards, it was their idea to put your Father in there with you. They were hoping you two would talk, but you didn"t, you couldn"t even look at him, that"s when I knew for sure that you two were not working together. It was just a matter of making everyone else believe it, too." He seems relieved to get this information off his chest.

During the interrogation, he was forcing me to relive my past so that they would know just how much my Father hates me. "Most of them agreed that you were telling the truth." He looks down a narrow street with lots of trees in search of our next move. "I can tell you more, everything, if you are willing to trust me." He says, looking up at the sky. Its colors are turning from cool to warm. Morning, the sun, how I"ve missed him. I only give a nod in reply as I close my eyes and let the oncoming warmth from the day absorb into my skin.

"Follow me," he says urgently. With sunrise comes townspeople, and soon it will be known that a prisoner has escaped the jail.

Kirian becomes more careful. We walk down different alleyways and do not pass any businesses or homes where people might see us. We finally stop at the back of an old Inn. Vines grow up its sides, and the shudders seem to be holding on for dear life. "The Charlie," I read the script written on the back door, its wood splintering and the paint chipping away.

"Stay here, I"ll get you a room, they can"t see your face, or they might recognize you when The Guard inevitably comes through tomorrow asking questions of your whereabouts." He checks the door. Sure enough, as he knew it would be, it"s unlocked. Kirian leaves it open a crack, but he does not go inside.

Instead, he pushes me back a little further into the dark wall of the building once again. This action startles me now that I can see his face clearly in the daylight. I flinch as I remember the moment that he pushed me to the ground before flipping the table and chairs at the jail.

He takes his hands back in retreat but continues. "When I tap on the window above," he points towards the sky, and I follow his finger, tipping my head all the way back to see the glass reflecting the purple sky. "Go in through that door and take a right, the second floor, second door, got it?" he speaks as if giving orders to his men.

"Yes." I nod. He moves the door once more. Kirian turns his head slightly back at me as if he wants to say something but changes his mind and disappears through the door of The Charlie.

I could leave, I could run, I could- moments later, I hear the taps of Kirian"s knuckles against the glass and abandon my plan. Where would I go anyway? Besides, Kirian trusted me not to run. I make my way inside the Inn carefully, quietly, something that I have gotten very good at over the years. When I get to the second floor, second door, I do not knock. I just twist its old knob and enter.

Kirian stands there with a grin on his face as he releases a breath in relief. Perhaps the thought of me running crossed his mind as well. "Quiet as a mouse," he half whispers as I close the door behind me.