EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE

Nikki—

Valentine’s Day— 3 years later

I wake to Zack’s grumbling when he trips over a box. Yet again. I smile in the dark as he tries in vain to quietly slip out to his early morning class. Instead, a low string of curses litter the room as he limps toward the bed, muttering something about a broken toe. I don’t let on that I’m awake when he leans down and kisses my forehead, slipping something under my pillow.

I wait till I hear the front door close, then slip the note out. He hasn’t left me one in a while. Even though I miss getting them, it makes his little vignettes that much more special. I unfold it. Will you be my Valentine, Birthday Girl? Like a fourteen-year-old schoolgirl, I hold it against my chest and cherish it for what it is. A note from the cutest boy in school, who I have a mammoth size crush on. Only we’re starting our last year of college now.

Two weeks ago, we finally took the plunge and moved in together. A small apartment near campus— the Waldorf, it’s not— but I love it as much as if it were some fancy penthouse. It’s funny, the last three years we spent four nights a week together, so I didn’t think it would feel that different when we actually lived together. Yet it’s totally different. And it has nothing to do with Zack not having to sneak out before Aunt Claire gets home either. I’d told him Aunt Claire wouldn’t mind, but he insisted on doing it until the day I moved out— he didn’t want to rub it in her face that we were sleeping together. Although there is no way that she didn’t know.

After I came back from Texas, Aunt Claire and I spent a lot of time talking. I knew before I met her that she was keeping secrets from me, but my heart was still wounded that she didn’t tell me about Emily.

I found out she’d stayed in Long Beach her whole life to keep an eye on my sister. And she kept tabs on Mom and I, too. Growing up, I remember we would get these big deliveries once a month — fresh fruit, vegetables, yogurt — I loved the day the delivery man came each month. Mom never mentioned who sent the groceries, I cried for an hour when Aunt Claire told me it was her. For seventeen years she loved me, Mom and Emily from afar — a guardian angel watching over us. Now Aunt Claire and I have each other, and our guardian angels are Mom and Emily.

It didn’t take long for me to forgive Aunt Claire for her not telling me about my dad and Emily. She was only trying to protect me. I just needed to see things clearly. These days, I think of her like a best friend. Although I’d never tell Ashley— she still holds a bit of a grudge against Aunt Claire for the things that happened three years ago. That, and Ash would be crushed if she knew that my relationship with Aunt Claire rivaled ours.

And then there’s my dad. I kept away from him the first few months I was back in California. It was all too much to deal with. But Zack eventually convinced me to meet Dr. Bennett for lunch one day. I’ll never forget walking into the restaurant that Saturday afternoon. I saw him sitting at the table and our eyes locked. He stood and suddenly I was five years old again and he was Mike. If Zack hadn’t been standing next to me, I would have fallen on the floor when I saw my dad break down and cry. He handed me a single purple lily before I left that day.

I look over to my nightstand, finding a fresh purple lily. He’s brought me one every week since that lunch. Somehow I know I’ll always have one. Over the last two and a half years, we’ve spent a lot of time talking about Mom. He loved her with all his heart, he really did. But it’s complicated…

So much has changed over the last three years. I look around the room. It’s littered with boxes, but I’ve made progress. My tan musty cardboard has been upgraded. They’re now pretty boxes, colorful shades of pink, courtesy of the Box Store. I like to think they give the apartment a shabby chic look, but I’d venture to guess Zack has other choice words to describe my neurosis. Although he’s never complained once about them being all over the place.

***

Friday is Zack’s long day. He’s been at school since seven this morning and it’s nearly seven in the evening now. I expect him any minute. He’s usually wiped out and sore after four classes followed by hours and hours of grueling football practice. But something tells me he’ll get a second wind when he gets a look at his Valentine’s Day present. My new red nightie, a form fitting halter corset made of gorgeous lace with a satin tie front. It fits like a second skin. Which is good, because second skin matches with all the skin that shows when I turn around; the matching G-string leaves little to the imagination.

Hearing his keys in the door, I open it, knowing his hands will be full with all his equipment. It clanks loudly on the wooden floor when he lets it drop without a word and comes straight for me. Laying my palm to his chest, I stop him before he pounces. I hand him a folded-up note, the first one I’ve ever given him, and he arches an eyebrow. Neither of us speaks while he unfolds it.

I’ll always be your Valentine. Thank you for giving me so much more than I could have imagined.I love you.

He looks up at me, gazing into my soul with his blue eyes that tell me everything I need to hear without saying a word. Scooping me up, he cradles me gently in his arms. So different than how he’d probably planned to have me just moments ago when I opened the door. Tonight is about love. There’s a time for crazed and frantic— heck, I love it every way with Zack. But tonight…tonight will be slow and sweet. My favorite.

He walks into the bedroom with me in his arms and stops short, taking in everything that isn’t there. The boxes. They’re all gone. Every last one of them. When his eyes finally find their way back to mine, I say the words I’ve waited twenty-one years to feel.

“I’m finally home.”