Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Nikki

I lay on my back in the center of my bed, turning and turning the small hospital bands between my fingers. In the few weeks that I’ve been here, I’ve taken them out faithfully every night. Every night except for the last two nights since Zack and I sat along the overlook.

I don’t know how Zack and I found each other, but it’s the first time in my life that I’m starting to wonder if there really is such a thing as fate. Before now, fate was an escape…a fantasy, something that only happened in movies and books, where people paid for a happily ever after. Now I wonder if maybe, just maybe, I wound up here for a reason. Finding Zack— learning that he’s as wounded, lost and in need of a connection as I am— somehow validates I’m on the right path to wherever it is I’m going.

I’ve had boyfriends before. Well, sort of. I’ve kissed two and even let one get to second base. I say “let” because it just seemed like something I should experience…a hurdle I needed to cross before hitting a certain age I guess.

But how I feel with Zack is different. Really different. I want what’s happening to happen as much as he does. So much so that I’ve even let the search for my sister take a back seat to spending time with him. As I look down at the bracelets in my hand, I feel guilty for letting anything cloud my focus.

Aunt Claire knocks on my closed door. I shove the bracelets under the pillow and sit up just before she walks in.

“So, you haven’t changed your mind about missing the homecoming dance tonight?”

“No.” I shake my head. The morning after Zack asked me out, I was excited to tell Aunt Claire. Unfortunately, the feeling didn’t seem to be a shared one. Ashley thinks I’m overanalyzing it, that Aunt Claire is just concerned with me dating any boy. After all, this is new to her too. It’s just that she seemed excited when I told her someone asked me out, but deflated so quickly when I mentioned it was Zack. At first, I thought maybe she knew him, knew what he’d been through, but when I asked, she said she’d never met him before. Yet I’ve had the odd feeling her concern is more about who my date is, rather than about my going on a date at all.

“What are you two going to do tonight on your non-dance date?” Aunt Claire asks, sidestepping my boxes to sit on the edge of my bed. She hasn’t asked why I haven’t unpacked yet, it makes me wonder if she understands.

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “We haven’t really talked about it. Get something to eat, I guess. Maybe go down to the beach.”

Aunt Claire’s mouth opens, then closes. Then opens. “Oh,” is all she says. Although I’m certain there is more she wants to add.

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

She forces a smile. “I’m just nervous about you going on a date.”

“I’m almost eighteen.”

“I know, I know. It’s not that I don’t think you’re old enough. It’s just…” Her voice trails off and she pauses for a moment. “I’m not sure what advice to give you.”

“Don’t worry, Ash already gave me advice,” I tease, trying to make her feel better.

“Do I even want to know what advice she gave you?” Aunt Claire has met Ashley and knows she’s a bit on the crazy side.

“She told me not to get in a car with anyone drinking, and to order the most expensive thing on the menu.” And to always use a condom, but I leave that part off.

She smiles, and this time it’s genuine. “That’s actually good advice.”

“Ash wouldn’t steer me wrong,” I say playfully, bumping shoulders with her.

“I’m working a double at the hospital, so I’m not home till tomorrow morning. But that doesn’t change curfew.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” She stands. “Have fun.” She walks toward the door and looks back before stepping through. “But not too much fun.”

***

I realize I may have gotten ready a tad bit too early. Almost a full hour is left before Zack is supposed to pick me up and my nerves are already getting the best of me. The ice maker in the freezer makes a loud clank as it drops freshly made ice into the holding bin, and it scares the heck out of me. I actually jump at the sound, even though I’ve heard it dozens of times since I’ve been here.

With too much time on my hands, I rethink my outfit. I blow through a dozen outfits, everything from shorts and a tank top to a pretty, although a bit too fancy, sundress. Finally I settle on a simple black skirt that’s short, but not too short, and has a flirty, fun bounce to it. I pair it with a plain pale pink t-shirt with girly capped sleeves, and sandals…part of the American Apparel shopping spree that Aunt Claire and I went on when I first moved in. Checking out my reflection in the mirror, I find a California girl staring back at me, rather than a Texan.

Even though I had time to waste, I’m barely finished brushing my teeth when Zack’s car pulls up outside. The rumble of his classic Charger immediately sets fluttering whatever butterflies had settled over the last hour. My heart stammers a million miles a minute as I reach for the doorknob, so much so that I have to force a deep breath in and out to stop myself from passing out. Remembering how Mom always calmed herself when she was nervous or panicky, I close my eyes and count silently. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…on one, I finally open the door.

The minute my eyes land on him, the gentle butterflies in my stomach turn into a violent swarm of bees. For a second, I really think I might vomit. Zack squints. “Hey. You okay?” He steps toward me, his face full of concern. The close proximity only makes my momentary panic worse. I nod.

“You sure? You look kind of pale.” The corner of his mouth twitches. “Even for you.”

“Yes,” I snap out of my daze. “I think the heat just caught up to me today,” I lie.

Zack smiles, a cocky, confident smile. “I get that a lot. The room gets warmer when I walk in.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re full of yourself today.”

He hands me a folded up piece of paper and walks past me, heading straight to the kitchen. Making himself at home, he opens a few cabinet doors until he finds a glass. I unfold the note and smile as I read it. You look beautiful. Zack glances over at me, arches an eyebrow and smiles.

“Drink.” He orders, handing me a full glass of cold water. My brows furrow together, I’ve forgotten my own lie. “You said the heat was getting to you,” he reminds me. “Drink.”

I sip the water, but I’m really not thirsty. “Where are we going?”

“Not to the dance.”

“I got that much the other night.”

“Finish your water and I’ll show you.”

***

It’s the start of my favorite time of day, the hour before dusk, when the sun’s heat settles down but still shines brightly. Zack pulls onto the Pacific Coast Highway and reaches for the dashboard to turn on the air conditioning.

“Would you mind if we rolled down the windows instead?” I ask. It’s beautiful out. Eighty in southern California, without the humidity, is very different than eighty in Texas.

“Really?” He cuts his eyes to me, checking to see if I’m serious, then quickly returns them to the road.

I nod.

Grinning, he pushes the button on his window and I do the same. “Figured you’d be all worried about your hair.”

I shrug. “You’re the one who has to look at me.”

He doesn’t respond, but his smile says it all. We kid around about our lack of talking, but I really am able to tell a lot about him without any words. I know he has three different smiles. One that’s a polite gesture, but really doesn’t mean he’s happy. One that he forces when he’s trying to cover up for how he really feels. And then there’s my favorite. The one that makes it all the way up to his eyes. Dimples dip deep, his blue eyes sparkle and it’s absolutely contagious. I can’t help but smile back when I see that one.

“What kind of music do you like?” He pushes buttons on the dashboard. The radio begins to play.

“Anything. I don’t really have a set type. It depends on my mood I guess.”

Zack glances over to me, our eyes catching for a split second before his return to the road. “What kind of mood are you in now?”

I debate the question internally for a moment. “A singing one, so that means pop.”

His eyes stay on the road, but I can see smile number three in his profile. There’s a slight squint in the corner of his eyes and the caverns of his dimples warm me. “Can you sing?”

“I can.”

He glances at me suspiciously, then back to the road. “I mean, can you sing well?”

“Nope. But I don’t let that stop me.”

He shakes his head. “By all means, go right ahead.”

“Oh. I don’t do solos.”

“You don’t do solos?” he repeats, a chuckle in his voice.

“Nope. I usually have a different duet partner, but you’ll do.”

“I’ll do, huh?” His smile fades momentarily. “Who’s your usual duet partner?”

“My best friend, Ashley, back in Texas.”

His smile returns. “So you don’t have a duet partner here in California?”

“Nope…I was thinking of asking Keller…” I trail off, acting coy.

Zack glances at me, assessing the seriousness of my words. “Cute. Find a rock song. I don’t do pop performances.”

***

The half an hour drive to wherever it is we’re going might just be the most fun I’ve had since Ashley and I were down at the lake last. Not surprisingly, Zack can actually carry a tune— his singing is pretty damn good, especially compared to mine. We pull off the road and drive a few blocks, slowing as we enter a driveway into a park.

“We’re going to the park?”

“Sort of.”

A few more minutes of driving into the heavily wooded park and we come upon a clearing. A huge lighthouse comes into view in the near distance.

“Is that the lighthouse from the other night?” I ask excitedly.

“Yep.” Zack says, looking satisfied with my reaction.

It’s beautiful. I’m not sure if I’m more in awe of the breathtaking structure sitting perched on the edge of land before us, or the boy that remembered what I’d said the other night. I think back to our conversation, about how I’d always been drawn to lighthouses as I watched this one flicker off in the distance. The fact that he remembered something so insignificant during our emotionally intense conversation, tells me a lot about who he is.

We drive farther down the road and I’m surprised the parking lot next to the lighthouse is empty. The sun is just beginning to set and I can only imagine how much more incredible the colorful sky in the backdrop will get. “How come no one is here?”

Zack shrugs. “I guess people take it for granted, forget it’s even here.”

He turns off the engine and comes around to open my door, offering me his hand. The boys back in Texas that I hung out with definitely don’t have manners like Zack.

He doesn’t release my hand, and when he helps me out, we’re standing a few feet apart, facing each other. My pulse accelerates when he takes a step closer to me. He places one hand on the car behind me and with the other gently smoothes my hair.

“Your hair’s a mess,” he says quietly. His words are teasing but his eyes roam my face with an intensity that tells me he isn’t really thinking about my hair.

His hand drops to my cheek, his thumb stroking softly as he moves in even closer. We’re toe to toe, our bodies not actually touching, yet I feel the electricity radiating from his to mine. “You’re different than other girls.”

That’s good, I think? I don’t respond, because I’m not sure he expects me to answer and I have no idea what to say anyway.

“Nikki?” He leans down ever so slightly, but he’s close enough so I feel his breath on my neck. I can’t look up, I’m afraid if I do, I might melt. And it has nothing to do with the heat…not from the sun anyway.

“Nikki?” He calls my name again, this time more forcefully. My eyes jump to meet his. He’s so right there, it scares the hell out of me, but I don’t dare turn away. His eyes drop to my lips. “I haven’t been able to think about anything but kissing you for days.” His voice is low and throaty. I’m amazed that I’m still standing and haven’t dropped to the floor in a puddle.

“All I can think about is your lips. The way they move, the way each syllable forms a different shape and sometimes I see a hint of your tongue flash and it makes me crazy. I want to feel your lips against mine so badly it hurts.”

Closing the distance between us, Zack uses his body to guide mine up against the car. I feel every part of his hard body pressed firmly into mine. Every part. His hand at my cheek drops to my neck and his thumb grazes my collarbone. My skin breaks out in goose-bumps when his gentle hold tightens to a grip. A devilish grin teases at his lips— he likes the reaction his touch elicits from me. His strong hand wraps around my neck and he squeezes gently, forcing my head upwards to meet his stare.

Just as his head begins to drop down, his mouth parting to meet mine, a car pulls up next to us. Directly next to us, in a parking lot full of empty spots. A man’s voice smacks me back into reality.

“Park closes at nightfall,” the ranger says pointedly.

Zack groans before he takes a step back and turns around, giving the officer his attention. “Yes, sir. I was just going to show my girlfriend the lighthouse. She’s from Texas and has never seen one up close.”

The ranger looks between me and Zack, eyeing us suspiciously, then nods. “Okay. You two have a good night then. Just mind the closing time, son.”

Zack nods and the Ranger drives away. The entire exchange is less than one minute, but it effectively kills the moment. His expression a cross between deflated and amused, Zack growls and takes my hand. “Ranger-blocked,” he mumbles as he leads me toward the lighthouse. For the next few minutes, he rambles on about the history of the lighthouse and something about ships that used to dock in the area, but my brain is still stuck on two simple words he said. My girlfriend.

***

Deep orange and vivid shades of purple and pink fill the sky as the golden sun makes its way down past the edge of the ocean. With only the sparkling deep blue sea as the backdrop while the sun sets, it looks as if the endless Pacific is swallowing the shining orb. We watch in silence as it disappears right before our eyes. The waves crashing the rock jetty below us leaves a mist of salt water in the air.

“I guess we better go. The ranger will probably be coming back to check on us and it’s almost dark,” I say, hating to even bring it up as we sit on the outside deck at the top of the lighthouse. Our shoulders pressed against each other as we watch the sunset keeps me warm, even though the air has chilled with the disappearance of the sun.

Without a word, Zack stands, offering me his hand. My back against the wall of the lighthouse, he places one hand on either side of my head, caging me in. His eyes sparkling in what little remains of the daylight, he smiles widely as he slowly shakes his head.

“No?” I whisper, his nearness clouding my brain and making me forget what he is even responding to.

He shakes his head again. Leaning in slowly, he whispers in my ear, “No way I’m going anywhere until I kiss you. And up here, I’m thinking there’s a lot less chance of being interrupted again.” God, the sound of his throaty voice, his warm breath on my sensitive skin, and the thought of his lips finally touching mine— it’s almost too much.

He draws his head back, his eyes meeting mine, and I find the need I’m feeling throughout my body reflected back at me. My breaths become shallow and closer together, and the muscles in my thighs tighten as I watch his eyes drop to my lips and then rise to meet my gaze again. And then ever so slowly, he leans in and kisses me. At first it’s gentle, almost hesitant. But that doesn’t last long. I lean into him, my pert nipples push up against his hard chest and a sound that can only best be described as a growl comes from deep within him.

Our kiss deepens, becoming hungrier, more forceful. He wraps his hand around my neck, guiding my head to the position that he wants me. I cling to him, my hands grasping at his shirt, wanting more, needing it more than wanting it. We seem to have a rhythm together, our tongues dancing with familiarity even though they’ve only just met.

Dusk has fallen into night by the time we both break away, breathless. I take a deep breath, trying to regain my wits, but it’s no use. Zack’s eyes smolder as he runs his knuckles along my cheek and looks into my eyes. His breath is labored and it makes me feel good that he’s as affected as I am. He doesn’t say a word; instead, he smiles, a real, full-mouth smile, his sexy, deep dimples telling me more than words can say. Again, without words, this boy has taken my breath away, and maybe even a little piece of my heart.

Time seems to fly by the rest of the night. The kiss relieved some of the tension that’s been weighing him down, because Zack’s lighter, happier. I’ve seen bits and pieces of this side of him, in small glimpses, but it’s never lasted very long. Until tonight. We laugh through dinner and fight over music as he drives me home.

“Wonder if we’ll have an audience soon,” Zack says as he turns off the engine in front of Aunt Claire’s house.

“Not tonight. My Aunt is working the overnight shift at the hospital.”

Grinning widely, Zack pulls me across the bench seat onto his lap. I yelp in surprise, but there’s no place else I’d rather be.

“So that means I can kiss you as long as I want tonight?” He says with a devilish smile on his face. His hand, casually wrapped around my bare leg, caresses the outside of my thigh. I wonder if he has any idea what the simple stroke of his fingers on my skin does to me. It sets my body on fire and turns my brain to mush.

“I’m supposed to be home at midnight,” I whisper, wishing it wasn’t true.

Zack kisses my lips once, his mouth still lightly pressed against mine as he speaks, so I can feel each syllable as I hear it. “You are home.”

“I guess I am.” I smile. “She did say I had to be home. She wasn’t specific about being inside.” I wrap my hands around his neck.

The corners of Zack’s mouth curl up. “Now you’re talking.”

I don’t look at the time when I finally leave the car, but the windows are completely fogged. We both groan a bit and I can tell that it won’t be long before our kisses become something more. We can’t keep our hands off of each other. The things he makes me feel scare the hell out of me, but excite me even more.

Zack insists on walking me to the door this time. He kisses me a few more times, and then hands me a folded-up paper before he walks away with just a smile. Leaning up against the inside of the door, I wait to open the note until I can no longer hear the rumble of his car as he pulls away. I had a great time tonight is scribbled on the piece of paper. The smile is still on my face when I fall asleep an hour later.

***

I wake to Aunt Claire knocking gently on my door. When I don’t answer, she opens the door ever so slightly to check if I’m inside. As I hear the door open I notice Zack’s note half on my pillow and half stuck to my cheek by sleep drool. How attractive.

I quickly fold the note and stuff it under my pillow as I see Aunt Claire’s eyes peer in through the cracked door. “Wanted to check on you. I just got home.” Obviously she’s worried about how far my date went last night.

“How was your date with Zack?” she asks as she slides her head in just a little bit farther. I feel bad about making her beg for information, so I sit up and welcome her into my space. She truly has been great about giving me privacy and a beautiful bedroom. She hasn’t even complained about my boxes. I never had anything as special and private in my life and I worry that I haven’t thanked her enough.

“Come in. You don’t have to stand in the hall,” I say with a smile.

Still in her hospital whites, Aunt Claire sits on my bed. She never had children of her own and she’s still trying to figure out her role in our newfound relationship.

“So, did you have a nice not-go-to-the-dance date?”

I know I’m beaming, the flush of my cheeks telling more than my words. “It was really great.” I stop short without saying anything else, suddenly remembering sitting on Zack’s lap in the Charger long beyond midnight. She’s a really cool Aunt, but I’m not too sure that would be cool with her.

“Great? Well, that’s great, I guess.”

I sense the disappointment my limited response evokes, but I also think I spot some concern in her voice. I want to assure her everything is fine. More than fine actually.

“It was a great date, Aunt Claire.” I tell her how Zack surprised me by taking me to a lighthouse because I’d mentioned I had never seen one up close before. Sounds harmless enough, right? Thank goodness she doesn’t know that, minutes ago, I was dreaming about the feeling of Zack’s hard body against mine as we shared our first kiss at the lighthouse.

Feeling like I should give her a little more, but not yet ready to reveal the change in my and Zack’s relationship, I let her in on my idea.

“Zack runs too,” I say. “He’s actually really fast. I was thinking about running by his house to pick him up for a run this morning.” I don’t tell her it was actually Ash’s idea during our 1 a.m. phone call where she pried for details of how far I went with Zack in the Charger.

Concern wrinkles her face. Does she think it’s a bad idea? Is she just worried I’m moving too fast? “It’s a hot day, Nikki. I’m not sure a run in this kind of heat is safe.”

“The heat here is so much more bearable than in Texas!” I’m out of bed and grabbing clean running shorts from one of my boxes. “You can’t even imagine the difference. I’ve run miles in way hotter weather than this. My body is used to it.” I pause, and then add, “I think nursing makes you a perpetual worrier, Aunt Claire. I guess it’s a hazard of the job,” I smile attempting to lighten the suddenly serious mood. “

Aunt Claire, still holding onto a look of fear and concern, only says, “Go slow, Nikki.”