Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Zack

This time tomorrow we’ll both be different. Tonight’s a night we’ll never forget. I can’t wait. XO Em.Sitting in my room, the post-it-note I’d found stuck to my dashboard the morning of the bonfire clutched in my hand, my mind wanders to Nikki today in class. The way she looked at me, her big green eyes and pale skin, skin that betrays her as it flushes at being caught. There’s just something about her that I’m drawn to, something that makes me smile when everything else around me only makes me angry.

Lost in thought for a few seconds, I grimace when I look down and see Emily’s handwriting. Guilt sickens me. I should be picturing Emily. I read the note for the thousandth time. This time tomorrow we’ll both be different. Tonight’s a night we’ll never forget. I can’t wait. XO Em. I shut my eyes and will my mind to see Emily. Nikki’s green eyes greet me.

Again. This time tomorrow we’ll both be different. Tonight’s a night we’ll never forget. I can’t wait. XO Em. Eyes closed tightly, I try to remember Emily on that last day — the last time she smiled, the last time she was happy. Instead, the curve of Nikki’s mouth fills my subconscious.

I hate myself. Again. This time tomorrow we’ll both be different. Tonight’s a night we’ll never forget. I can’t wait. XO Em. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. Again. This time tomorrow we’ll both be different. Tonight’s a night we’ll never forget. I can’t wait. XO Em. Twenty more tries are no more successful than my first attempt. My eyes jar open, leaving Nikki’s face behind. I shred the note into a hundred tiny pieces.

The door to my room creaks open loudly. My mother knocks softly even though she’s already opened the door. “Zack.”

I don’t respond.

“Sweetie.” Her tone is soft, pensive. I feel badly for making her walk on eggshells, but I don’t know how to get myself back to where I was. I’m not sure if I can ever go back. Too much has changed. I’ve changed.

She sits down next to me on the bed. I crumple the little yellow post-it pieces into my hand. Mom takes her hand and covers mine, the one clutching Emily’s note.

“I thought you were going to work on your English project tonight?”

“Changed my mind,” I say tersely. I don’t really feel like debating my social life, or lack thereof.

“Why?” Why the hell does she think? I don’t respond, not because I have nothing to say, but because she won’t like what she hears.

“Zack?” Her voice rises to that motherly tone. The one that’s a warning more than a question. I stare at her blankly, but she doesn’t back down.

“Go. You need to get out. You need to be around some friends. Work on your project. You always feel good around Keller. Go.”

Annoyed at her persistence, I stand. Wadding up the torn Post-It in my hand, I peg it at the garbage can in the corner of my room. I miss, but don’t bother to pick up the tiny, yellow pieces scattered all over the floor on my way out. I slam the door behind me.

***

With no destination in mind, I drive around aimlessly for more than an hour. It’s nearly nine when I arrive at The Grind, the coffee shop I was supposed to meet the group at. Allie’s red Volkswagen is parked right out front, the hood open as she and Keller peer into the engine. I pull over because, even though I choose to wallow in my own self pity, I’m not that big of a dick that I’d pass a friend who looks like they could use a hand.

“Zack,” Allie says as she sees me approach. “You’re about three hours late.” Unlike most everyone else around me, she’ll call me on my shit, instead of tiptoeing like I’m fragile and might break.

I smile and shake my head. “Thanks. I thought I was right on time,” I reply, equally sarcastic. “What’s going on?”

“It won’t start.”

“What happens when you turn the key?”

“Not much, it makes a click-click sound.” Keller shrugs.

“Turn it…let me hear.” Allie walks around to the driver’s side, gets in and tries to start it.

“It’s the starter.” Years of working on old cars with my dad, I’ve picked up on some of the common car repairs.

“That’s what my dad said.”

I nod. “Is he coming for you?”

“Yeah. But he’s coming straight from work and he’s got his little two-seater, divorced-on-the-prowl car, so I can’t give Nikki and Keller a ride home.”

“Nikki?” I look around.

“She just went inside to use the ladies room. Here she comes now.” Allie points just as Nikki walks through the front door and our eyes meet.

“I can give them a ride.”

“That would be great.”

Allie’s father pulls up in his two-seater Porsche just as Nikki makes her way back over to us. She smiles at me and I smile back.

“Did you call your Aunt already?” Keller asks.

She shakes her head no.

“Good. Zack’s going to give us a lift.”