Chapter 13

Dean

"No, it went wonderfully. They took care of me very well and I didn't come until the end." Joel seemed to be trying to kill me, but I was polite and was trying to die as quietly as possibly since he was technically on a phone call.

There was no reason to be rude just because I was praying for death.

"Yes. I wasn't greedy and they came very strongly too. I know. Yes. I got lots of cuddles after and I got all clean." He laughed softly at whatever she said before sighing. "He does. It felt very special, yes."

God.

That was about me.

Tate was shaking he was fighting so hard not to laugh, but he kept his face aimed toward his laptop so he could pretend to be working. He'd actually been editing a paper at the table when Joel's mother had called, but we were at the point where he was just pretending to stay busy as I wondered how quickly I could die.

Joel seemed to be too distracted to notice how crazy we found the one-sided conversation and kept pacing around the apartment as he talked to his longwinded mother. "Oh yes. We didn't make Dean uncomfortable and Tate was very careful. No damage. But yes, we need to find a professional to advise us if we get deeper into that part of BDSM."

Well, at least he wasn't talking about me any longer.

Tate went still for a moment before he just shrugged and his sense of humor got revved up again.

"Thank you. I appreciate that." Joel perked up even more at whatever his mother said, which was kind of frightening if I was being honest. "Yes, I think that will work but I'll double-check with them and make sure."

Oh, that sounded even worse somehow.

Tate had gone still again, so I knew it wasn't just me overthinking the situation.

"Yes." Making agreeing sounds and quiet noises as he responded to something, Joel went quiet after a few moments. "Love you too. See you Sunday."

Shit.

As Joel disconnected the call, I looked over at Tate who couldn't seem to decide if he was going to laugh out loud. He finally settled on taking a deep breath and was mostly functional by the time Joel glanced up from his phone and smiled at us. "She's very proud of me and said to tell you both thank you."

For fuck's sake.

I just couldn't.

I'd have figured out how to point that out to Joel, but luckily, Tate saved us both. "Did your mother invite us over for dinner on Sunday?"

Just shoot me.

"Yes." Joel's entire face lit up as he smiled and danced over to give Tate a quick peck. "How did you know?"

He was so excited about it he was nearly doing twirls.

"Dom senses." Tate managed to give the ridiculous answer with a straight face. "It's like Spidey Senses for the BDSM community."

"It's very helpful." Joel didn't seem to think questioning Tate about that nonsense was necessary but that might've been because he was sweet and had more fun things to talk about. "I hope it comes in handy on Sunday. Does anyone have a group project or work-ish stuff of any kind?"

I really wished I could've said yes.

Lying occurred to me for a few seconds but then I remembered telling Tate earlier that I was fairly caught up on stuff.

Damn it.

I was going to start keeping a project in reserve for this kind of ridiculousness.

"No." I managed not to pout when I said it, but Tate's grin said he'd guessed how I was feeling. "She's…she's fine with everything, right?"

I still hadn't found any reason to talk about my personal life with my family, but that wasn't surprising since we only talked for about five minutes once a week. I knew they loved me but they were as distractable as Joel, and the last time we'd talked they'd spent the entire phone call talking about what fresh hell the neighbor had planted in her yard.

For some reason, she was trying to encourage the clover and dandelions to cover just the front yard and I was pretty sure it was going to give my mother a stroke.

That might've been the goal, though?

"Yes." Joel was still smiling, but I could see from the tilt of his head that he wasn't sure what I was worrying about. "She's very excited to have you over now that I belong to you and we're not just friends."

I wished he'd been exaggerating about that but he wasn't. It was exactly how he'd started off the phone call. He'd said hello and asked about her day and then told her he belonged to us since we'd fucked him.

Fucked him.

And she'd been happy with that label.

My mother would've had a coronary.

"I'm glad." Considering he'd spent the last ten minutes giggling silently, Tate sounded remarkably relaxed. "It's going to be fun. Do we need to bring anything?"

Joel stopped wiggling and shifted into his adorable thoughtful look. "Like a dinner party. Hmm."

He was probably trying to distract me by being cute, so I thought it was only polite to let him. "We could bring dessert? I want us to make a good impression."

What was the right thing to bring for a we fucked your son for the first time dinner?

Wine?

Flowers?

What said we fucked him and we're kinky but not casual ?

My upbringing hadn't included conversations about stuff like that, so I wasn't sure what was polite.

"I'll ask." Joel shrugged, not worrying about it. "She'll be very happy that you're worrying about her either way."

Great.

Tate managed not to cackle but a snicker escaped before he caught it and covered it with a cough. "Dean is definitely worrying about her, but maybe we don't overshare that?"

"Privacy. Got it." For some reason that also meant that he needed to whirl around the room and over to me so he could plop down in my lap. "I'll remember. What else is important for me to remember?"

Not to tell his mother we'd fucked him?

But since that was already out the window, I wasn't sure how to respond.

"Um, I don't know." Shit. My brain wasn't working fast enough. "I haven't thought about it."

Nodding, Joel kissed my cheek. "We'll make sure we keep communicating about it then."

He meant that to be reassuring, I knew that. But he just kept scaring the fuck out of me.

"Yes. Thank you." Was there any way to tell my adorably enthusiastic partner that talking about sex with his mouther was insane?

"You're welcome." Curling into me, he beamed. "I'm so excited to show her how wonderful you are. She hasn't met you enough to really get to know you, so I want to fix that."

Demi.

I could almost see a cartoon light bulb go off over Tate's head too.

"Yes, I bet it takes her a while to feel like she really understands new people?" We might've known Joel for three years but we'd only hung out with his parents a handful of times.

Because they'd always seemed slightly standoffish, so we'd avoided them.

God.

"Yeah, but I made sure she's heard lots of stories and I think she's getting comfortable now." Looking like it could've been his birthday and Christmas all rolled up into one, Joel gave a happy wiggle. "She's excited to see you this time."

That had to mean it'd been stressful before at the very least.

Shit.

I couldn't even complain about the sexual oversharing because he wanted her to know us and like us.

God, his family was so stressful even without the weird bits.

Tate was coughing to cover his laughter and headed into the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Something in my throat. Sorry."

"Don't get sick." Frowning, Joel watched Tate like a hawk. "I don't want us to have to postpone dinner."

Yeah, we couldn't have that.

"I just swallowed wrong or something." Getting a quick drink, Tate waved his hand at Joel. When he was finished, he gave a bright smile. "I'm fine. I was just excited and wasn't paying attention."

" To swallowing ?" Joel was clearly having a hard time with the excuse, but his expression said he thought Tate was insane or broken, not hiding laughter.

"Sorry for worrying you." Tate set his glass down and came over to give Joel a kiss on the head before he sat down beside us. "So, is there anything we need to know about dinner with your family? Anything…anything that might be different than what we're used to?"

The change in topic was probably the best idea but the new one confused Joel just as much as the swallowing problem had.

"Um, like what?" His gaze bounced between us as he looked more and more confused. "I think this is a me problem. I get that. But I don't know what you mean."

Great.

"Um, well, my family doesn't have the same board game expectations that yours does." Trying to give him an example made me sound like I'd lost a few screws, but I did my best. "Maybe something else like that? Are there foods that are too personal or are there manners you do at your house that you haven't seen anyone else at the dining hall doing?"

I couldn't remember him ever pointing out someone in the dining hall being inappropriate, but I also hadn't realized board games were only for consenting adults in a serious relationship.

So, yeah, I wasn't going to make any assumptions because I'd missed some big ones along the way already.

"Oh." Understanding flashed over his face but it was quickly replaced by confusion again before he shrugged. "Probably but I can't think of anything."

Wonderful.

Tate had caught up with the conversation and hadn't started giggling again as he finally chimed in. "So we get there and say hello to your parents. We give them the dessert or flowers we brought for them to be polite and we—"

" You what ?" Joel went bug-eyed and nearly fell off my lap. "Absolutely not."

Huh?

Tate and I both froze.

He'd fucked up something—and, honestly, I was glad it hadn't been me—but nothing made sense.

I knew Tate was in the same boat because he looked like Joel had just screamed out a safeword unexpectedly. He recovered faster than I did, though, and nodded slowly as he watched Joel like I had a small rabid animal on my lap and its teeth had just come out. "Thank you for pointing out there was something we shouldn't do."

That made Joel happier because the tension in his body faded quickly and I wasn't precariously balancing a mannequin on my lap any longer, but confusion filled his face just as quickly. "You…"

He'd finally realized that we were really fucking lost, but it took his brain a few seconds to catch up. "The movies were right? You'd bring them flowers ?"

Flowers?

His shocked anger had been about flowers?

Tate just blinked a few times, so I decided it was my turn since Joel might've broken his Dom. "Yes, the movies are probably right in this instance. In most of the country it's appropriate and some places even expected for you to bring a gift for the hosts like wine and then something specific for the woman like flowers. It's not considered intimate. Just polite."

Where the fuck were his parents raised?

Mars?

Him being an alien would make more sense than him being human, but it probably wasn't likely.

"Really?" His gaze went back to bouncing between us as he studied our faces. Whatever he was looking for confused me, but after a few moments, he sighed. "People bring flowers like that. Huh."

Okay, had he been raised in a cult?

Commune?

The moon?

Wait. Hadn't we watched some Ancient Aliens shit about ant people in the desert?

Had he mentioned where his family was originally from?

"Um, yeah, people bring flowers." Tate was now the one studying Joel, but he didn't seem upset. "Quick question. It's a tangent but where did your parents live when they met? Where were they from?"

Joel didn't seem to mind the random questions but that might've been because he was still rolling the flowers thing around in his head. "They met in San Francisco, but my dad is from a small town in Utah that I can't remember the name of and my mother is from Santa Fe, New Mexico."

That explained so much.

But maybe I wouldn't say that out loud after the whole needing to be polite conversation.

"I think we're going to have more questions about how to behave at dinner." Somehow Tate managed to say that with a straight face.

He was right, but I was also pretty sure just saying it without rolling his eyes made him the best Dom ever.