Chapter 23

Tate

"I think he's manipulating me but I can't tell why." Dean looked like the sentence was painful to admit, but I wanted to smile as I watched him cross his arms over his chest and glare. "He said he can't make dinner because he's too cute, and somehow I ended up promising to make him more chicken nuggets for dinner."

Good Doms didn't laugh when their partners were frustrated.

Good Doms didn't laugh when their partners were manipulating each other.

Good Doms didn't laugh when their partners were playing stupid.

"Okay, I'll make dinner later if you want, and if he's being a pain in the butt, maybe it's time to give his butt some pain." Joel would be the type of sub to try to brat his way into a spanking just because he thought it was the best plan. I didn't think that was his goal with Dean, but he'd like the outcome anyway.

Dean went still and his face got serious. "Is that what you think he wants?"

Oh, had he actually been processing everything instead of hiding from it?

"No." I wasn't going to lie even if I wasn't sure I was going to lay everything out for him. "What do you think he wants?"

Our weekend had gone great, but once classes started back up again and the real world crept back in, we were falling back into old patterns. It wasn't surprising, but I wasn't sure how to fix it either.

"I…" Swallowing, his gaze started bouncing all over the kitchen and he shifted back and forth. "I'm not sure the signals he's trying to send."

"I can't tell if you're wussing out or just playing dumb." Leaning back against the table, I mirrored his crossed arms and returned the glare he was aiming in my direction. "Maybe a bit of both?"

"You're a pain in the ass sometimes." His frustrated response said I'd gotten something right. "Fine. Both."

His arms got closer to his chest and the glare held more of a pout than I knew he'd want to admit. I had more patience when it came to waiting him out, but I didn't want to get him any more wound up than he already was.

Besides, talking about the littles and Daddy side of BDSM was kind of weird even if the other neighbors didn't seem to think so.

"Alright, do you want to have this conversation here and keep glaring at me or do you want to try something else?" Might as well see how much he'd been thinking.

I stumped him.

Blink.

Blink.

Swallow.

"What do you mean?" His question came out quiet but smooth. I couldn't hear panic in his voice but it wasn't confident either.

"I think you're feeling like you're supposed to be self-assured and dominant, but you're not there and you're feeling unsettled." As I wondered in silence if I'd misread the situation and the way he'd been wandering around the apartment frowning for the past hour, he let out a slow breath.

Bingo.

"That." Taking another breath, he seemed relieved to have it out there because his shoulders lowered and his arms uncrossed. "I've been thinking about…part of my relationship with Joel where I think I'm supposed to take the lead, but I'm not feeling very…"

He shrugged as his voice trailed off, not having the right words to explain all the shit that was probably circling in his head.

"Then let's try something different." He couldn't get any more conflicted, so we could only go up from there. "It's just us for at least another hour, so why don't you try kneeling for me."

Pausing to give him a second to think, his brain didn't skip to where I thought it would. "Because…because it can center a submissive and make them feel calmer while they explain a problem?"

"Yes." I didn't think it would feel strictly sexual to Dean like it did to Joel, but they were very different kinds of subs. "If it makes you uncomfortable, we can just go lie down and pretend we're getting ready to put Joel to sleep."

That got a smile from Dean and a quick laugh. "I think we've created a monster."

"Oh yeah." We should've known that he'd dig his heels in on that. "But it's not the worst relationship habit he could've picked up from his parents."

Another laugh from Dean had him looking more relaxed. "I would have to agree."

There was another moment of silence, but it wasn't as angsty that time, and he finally nodded as he let out a breath. "Yeah, let's see how it works."

Such a rousing endorsement of wanting to kneel for his Dom.

"Alright." But if he wanted to feel casual about the situation, I could do that. "Come on."

Yep, nothing stressful here…just two guys who are going to chat and one is going to kneel. Nothing to overthink.

I had a feeling Dean was repeating something close to that on repeat in his head because he had his overthinking face on. But he followed me and didn't argue or safeword, so I thought we were making progress.

He looked okay until I sat down on the couch and placed one of the throw pillows down between my legs. That was when he swallowed again and nodded to himself. I knew it wasn't to me because he hadn't looked away from the pillow and was mumbling something too low for me to catch.

So I waited.

And waited.

It probably wasn't as long as I thought, but eventually he lowered himself to the floor, slow and careful like he was overthinking even kneeling. He probably was, so I gave him a few seconds to wiggle and change his mind, but he just got comfortable and at last let out a deep breath.

And then I finally got eye contact.

It was progress, so I took an exaggerated deep breath and shifted my arms so my elbows were resting on my knees. He mirrored my breathing and actually looked like he was starting to relax. Once we got to that point, I reached out and started slowly combing my fingers through his hair and trailing them down his neck. "You look good like this. Relaxed. It makes me feel confident."

Bingo.

He flashed me a glare but it didn't last long. "You manipulate me too."

"That doesn't mean I'm bullshitting, though." I shrugged and grinned as he huffed. "I've imagined you like this, but I have to admit, usually Joel is in the fantasy too and he's egging us on to do something fun."

Well, sometimes, but it made Dean laugh. "That sounds realistic, honestly."

"But this is just as nice." We'd never done anything sexual just the two of us and I wasn't sure what I was feeling, but it was nice.

It just reminded me that I needed to get Joel's feedback on what he thought we could do with just two of us instead of all three. But I wasn't going to worry about that at the moment. This wasn't about the blow jobs and sexy part of BDSM…this was the other side that we hadn't explored as much.

The sexy part was definitely easier…and flashier.

"Yeah, it's not as weird as I was expecting." His total bullshit answer made me laugh. "Fine. It's just as weird. Better?"

"Yes." Giving him a quick peck as a reward for telling the truth, I kept up the soft touch and let him relax again. "I like honesty."

That got me a dramatic sigh that was Joel level of ridiculous, but he nodded after a moment. "You're right. This kind of talk…it's got to be that way."

We were back to him tripping over his words, so I mimed taking another deep breath, and as he obeyed, I tried to ease my way into the conversation. "I liked seeing how you took charge when he was little. You did a great job at handling it naturally and just taking care of him. I think he really liked it too."

As I wondered if I'd pushed too much already, he swallowed hard again and then took a deep breath without prompting. After a few seconds, he found a way to talk without having to actually say anything stressful. "He liked being taken care of and he liked the bubbles and playtime. You did a good job too."

So we'd both acknowledged that Joel was some sort of little and we'd made sure everyone knew they'd been badass caretakers.

Seemed like a good start, so I nodded and kept up the gentle caresses. "He loved the toys you bought. Those were great. I was really impressed."

That made Dean smile, so I knew we were inching closer to the actual pieces we needed to talk about. "I saw them in the grocery store. I went down the wrong aisle and ended up near the grocery version of internet clickbait crap. But I thought he'd have fun with them. He's…he's silly sometimes."

That was one word for it.

"He loved them and it made his silly side very happy." Okay, so it was time to ease deeper into the discussion. "He's got a naughty slut side that wants to explore everything, but he also seems to associate submission with that silly side too."

We were starting to get into the weeds of the situation but Dean was more relaxed than I expected, so I kept up the caresses and made sure to keep my tone relaxed. "I think knowing that you'd bought him the toys made it very clear that you approved of his silly side."

Barely nodding so he didn't move away from my touch, Dean let out a breath and gathered his thoughts. "So now that I've shown him that I approve of it, he's looking for me to take the lead on it?"

"Possibly. But I'm not sure he's completely thought it through?" Joel was a creature of impulse most of the time. "It might just be that part of him wanting to come out and he hasn't figured out the right way to ask for what he wants."

"He…he might not know what to call me." Dean's sigh that time was more frustration than worry. "I didn't make that very clear."

"Hey, neither of us were sure if he knew what he was doing." I wasn't sure if Dean had known what he was doing, but at some point, he seemed to have figured it out. "But I think there was one moment where he almost called you Daddy."

I wasn't sure if that would make Dean feel better or not, and his confused expression didn't give me enough to go on. "He's done a lot of research and he's really fucking nosy. Age play has to be on his list of stuff he's curious about. He probably just got distracted by the tails and other stuff because he was ready to have someone play with his ass."

Dean groaned but he didn't argue with me. "And we never talked about it."

"It wasn't something he'd mentioned wanting to explore, so I was focused on other stuff." Keeping up with the dirty to-do list that Joel had given me had been hard enough. "It was a lot to learn, so I stuck with the parts I was confident he'd want to do first."

Chuckling softly, Dean closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. "Yeah, that was basically what I did too."

"So, see? There's nothing to worry about with that." Not yet, anyway. "We're just going to tackle one thing at a time."

Dean's deep breath felt more cleansing than stressful, so I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss which got a shy smile from him. "So cute."

And the blush made him even sexier.

"But I'm not going to let that distract me." My teasing glare made him roll his eyes which said he was feeling much better. "If Joel is being a drama queen about things like chicken nuggets, then we're going to ease into the afternoon with him being little in mind."

Dean was feeling so much better he didn't even blink when I said little and not silly. "Once he's done with school shit for the day, we'll do dinner and aim for it to be fun. Then we can do bathtime again and cartoons or something like that. I think once we give things a push in that direction, he'll make what he wants very clear."

"Because he's so subtle." Dean huffed. "I should've remembered that."

Yes, he should have.

"You were a bit worried about how to talk to him about that stuff. I think that's understandable because we kind of talked around it the other day and then it just hasn't come up again." Joel's brain rabbited around on a good day.

"He's been focused on other stuff, you're right." Dean nuzzled against my hand without seeming to realize what he was doing. "Did I hear him badgering you to spank him this morning?"

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Because it's always a great idea to have your first spanking right before you have to go sit on hard seats for an hour."

Dean managed not to laugh but it was hard. "Was he looking to torture himself even more?"

For fuck's sake.

"I hadn't thought about it that way." But it was entirely possible. "Okay, spanking moved to the top of the list and depending on how the afternoon goes, we'll do late tonight or first thing in the morning."

Maybe?

"Does that sound reasonable?" Hmm. "Okay, Joel reasonable not us reasonable."

Those were two very different standards.

Dean's snicker said he realized that too. "Yes, I think that sounds Joel reasonable and like something that he'll like."

"Oh yeah." He was more than ready to be spankable. "I think we need to work through a bigger limits and interests list later this week. What do you think about doing it this weekend after we've had a chance to talk to him about the age play stuff?"

There was only so long we could talk around that without it getting to be ridiculous. Dean knew it too and amazingly enough, he managed to hold back most of his drama. "I think that's a good idea."

It was slightly painful for him to say, but it wasn't too difficult.

"But one thing at a time." So he could put that off for a while yet. "Dinner. Playtime. Acknowledge he's a little and you're Daddy."

I thought we'd gotten past the hard part, but Dean had a light bulb moment about a whole new worry. His eyes flashed with something and he frowned before starting to nibble at his lower lip. I gave him about five seconds, but when nothing came out, I raised one eyebrow. "Let's hear it. No hiding a new worry."

He didn't even bother trying, thank fuck.

"You…you don't mind that I'd be Daddy? It's not something we really talked about and we were co-Doms before." He paused, maybe waiting for me to start worrying too, but I just shook my head.

"No, you're Daddy. That caretaking type of domination comes naturally to you and it's not even something you always notice you're doing." The more I thought about it, the more I realized they'd been falling into that dynamic for a while.

"I'm something else, but not that." And while I didn't mind playing support Daddy, it wasn't where that side of me came out naturally. "We'll figure that part out. I'm not worried about it."

I wasn't worried about any of it really.

Mostly because Dean would do that for me and then I'd figure out how I felt…and right now, I felt really good and I was pretty sure the rest of the night would get even better.