Chapter 7

He waited until she was a few feet away, before he stopped her. "Oh, Katie? Just so we're clear… touching yourself is not allowed. When I said no coming tonight, I meant it."

Maybe she hadn't intended anything of the sort, but her cheeks still pinkened. He couldn't help grinning as she shot him a scowl, turned on her heel, and stalked away.

Ten minutes later she was back. Her hair had been brushed and was no longer wild from the struggling. She'd also gotten rid of the skirt and replaced it with a baggy pair of jeans. She looked cute, as always, but no longer like she was dressed for a date. One eyebrow went up as he looked at her.

"I wanted a little more protection for sitting. Besides, the skirt made things a little too… easy to access," she informed him. The tartness in her voice was deliberately obvious, he was sure.

Nick shrugged. It didn't matter to him what she wore, but it was amusing that she thought the jeans would make things harder for him. "If I need to get at you, the jeans come down easy enough too."

Katie narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth, then thought better of it and snapped it shut again without a word. Whatever she had planned to say probably would have gotten her in trouble.

He decided he'd better get her out the door before she talked herself into another spanking. He planted a hand at the small of her back and guided her outside to the truck. "So, ready for some barbecue? I could smell the ribs sizzling as I drove by on my way here."

As soon as he opened the door, she climbed in and settled on the bench seat. There was a slight wince as her weight landed on her sore butt, and if she'd been in a better mood, he might have teased her about it.

She fastened the seatbelt without being reminded, probably because she knew if she didn't, he'd lean over and do it for her. Katie liked to protest that she could do it herself, but she ‘forgot' often enough that he knew she enjoyed the small ways he took care of her.

She'd as much as admitted it during a relaxed moment one night. They'd had a long, somewhat intense, bondage scene. He'd brought her to the point of begging for release, before he'd finally taken her. The sex had been mind blowing, and it had taken them both a while to come down after.

Curled up in bed, with her snuggled against his chest, she'd let herself go enough to admit a few things. "I'm not supposed to like this."

He shifted, tilting his head to look down at her. "Not supposed to like what?"

"This. Any of this." She lifted her arm and waved it languidly. There wasn't much energy in the motion, and it dropped back to his chest with a slapping sound.

"Gonna need you to be a bit more specific, darlin'."

There was a soft sigh. The silence drew out long enough that he thought maybe she'd fallen asleep, but then she answered. "Being dominated. I mean, I guess the bedroom part is okay, but the rest…" She went quiet again, and he waited until she found more words.

"I like it when you tell me what to do. When you decide things, so I don't have to. Um, I guess I even like it when you open the door for me—but I'm not supposed to," she said finally.

He snorted. "Why's that?"

‘I just… I'm just not. It's not very feminist to enjoy being dominated by a man. A lot of women would look down on me for wanting this."

"Really? It seems like it would be natural for women to—"

Her head shot up, eyes narrowed. "I swear if you say it's natural for women to be submissive, I'll bite you."

One eyebrow rose, almost daring her to do it. "I was going to say: it seems like it would be natural for women to support each other's choices. Isn't that what feminism is about? Getting to choose instead of being told what you have to do and be?"

Granted he wasn't an expert on the feminist cause, and it probably wasn't his place as a dominant man to tell her what a feminist was, but he'd always gotten the impression it was about women being free to decide for themselves what they wanted.

"No. I mean yes, it is, but, when it comes to things like this…" She dropped her head back to his chest, blowing out a hot breath across his skin. "Some women feel like it sets us back. Like if I choose to be submissive, then men will assume we all secretly want to be, or something like that." After a second's thought she added, "They're not really fans of stay-at-home moms either."

"That doesn't make much sense to me. Seems like some men are going to assume that no matter what you do. Limiting your freedom and forcing you to set some kind of example that might not suit you is kind of the opposite of equality, ain't it? I mean, if you're not free to be what you want to be, because of what men might think… then how is that any different from the way things were?"

"I…" She trailed off into silence that lasted almost a full minute. He'd about given up on an answer, when she finally spoke again. "It feels like it's more complicated than that, but you're right. I guess I shouldn't worry about what other people think. As long as it's what I want." There was a hesitant note to her voice.

Maybe she still wasn't sure that she actually wanted to submit. That would explain why she hadn't taken the next step, even though he could tell she wanted to. As far as he was concerned, that uncertainty made it all the more important that he wait for her to ask him.

His hand ran down her back, gliding over her skin, and settled on her ass with a gentle squeeze. "The choice is always yours, Katiegirl. I'm not going to force you into a dynamic you don't want."

"I do want it," she insisted. "It's just taking some time to work things through."

That had been weeks ago, and she still hadn't made a decision. In the meantime she continued to be his in all but name. He opened doors for her, and made her wear her seatbelt, and she pretended to be annoyed, but really wasn't.

And now she was trying to get him to punish her for things he didn't have the right to take charge of. As much as he hated hearing her talk herself down, it wasn't his place to do anything about it. But once he realized she was doing it on purpose, he was able to turn it around. It was fair to give her a taste of discipline for trying to manipulate him.

But was that going to work next time? What would happen if she continued to push? There was only so much he would take, but it felt important to do things the right way.

She wasn't a fling. She wasn't temporary— not if he had his way. If he took control before she was ready to ask, it might lead to resentment and regret in the future and that was the last thing he wanted.

The waiting was going to drive them both nuts if it went on much longer, and he wasn't sure what to do about it. He closed the door, sighing, and went around to his side. He didn't start the truck right away when he got in. Instead, he turned sideways on the seat to look at her, debating what to say.

He had a feeling that there were still unresolved conflicts about whether she ought to be submissive at all. It was a struggle to keep his opinions to himself on the matter. She had to work it out on her own.

As far as he was concerned, the choice of relationship was hers. But people were either submissive… or not, and no one's opinions on what a person ought to be was going to change that. Katie had a submissive streak that ran deep and wide. Eventually she would have discovered that, one way or the other.

"What?" she asked, looking at him.

Nick shook his head. "Just wondering whether you learned anything from today."

Her eyes widened, eyebrows rising. "I told you I wouldn't try to manipulate you again."

Somehow, he doubted that, but he let it go. "Not what I meant."

He sighed. "Katie, you're going to have to make a choice soon. It's clear you want the complete package, not just the bedroom games, but you're not going to get it all until you decide to ask for it. I know you're struggling with that, and I've got a pretty good idea why, but the longer you put it off the more that itch is going to grow."

"I don't know why you're insisting that I ask anyway. It's dumb. Why does it have to be some big thing?"

He'd explained it more than once, "I told you why. This is all new for you. You need to be totally sure you want this. Asking me is going to confirm, for both of us, that you went into this willing and with your eyes open. I don't want you feeling like I sprang this on you, and you had no choice."

She huffed and dropped back against her seat. "Do I really have a choice though? I mean, if you're telling me I can't have what I want unless I submit then—"

"Nope. We're not going to go there." His eyes narrowed. "I'm allowed to have limits, young lady. There is nothing wrong with me refusing to punish you, if you're not my submissive. This isn't a matter of me blackmailing you into submitting. This is me telling you what my boundaries are. If you want everything I have to give you, then you need to stick to my rules."

"I…" She closed her mouth and let out a slow breath through her nose. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"You say you want this. We both know from your reactions that you do. So… what's holding you back? Still worried about being a bad feminist?"

Her head tipped back against the seat, and she rolled her eyes. "You make it sound like I'm being silly."

Nick had a feeling she was the one who thought she was being silly, but maybe it was easy to project those feelings onto him. "Not trying to. Just trying to see if that's still the issue on your mind, or if there's something else. We're not going to get anywhere if we don't communicate."

"Do we have to talk about it now? Can't we just enjoy the day?" There was a plaintive note in her voice.

He suppressed a sigh. Always the evasion with this one. She did more running away from her own feelings than a calf trying to avoid being roped. "Sure, darlin'. We can talk about it later. Let's go stuff our faces."

That brought out a smile. "I can't wait. I skipped breakfast to make sure I had plenty of room for the barbecue."

Nick never skipped breakfast if he could help it, but he'd done the same in anticipation of a meat feast. "Alright, let's get our share before it's all gone." Impossible of course. At the moment there was half a herd worth of meat being roasted—enough for everyone in town to gorge three times over. Just thinking about it made his mouth water.

But as he pulled away from the curb, Katie surprised him by returning to the conversation.

"My whole childhood my mother pushed her religious stuff on me. Wives are supposed to be submissive. Women are supposed to be led. I didn't need an education because I should be thinking about getting married to a man who would tell me what to do… how to think."

He didn't look at her but nodded. "Sounds… difficult."

"It was. When I went away to school, I was this shy timid little thing. My roommate was into all the women's groups, and she dragged me along so I could meet people and … it was really great. Finally people were telling me that I was made for more than just getting married and popping out babies." She went quiet but only for a moment.

By the time he was turning onto a side street, to get as close to downtown as possible, she was starting to talk again.

"I jumped on the whole feminist train big time. First as a way to distance myself from all of that, but then later because it felt like I'd found myself. Sisterhood. Women power. It was all really life changing. I didn't need to be supporting cast. I could be the star of my own life. I wasn't just waiting for some man to find me useful." She cleared her throat and shot him a look.

He pretended not to see it. "Sounds healthy to me, and natural that you'd embrace something like that."

"Yeah, and I don't regret it. I learned a lot and it helped me grow in healthy ways." She took a deep breath. "But ever since we got together, I feel like I've been fighting myself. It's not just that submitting makes me a bad feminist—"

He cut her off, "Makes you feel like a bad feminist. Making your own choices is what it's all about, remember?"

"Are you going to let me finish?" There was a snap in her voice.

His first instinct was to call her on it. His second, smarter one, was to shut his mouth and let her finish before she clammed up again. "Sorry, go ahead."

"It's not just about that. It's that… I know my mother would absolutely love the idea of me being a submissive girlfriend, to a man who told me what to do and led me around—well, minus the kinky stuff."

She cleared her throat. "I just can't help but feel like I'm backtracking to my childhood and giving up all that independence I fought for." The words rushed out of her, like she was afraid if she took a breath, she wouldn't be able to finish.

Nick made himself hold back on his reply until he really considered what she'd said. False reassurance wasn't going to get them anywhere. She had a fear and that was valid.

He brought them as close to Main Street as he could with all the barricades blocking off the festivities downtown, found a parking spot, and pulled in. The parking brake was set, and the truck was off before he turned to give her his full attention. "Katie, I understand what you're saying. I've never been in your place so I can't really give you any advice, but I can tell you… I'm not interested in taking your independence."

"But if I submit—"

"If you submit, it will be your choice, because you want it. That's not me taking, that's you giving. And maybe on the surface it might look like what your mother believed, but I think you know that underneath the context isn't the same."

She didn't say anything. The way she gnawed at her bottom lip told him she was at least considering it.

"I wouldn't expect you to follow my lead because you're a woman, or because religion says you should. I would expect it because it was what we both agreed on, and what we both want. Aside from all of that, I'm not interested in a caged bird. I expect you to have your own opinions and when they clash, we'll discuss it."

She opened her mouth and then after a second closed it without saying anything. He gave her time, and a few seconds later she tried again. "What if I want to be more than just a submissive?"

One eyebrow rose. "You thinkin' you might want to be on top?"

Katie stared at him incredulously, a small laugh escaped before she shook her head. "Um, I think we both know I'm not the Dom type. I just mean… Mom's idea of a submissive woman, was a housewife with kids who let her husband boss her around. I don't really know what I want, but maybe I want a career. Maybe I don't want kids."

Nick blinked several times slowly as he tried to sort out what she'd just said. "First of all, if that was you proposing, you might need to work on your delivery some. I expect some romance when someone's asking me to get married."

"Nickkkkkk." She drew his name out in a whine as she shook her head. "That's not what I mean."

"Then let the future take care of itself. I think we can both agree we're a ways off from getting hitched, right?" Maybe not as far off as all that. He could see them getting married, but they still had things to settle before that was on the table.

"Definitely, but before I submit, I need to know what it means to you. I know what it meant to my mother, and I wasn't a fan. It meant giving up everything for your family, only to have your husband up and die suddenly. It meant being left with a baby on your own, and no job to support yourself because he didn't allow you to work."

Katie never talked about her father, so he'd never asked, but the situation she described had to be personal. "Katie, I know this is all new to you, but I promise that what you're talking about is not even close to what I want with you. The whole wives must submit thing?" He shook his head. "That's not it."

"Good, because that didn't work out so well for my mom. If she hadn't had a cosmetology license to fall back on, I'm not sure what she would have done. Pretty sure she ended up resenting me for ruining her life anyway, but somehow still tried to put me in the same place." Katie's eyes dropped to her lap.

"Yeah, I can see that happening when you're forced into a role that's not natural to you. But that kind of religious submission isn't the same thing as a D/s dynamic, Katiegirl. They are worlds apart." He paused for a second, thinking.

"You know we've talked a lot about how I like to run things. How I would make rules with you, because you know better than me what will help you the most. But I'm thinking maybe we need to take things to a more basic level, because you seem confused about how this works."

Katie nodded without looking up. "I guess maybe I am. I know… how you make me feel. I know what you do to my body when you take charge. I want those feelings, but I don't want to give up my sense of identity to have them."

When Nick walked out the door of the bunkhouse and went to pick up his girl for a day filled with fun, barbecue, and hopefully, prize money, he wasn't expecting to be hit with deep philosophical questions. He didn't have his thoughts organized to give her the answers she wanted.

More importantly, he wasn't even sure those answers should come from him. Some of this she needed to work out on her own. But in the interest of clearing up a bit of her confusion he was going to give it a try.

"You'd never have to do that with me, and that's how this is different. I'm not going to hold you to some biblical list of standards for women. Our relationship isn't going to be about whether you work, or we have kids. It's not going to be about you serving me and waiting on me hand and foot."

He reached over and tapped her thigh. "Look at me, please."

At first she didn't move, but slowly her head lifted, until he could see her eyes. Those gorgeous blue eyes, currently filled with self-doubt and worry.

"Our relationship is going to be based on two equals, in the roles they prefer. The rules I make are going to be there to help you, and to help our dynamic. You will have input on everything, because I'm not trying to claim god-given authority to tell you what to do, and the only rules that matter are the ones we make ourselves."

"What if I don't want rules at all? I'm an adult woman," Katie said.

"If you don't have rules… you can't break them and get in trouble," he reminded her.

Her mouth tilted up at one corner for a second, and then the hint of a grin vanished. "Oh, that's a good point."

"Listen, I'm not set on controlling your whole life. If you don't want rules outside the bedroom or our specific roles, then you won't have them." He paused, and then shrugged. "I think in a D/s relationship there needs to be a few that cover how we interact. Rules for the dynamic, but for the rest… that's up to you."

"Rules for the dynamic?"

"For instance, you have to tell me the truth. No lying to me. I mean, that's standard for this kind of dynamic, and you already know I'm not a fan of lying. Rules about how to behave during scenes, just the basics."

She nodded. "So just rules about the kinky part and the relationship part. Is that all?"

"Well, Katiegirl, this was kind of what I meant about making the rules together. You're new to this and so far, it's all been play—"

"Until today," she said, interrupting him.

He resisted the urge to laugh. "Darlin', trust me, this was still play. You'll know when it's not. There won't be any confusion on your part."

She swallowed audibly. "Oh."

"When it comes to rules about your life… those are entirely negotiable, and I'm willing to work with you. If you don't want any, then we won't make any. Though…" He trailed off.

"Though?"

He wasn't going to lie to her. Not even if she might not like what he was saying.

Nick shrugged. "I'm a caretaker type. There are a lot of different kinds of Dominants. For me, it's always been about taking care of someone. That's why I identify with the Daddy role. My style's a bit parental, so I admit if I saw you struggling it would be hard for me not to step in. I'd do my best to stay out of it, if that's what you want, but it would be hard."

After a deep breath, he forced himself to add, "And if you didn't allow me to help you with your life, when you clearly needed it, it could cause some conflict with the kind of Dom I am."

She was silent while she took that in. "I guess… it would be frustrating for you?"

"Yep."

"But maybe I wouldn't need help so it wouldn't matter. I take care of myself okay," she said. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

From what he'd seen, she did fine running her own life most of the time. She was a hard worker, stubborn and determined to get through life without being a burden on anyone else. Maybe that was what she most needed a rule about… that need to refuse any offer of assistance, even at the expense of her own safety.

"Maybe," he said, letting the doubtful tone be heard. "But I think everyone needs a hand sometimes. My personal opinion? You need help learning to accept help. But maybe you'd get along fine without needing any rules about life stuff."

Again that need to be completely honest pushed at him. "I'm not sure I'd be fine with it. I'd try, but… the Daddy in me needs to be needed. I have a strong protective streak and I can't imagine having a sub who wouldn't allow me to keep her safe, from herself if necessary."

Her mouth opened, and then closed. She was quiet for a long time. So long, that he began to think they should table the conversation until later. But finally, "As long as I get to have a say… I think I'd be okay with some rules. And, like you said, I can always break them if I want."

One eyebrow went up. That wasn't exactly what he said and certainly not what he meant, but when he thought about it, it did come down to that. "As long as you're ready for the consequences, you can."

She pursed her lips at the qualifier, then asked, "You're not going to make me call you Sir and kneel in weird positions, are you?"

"Not generally, unless you like that sort of thing. I don't feel the need to stand on formalities much. You can call me Nick or Daddy, unless you're in trouble, then I think we'll stick with Sir or Daddy—preferably Daddy. It will remind you that you're mine."

The way she squirmed on her seat made it clear she liked the idea of that, but he didn't comment on it. Katie needed time to think about everything he'd said.

"I think…" She was interrupted by a loud growling sound. She looked down, frowning at her stomach. Whatever she had planned to say changed. "I think I'm starving. Can we go get food? The smell of barbecue is making me drool."

She wasn't the only one. It was torture, sitting in the truck, so close to all that roasting meat. "I thought you'd never ask."

He hopped out of the truck, slapping his hat on his head as he headed around to her side, but Katie, as usual, opened her door and got out before he could help her. It had become a bit of a game with them. He just shook his head and closed the truck door behind her.

Katie slipped her hand into his, which always sent a warm rush of feeling through him. It was the small things that made a relationship. Not the fucking, or the spanking, but those small gestures that brought them closer.

He squeezed her hand and smiled. The day had started out rocky, but it was picking up. He felt like they'd finally made some progress on their future, and now it was time to relax and have some fun.

The walk downtown didn't take long. It was only a few short blocks. Main Street, and the side streets that branched off had been blocked at the ends, no vehicles allowed. Booths of all kinds lined both sides.

Small businesses selling craft items, food stalls giving out free samples and tastes, and carny games with cheap prizes didn't keep their attention for long. The heavy smell of meat roasting over open flames was too alluring and they moved quickly down the street until they reached the first barbecue spot.

Nick was painfully aware that he would be competing later in the day, which meant he had to limit how much he ate before then. It helped to be with Katie, because she always fussed if he spent too much on her—and the barbecue wasn't cheap. But splitting the orders between them meant he wouldn't eat too much, and she wouldn't protest too much.

Perfect.

That didn't stop them from sampling everything from ribs to brisket over the next couple of hours. They passed the flimsy cardboard containers back and forth between them as they made their way through the activities. It was necessary to try their hand at the various games, of course, and even though he knew the stuffed prizes weren't worth much, he insisted on winning her a bear with rainbow fur.

It didn't take long, and he probably spent less than most. Thanks to a short stint as a carny years back, he knew a few tricks and most of the games weren't entirely a matter of luck. The seven bucks it cost him to get the large bear was more than worth it, when her eyes lit up.

"Oh, Nick! I love him!"

"You sure it's a him?"

"Of course, can't you tell?" She stared at him wide-eyed, as if shocked, before she broke into a grin. "I'm going to call him Nicky."

"Naming him after me? I'm honored." Nick grabbed his cowboy hat off his head, swept it out in front of him, and took a bow. The dramatic gesture had her in giggles

That was probably his favorite moment of the day, and he couldn't resist pulling her into his arms for a kiss. The way her body melted against his had his mind on other things—things they didn't have time for.

It was just after three, and he realized he needed to check in for his event. The rodeo was a short drive away, and they had to walk back to the truck first, but he was a little concerned about Katie watching. He'd wanted her there in the stands—his good luck charm, but the way she'd reacted to the idea of him getting hurt was making him second guess that plan.

Nick was good. He had a good seat and knew what he was doing, but things happened. Even the best ride could end with a cowboy getting a little banged up, and he wasn't sure she could handle that. "Hey, sweetheart, listen…"

Katie tipped her head back, looking up at him with a slight smile curving her lips. "Yes?"

"I have to report in for my event. Bareback riding starts at five and I have to be there by four to get my number and place in the line-up."

Her smile wavered and then vanished. "Oh. Okay."

Nick took a deep breath, dreading the reaction he knew was coming. "I was thinking I should take you home first. It's only a few minutes out of the way, and then after my event I'll come over and we can decide if we want to come back here tonight for—"

"Wait, what?" Her brow furrowed, eyes narrowing. It was a question, but the tone made it clear she understood exactly what he'd said. "I'm coming to watch you ride."

Nick sighed and wished, once again, that she'd actually taken the step to fully submit to him. It would have made things a hell of a lot easier. "Katie…"