Chapter 4

For the next week that particular night kept popping up, not always at the best time. She'd bent over to grab a case of beer, and suddenly the memory of Nick inserting the vibrator into her ass spilled through her mind in 3-D. She'd dropped the box and broken two bottles.

In the shower, it was the image of Nick propped up in front of her, while she tried to please him with her mouth, struggling without the use of her hands and writhing to avoid the crop. She wasn't sure why that one scene, out of so many, was replaying constantly—but it had a powerful effect on her.

Nick had opened up a whole new world and she was in a constant state of excitement because of it. It wasn't just the physical side, which would have been enough. It was the man himself.

She was falling for him hard… and it wasn't something she'd ever expected. Especially not with a cowboy.

Cowboys tended to travel. It's the nature of the work and maybe something in their souls that makes them want to wander. That was just one reason why Katie had always avoided any romantic entanglements with ranch hands.

It wasn't the only reason. Not by a long shot.

When they were fresh off the range, ready to drink away their pay, they'd chase any female hoping for some action. She'd never been into casual hook-ups or one-night stands. When it came to her love life, she liked to take things slow.

She'd grown up around them and learned very quickly that the rough men weren't looking for anything long term. They certainly weren't going to take their time romancing a girl before jumping in the sack. So ‘no cowboys' had been a hard and fast rule for most of the time she'd been bartending in the Dusty Coyote.

Nick had changed all of that.

On the surface he was every inch the rough ranch hand. With dusty boots and a black cowboy hat on his head, he blended right in with the others. But somehow from the first night he strode into the bar, she'd been… intrigued without knowing why.

He had a sense of humor, and he didn't push the way some did. Those were points in his favor. He was handsome too, but the fact that he seemed pretty aware of his looks was a negative, as far as she was concerned. She liked a good-looking fella as much as the next gal, but too often it came with a huge ego.

That wasn't the case with Nick. It didn't take long before she realized that he didn't take his appearance seriously. He knew plenty of women panted after him; he just didn't really care. Maybe he had in the past, but it was obvious he'd matured beyond that.

He could have had any single woman in the bar that first night he'd arrived. Probably half the married ones too, if he'd tried. Only his eyes had settled on the one woman who wasn't interested, and that was her. After that he didn't seem to notice anyone else.

That kind of attention was nice. It made her feel special and that was why she was wary of it. If he'd been hitting on anything that moved, she could have completely dismissed him from her mind. Just another cowboy looking to drink and hook up.

But he made her feel desirable and that was dangerous because it opened the door to wanting. She'd learned not to want things. It didn't matter if they were physical items, or experiences—wanting led to disappointment and she didn't need any more of that.

Katie was lonely and fairly depressed about her life, and for good reason. She'd been forced to give up her college education, to return to the dead-end town she'd run away from as fast as she could. Her estranged mother, Carol, had needed her during the final year of her life.

There wasn't a lot of love between them, but a sense of duty had guilted her into coming home anyway. Probably some part of her had hoped for a reconciliation, but nothing had really changed. In the end her mother was gone, and she was left with an odd kind of grief she didn't understand.

It confused her that she felt any sense of loss at all, and it took a while to figure out why she did. It wasn't that she missed Carol. It was more that she missed the mother she could have had—should have had. Some of that sadness came from the realization that her death ended any chance to ever fix their relationship. There had always been that distant hope, until it was gone.

As if that wasn't enough, she was now trapped in a tiny town with no friends or family. Her mother may not have been the most loving, but she'd at least been a presence in Katie's life. It was hard to deny that the house, soon to be gone to cover hospital debt, felt empty without her.

With the aching sense of loneliness, it would have been easy to accept Nick's advances. But she knew how it would all play out in the end. When everything came crashing down, and it inevitably would, because that's how cowboys were… she'd feel even worse than she already did.

So she said no, and she meant no, but somehow it just didn't stick with Nick. It wasn't that he badgered her for her number, or pushed her to accept a date. She knew how to deal with persistent jerks.

He was laidback and cool about things, but under the relaxed vibe was something else, something that drew her in like a magnet. Maybe if he hadn't been so great about fixing her poor old broken car, it wouldn't have gone anywhere. It was like the universe had set them up and flung them at each other, despite her concerns.

She'd given in, let him take his shot, and he'd swept her off her feet—well, eventually. She'd fought her feelings hard at first, but in a surprisingly short time it became clear that she'd fallen for him. He didn't rush her. He didn't push.

He was just… there, waiting for her to look beyond his rough exterior to the amazing dude inside. The more she got to know him, the more she realized just how wonderful Nick was. One date turned into two, then three.

Eventually she'd taken him on a picnic in a secluded spot with every intention of offering herself to him. He'd accepted without hesitation and then shown her things about herself that she'd never even suspected.

That Nick was kinky had been obvious fairly early on. He'd made little side comments that caught her attention until she finally asked him outright. He admitted it. He knew who he was and had no shame about it.

But Katie knew very little about kink, and really hadn't had much interest in learning more… before him. Dominant men were nice in romance, but in real life? Nuh uh. Every guy she'd ever heard refer to himself as an Alpha Male had turned out to be a complete dick.

Except Nick wasn't like that. He didn't claim to be dominant; he simply was. It was subtle with her in the beginning. So understated that she hadn't even been entirely sure he considered himself to be a Dominant. Somehow that had made her more curious because that definitely wasn't how it went in romance novels.

He wasn't grabbing and demanding, telling her she had to obey. He was caring; protective without overstepping her boundaries. She was drawn to that side of him, and it made her wonder if maybe she couldn't get into that lifestyle after all.

The picnic removed some of her doubt. As far as physical kinks went, she'd had her eyes opened wide. Bondage, spanking, teasing and denial… all that was a yum as far as she was concerned. When he'd taken her home, it hadn't ended with her being dropped off.

She'd challenged him to chase her into the house and her lessons in kink had continued. Punishment, at least the fun kind, had also been a yes from her. Bratting him and then running while he followed in pursuit had been exhilarating. They'd ended up in the bedroom, of course.

Nick kept telling her she wouldn't enjoy real punishment, but she wasn't so sure about that. She liked riling him up and being chased. She liked it when he growled and yanked her across his knee for a spanking. It was exciting and the thrill of fear added to everything.

While she hadn't yet done anything he considered worthy of actual punishment, the idea of it was hot. So hot that sometimes it was what she fantasized about when she was alone and horny. Nick's hands holding her down, smacking her ass until it was sore and red. Her pleas for mercy being ignored.

It was weird that thinking about that was so arousing, but it made her want to push for the real thing. She teased and taunted, sometimes even bratted him physically, and it still remained at the level of a game.

Finally, he explained why in his usual blunt way.

The problem was that there was one final component to their relationship they hadn't settled yet. Katie was willing to obey him during a scene. She gave over her power and trusted him not to abuse it for a set period of time, for their mutual gratification. She even called him Daddy, when no one was around to hear.

But she hadn't yet decided whether or not she wanted to submit to him outside of that. He'd explained how it would work. There would be rules, which they would make together—mostly. He reserved the right to add things to the list if he felt it necessary.

She would be required to follow the guidelines, and obey him. Punishment, the real kind, would come from breaking those rules. So until she submitted to his authority completely, and asked him to be her Dom, he refused to take responsibility for punishing her.

"It's not my place to punish a grown woman, unless she makes it my place, darlin'," was how he'd explained it.

Katie loved that. It soothed her misgivings about this kind of relationship to know she'd be making the choice, rather than having it taken from her. But she also hated it, because as much as she wanted him to punish her, and yes, maybe even wanted to know what it would be like to have rules, she really struggled with the idea of asking for it.

She couldn't even say why it was so hard. When she thought about doing it, she could picture the whole scene in her head, but when she stood in front of him and opened her mouth, nothing would come out.

"Nick… will you be my Daddy? For real? With rules and punishment and the whole thing?" That's what she would say. It covered everything, and she knew he wouldn't say no, because he wanted it too.

But no matter how many times she tried to bring it up, the words would vanish. It had become a source of frustration for Katie. Maybe he was right, and she wouldn't enjoy punishment. Maybe she'd hate rules and punishment so much she'd have to tap out on the whole thing.

They were never going to know if she couldn't make herself ask for it, because he refused to step over that line until she did. It was fair. She didn't blame him for setting that limit. It was just… annoying.

So between the X-rated sex memories that kept cluttering her mind all week, and the urgent need to get past herself and work up the courage to ask him to be her Dom, she was a bit of a mess when their next planned date rolled around.

And as she sat there in his truck, gearing up for another attempt, she kind of wished for the good old days when men just… took control. The moment she had the thought a rush of shame and derision rolled through her. What kind of a modern woman would ever wish for that.

Even for a second. Even if it was only because she was tired of wanting an experience she couldn't have. Before Nick the thought would never have crossed her mind.

What was wrong with her?

She let out a long sigh.

"Something wrong, darlin'?" Nick looked over from the driver's seat, one eyebrow going up.

"No, just lost in my thoughts. Sorry." She flashed a smile at him and forced herself to let it go for now.

"Well, pop that seatbelt on and we'll get going then. Don't want to miss out on all the fun," he said as he gave her a pointed look.

Katie rolled her eyes but pulled the shoulder harness across her chest and clicked it. She couldn't even complain about him making her wear the seatbelt, since it was his truck and he'd be the one to get the ticket if she didn't. Plus, he'd started to wear his too, which had been her last line of defense.

She didn't even really mind being belted in. In her own car she sometimes wore it, and sometimes didn't bother. It wasn't a big deal, but it had become a way that she could push his protective Daddy side.

Maybe there had even been a few fantasies based around the idea of flat out refusing. Nick would drag her across his lap and spank her right there in the truck and she'd finally get that punishment. Except she had refused once, and they'd just sat there unmoving, until she'd given in.

Nick was as stubborn as she was. Damn cowboy.

She tried to push all of that out of her mind. "So, what are we doing today? Movie maybe?"

Nick paused in the middle of pulling away from the curb and half-turned in his seat to stare at her. "It's Cowboy Days, Katie," he reminded her.

Oh, right."I can't believe I forgot that!" For the next three days there wouldn't be anything to do in town that didn't somehow revolve around cowboys. It was a whole… thing.

She'd been in her head so much, that somehow, she'd completely blanked on it.

"I can't believe you did either," Nick said, with a wry tilt to the words. "There's literally banners all over the damn town. And I know them bars are gonna be swamped all day and night too."

He wasn't wrong there, but luckily, she had a day off. That was a first too.

Usually Cowboy Days meant all hands on deck, but one of the other bartenders had been out sick earlier that week. Katie had just worked six days in a row filling in, and if her boss scheduled her for another, he'd have to pay overtime.

Her boss wasn't a fan of paying extra, so she got to skip working the opening day. Which meant she could rest and relax instead of running her tail off serving drinks nonstop all day.

Well, sort of. Before Nick, she would have happily stayed home and far away from the excitement, but obviously he had other ideas. "Are you still going to compete?"

Nick's whole face lit up when he grinned. "Of course, darlin'. I'm not going to pass up on the prize money. But bareback riding isn't until late this afternoon and bull riding is tomorrow. Figured we'd hit the barbecue first and check out the fair. Then you can watch me ride."

Katie was looking forward to the barbecue. Who could pass up all those delicious smells? The fair sounded okay, if maybe more peoply than she would have liked. But one thing she really didn't want to do was see him compete.

Nick was a cowboy, and he'd been competing in rodeos for years. She knew that.

She also knew he'd been injured. She'd seen the scars on his body and knew at least a few came from his time on the rodeo circuit. He was proud of them and had no problem telling the story of how he'd gotten each one. Not that his day job wasn't dangerous. He'd gained his share of damage there too, but rodeos were worse.

Rodeos had never been her thing to begin with, even if growing up in Wyoming made that almost heresy, but thinking about him competing… that made her stomach twist. The little she'd seen of the events looked rough and dangerous. Her heart began to beat faster in her chest every time she thought about Nick clinging to the back of a horse while it bucked wildly.

People got hurt in the rodeo all the time. People even got killed. Not often, but it did happen. An icy cold sensation grew in the pit of her stomach, spreading out through her body as she thought about the worst-case scenarios. Maybe that was the real reason she'd forgotten it was Cowboy Days… she just didn't want to think about him getting hurt.

It must have shown on her face because Nick cleared his throat, saying, "Something wrong, darlin'?"

Katie shook her head quickly. "Nope, all good." The attempt at lying flopped. She'd never been very good at it, especially when she was trying to damp down her emotions.

"Katiegirl…" A stern note had crept into his voice, but he didn't continue.

Her only choice was to lie again, and try to be more emphatic, or she could tell him the truth and sound ridiculous. She decided to do neither one. They sat there in silence for almost a minute before he shut the truck off and put the parking brake on.

He still didn't say anything, but Nick was like that. Never waste words when silence would do. Instead he just focused his dark-eyed stare on her and waited.

After a surprisingly short amount of time, she started to get antsy, shifting in her seat like a child. "Well, if we're not going anywhere, I guess I'll go back inside," she finally announced in a petulant tone that had her inwardly cringing.

Ugh, I sound like a sulky teenager.It made her want to get out of the truck even more, and she pushed the heavy door open.

Nick's hand caught her arm and held her in place. "First, darlin', I don't think you're going to get very far with your seatbelt still on."

She looked down and groaned. "Ugh!" The sound fit what she was feeling more than any real word could have. Her other arm reached for the buckle to release it, but even after it slithered free, Nick kept a hold on her.

"Second, you running off is going to ruin the whole day, so I'd like to know what I did to upset you. Can't apologize if you won't tell me what's wrong, can I?"

And now she felt bad, because none of this was his fault. She stopped trying to pull away and slumped back in her seat with a sigh. "You didn't do anything to upset me, Nick. I told you I was fine. I'm just…" She waved a hand vaguely, hoping, somehow, they could leave it at that.

"You're just what?"

Of course he wasn't going to let it drop. "I'm just nervous is all."

His eyebrows went up. "Nervous? About what?"

"About you!" She could hear her own voice getting snappish, but honestly how could he be so dense.

He tilted his head, squinting at her. "Nervous about me? Darlin', I'm going to need you to be a little clearer. Did I do something to scare you? Because—"

"No! For fuck's sake, Nick. I'm worried about you getting hurt," she blurted. His expression didn't clear, so she tried again in a slow, almost patronizing tone, "Hurt doing dangerous competitions? In… the ro-de-o?"

He blinked and released a startled laugh.

Katie scowled and yanked her arm away. "Fine, be a jerk and laugh at me then," she snapped as she jumped out.

"Hey, wait a second, Katie. I didn't mean to laugh. I was just—" Whatever he was going to say next was lost when she slammed the door, hard, and stalked off.

She wasn't surprised when she heard him get out of the truck and call after her. Nick was persistent, but she kept going. He caught up to her at the door, while she fumbled with her keys.

"Hey, sweetheart, hold up and talk to me." The stern Daddy voice was gone, replaced with one of concern.

She hadn't meant to cause that, and now she sighed and let her head thump against the front door. "I'm sorry." The keys fell to the step with a clatter.

Nick knelt down, scooped them up, and opened the door for her. He put a firm hand at her back and ushered her inside without a word.

She didn't fight it. His touch was soothing to her wild emotions, so she let him guide her into the living room. Mostly she was feeling stupid about whatever had just happened. Blowing up like that wasn't really in character for her at all.

Nick went straight to the ratty old couch. "Come sit and we'll talk, okay?"

Talking was the last thing she wanted to do. "Um, do you want a drink? I've got beer, water, soda?"

He cocked his head, one eyebrow rising. "Why are you stalling, Katie?"

"I'm not stalling. You're supposed to offer guests a drink when they visit. Or food… are you hungry? I could make…" She stopped and frowned. There really wasn't much in the house to feed him.

Her paycheck had hit the bank the day before, but she hadn't had time to shop. And they usually ate out on date days anyway. "I think I've got the stuff for cheese sandwiches," she said as she poked her head into the fridge.

"Katlynn Jean." Each name was separate and distinct with a level of firmness that made them snap.

She regretted ever telling him what her full name was. Nothing made you feel like you were in trouble more than having someone use your middle name. A middle name she detested no less. She straightened and closed the fridge.

"Yeah?"

"Get your cute butt over here and tell me what's going on right now." It was an order. He rarely gave those when they weren't ‘in scene' and it somehow made it all more serious.

She obeyed.