Chapter 10

She hurried through the automatic doors and a shiver rolled down her back. Maybe it was the blast of cold air on her bare arms. Maybe it was the medicinal smell that always reminded her of the last year with her mom. Either way it encouraged her to move quickly down the center aisle to the pharmacy counter at the back.

The sooner she got Nick's pills the better.

There was a short line of two people in front of her. She shifted from foot to foot as she waited. Her eyes drifted over to the nearest displays, and she found herself reading labels and picking up things she had no use for to kill the time.

"Next."

Her head snapped up and she realized that was her, and the friendly face behind the counter was someone she recognized, if only slightly. "Hi, I've got some scripts to fill for my boyfriend," she said as she passed them over. After a second, she added, "He's in the car if you need to see him, but he can't really walk right now. Broke his leg at the rodeo."

Katie wasn't sure if there would be a hassle because they were pain killers. She remembered there'd been a slight issue when she'd come to pick up morphine for her mother, but this time things went smoothly.

"It should be fine, but I'll check." The tech brought the order back to the pharmacist and then returned smiling. "No problem. It will be about fifteen minutes."

That was a relief. "Thanks. I'll just look around while I wait." It occurred to her that there was very little to eat in the house and if Nick was going to be staying, she'd need to pick up a few things.

Actually, she'd need to pick up a lot of things and that would mean a whole grocery shop, but not today. She was tired and she needed to get him home. Instead she hunted through the pantry aisles and picked up some necessities to tide them over.

She tried not to cringe when she swiped her credit card, but the total between the pills and extras was more than she could safely spend from her bank account. When Nick paid her back for the medication, she'd put that all directly onto the bill, she promised herself.

It didn't do much to ease the tightness in her chest. Unexpected bills always added so much stress to her life. Her attempts to save money for the future always seemed to get derailed by one emergency or another. She was fully aware that promising to put that money back on the card where it belonged, and actually doing so, would depend on whether she could afford it when the bill came in.

And she had an extra mouth to feed now too. It had been her idea and she was glad to have Nick in her home, but she hadn't really been thinking about the increased food costs or… that skipping meals to save money would be more difficult with a Dom watching.

Katie stopped just outside the door. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she pushed all the worries away. It took a couple of tries, but by the time she slid into the front seat of the car, she was able to smile easily at Nick. "Sorry it took so long. I grabbed a few groceries since we're not going to be able to go back downtown after all."

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know I'd forgotten all about that. Worst date ever, huh?"

Katie couldn't argue. "Sometimes life is like that, Nick. But we can go home, and I'll make us something to eat. I'm not the best cook but I can throw together pasta, or something."

In truth she was actually a decent cook. She just didn't enjoy doing it. Her mother had made sure she knew all the basics, as part of the future housewife training, and Katie ended up resenting it. But cooking was cheaper than fast food, so the lessons came in handy.

A tired smile tilted his mouth. The small lines at the corner of his eyes seemed deeper. "I have to admit, Katiegirl, I'm kind of queasy from the pain right now anyway."

She frowned. "Well, you have to have something. The pharmacist said to make sure you take these with food." She waved the pill bag and then dropped it in his lap. "Maybe just toast?"

Nick let his head tip back against the seat. "Toast might be doable. Not the barbecue I promised you though. Sorry about that."

Katie laughed. "Daddy, I'm still full from earlier. I ate more than you did." Of course, it had been good enough that she would have made room for more, if they'd been able to make a second trip, but that was okay.

The truth was, meat was expensive, even when you lived near ranches. She was used to getting her protein in other ways, and when she did have meat, it tended to be chicken cooked at home, because it was cheaper. The barbecue had been a rare treat and she had eaten more than she was used to.

She felt loaded down. That, combined with the fear and panic earlier, had made her more than a little queasy too. She was fine with skipping dinner.

Once they got home, she focused all her attention on making him comfortable. Nick was settled on the couch, his legs stretched out across the length, and covered with an old afghan, while she bustled around the kitchen.

She dug out an old bed tray and served him lightly buttered toast and a glass of ice water. "As soon as you eat this you can take the pills, but I picked up a few cans of chicken noodle soup too, if you want something else."

Nick grinned. "Darlin', I appreciate the care, but I've got a broken leg… not a cold."

Katie knew more about dealing with sickness than injuries, but it seemed like they couldn't be that different. "Hot soup is healing," she informed him in a tart tone.

He tipped his head back and laughed. "Okay, maybe you've got a point. Think the toast will be just fine for now though. And maybe we'll save the blanket for later. It's pretty warm in here."

He had a point. She pulled the blanket off and laid it across the back of the couch. "Better?"

"Much."

She settled carefully at the other end of the couch, half-turned so she could watch him. There was an odd fluttering of nerves, and she felt unsettled. The urge to jump up and pace or clean something was nearly overwhelming. The silence as he ate made it worse.

"Sure you don't want something else? If you don't want soup, I can make you a sandwich?"

"No thanks, Katiegirl. This is just fine." He polished off the last bite and chased it down with one pill from each bottle.

"I could turn on the tv? I don't have cable but there's this box that lets you get a few channels."

"If you want to, babe. It won't bother me, but I don't watch much honestly. I like to go to the movies now and then, but tv shows don't do much for me. Too hard to remember a continuing story when I don't have the time to keep up."

"Oh, right. Um…" She trailed off, out of ideas.

Nick tilted his head. "You anxious about having me in your space?"

"I…" She hadn't realized it, but that was exactly the problem. She slumped back against the arm of the couch. "It's just that usually when you're here we're doing… something."

"Something," he repeated, amusement in the tone.

She could feel a flush rising. "I don't mean that—well, not just that. I mean—" She stopped to think of how to put it. "—usually we have clear plans. I'm not really sure how to, um, keep you occupied."

He chuckled and let out a low sigh. "I get it. You don't need to entertain me, but I know when I'm here we're usually busy with things that I'm not exactly up for right now. Pretty sure these pills are going to knock me out before long though, and then you can just ignore me."

But she couldn't. Even after he fell asleep, she felt at loose ends. She was totally aware that he was there, and it affected everything she did. Despite his assurances that he could sleep through anything, she crept around the house on tiptoes, doing small chores.

Finally she decided to get ready for bed, even though it was way too early. With her nighttime bar schedule, she was never in bed before two, but it had been an overly stressful day, and some relaxation was in order. It started with a bath.

Soaking in the hot water, scented with dollar store bubbles, helped. After a quick check showed Nick sleeping peacefully, Katie curled up in bed with a book and read. She'd planned to read until she grew tired… but she ran out of book before that happened.

After an hour of tossing and turning, she was just starting to drowse when she heard a sound in the hallway. For one terrifying second, she forgot about Nick and her heart rate shot up as she lurched out of bed thinking there was a stranger in the house.

Her first thought was to call the police, but fumbling on her nightstand got her nowhere. Where's my phone? Oh, God, did I leave it in the kitchen? Finally her panicked brain caught up with her flight or fight instincts and she remembered.

She blew out a loud breath and closed her eyes. Nick. Right. Everything was fine—and then she heard a crash and a creative string of curse words that had her running to see what had happened.

"Are you okay?" she demanded, as she threw open the door.

Nick was half-collapsed against the wall, but still on his feet. "I'm fucking fine. Just tripped over the damn boot." The snapped tone wasn't like him, and neither was the scowl that twisted his face.

Katie's eyes opened wide, and she froze on her way to help him. An outstretched hand dropped back to her side as indecision took over. If he was angry, maybe she'd only make it worse.

He glanced over at her and sighed. "Sorry, sweetheart. Didn't mean to snap at you. I'm frustrated and in pain. Afraid you're going to find out the worst part of my personality if I stay here."

She frowned. "What part is that?"

"The part who gets cranky as fuck when I'm laid up. I don't mind the pain as much, but I hate not being able to move right. My whole body feels off and it drives me nuts."

That actually made sense. Nick normally moved with a fluidness that often reminded her of a stalking cat. Graceful wasn't the right word. He was too rough for that, but he had the elegance of a predator. It was kind of hot actually.

"Well, no one is at their best when they're sick… or hurt." She moved over to help him straighten, a little nervous at first, but he didn't pull away, and she relaxed.

"Yeah, but…" He shook his head. "Are you really sure you want me to stay? You can take me back to the ranch tomorrow."

Katie had a feeling she understood the problem. "I know this is a lot sooner than we would ever have expected to be living together, even temporarily, but I think we're past the point of needing to be perfect for each other, right?"

Nick's snort made her laugh. "Can't say I've ever been perfect a day in my life, but I guess we're past the first impressions stage."

"Right, and what's the worst that could happen? We find out that we're not compatible? Better to find out now than later." She tried to keep her tone upbeat and chipper, but her insides curdled at the thought of that. Nick's expression made it clear he didn't like thinking about that possibility either.

She wanted Nick. She wanted a future with him. If they could make a trial run of a few weeks work… then, maybe it would clarify some things in her mind. It would be nice to feel less conflicted all the time.

Nick shifted, wincing, and she realized he'd been standing too long. It was a good excuse to change the conversation. He'd been on his way to the bathroom, so she helped him there and waited until the door opened.

After that he was ready for another pill and some more sleep. She had hoped he would share the bed with her, so they could at least cuddle, but tripping had made his knee flare, and he decided the couch would be better. She tucked him in with a pillow under his leg and went back to her lonely room on her own.

They were both relieved that Nick was better in the morning. The swelling was down a little and he was able to get up and crutch around the room without too much trouble. His appetite was also improved, and he plowed through a couple of bowls of cereal and some toast while she watched.

He was drinking the leftover milk from the bowl when he realized there was nothing in front of her. "Not gonna eat, Katiegirl?"

Her nose wrinkled. "I don't eat in the morning very often." It was the truth, but not the whole truth. He'd eaten enough for two meals and she couldn't help calculating the cost in her head. To distract him, she changed the subject. "So, did you want to hit the library today? We'll have to get going if you do; they close at noon."

Nick sat back in his seat without replying immediately. He seemed pensive. His gaze was unfocused and distant. After a minute had passed, he shook his head. "I know you're not going to like this, but if I can get my boot on—my real boot, not this cast—I should at least make an attempt at the event today."

Her insides dropped so fast it took her breath away and she could only gape at him for a moment. When she did speak, saying, "Are you crazy?" the words came out faint and raspy.

"Probably, but it's a matter of money, darlin'. Losing three weeks of work and medical bills will—"

"If you do this, you'll have even more medical bills," she blurted. She pulled her legs up, planting her feet on the chair and hugged her knees to her chest. A video of Nick flying through the air and hitting the dirt played in her mind and she shuddered.

"Not saying I've never been hurt in the rodeo before Katie, but I'm pretty good at it. A fall like that can happen to anyone, but I've got a good chance of—"

"No. Absolutely not."

Nick narrowed his eyes. The lines at the corners became more pronounced. "I think you're forgetting who bosses who around here," he said, after a long silence.

"I think you're forgetting I haven't agreed to that yet."

The reminder took him aback and he blinked at her as he took slow deep breaths. "Okay. You have a point, but I meant that you don't make rules for me, sweetheart."

"And you don't make rules for me either, yet, but I bet you'd have something to say if I was doing something dangerous." She paused, and then asked, "Wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would. It's not the same thing."

"You said submissives were equal partners. That we chose our roles because we want them, but that it didn't make us less. You've explained that multiple times."

"That's true. A submissive is a Dom's equal partner who submits because they've decided to have that dynamic together."

"Bullshit." The word practically exploded from her.

One heavy black brow shot up. "Excuse me?"

"I said it's bullshit." She enunciated each word clearly and with a brief pause between. "You say we're equals, but I have to be safe because I'm the sub. You can be reckless because you don't have any rules. If we were really equals, then we should both have to be careful."

He frowned and the lines of his forehead deepened. "That's not how it works, Katie. This isn't about our relationship or a dynamic."

"Then explain it to me." She let her legs drop. Bare feet hit the cracked linoleum, as she leaned forward and planted her elbows on the table. "Explain why I have to wear a seatbelt, but you can get on top of a whole ass bull when you have a broken leg!" Her voice rose with each word, until by the end she was almost shouting at him.

A muscle in his jaw jumped. "Honey, I am a professional athlete. Competing with injuries is just… it's just part of the job. I have years of experience doing this."

"But you're not a rodeo cowboy anymore, Nick. You have a job, on a ranch, and competing yesterday put that job in danger. And for what? A couple thousand dollars? You admitted it might not even be enough to make up for the work you're missing and the medical bills."

"That's why I need to compete today. I already paid the entrance fee. If I place—"

"No. That's why you absolutely should not compete today." She couldn't help the cold clipped tones. It all felt so unreasonable and unfair, which was frustrating enough, but underneath that was a knot of fear for him. "If you get hurt again, or make this injury worse, you'll end up taking a loss on all of it."

"I won't," he insisted; teeth gritted.

"You don't know that. You're gambling. All of this is a gamble, and you know the house always wins. Always."

"Maybe you're right, but I'm gambling on me and my skills, darlin'. I know you might never get this, but it's a part of who I am. Giving that up would be…" He trailed off, shaking his head.

From the cloud of frustration and upset a thought hit her like a bolt of lightning. Change was hard. It was scary, and that was exactly what she had been feeling whenever she thought about submitting to him. It felt like she'd be giving up something important to become his.

She took advantage of his silence to quickly organize her thoughts. "Giving it up would be hard. It might even be a little painful. Sort of like how giving up my independence would be difficult—but you've been telling me it will be worth it. Hell, I've been telling myself it'll be worth it."

Nick's mouth opened, and then slowly closed without him speaking.

"If I can change my perspective on feminism, change my ideals, to accept the role of submissive… then you can accept that it's time to stop adding additional risk to your life. Show me that your idea of D/s is more than just words. Be my equal partner and I'll submit to you."

Until the words were out of her mouth, she hadn't realized that the last part was coming. It hadn't been planned, but she meant it. She couldn't handle the thought of him going into the ring injured, and if she was going to have to bend a little for him… then he needed to do the same for her. That was fair.

Nick looked at her. His dark eyes were unreadable, and he was quiet for long enough that she was starting to get antsy by the time he spoke. She had no idea what his answer would be and the longer the silence drew out, the more her stomach churned.

Finally he sighed. "It means that much to you?"

"Nick, you're always trying to keep me safe… and I love that." She paused. "Well, most of the time. Sometimes it's annoying, but I know you're trying to protect me. Sub or not, why wouldn't I want to do the same for you?"

"You know this ain't gonna work on everything, right? If you agree to submit and agree to follow certain rules, that doesn't automatically bind me to the same rules. That's just not how it works. And you're a full-grown woman, not a kid who needs to see adults setting an example."

"I know. I get that, but this isn't just some silly rule. This is you putting your life at risk. As far as I'm concerned that goes beyond the dynamic and into our whole relationship. I'm telling you that going out there, injured already, is something I can't handle. It's like a- a…"

"A limit?" He tilted his head in question.

"Yeah, a limit." That was it exactly. "It's literally making me sick to think about it. So, if we're equals than I get a say in the big important stuff and this counts."

His fingers did a rolling tap on the table as he considered what she'd said. "That's… actually fair. I am asking you to take a big step, and you have a right to impose limits." His mouth pursed as he took a few deep breaths, blowing them out loudly.

He hadn't actually agreed yet, so Katie waited quietly. "I'm not promising to never compete again," he warned her.

She swallowed hard but nodded. "I know. That—that's a conversation for another day."

His fingers suddenly stopped tapping. "Okay, you're right. I still think I could place, but I guess the risk isn't worth it. And I'll probably break even with what I already won, so it could be worse. I'll bail on the rodeo."

Katie sagged in her chair. "Thank you." The stress didn't immediately drain away, but she could feel the tightness fading. "And I'll keep my part of the bargain right now. Nick, will you—"

He held up a hand, cutting her off. "Hold up, darlin'."

She blinked, frowning as she stared at him. Before she could ask what was wrong, Nick continued, "I don't want you to submit because you think it's the only way to keep me from breaking my neck. Our relationship is important enough that I agree you have the right to set limits, whether or not you submit to me."

"But I thought you wanted me to." Had he changed his mind? She wondered if it was some kind of powerplay to punish her for insisting he skip the bull riding, but she quickly dismissed the idea. Nick wasn't like that.

He leaned across the table and grabbed her hand in his. "Hell yeah, I do. Of course I do, sweetheart. I think we both want that, but I want you to submit because you're ready. Not because you feel forced into it. That wouldn't be right."

She opened her mouth and then closed it on the knee jerk reaction that wanted to spill from her.

"Even if you're not officially my submissive, yet, we're still in a relationship and you have a right to ask me not to do something that's bothering you. So don't think you have to pay me off by submitting," he said.

A flash of anger rushed through her unexpectedly, and she yanked her hand back. It was irrational. What he was saying was a good thing. It meant he was treating her like she was his equal, which is what she needed.

The only problem was she had wanted an excuse to force herself into it. Because she did want him to be her Daddy and everything that came with it. She was just finding it hard to take that last step deliberately. Any situation that pushed her in that direction helped.

"Darlin'? You okay there?" There was concern in his tone and those black eyes were focused on her with a worried expression. No doubt he was trying to figure out how he'd upset her.

She closed her eyes for a second, rolling her bottom lip under and biting it. "I'm ready," she said after a brief but aggressive internal struggle.

She would do this. Today. No matter what.

"Katiegirl, are you sure? Maybe you should sit on it for a bit."

"No. I mean, yes, I'm sure."

He looked uncertain and she realized she was going to need to spill out this whole complicated mess in her head. She felt like an idiot. It was like one of those romance novels where there was a major problem that could easily be sorted out by talking things through… and somehow it took them forever to get around to doing it.

She'd always thought those plots were unrealistic until she'd ended up in a real relationship of her own. Now she knew that people were just ridiculous and that was exactly the sort of thing that happened.

The only difference this time was they had talked about it—a number of times. They'd pulled it all apart. They'd discussed the reason she had trouble with this.

She'd done plenty of her own deep thinking… and still it was hard. Why were things so damn hard even when you knew what you wanted and how to get it? "I want you to be my Daddy. I don't know if rules and punishments are going to be something I want forever, but I want to at least try. It's just that…"

He was still leaning in, listening. She moved her hand over his. "I've got all this baggage from my childhood, and it makes me doubt myself, but I'm not doubting you. I want to do this, and I offered it as a deal so I could push myself into it, but I am ready."

His eyes didn't leave her as he thought about it. "You're willing to try it my way? Rules and all?"

That was hard, but she took a deep breath and nodded. "As long as I get input in them, yes."

"Alright, Katie. If you're ready, then go ahead."

Katie took a deep breath and then rushed into it before she lost her courage. "Nick, will you please be my Daddy?" There was nothing but a sense of relief once she finally said it.

Nick's mouth split into a broad grin. "I'd be honored, darlin'."

And just like that it was done. Committing wasn't so bad once she finally brought herself to the point of doing it. Instead of worrying herself to pieces, she was actually excited to see where things went now. "So, um… what now?"

"Well, normally I'd wanna celebrate the milestone in the bedroom, but it's not the best timing. If you know what I mean?"

She sighed. "Yeah, I know."

She did, and she would have loved that. Her body was almost conditioned to expect sex when Nick was in the house, because they had to take advantage of every moment. Which made it hard to be here with him and know it wasn't going to happen. Him winding her up the day before with that ‘punishment' made it worse.

Her sassy side was so tempted to make a snarky comment about how he'd thought he was well enough to ride a damn bull, but not to fuck her. At least he didn't have to worry about her bucking him off in the middle of the ride. She clamped her mouth shut and refused to say it, because her ass would pay for it later.

"I'm afraid I'm not quite up for that yet. It's handy that I'm staying here now though. It'll give us plenty of time to talk things out and discuss what you want and need from me." That seemed to please him, but now that she'd actually jumped in with both feet, she was ready for more than talking.

Oh, well. Soon.

His face took on a more serious look. "There is one thing though… now that I'm your Dom, you'll finally be getting that punishment you wanted. The real thing. The whole package with all the bells and whistles."

Her stomach flipped and she straightened in her seat. "What? Why?" But as soon as she'd blurted out the questions, she remembered.

Nick must have seen her changing expression because he nodded. "Yeah, you're in some big trouble, darlin'. You promised me you'd stay home, and on top of that I'm pretty sure you lied straight to my face when you said it. Or are you going to say you changed your mind after I left?" An eyebrow went up, questioning.

Katie squirmed as she looked down at the table. Her eyes traced a route among the scratches from years of use, as if looking for answers in the woodgrain. "I-I mean it felt unfair. I wanted to see…"

"And I told you why it was a bad idea. Didn't I?"

All she could do was nod.

"Good. Then you know why you're going to be punished, and since we have the time, we can start now."