Chapter 18

Two weeks later, Raina found herself the host of an impromptu late-Sunday-night pizza-and-party-planning dinner with Maggie and Sara. They'd shown up at Madame R again for the second half of the show and then, claiming boredom with the guys away, had somehow strong-armed her into inviting them back to Mal's place as it was "the closest."

She had a hunch it was something more like curiosity because both of them claimed they'd never been to Mal's before, and who was she to argue? With Mal gone, the huge apartment made her feel like a very small fish swimming endlessly round and round in a blue-whale-sized aquarium. Even Wash's big paws couldn't fill the space.

Which was why the three of them were currently sitting along the stainless-steel counter in Mal's kitchen and eating far too many calories while Wash wound his way around their legs, begging for pepperoni.

"He's worse than Dougal," Sara said. "Maybe he's part Labrador and that's why he's so big?"

Raina grinned. "Maybe. But he doesn't need more pizza. He always gets cheese in his fur and then that's a whole other problem. So ignore him."

Sara peeled a slice of pepperoni from her pizza, tore off a tiny piece, and offered it to Wash, who slurped it off her finger with a swipe of his tongue and then looked smug.

"Don't blame me if you're now stalked by a Maine Coon for the rest of the night," Raina said. "Now, back to the party. Maggie, did Alex look at that final menu?"

Maggie nodded, mouth half full, and then swallowed. "Yup. He's good with it. So that's one more thing off the list."

"How often do you throw these parties?" Raina asked. All the players, their various partners, the Angels and their other halves, Saints' staff, and a few other people added up to a big number.

Maggie shrugged. "A few times a year."

"Plus the odd fund-raiser for our community programs," Sara added. "Those are the really huge ones. I wish you'd been at the one at the Paragon, Raina. It was very cool."

She and Maggie exchanged a look that Raina didn't quite know how to interpret.

"Well, maybe I'll get to come to the next one." She'd seen pictures of the Paragon party courtesy of Maggie. It had looked amazing. If she scored an invite to the next Saints ball, wild horses wouldn't keep her away.

"Seems like a shoe-in to me. Alex isn't going to get rid of the Angels now. The guys haven't lost a game since your wings got wrecked. No messing with that. It's their longest winning streak in about ten years." Maggie bounced on her stool. "If it keeps up, we have a shot at the play-offs. A long shot, true, but a shot."

Raina took another piece of pizza. "Fingers crossed."

"All available parts crossed," Maggie agreed. "I'm not getting my hopes up. There are still lots of games between now and the end of the season. And there are lots of teams out there that are stronger than us on paper."

"Yes," Sara said solemnly. "All of them."

"Hey." Maggie balled up a paper napkin and threw it at her. "Is that any way for the future wife of one of the owners to talk?"

Sara caught the napkin and threw it straight back, laughing. "You're the future wife of one of the owners, too. You tell me."

Raina lifted an eyebrow. "Maggie, something you're not telling me? Did Alex…"

"No." Maggie shook her dark curls decisively. "It's too soon. Some of us don't do romance quite so whirlwind as Sara and Lucas."

Sara laughed. "You say that now but if Alex asked you, you'd say yes in a heartbeat."

"Sure," Maggie agreed. "I'm not an idiot."

"And here Raina is living with Mal already," Sara added.

"Not living with," Raina said firmly. "Staying with. Temporarily."

Maggie tilted her head at her. "But it's going okay? You and Mal? He doesn't say much, he's spending every spare second with the security team. I swear they've been over every inch of Deacon three times now."

"I know," Raina said. "I get the summary reports every night from him. Don't get me wrong, we're getting along fine and he does remember to loosen up occasionally, but he's definitely a little … intense right now."

"He's the save-the-world type," Maggie said. "That's why he joined the army after that bombing at their college."

"The what?" Raina said.

Maggie looked guilty. "He didn't tell you that part? About why he joined the army?"

Raina shook her head. "No. He told me about Ally."

"Well, that's a good sign," Maggie said.

"But he didn't mention a bombing."

Sara and Maggie looked at each other again. But then Sara shrugged. "It's not a secret. It's on the Internet if you go digging far enough in their backgrounds. Mal and Alex and Lucas met at college. They were all baseball players. Freshmen at the University of Texas."

"Mal played baseball?" Raina said. "I mean, obviously he loves it, and I figured he played in high school or something, but college ball? He was that good?"

"He's a great batter," Maggie said. "His swing is a thing of beauty. All three of them were good. Lucas was a pitcher and Alex was the catcher. All of them wanted to play in the major leagues."

"But there was a bomb? What happened?"

"One of the white-supremacist, anti-government-type groups thought it would make a point to bomb a college baseball game," Maggie said, with a grimace. "God knows what that point was supposed to be. The three of them were on the field and they went back into the stand that got hit worst by the bomb—which was on fire by the way—and dragged a bunch of people free. Lucas's shoulder got screwed up and he decided to become a doctor. Alex decided he wanted to be able to make a difference in the world and switched to business and building his empire and Mal…"

"Mal joined the army," Raina said. "He really is trying to save the world."

"Well, he was," Maggie said. "He's mellowed a bit now, from what Alex tells me. But stuff like this, people he cares about in danger, people messing with his team, well, that's got to?—"

"Push some buttons," Raina broke in. "Yes. I've figured that part out. The part I'm still trying to work out is how to switch them back off before he drives himself—and me—crazy."

"Just be there for him," Sara said. "I'm not saying agree to everything he wants. Guys like the terrible trio, they're way too used to getting their own way and you have to stand up for yourself or they'll roll right over you. But they're still human. They need things. And it looks like Mal's decided one of those things is you. So, as the future wife of one of his best friends, I'm in favor of you working things out."

"Me too," Maggie added. "Well, just because I think Mal's a great guy and Alex is happy when the other two are happy, so win–win. Not the wife part. There will be no more wife talk."

"Agreed," Raina said. "So let's finish the pizza and talk about something else. Mal is my problem right now." She smiled, thinking about the little ways that Mal had been making her stay here fun. Sending her random gifts when he was out of town. Stealing moments so they could just hang out and watch old movies. Arranging for the Taj Mahal of cat towers to be delivered and installed in the main room for Wash to entertain himself. And then there was all the sex. Which kept getting better and better. She was worried she might actually spontaneously combust from sheer lust one day if it kept getting better. "As problems go, it's a nice one to have."

"They seem to be enjoying themselves," Brady said as he helped Raina zip up her sparkly silver dress backstage.

"Are you kidding? This party kills." She grinned at him over her shoulder. "We rock."

"Yes, we do. But we already knew that. So now that you've got all our new baseball friends liquored up and fed, are you ready to put on a show?"

"When am I not ready?" Raina said. Nerves twisted in her stomach despite her bravado. This felt like a big deal. This was Mal and Alex and Lucas and Maggie and the Angels and everyone else who'd been so good to her since she'd taken on this crazy project. Not strangers. Friends. Some of whom were about to see a side of her they didn't know about. Mal and Maggie and Sara had seen the show before, and the shortened version she and Brady had put together erred on the side of less confronting and less skin … but it was still sexy and a little out there. She took a breath. Fuck it. This was who she was. This was what made her heart pound and her blood sing, just like baseball did for all of them. Maybe some of them wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't be the first time that had happened.

You can't please everyone. That was another of her gran's lessons. One that was her mantra these days. Other people's hang-ups and fears were their problems.

"Not my circus, not my monkeys," she muttered under her breath and straightened her shoulders. Brady handed her the microphone—covered in silver crystals to match her dress—and then the band kicked in, and she stepped through the curtain to put on a hell of a show.

It all went smoothly for the first hour. The Saints people whooped and hollered and clapped in the right places. And went silent in that good way during some of the acts. The way that meant they were enthralled and thinking. Just what she wanted. And now they had two numbers left. The finale with everyone but before that, just her. And her black-and-pink wings. A far more wicked version of the white Angels.

Brady had paired the wings with a corset made of black leather that curved around her body like a second skin. It went with very short shorts made of the same leather. A collar of black crystals circled her throat, and matching bands wrapped her wrists. Fishnets and thigh-high black leather boots finished the look off.

She looked like the kind of angel who made the others fall. Very, very hot. But somehow not slutty. She was never sure how Brady managed to pull that off in his costumes. He pushed things right up to the line but never pushed them over.

And she had to admit she was looking forward to finding out whether everyone else appreciated his talents.

Brady hooked a wireless headset mike over her ear. She couldn't hold a mike and work the wings easily.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded. "Time to show them how it's done in our world."

He kissed her cheek and left the stage.

Breathe, she thought, and then the music started and the curtain whizzed away, leaving her standing in the spotlight, arms raised, wings spread.

She heard the audience gasp and smiled. "Who wants to get bad with me?" she purred into the mike and then started to dance.

The bank of lights above her came on, shedding enough light to let her see into the crowd. She spotted Mal at one of the front tables. He looked … arrested. She sent him a smile meant just for him before she spun around to start the next series of moves as the music slowed.

As she came full circle, there a shockingly loud pop above her and a shower of sparks as one of the lights exploded. Instinctively she ducked, throwing an arm up to protect her face from hot glass, waiting for Brady to hit the switch to kill the row of lights before any others could flare and overload as well. But before he could, Mal was on stage with her. On stage and sweeping her off her feet, cradling her too him, though how he managed that with the wings, she couldn't quite understand. He had her off the stage almost before the rest of the lights went down.

"Mal," she hissed as they got backstage. "Put me down."

He didn't seem to hear her. Just kept heading in a direction she knew led to one of the exits. "Mal!" she yelled a little louder. "Mal, it was just a light going. It happens. Put me down."

He didn't stop. She hauled a hand back and socked his arm as they reached the exit. "PUT. ME. DOWN," she repeated as he reached for the door. She stretched out her leg and planted her boot against the door, bracing so he couldn't open it.

That seemed to stop him. Behind them, she could hear the sounds of alarm. Too many voices. No one was screaming but she knew the sound of a crowd about to freak out. "Mal, it was just a light. Let go of me." She waved a hand in front of his face. "Earth to Mal. We need to go back and make sure everyone knows things are under control."

He shook his head. "Nope. You don't know what's happening back there." He moved away from the door so her foot couldn't reach it, then twisted to throw it open. And carried her out into the night.

They were in the back alley behind the club. Rose was parked at the far end, and that's the direction Mal headed.

Raina socked his arm again. "Mal, if you don't put me down, I will start screaming my head off."

He stopped. "It's not safe."

"It's perfectly safe," she said. "You're overreacting." She hoped he was overreacting. But she couldn't see anyone running past the other end of the alley where Madame R's front door was so she had to assume that it had just been the lights and nothing else had happened after Mal had carted her off. She wanted to know for sure.

Which meant she needed him to let go of her. He wasn't hurting her but she needed to snap him out of whatever was happening in his head. To stop when she said stop. To hear her. To stay in control. She could feel the tension in his arms, locking around her so tightly it was almost painful. His breathing was heavy, eyes scanning the alley for God knows what danger he was imagining.

"Please, Mal," she said softly. "I'm okay. Let me go."

His eyes locked onto hers, his mouth set.

"Let me go," she repeated.

That seemed to register. He set her on her feet. She stepped back, just a little.

"Mal? Do you know where we are?" she asked.

"Outside the club," he said.

Well, that was good. She'd been half worried he was having a true flashback. But he sounded rational, not like someone having a panic attack.

"We should go back," she said. "Get everything calmed down."

"You don't know what's back there."

"Neither do you," she shot back. "And that's my club. I'm responsible for my staff and everyone else inside that building. I'm not going to leave them all there. You wouldn't in my place."

He shook his head.

"I'm not asking you," she said. Anger was starting to build now, mixing with the adrenaline and worry. "I'm telling you. I'm going to go back inside. Are you coming with me?"

He stepped toward her. She moved back. "Mal, if you try and pick me up again, I will do something unpleasant to you."

He stopped, mouth twisting. "I want you to be safe."

"I'm standing right here. Perfectly well. I don't think any glass got on me." She suspected her wings might be a bit mangled from Mal's manhandling but Brady could fix those. "I'm okay. I'm not so sure about you, though."

"I'm not going to apologize for trying to keep you safe."

"I'm not asking you to apologize. I'm asking you to stop for a minute and see if you can see that what you just did was an overreaction. You just grabbed me and forced me to go with you. And you didn't listen to me when I said stop."

"I needed to get you out of there." His voice was rough. Almost impatient. Like he couldn't understand why she was angry. She needed him to understand.

"I understand that you thought that." She made an effort to sound calm. "And I know you're trained to act and get the job done but you scared me."

He winced as though she had punched him. "Raina?—"

She held out a hand. "No. Sorry. I need some time with this. You didn't hurt me, I know you wouldn't hurt me and I know what you were trying to do but you did scare me. And I'm not okay with that. A protective streak is one thing. But this went beyond that. I've had guys who wanted to control me before. Who wanted to tell me what to do. To make me do things their way. Who wouldn't listen when I said no. I'm not going there again. It's not love. It's control."

He stayed silent. Watching her. Every muscle in his body tensed. She could see the struggle in him. To not do what his instincts were telling him to do.

To take over. To take her away.

"I'm going to go back inside," she said.

His hand shot out, then halted just before he grabbed her wrist.

She looked down at the hand then back at its owner then took two steps back again. Distance. Out of reach. She hated that she was doing that calculation in her head. The way she had, she'd realized in the days after she'd first left Jeremy, been doing with Jeremy for quite some time before he finally cracked that night. The thought made her breath catch and her stomach twist. "I'm glad you didn't do what you almost just did. But I think we need a break here, Mal. You need to figure some things out. I'm going back inside. Maybe you should go back to Deacon for a few hours so I can get Wash and my things from your place."

"Raina." The words were a plea.

"No," she said. "I've told you what I want and right now you get no say in anything to do with what I do."

"Fine." His eyes looked almost black in the weird lighting of the alley. Black and unfriendly. Pissed off. Well, that made two of them.

She wheeled and stalked back down the alley, aware that one of her wings felt weird, its weight unbalanced. As she reached the back exit, it opened and Luis stuck his head out. "Raina. There you are." He looked past her and his face went still. "Is Mal coming back in? I got things calmed down and we fixed the light. Brady wanted to know if you want to do the finale."

She refused to turn around and look back at Mal. To see what she was walking away from. Because it would be too easy for him to convince her that everything was okay. And it wasn't. And if she stood here in the alley and thought about that hard, she was going to burst into tears all over Luis. She took a shaky breath and walked past Luis into the opening doorway. Back where she belonged. Her world. Not Mal's. "No," she said. "Show's over."