1. Jules

ONE

JULES

August

Sterling's hand on my knee makes the twitching stop, for about one point two seconds. Fucking hell I'm nervous.

Why am I so nervous?

I've known this was going to happen for a month, it's not a surprise. It's not unexpected.

And still…

Waiting in the private room at the airport for my mother to come inside from the tarmac is the most nerve-wracking thing that's happened to me since my first game in the NHL.

I puked back then—hopefully I don't do the same today.

"Baby boy," Sterling whispers and grips my thigh harder. I'm about to put a dent in the linoleum floor, and I can only imagine how annoying it must be for him.

"I'm sor—" I start, but he cuts me off with a serious but tender look.

"There is absolutely nothing to be sorry about, baby. I just want to know what I can do to help you."

"I don't know," I whine. "I don't owe her anything, and I don't need her to say or do anything either. I just... We're two days away from our wedding, why didn't I just go see her before today so we could get this reintroduction thing over and done with?"

"Jules," he says seriously and turns in his seat to look straight at me. "It's going to be fine, and if it isn't, then we'll just say okay, bye now, and she'll go back. She doesn't know about the wedding, so let's just take everything as it comes. I'll be by your side the whole time, okay?"

"Okay." I'm back to whispering, but his reassurances do make me feel better. "Promise?" I ask and close my eyes. I may need just a little more reassurance, sue me.

"I promise."

"Thank you for being here, Daddy." I lean in and find his lips, even with my eyes closed.

This last six months have been the best of my life. Even with all the shit from the outside world, the need for secrecy in everything we do, it's still been the best time.

Learning everything about Sterling, memorizing his voice, his movements, getting to know him on a soul-deep level, it's all been the most amazing thing.

Besides getting to love and dote on Ava, of course, and finding another best friend in Jamie. Our family saved me, just like my hockey family has saved me before.

My life couldn't be better, it really couldn't.

But still... Thoughts of my mom have been plaguing me more and more recently.

Especially after I got another letter from her, after my relationship with Jules was made public. And after my father made his views even more clear in a televised interview.

I've felt more at peace with Michel as well. Not with his death, never. I'll never understand why he had to leave me, why his life wasn't longer. I'll never not miss him. Never.

What I'm more at peace with is the fact that he'd want me to be happy. To leave our childhood behind and do what we always talked about doing.

He'd forgive Mom. He actually did forgive her and wanted us to go look for her. I was more indifferent, really. Only wanted to get on with hockey so we didn't depend on Dad anymore, but I would've made peace with Mom in a heartbeat for him.

"Jules?" I hear her voice and yeah, she sounds different. Then I see her, and her eyes—the same honey brown as Michel—hurt to look at.

I don't look away though, because they're filled with tears. I don't like seeing her sad. Even though it's her fault. Even though she left us. I could never enjoy seeing her cry. I just don't have it in me.

"Hi Mom," I say simply. I get paralyzed then, just looking at her. Cataloging every single thing that's different. Sterling stands and distracts me.

"Hello, Mrs. Duke, I'm Sterling." He walks over and extends a hand which she shakes with a smile on her face.

"I know who you are, of course. It's very nice to meet you."

"You as well."

They give me time to compose myself, and as I watch her watch Sterling with adoring and sparkling eyes, I realize she's just Mom. Just another human who's flawed.

The difference between her and my father is that she knows she's flawed. She's asked for forgiveness. And I'm going to give it to her. Finally.

"Hey Mom," I repeat as I stand and walk to her. We stare at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time when I reach her, then I just have to lean in for a hug.

I've spent a long time without a mom's hug, I think it's about damn time I make up for it.

It feels great.

Not like it did before. I don't think it ever will.

But it's nice in any case.

I lean back, irrationally disappointed that her actions didn't disappear from my memory with that hug.

"Are you hungry?" I ask.

"Yes," she answers, like she knows what I'm thinking. Like she's fully feeling the consequences of her actions for the first time.

It's not like I can—or want to—say anything to make her feel better. She has to work through her own shit, and I hope she will.

"We thought having dinner here would be better before we go home. Ava's not great with new people." Sterling tells the complete lie with a straight face, and I feel oddly proud.

Our angel is that exactly—an angel. She charms every single person she comes across and knows it damn well too.

We're fully prepared to be her slaves for life as soon as she realizes her power.

Since she just turned two last month, I think we're safe for a little while yet.

"That's perfect," Mom tells us from the back seat.

She's been staring out the window the whole ride and asking innocuous questions without looking at me. I get it.

Well, not really, but I'm not gonna condemn her for taking a few moments to compose herself.

Sterling maneuvers the car into his spot in the underground garage of the Winner Resort. We reserved a private room in one of the more chill restaurants... which is still a very stuffy restaurant in my opinion, but beggars can't be choosers.

It's not like Sterling and I can just go places.

Least of all when it's just the two of us.

People have surprisingly been a lot more respectful when we have Ava with us, but not when it's just the two of us.

It's sadly led us to know a lot of places where we can find privacy, and how to get in and out of them without being noticed.

We walk in silence to the service elevator, through the back hallway on the second floor, and through the kitchen of the restaurant until we reach the small room where we'll be eating.

We got Mom a room at the Resort, so if things go well tonight, we'll invite her over tomorrow and to the wedding the day after, but if they don't, then she can have a chill weekend in Vegas on us, then go back to her life without too much damage.

"How is your husband?"

"Oh!" She jumps a little in her seat but turns to me with a relaxed smile on her face. "James is well, thank you. He had to work this weekend, just finishing up a big construction."

"I'm glad," I say, not knowing what else I could possibly talk to her about. Sterling saves the day again.

"What do you do?"

"I work at a school. In the administration now."

"That's nice," I manage to choke out. She used to be a math teacher. Why isn't she anymore?

"I'm sorry, Jules." She says it so suddenly that it takes me a second to understand. Then I have to let out a big breath.

"For what?"

"For leaving you and Michel." She's pleading with her eyes. I just have to know one thing before I tell her I've already forgiven her.

"Did you know he was allergic to pineapple?" If she did, then I don't know if I'll actually be able to forgive her.

"I didn't," she whispers with a shake of her head. Her eyes immediately fill with tears and I can clearly see she's telling the truth. "I swear I didn't."

"Okay then." I breathe out and take a moment to control my own tears. When I'm sure I won't break down, I take a deep breath and reach for Sterling's hand under the table. He takes it and holds on to me so strongly I almost lose feeling in my fingers, but I hold on as tight as I can and don't complain.

I need to focus on his touch right now, not on the pain of knowing Michel would love to be here. He'd love that I'm about to say what I'm about to say.

"I forgive you."

"Hey," Jamie calls out as soon as the door opens. I rush to stand, to help her with Ava, but she's not there. Jamie must recognize the question in my eyes, because she rolls her own. "Your mom's with her in the car. She doesn't want to move her because our angel's sound asleep. She was passed out when we finally got into the car, but the woman just wants to stare at her." She shrugs. "I don't blame her."

I see then, Jamie's carrying about a dozen different shopping bags.

All from brands anyone in the world would know.

I raise an eyebrow at her and she smirks back.

"I very much enjoyed giving your credit card a whirl. I'll give it back soon." She winks. "Promise. But we did get the perfect outfits for tomorrow, for all three of us."

I can't help but chuckle at her retreating back.

Mom came home with us yesterday. We didn't use the reservation at the hotel in the end. It was Sterling's idea to invite her to stay with us. He asked when Mom excused herself before dessert, and I agreed.

The conversation flowed after the apology, and I loved every second of reconnecting with her. She asked a lot about my life over the last fifteen years, a lot about Michel as well, and remembering him healed another tiny part of me.

She fell at Ava's feet as soon as she met her and hasn't been able to be away from her since. She's a great grandmother already.

There are still a lot of things to unpack with her. Neither one of us is completely over the years apart, there's no way we could be, but this is a start.

She got very emotional last night, after Ava had gone to bed, when we told her about getting married tomorrow. She cried, hugged us both, and told me how happy she is, how proud.

I sigh to myself, for no specific reason, but this has all been... a lot. I go out to the garage and open Ava's door. Picking her up from the car won't disturb her. She can sleep through anything when she's really tired, and I just bet a whole afternoon of shopping took a lot out of her.

"Come on," I tell Mom in a normal voice, and she winces. I can only smile at her as I unbuckle Ava and have her in my arms soon after.

I've become a pro at unstrapping her from her chair, and I'm prouder of that than I probably should be.

We get Ava into her pajamas, leave a bottle of milk on her nightstand, and walk back into the kitchen just in time to hear the garage door open again.

"That's Sterling coming from the airport. He went to pick up his parents."

"Right." Mom nods. "You told me this morning."

"They're very nice." I don't know why I say it, but suddenly I'm very nervous. I've met Sterling's parents before, of course, but this "parents meeting the parent" thing is getting very real. "You'll like Sarah and Anthony, they're professors at UCLA, super smart. But they're also amazing grandparents to Ava."

Unlike Jamie and Rose's parents , I think. It's better to keep that to myself though. For now.

The Sterlings come in and I forget my nerves at the sight of Anthony's big smile. He opens his arms for me, and I fall right into the hug.

They've been so warm toward me since the moment we met back in April, I couldn't be more grateful to have them as my in-laws.

We sit down for dinner, and I love the way Mom asks them so many questions about their jobs, Ster's childhood, and their life in general.

All in all, it's another great day, and tomorrow, everything will be even better.

Sterling

I walk up to the start of the aisle where Jules is already waiting for me. He looks so fucking beautiful, like every day. I'll have him every day for the rest of my life, and I honestly can't wait. I take his hand and see his smile get even bigger, but his gaze doesn't stray away from Ava. She's throwing flower petals down the aisle, skipping happily, and enthralling every single one of our guests.

She gets a round of applause for her amazing performance and then we're walking down the aisle hand in hand.

"Welcome everyone," Bear starts. I see him swallow hard, and once more think how smart Jules was to suggest he be the one to officiate our wedding.

I get lost in Jules' brilliant green eyes shining in the morning sun. I don't know if I hear anything until Bear says my name.

"So I want to thank you, Sterling, for fighting like a crazy sister for our Jules, for bringing warmth to his world again, for giving everything you have in you to protect him, and for being his best friend and doing what we never could—make him look at himself and realize he deserves the world." Bear's voice breaks on the last word, and even though I missed everything he said before, I know it must've been beautiful just from the reverent silence of the guests.

I nod at Bear, to show appreciation. To tell him I promise I will.

"What I don't know personally, is a love like the one you two share—a combination of every love. I'm not that lucky. And I'll be honest in saying I didn't believe it existed, until I saw you two crazy old men holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes like you'd just won the Olympics and the Stanley Cup at the same time."

I smile, remembering the first time I met Bear, how he came over to give me the shovel talk, and how all of Jules' other teammates followed after. He's the best choice for this, because he always makes Jules feel safe, and that's transferred to me as well in the few months I've known him.

He places our hands on top of his before continuing. "But thanks to you, I'm a believer. Thanks to you, I can hope that one day, it'll be my lucky day."

The silence stretches for a long moment, and I see a tear slip out of Jules' eye. My smile only gets wider. This is without a doubt, one of the two happiest moments of my life. "Now, the grooms will exchange vows." Bear steps back, and Jules turns his hand to hold mine. I reach for the other hand and nod at him to start with an encouraging smile.

"Ster, you're the one that's good with words between us, so I'm afraid I don't know how to express what you mean to me. The way you and our family have changed my life. All I can do now is vow to love you, Jamie, and our angel forever. I promise to always put our family first, I promise not to wake you up at six in the morning every day." I can't help the laugh, that's a promise I can get behind, and I'll hold him to it, too. "I promise that whatever life throws at us, we'll face standing together, and I promise to always cheer you on."

"That's more than I need from you." I lean in for a kiss. "Love you, baby boy," I whisper against his lips, then clear my throat.

"You say I'm the one with all the words, but right now I forgot everything I memorized." Our guests laugh lightly and Jules is the one giving me a gentle smile then. "I promise to love you for the rest of my life Jules. There's no one in the world I would rather grow old with. I promise to always cheer for you too, to support you with kindness every day in whatever you want to do. I promise I will never forget how precious you are, and to cherish you until the end of my days."

Jules looks like he's about to launch himself at me, but Bear starts speaking again before he can.

"Now, by the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, and with everyone here as witness, I declare you married. You may kiss."

My boy almost tackles me to the ground, and mixed into his kiss, I can taste our tears of joy, of happiness.

"Fuck, I love you," he tells me between kisses. "I need you, Ster."

I smirk and tell him, "After the pictures we'll have a while to ourselves, baby. I'll take care of you."

His eyes get darker with desire, and I know I'm the luckiest man alive.