Chapter 5

5

Wild’s face hovered over me.

I diverted my unfocused gaze from the ceiling of my quarters to look at him. I managed to summon a single word. “Hello.”

“Hello. You okay?”

Depends.My mind and energy were gone. Was that an issue? I couldn’t even be bothered downloading my day into the quipu. “Big day.”

“You were busy. How did the talk with Sage go?”

“I convinced her to a trial of the job. Told her it would be the same process and procedure. That she’d be supported in the role. That the coven needed her.” All true.

I gestured to the letter on my stomach. “A little something from your parents.”

Wild picked up the parchment, reading aloud, “High Esteemed Tempest, we congratulate you on your accession. Per our agreement, the original coven upholds their obligations of the contract held between our covens with the enclosed.”He glanced up. “What was enclosed?”

“A box of novice charms.”

He growled, crumbling the letter. “That doesn’t uphold their responsibilities in our alliance.”

I’d negotiated their support against the demons and future threats while standing over Wild’s body. They’d apparently decided not to uphold that in good will. “It does uphold it at the bare minimum. It’s a message of what we can expect from them.”

He ran a hand through his brown hair. “Shouldn’t have expected any different.”

“No.” I sat up, folding my legs on the couch.

Wild sat next to me.

“Unfortunately,” I said, “what the original coven does is important to how other covens perceive us. I received a stack of letters. The original coven has whispered in the ears of other high esteemed already. There were several congratulatory notes that also conveyed the unfortunate inability of such-and-such coven to risk their members to our cause.”

Wild stilled. “How many?”

“The majority. A few have voiced their support and resources. Seven.”

“That’s something.”

Until they learned what I was.

“You know what you need to do then,” he said.

I nodded. “Yes. The coven won’t like it.”

“No, and I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

I rested my head on his shoulder.

We sat there for a time.

“Any luck speaking to your demon again?” he asked softly.

I shook my head. “I think speaking through me to the other demon and adding her magic to the barrier over the gate in Varden’s room wore her out. Her smoke is still in my divination affinity, but she’s tucked away inside and hasn’t come out.”

Wild didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to.

“That worries you,” I stated.

He forced a smile. “I like to worry about you. What’s she doing now?”

I closed my eyes and traveled up my divination affinity. There was a time when I only had to step into the affinity to find her mist of black smoke. Now, I drifted for a time until stopping before her nest. “Anyone home?”

The black smoke swirled lazily. No red eyes, no hissing. No demon smile that I was growing to like. “If you’re hurt, then I’d like to help. Just tell me how.”

Her absence hadn’t concerned me to this point, but a week had passed, and I felt a twinge in my gut. “I really hope you’re okay in there.”

I waited.

Nothing.

After another minute, I retreated from my magic and pulled a face at Wild. “She’s not answering. She’s been gone for a while…”

His expression was smooth. “She could be recovering, as you say. What other reason could there be?”

He was holding back on something. I went along with his questions for the moment. “That my magus side has become too strong for her to occupy a space within me.”

Wild nodded. “You were worried about that a while ago—when she retreated farther up your affinity.”

I had been. “I don’t feel different.” I broke off.

“What?”

Dang. “I do feel better.”

“In what way?”

“More centered. I’ve never felt anything like when I centered this morning before my accession. Maybe the group setting was the reason for that. I’d thought maybe the fourth affinity had affected me too. Like that might have aligned the rest of my magic.”

Wild leaned back on the couch, one of his arms resting behind me. “You believe your demon was the cause of struggling with chaos.”

“Perhaps. I’d only struggled with that since my family’s murder, so I always expected that was the cause. Since being here, I’ve wondered if my demon was always the one saving me from chaos, not causing it—as though she would put herself in the driver’s seat when I was on the brink.”

“You’re speaking human.”

I rephrased. “Put herself in charge when I was giving up.”

Wild was quiet.

“You have a theory,” I said eventually.

“Not a theory. More… an observation. Two of them.”

Of course he did, or he wouldn’t be a grimoire. “Shoot then.”

“You recently dove right into chaos to save my life.”

I shuddered at the memory. I could safely say that I’d only felt that terrified once in my life—when I knew my grandmother, mother, and sister were lost to me. “Are you saying our capacity for chaos altered after going through that? Like we’ve experienced the worst it can be, and now the day-to-day stuff doesn’t feel as bad?”

He hummed. “You think our resilience has grown and our perspective has changed? That could have merit. I’ve wondered whether there may not be some latent effect of surviving that. Some scar that wasn’t immediately obvious.”

I definitely had a scar from it. So did Wild. There was a reason we’d thrown ourselves into a week of bedroom antics. Several reasons, but forgetting that hell was one of them. “You think there was a price to pay, and that price was my demon?”

“There are signs of her there still.” He shook his head. “More that maybe she couldn’t follow you into that space. We made the chaos pact, but perhaps she couldn’t fulfill it.”

“Your creature is around?”

“Yes, but my creature is a mimic only, not a true demon.” Wild lifted a shoulder. “I don’t see that my theory changes what you’ve already decided. If the connection has been harmed, then time should heal it. If she’s recharging from too much magical expenditure, then time will heal her too.”

And if it didn’t? “You said you had two observations. What’s the other one?” I felt his reluctance swim to the surface. “I can handle it, Wild.”

“I’ve worried you enough already.”

“Not knowing what may worry me further will only worry me more than it should.”

Wild’s lips quirked. “An excellent point. We’ve had a busy week.”

Had we ever.

He continued, “When we gained this bond, we decided to wait until we could wrap our heads around the new changes. I assumed that was the case this time.”

Did I need time to acclimatize to four affinities? Yes. Although, grimoire didn’t pop out of the ground to slap me in the face one morning. The affinity had come on in increments. First with more curiosity, then with the ability to borrow Wild’s grimoire magic to weave it into my barriers. I’d read more books in the last month than I had in my adult life. The magic was new to me, but also not. Unlike the bond we’d gained, the affinity felt more natural and like something that I could explore and understand over time. “That’s an issue for you?”

“Since the last step in the ritual, your chest has started glowing,” Wild said, watching my reaction.

My brows shot up. “What?”

“The glowing grows brighter every day. It’s hard to focus on your face through it now.”

“Can anyone else see it?”

“I asked Sven. The glowing is just for me.”

I blinked. “That’s why you’re always looking at my boobs.”

“No. That’s because you have fantastic breasts, and I’d like to spend my time rubbing my face between them.”

That’s what I’d assumed actually.

Wild paused, then said, “You haven’t noticed the same about me?”

“That you’re some kind of sexy Care Bear?” That was something I might’ve picked up.

“What’s a Care Bear?”

“A toy that shoots a beam of love out of its chest, or something like that. Good stuff.”

“Right. I don’t look like a Care Bear, then?”

I frowned. “No. Why do you think only you can see it?”

His expression was smooth again. “Unsure.”

“Maybe this step in the ritual is different.” Wild usually felt the press of the mating ritual more strongly than me. He’d also stepped into his role and purpose with total confidence since our night in the cave. When I hadn’t felt anything in the last week, I’d wondered if the mating ritual was over. Apparently not.

Was this thing one-sided from here?

I didn’t like that. “Not like we have a book to read on the topic. All we can do is wait.” Just like the wait for my demon to reappear.

Wild pulled me against his side. “And I’m content to do so. It’s nothing to worry about.”

There was that word again.

I rested a hand on his chest over his pendants, feeling the warmth of his body through his token black tunic. “No. Nothing to worry about.”