Leon

Leaning on the fence, I watched Elliot and Reno paint one of the storage sheds. When I had a moment to spare, I would try reading what was going on between them, see if I could sense anything good growing or at least anything potentially bad that might spring up.

Yet, no matter what I did, something always got in the way. Whatever tuned sense I had for other people failed me with the two of them. Reno was an obstinate wall that sent me bouncing off every time I tried, and Elliot was like trying to grab hold of an eel.

The only thing I could measure was that nothing had happened. Well, other than the incident a few weeks ago when they ‘mysteriously' showed up with bruises and cuts that could have only come from a fight. Yet the two had stood their ground and refused to admit it. I'd felt an absurd amount of pride, especially when they managed to withstand Mona's interrogation.

Yet there they were, acting like they had from the first day. Well, not totally. There were differences, as subtle and hidden as they were. Elliot didn't talk quite as much as before, but he didn't seem sullen or wounded. Reno still had the same sour expression most of the time, but I would swear he responded to Elliot with more than just curt insults. It was almost enough to say something was improving, but I couldn't be?—

"Keep staring like that, and a certain good doctor might hear and get jealous," a warm, wry voice chided me from behind.

I turned to find Riley standing behind me, a wide-brim hat perched on his head and a shovel in his hand. "Oh goody, you're starting the jokes as well."

Riley tilted his face down, bearing the wide, warm smile that was as much a part of him as his blond hair and the faint freckles on his boyish face. "Well, I wouldn't call it a joke."

"Certainly sounds like one," I said, looking around. "Where's your leash holder?"

"Oh, now who's making jokes?"

"I wouldn't call it a joke."

He laughed at that. "Max is getting supplies. Apparently, I have the joy of digging fenceposts and ditches today. So he's getting water and…other things."

"Other things?"

"Yeah, don't ask me; he was all mysterious about it. Pretty sure it's something to torture me with. Who knows?"

"I feel you might know exactly what he's going to get."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. You just don't want to say it to me."

There was something almost wary in his eyes while he watched me, but it disappeared under the light of his smile. "Just so you know, I was teasing you but wasn't trying to make fun of you. From what I've heard, you and Reed are pretty nice together."

"There is no together," I told him, ignoring the small skip of my heartbeat. There was way too much between us to ever get back to where we had been when we were younger. It had started when he left to go to college, but I had been the one who had started the degradation of what was between us. It had been slow at first but grew exponentially with every passing year.

He rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean like a couple or whatever. I just meant that you two seem pretty fond of one another. That's the kind of thing I love hearing about around here. It's nice to see people who come from such…I don't know, hard backgrounds, find common ground, and develop relationships. I think it's what makes this place work so well."

"You make it sound like you're observing the place instead of being here, being one of us," I said, squinting at him.

He blinked and let out a little laugh. "Sorry. Kind of an old habit from when I was a kid. Just my way of, I don't know, looking at things around me. It can be fun, you know? To look out at what's happening around you, pull yourself back, and try to look at it without all your emotions and preconceptions."

"God, you sound like Reed sometimes," I said with a shake of my head. "College kid before you got your ass blasted by a court of law?"

He laughed again, turning to look behind him. "It's endearing how you make it sound like you're some hick who wandered out of nowhere, barely knowing how to talk."

It wasn't exactly an evasion, but it felt like one. It was enough to make me watch him a little more closely and wonder what was going on in that head of his. Riley was and continued to be very odd as far as things around here were concerned. It wasn't just the educated way he spoke. Even educated people did stupid shit, ending up behind bars. There was just something about him that made him stick out in this place. I wasn't the only one who felt he didn't belong, but I had no hard and fast reason to think it other than my gut, so I kept it to myself.

"I'm serious," he said, giving me a slight nudge. "I'm glad you have someone you can call a friend. It always seemed like you didn't have much in the way of friends, except maybe Max."

My brow shot up. "Please tell me you haven't told him that."

"What? That I think he's the closest thing to a friend you have?"

"Wow! That's just…I don't want to say insulting because Max is a decent guy but, Jesus, if that's friendship to you, I'm worried."

He rolled his eyes. "I said it was the closest thing to a friend I thought you had. Now I know the two of you respect each other and get along. From what I heard, Reed gets top spot for friendship with you."

Max appeared from around the corner, a scowl settling in when he found Riley. "Goddammit, I told you not to wander off. Why are you harassing Leon?"

"I wouldn't call it harassing," Riley said with a smirk as he turned around. "I'm just talking to him."

"Between you and Elliot, I don't know who's ‘talking' is the most harassing," Max told him with a snort, eyes darting over Riley.

I shook my head. "Get your pain in the ass out of here. I already have enough of my own without taking in your abandoned ones."

"Ugh, I wish I could abandon this one somewhere on the side of the road. It would bring peace back to my life," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"He both means that and doesn't," Riley said.

"How much are you willing to bet on that?" Max asked gruffly. "I've already endured two hours of you talking and singing."

"He complains," Riley said, surprising me by looping an arm around Max's forearm and pulling him back, "but he'd miss me after a day…maybe two or three."

"Like hell I would," Max grumbled as he shockingly allowed himself to be touched and dragged back. "Be the most peace and quiet I've got in a long ass time."

"C'mon, grumpy," Riley said with a laugh, letting go and twisting away with a merry laugh. "Let's go break our backs trying to dig up this sunbaked hellscape."

"Why does he always sound so damn happy about busting his ass?" Max asked with a sigh and then looked at me. "Aren't you supposed to be doing something? Or are you still being paranoid about the Chipmunk and Badger?"

"Badger?" I asked, arching a brow.

He gestured behind me. "Reno."

"Yeah, I got that, thank you. Why a badger?"

"You ever seen anything on those things? North American badgers are some of the most aggressive things on this planet. They do not give a fuck and will fight you."

"I…how do you know that?"

"I'm allowed to know things."

"You've been watching nature documentaries, haven't you?"

Max scowled even harder, which was the only answer I needed as he turned away. "Pretty sure I saw you were supposed to have afternoons in the clinic. Go hang out with the guy you're totally not into and see how you can help him."

"Get out of here," I grumbled, resisting the urge to push him away. I didn't know what Riley had done to be allowed to touch Max of all people with impunity, but I knew I was not on that list. Hell, I didn't even know that list existed, though I suppose the guy had his freedom and probably wanted to get laid once in a while.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," Max said with a wave over his shoulder. "You get going too. Those two aren't suddenly going to break out in a giant fight."

It was weird for Max to have much to say about what I should or shouldn't be doing. Usually, the guy didn't care what other people did if it wasn't directly annoying him, a threat to his animals, or something outright dangerous for people or the ranch. As far as Max was concerned, other people's business was their own and of no interest to him. Was being forced to deal with someone one-on-one, as Mona had done by putting Riley under his care, somehow making him more personable?

Huh, I guess I had to hand it to her. She seemed to have a good measure of what people needed. Though knowing Mona, she hadn't told him why she suddenly decided he needed to be a mentor when he wasn't even in the program anymore, let alone being interested in doing it. She was willing to use any tactic to get what she wanted, even if what she wanted was ultimately better for others.

Then again, I glanced over at Reed and Elliot. I supposed I wasn't a whole lot better. Those two had been in a desperate situation, their backs to the wall, and I had taken advantage. They'd had no choice but to accept the offer to be stuck with one another to see if they could work things out. Reno had known it was his last and only chance to stay in the program, and Elliot, well, I'd taken advantage of his good nature and let him realize that without him agreeing as well, Reno would be screwed.

Had that been Mona's intention, letting me try my hand at a little ‘positive' manipulation?

I pushed the thought away, knowing Max was right, and if I took any longer, I would officially be late for my shift at the clinic. It was still strange that Mona had decided I needed to broaden my horizons in what felt like such a late stage of being here at the ranch. After all, it wasn't like I didn't have enough to occupy myself, and I hadn't shown any interest in expanding into medical training.

Not that my curiosity mattered much, Mona wasn't going to give me information, and I knew it. The best I could do was continue with her new plan and see what came of it.

What satisfied me, though, was walking through the double doors into the clinic. We were inching toward the end of the summer, but it was still blazing hot until almost October, and today was no different. The clinic was a blast of refreshing, if bracing, cold air that washed over me and forced a sigh of pleasure.

A chuckle drew my attention, and I found Dr. Greenway standing behind the desk, peering at me. "Good afternoon, Mr. Hardy. You seem to be enjoying the air conditioning."

"It's a nice change from being boiled alive," I said with a chuckle. "You're looking as good as ever, Dr. Greenway."

Which was true. She was a good-looking woman, but I had a hard time gauging her age. I guessed she was somewhere in her late forties to early fifties, but mostly because of the way she carried herself. It wasn't anything specific, just a blend of confidence, understanding, and wisdom that spoke of having been kicking around the planet for a bit. It certainly didn't show in her face, where she had wrinkles around her eyes to show how much they creased, and her black hair was streaked with silver, but hell, I had spotted a few gray hairs last month in my hair, and I was only thirty-three.

She laughed softly, shaking her head. "I'll take the compliment for what it was. You're not the type to butter me up because you want extra pain meds. And as a bonus, I'm pretty sure I'm not your type."

If this was another Reed comment, I was going to lose my mind. "Can't say I need any meds, so we're safe. You can have the compliment for free."

"Ah, so gracious," she said, touching her hand to her chest. "And I'll be honest, it wasn't you I was expecting to come through the door."

"Uh, I was on the roster for a shift here," I said, wondering if I'd misread the schedule on the bulletin board.

"I know that," she said. "I just meant that Reed is normally early for his shift, and now he's fifteen minutes late."

I blinked, feeling a little nervous. "Uh, I can go look for him. I know where his cabin is, though he should be coming back from lunch."

The door buzzed open, and Reed came into the lobby. My heart slammed into my chest at the sight of blood smeared over his shirt. I stepped forward as he motioned for me, and only then did I realize he wasn't alone. There was another guy. I took a moment to recognize Dylan, a Tier Two who had been under Dane's mentorship until his graduation to Tier One five months before. There was a nasty gash along his eyebrow and down the side of his face.

"Get his other arm," Reed told me in a firm and completely in control voice. "Alice, I've got a facial laceration here and a possible concussion."

"Ooh, someone got their bell rung," Dr. Greenway said with a whistle. "You two get him into room three."

I didn't know where room three was, but I did as I was told, hooking an arm around Dylan's waist and helping him into the room. I followed Reed's lead, brought him to the exam table, and laid him down.

"Step back if you would," Reed told me, and I found myself doing just that, getting out of his way and pressing against a wall next to a chair. "Hey, Dylan, you with me now?"

"Uh…yeah?" Dylan managed, blinking his left eye where all the blood was collecting.

"I'm going to need you to keep your left eye closed. Can you do that?"

"What one?"

"Left…no, your other left. There you go, perfect, hold that closed. You don't want blood in it."

"Blood?" Dylan asked, fear making his voice sharper and his slur disappear. "Oh shit!"

"Don't worry, Dr. Greenway and I will get you covered. It doesn't look bad. But we're going to need to see how bad it is," Reed said, seeming to make cleaning supplies magically appear from nowhere. I hadn't even seen him put on gloves, but he had got to work, cleaning the wound quickly and peering over it as more blood came out.

"Ooh," I muttered, hoping no one heard me as I caught sight of the gash. It looked pretty nasty to me, but Reed looked unfazed until he shot me a dirty look that clearly said, ‘You're not helping. Shut up.'

So I did.

"So, I've got good news, and I've got bad news for you, Dylan, and then I have great news."

"Uh…bad news?"

"You're getting staples, and it's going to suck."

"Fuck."

"Good news, you'll have an awesome scar to win people over by telling them a cool story. Just don't tell them you lost a fight with an old board. That's less sexy."

"And what's the great news?"

"You're going to stay in the clinic for the rest of the day and probably the night, so you get a night off," Reed said, backing up and turning around.

I hadn't even realized Dr. Greenway had been standing in the doorway, waiting patiently until the attention was on her. "Get yourself cleaned up, Reed, and introduce this one to more than a minor disaster. I think I can handle this."

"Sure," Reed said. I could see him hesitate, and I wondered why. It wasn't like Dr. Greenway was the type to screw something up, especially if it was simple. And it wasn't like she was the type to try to steal his thunder, either.

"Hey there, Dylan, back so soon after the broken toe?" Dr. Greenway asked as she snapped on gloves.

"Did…did he call you Alice?" Dylan asked as I followed Reed through the door and into the hallway.

"He did," I heard as I closed the door behind me. "But if you try calling me that, I might forget how to aim, and when I'm putting staples in, you don't want that. Do you?"

"Ahh," but that was all I heard as I walked off snickering.

Reed was heading toward the back, and considering I had been assigned to him, I followed. I followed him into what looked like a mix between a laundry room and a break room, with two washers and dryers in one corner and a small table next to a counter with a microwave on top, next to which stood a refrigerator. Which made some sense, but the opaque glass-covered shower in the other corner was kind of strange.

"Interior decorating at its finest," I said, raising a brow. "Not a whole lot of room."

I saw the corner of his lips curl up as he approached the cabinet next to the shower. "They ran out of budget. It was either make the accommodation for the staff better or make the exam rooms easier to use. Dr. Greenway decided to go for the latter, and from what I'm told, that old coot Dr. Gideon begrudgingly agreed with her. He only wanted a better place to nap if you ask me."

"You and your grudge against Dr. Gideon," I said with a laugh as I listened to him grumble. "Are you still mad that he told you you needed to wear shirts that fit you better?"

Reed stopped rummaging and peered at me curiously. "You remember that story?"

"Yes, Reed, I remember the stories you tell me. It happens once in a blue moon," I said with an irritated roll of my eyes. Just because things between us were odd didn't mean I didn't care about what happened to him or what he had to say. Plus, it wasn't all that often he got ruffled by something; it was strangely amusing to see the older doctor get on his nerves so easily.

He watched me for a moment before grabbing the bottom of his stained shirt and yanking it over his head. All my irritation disappeared in the wake of the flash of heat that shot through me instantly. For the past couple of years, all I'd seen of Reed was him completely dressed, save for the occasional flash of skin.

But here he was, upper body bared to the world. Despite not being out on the ranch doing manual labor, he certainly hadn't been slacking. Admittedly, he wasn't as toned or built as some of the other guys, but there was still plenty of skin to admire. His chest glistened under the overhead lights from the blond hairs that speckled it, marred only by the blood that had leaked through onto his skin. That was quickly alleviated when he walked over to a nearby sink and began scrubbing until the blood was gone.

"Wow," he said as he scrubbed the last of it off. "I didn't realize you were that upset."

"What?" I asked, feeling my face warm as I forced myself to stop staring at him and imagining what I could do with him and his half-naked body if I had a little more privacy. Nothing I hadn't already done with him, but that was hardly the point. "I'm not upset."

He glanced at me as he dropped the rag he'd been using into a bin. "I couldn't tell if you were upset about what happened or because I acted surprised that you remembered a story I told you."

"I was annoyed for a moment," I admitted with a shrug. "But it passed."

"Went away just like that?"

"I don't hold onto little irritations."

"Leon, you always hold onto small irritations. It's kind of a miracle you even admitted you were irritated in the first place."

"Some things change."

"Yeah, kind of like how you were irritated, then that changed right after I started to change," he said with a snort as he walked over to grab the shirt he'd pulled out and began putting it on.

If my face hadn't been red before, it certainly was now. "Shut the hell up."

He laughed as he pulled the shirt down and straightened it. I could see what Dr. Gideon meant; Reed could get away with wearing a bigger size. Not that I was ever going to tell him that, of course. I might not know what to do with the feelings I still had for him, but that didn't mean I was going to willingly shoot myself in the foot and rid myself of good eye candy.

"Don't you get enough of shirtless, sweaty men working here?" he asked as he closed the cabinet and tossed his soiled shirt away.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not walking around treating this place like a meat market, Reed. I'm a fucking mentor, for fuck's sake. Do you know how fucked up it would be for a mentor to screw around with their mentees? Not to mention how much trouble I'd get in for something like that."

There were plenty of rules at the ranch, not nearly as many as prison, but they still existed. And one of them was definitely no screwing around with people when you were a mentor. You could get away with it if you were dealing with another Tier One, there were no moral ramifications there, and you wouldn't get strung up by Mona. Of course, if there were things like that going on, people didn't talk about it much.

The fact that people teased Reed and me about our awkwardness told me they didn't believe anything was happening. I would even bet that a good chunk, probably most of them, didn't think we wanted anything to do with one another in a romantic or sexual sense, just two awkward people. Sex in prison was an open secret, you didn't talk about it, but you knew it happened. Some people paired up, and others were open season or free agents looking to keep themselves out of trouble. That kind of attitude created a very strange view of guy-on-guy interactions.

Reed chuckled. "I wasn't talking about your mentees, Reed. Plus, I'm pretty sure you could enjoy looking without ever touching."

I raised a brow. "Oh? You enjoy getting a look at guys in here, then?"

"Okay, point made," he said with a soft laugh as he went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. "But hey, Tier One's are still open. I'd be surprised if someone like Dane didn't get propositioned when no one was looking."

I hated the ugly feeling of jealousy that bubbled up at the sound of Reed admitting someone else was attractive. It wasn't like I had a claim on him, for fuck's sake. We had broken up when we were nineteen. Neither of us had ever tried to reignite anything between then and when I'd finally faded into my…mess. There was nothing there for me to hold onto, but I still felt the squirm.

"I haven't propositioned Dane, and I don't want to," I told him with a huff.

"Alright," he said with a chuckle, holding a drink out to me. "Honestly, I'd be shocked if anyone hasn't tried to hit you up for something."

Well, this conversation was quickly becoming uncomfortable and I was sure it showed on my face. "It…I don't like this conversation very much."

Reed laughed. "That's a yes. Not that I'm surprised."

"It hasn't happened lately," I said, feeling a little defensive at the thought despite, once again, neither of us having a claim on the other.

"Heh, still shocking," he said with a shrug, taking a deep drink.

"Not really. Guys here want to make sure they get through the program. Trying to screw around where they shouldn't isn't the best idea."

"Yeah, because people here are well known for their good judgment calls."

"Well…sure, I just…it hasn't happened. Plus, most of the guys here have much more privacy and availability to…take care of things themselves. They don't need to get desperate like they do behind bars."

"Uh-huh, and I'm sure guys would only hit you up because they're desperate."

"That's not what I mean," I sputtered, glaring at him. "I just meant that most of the time when guys are doing stuff like that behind bars, it's because they don't have access to take care of things."

"Funny, I always wondered if they did that because they didn't have access to women or because they just like the power dynamic."

Jesus, were we really having a debate about why a noticeable portion of guys behind bars turned to gay sex? Well, it wasn't always just sex. There was plenty of attempted rape as well…and successful. You quickly learned to avoid certain places and not be alone if you could help it. I'd stayed as far away from that entire aspect of prison life and hadn't found or wanted to have a ‘prison wife.' And apparently, I'd been big enough, or perhaps mean enough looking, that no one had forced the issue.

"I mean, yeah," I said. "It's prison. It's not a nice place. You're either strong and tough enough to be left alone, or you're like that and want to feel all big and tough over other people. Or you're the kind that needs protection. But we don't have those dynamics here at the ranch, Reed. There's so many fucking different things that get in the way of people needing to act like that."

A shadow crossed Reed's face. "I don't know about needing to act like that, but I take your point."

"I…did something happen while you were…before you came here?" I asked cautiously, knowing this was dangerous ground for either of us to be treading. I was risking bringing up an uncomfortable and potentially horrible memory for him, one that would trigger every protective instinct I had.

"Not really," he said with a shrug. "There wasn't much of that to worry about for me. I mostly stuck to people who weren't into that sort of thing and kept alert. Worked pretty well for me. The program grabbed me up pretty quick, actually."

"Yeah, not surprised by that," I said with a snort. "With your background, I'm sure they saw a prime opportunity to get someone in the program who could make it look good."

"Wow, that's pretty cynical from someone who just hyped the program up."

"What?" I asked in confusion. "It's probably true. Don't get me wrong, I believe in the program, and I feel like everyone here believes in it too, but that doesn't mean they won't take some easy ways out here and there. Gotta pump up the numbers so their investors stay interested."

It wasn't a secret that the ranch ran off government funds and private investors. Both sources of money would only stay steady if the program was successful, and the more successful, the more investors there were. I doubted they saw any outright returns, but it probably made them look good. Goodwill could go a long way, not as much as money could, but hell, there were probably a lot of benefits to being the type of rich bastard who could throw money at a place like this.

"Uh-huh, so I'm an easy pick, huh?" he asked, raising a brow.

I watched him for a moment, trying to figure out if I had somehow stepped on a toe or two. "I mean, unless you did something terrible that wiped out everything else, I can't see how you wouldn't be a prime pick."

"Prime pick," he repeated with a laugh.

"Yeah," I said, feeling defensive. "Like, take Riley, for instance. That guy is guaranteed to get through the program in record time and with no issues unless you count getting decked by Reno."

"Don't your incident reports require you to say who is responsible for what's going on?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Then I'd say it doesn't count against Reno."

"And I mean, even people like Elliot count. The guy's a little weird and gets on people's nerves, but he's not had any behavioral problems. The only one of note is when he tried to fight Reno. And if that's the worst he's done since he's been here, that's nothing."

"And I fit that bill?"

"Haven't heard of you getting into trouble. And outside whatever you did to get locked up in the first place, I can't imagine there was too much to make you look like a problem case."

I didn't know why, but that made him laugh. "You've given this much more thought than I ever have."

Which inexplicably made me self-conscious. It probably had to do with the fact that I'd never really spoken of the program or my feelings about it to anyone, not at any length. Most guys, when they came here, would come with the belief that it was a better place than prison, which was true, and that it was a fast track to get through their sentence, which was also true.

At some point, though, most of them came to see there was a lot more to the program than just those things. It was genuinely a chance for them to get their lives back on track or onto an entirely different track than before. They were being given the opportunity to make something of themselves eventually. Not always, of course. Some coasted right up to Tier One and into graduation just on good behavior alone.

Sometimes, I wondered what happened to those who graduated. Not just immediately after they got out but in the weeks and months afterward. How many of them continued to try to improve their lives? How many of them found themselves falling back into old habits? How many would end up in prison again after a year, two, or three?

"Maybe it's a mentor thing," I said, then snorted, rubbing my neck nervously. "Or maybe it's like you always used to say, and I'm just taking things too seriously again."

He smiled, and I thought I detected some fondness in it. "Eh, I don't think you're taking it too seriously. I mean, being a mentor is a pretty big deal, isn't it?"

"Why do you say that like a question?"

"Because if you think it's a big deal, it's probably a big deal."

"Aren't you the one who always said I gave too much thought to the wrong things?"

He grinned. "Sometimes, you do. Sometimes, you don't. It's hard to say with the version of Leon I know now."

It was the first time since I'd run into him in this very clinic that either of us had admitted what different people we were and just how little we knew about one another now. It had been around five years since I'd last seen him when I'd come into the clinic for a pain reliever, and who knew what had happened to either of us in that time? For that matter, we had started to drift for a few years before that, learning less and less about one another's lives as the months ticked by with growing distance.

Now I wondered what had happened to that guy he'd been dating the last time we'd spoken. Had it simply fizzled out? Had someone cheated or got bored, did their lives go in different directions that couldn't be reconciled? Just how were his mother's breathing problems doing? Or did he even talk to them anymore, or had they distanced themselves after he'd been arrested?

Jesus, we really were strangers who also somehow weren't.

"Fuck," I muttered, shaking my head. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" he asked, frowning in confusion.

"I just…I realized how much of a gap there is between us," I admitted with a grimace. "We used to be so close and know so much about one another. And now we just…don't. We could practically be different people and not even know it."

He gave me a bemused look. "You just figured that out?"

I scowled. "I've been distracted."

"You mean you've been avoiding facing it because you felt bad about it, and I let it happen."

"I mean, yeah, I guess."

"Which makes us both equally responsible, and there's no point in beating yourself up."

I rolled my eyes. "You don't take shit seriously, you know that? No wonder Elliot likes you."

He smirked. "I take a lot of things seriously. I took my studies seriously and I took my job before I got locked up seriously. I take my job here seriously and what I did to get locked up seriously. I took our friendship seriously and our relationship seriously, for as long as they lasted."

I looked away at that last bit, guilt and shame building inside me. "For the record, I'm still sorry that we couldn't…that we didn't?—"

"Leon," Reed said softly, laying a hand on my forearm and squeezing gently. "You couldn't follow me, I get it, okay? You had to stay behind to ensure Ray and Ian had someone there to take care of them."

That had been true. Ray had just entered junior high, and Ian had been entering his freshman year of high school. Ian had insisted on taking a summer job and wanting to try to find odd jobs while he was in school despite my protest that he should do fun shit, like join a club, hang out with friends, and keep up his classes. If I had left, no matter how much money I could make somewhere else, my brother would inevitably have followed in my footsteps and tried taking care of Ray in my stead.

"And you couldn't have stayed," I said, now knowing what I knew. "You had a whole future ahead of you, with a plan. I would have never demanded that you stay behind and languish. You needed to get out and do great things."

Reed grinned, though there wasn't as much humor in it as usual. "Yeah, I've done a lot of great things. Just look at the progress I've made. A pioneer."

His sarcasm was scathing, and I winced. "I guess we can't always account for when we screw up, huh?"

"No, not really."

"You know, as shocked as I was to walk into the clinic and see you for the first time in years, you know what really surprised me when I walked off and recovered?"

"That I was even here in the first place?"

"Exactly. You never did a fucking illegal thing in your life, and rule-breaking wasn't exactly in your repertoire."

"I don't know about that. My parents might disagree when it came to dating you."

I wrinkled my nose at the unpleasant reminder. Despite ‘trying' to be progressive, they had fallen short when they'd discovered that not only was their only child gay, but he was dating me. As far as they were concerned, that was unacceptable, and they put their foot down. Either Reed ended all contact with me, or he would have to go through college without their funding.

"I still can't believe you told them no," I said with a shake of my head. "You had the perfect opportunity just to bow your head and let it happen. It wasn't like they had to know we were going to keep contact. You could basically have had a free ride."

He chuckled. "You know, I'm sure I could have, but I didn't want it. They'd always disliked that you and I were friends, even if they did a bad job hiding it from you."

"Yeah, a really bad job. I knew."

"But they didn't fight me until they got hit by the double whammy. All of a sudden, they wanted to be participating parents. Pissed me off is what it did. Like, they did the bare minimum raising me, and I use ‘raising' in the loosest way possible, but now, all of a sudden, they want to be a parent? No, no thank you. At that point, I didn't need them to finance me. Loans would do me just fine."

"You know, this is the first time you've ever said that," I said, cocking my head. "All you told me back then was that you wouldn't do anything like that, and they could deal with it. Even when I told you there was no way they would just deal with it. You kept your course."

"Because I knew if I tried to tell you the reason, you'd get mad."

"What, no, I wouldn't have."

"Seriously? If I tried to tell you I was fighting them on principle, you would have told me I was stupid, stubborn, and throwing away a perfectly good opportunity."

"I mean, all three of those things are true."

"And it was stupid and stubborn to pretend like you never needed help, but you did at every turn, and I mostly let it happen without a fight. Your whole life was you throwing good opportunities away because you felt like you had to," he said, arching a brow. "You're one of the most determined, hardworking, dedicated, and resourceful people I've ever known, but you never let yourself use that for your own benefit. You always sacrificed yourself on the altar of other people."

"I…okay, wow…you just…threw that out there," I said, eyes going wide.

He smirked. "That one's been loaded in the chamber for ages now. I just wasn't as good at putting things into words back then like I can get away with now, and I also gave it a lot of thought. A lot of angry thought after you disappeared on me."

"Right," I said, trying not to avoid eye contact but unable to help myself. "Not my finest moment."

"I'm over that."

"Really?"

"Well, mostly."

"There's a lot to that. None of it makes up for what I did, though. Or is a good excuse."

"I wasn't looking for you to make up for what you did or to make a good excuse, Leon. I was just happy to see you again, and I've been happy to see you every day since."

I raised a brow. "I don't come in here every day."

"You know, there are windows in this place, and you have to walk past here for most of the things you do."

"Ah, right. That makes sense."

"It does."

"Can I, uh…say I'm sorry again?"

"You can, but it's going to be just as accepted as your first apology. There's no point in endlessly saying sorry."

"Okay," I said as I heard a door open down the hallway. "Would it be too late to say I'd like to get to know you again?"

"It's a little late, but not too late," he said, looking down and his smile fading. "I can't exactly say I'm not as equally responsible for us not reconnecting. I've been just as distant."

"Okay, so let's try to make things less distant."

"I think I could manage that," he said, and where I expected a smile, I could only see that troubled expression.

"I…look, if it's too much trouble, or you don't want to, I wouldn't blame you," I said quickly.

He looked up, blinking before the expression on his face cleared, and he smiled at me. "No, sorry. Just realized we've been standing around shooting the shit, and if I don't get you introduced to things, Alice is going to have my balls nailed to the wall."

"Well, let's not keep the tour waiting," I said with a shrug. "It's not like I don't have the time today. I'm all yours."

"Yeah, did you see the schedule?"

"For the next couple of weeks, actually. Quite a few things got rotated around, and it seems like you and I will see a lot of one another."

"So that's why you decided to try to reconnect?"

"I…well, not exactly that. Well, not just that," I said with a wince. I had been surprised to see the changes, and I had realized something had to give if I was going to be forced into proximity with Reed for the next couple of weeks. It had been a while since the last time they had changed rotations that much, and I wondered if this was Mona having one of her random moments of whimsy or if this was going to stick. Either way, it made sense that I should try to bridge some of the gap between Reed and me.

"You're just as bad at lying now as you were back then," he said, nudging me. "C'mon, I'll give you the proper tour and lay some things out. And while you get your feet wet, we can start the same way we did all those years ago when you kissed me."

"How so?" I wondered, brain stuttering at the memory.

"A little at a time," he said and pushed me.

I supposed I could live with that.