22. Lamb

Chapter Twenty-Two

LAMB

E very mile that disappeared beneath the car made Ash wind tighter and tighter. Her tension traveled like an infection, the car growing quiet and anxious. Words sat paused on the tip of her tongue. She swallowed them every time, turning back toward the window, eyes looking far beyond the glass.

I knew what she was struggling with. Or rather, whom .

Ash had only one connection to this world, and the last time she’d been at the club, she had severed it. Now, every minute that passed brought her closer and closer to the moment of confrontation. As cold and clean as she’d been about it, the wound left behind had festered in her for a long time. It was raw and painful, having never even begun to heal.

Her hands were clammy, and her fingers shifted restlessly as she tried to worm away. I didn’t let her. I kept our interlocked palms pressed against my thigh, the physical anchor relaxing my tension and growing fiercely in my chest.

I’d tested Ash’s reaction to Anna before, and the bitter taste still sat in my mouth. I didn’t want to see her retreat into herself if this went poorly. Nevertheless, this had to happen, and there was no way out this time. The only path was forward.

Huge metal gates rose into view, and a moment later, the large concrete building towered over us. Pipe was by the gate, swinging it open and letting our vehicle through.

I was sure Ash had stopped breathing by now as I could not hear even a whisper of breath from her. My thumb slipped from around hers, stretching down to her wrist and feeling the thick, thumping thrum of her heart beneath her skin. She stared out the window, as if an alternate reality had stolen her mind.

“Wait!” Jax snapped, slamming his hands hard onto the center console. He jerked forward, a string of curses falling from his lips.

I didn’t have to lean far to see what he had; the cherry red beetle was visually screaming between the array of black SUVs.

“She’s not supposed to be here,” Jax growled, snatching his phone out of his pocket and hammering his fingers onto the screen.

“What should we do?” Mint frowned, head turned toward Jax. His hands were wrapped tight around the wheel, his foot light on the pedal as the car thrummed quietly in neutral. “Should we head back?”

“We can’t go in,” Jax hissed, pulling his phone from his ear, his call unanswered. “Anna doesn’t know about this yet.”

Ash flinched in my grasp. She didn’t move. Didn’t turn. Didn’t even breathe. But her hand had grown tighter in mine, my knuckles a pearly white.

I’d had enough.

I wasn’t going to play a part in this cat-and-mouse chase. Wolf had made his decision. If he hadn’t told his old lady about it yet, that would have been his problem to solve. Now, I had my own priorities.

Ash’s hand was weak and tired as I slipped my own free. Her head whipped around, ghostly green eyes flashing to her empty palm. I didn’t spare a moment to gauge her reaction as I popped open the car door and stepped out.

I heard Jax shouting from inside the car but ignored it. I marched across the lot, past the bright red car, to the double metal doors of the clubhouse.

Mint’s voice piped up as fast feet raced behind me.

I knew Jax’s footsteps, but I didn’t stop.

I was inches from the door when the collar of my shirt noosed around my neck and Jax’s voice shouted in my ear, but it was too late.

We both barreled forward, slamming and busting through the metal doors as we burst into the main crowded room of the clubhouse.

Noise collapsed into silence as over a dozen heads turned in our direction, Jax half over my back as we fought to right ourselves.

Jax’s grip tightened on my collar, hand shaking against my back, and it took me a second to see why.

Wide blue eyes gave us a slow, careful assessment before a pale blonde brow crooked in our direction, neither surprised nor concerned at our state. “What’s got your panties in a twist this time?” Anna sighed, propping a hand onto her voluptuous hip. “Did he steal your juice box or something?”

I opened my mouth, my collar cinching in protest.

“Don’t,” Jax growled, head shaking, eyes alight with intense swirling emotions. “Not like this.”

He was pleading with me, and it wasn’t often I saw this side of any brother. It was strange and unsettling. I knew how much he cared about Anna; they were more like siblings than those bound by blood.

Unfortunately, it just wasn’t enough.

I stayed staring at my brother, watching those swirling eyes turn cold as I opened my mouth. “I have Ash outside, in the car.”

The warm sun-kissed tone of his skin washed from his face. “ Motherfucker ,” Jax hissed, dropping his hold and shoving me aside.

I turned, disheveled but free to look down at her. Our lawyer. Our president’s wife. Our MC queen.

She was still.

I’d spent years observing Anna; she was made from fire and brimstone, a volcano ready to erupt at a moment’s notice, but this wasn’t like anything I’d seen on her before. It was neither a fiery storm nor a bitter blizzard; it was just stone-cold silence.

I saw little movement beneath her features, her face able to conceal any emotion, if she felt them at all. It was like looking at a still ocean; I could see no movement despite knowing that a thousand trillion things lurked beneath the surface.

“Anna, babe,” Jax approached her, palms splayed, face a mix of uncertainty and panic. “We can explain.”

Anna’s hand shot up like a bullet, palm near slapping Jax in the face, halting him. She didn’t acknowledge him any further. Once again, her cold eyes slid to mine, no icy storm or sea of fire to be seen. She was cold, calculated, and collected.

He wasn’t her target. I was.

I met the silence of her expression, wondering if or what would be looming on my heels, whatever hell was about to break loose, or what cannon I couldn’t see coming.

“Club business or personal?”

I regarded her carefully, and her question even more so.

“Both,” I answered.

Her expression didn’t change. “Does Wolf know?”

I nodded and lied, “Only found out two days ago.”

“Okay.” Anna nodded, voice devoid of emotion, tone even and undisturbed. If she could catch my lie, she didn’t react to that either. Something was happening deep within her, tectonic plates shifting under the ocean, hidden and oblivious to those on land.

After a short, readjusting breath, she turned and walked into the depths of the clubhouse, leaving only cold, empty air following in her wake.

I watched her for a while, waiting until that pale blonde hair disappeared into the shadows.

Everybody else looked around, shellshocked; either at the news, Anna’s reaction, or perhaps both. It would be the first time hearing Ash was back on Black Angels’ land for most of them, and they’d have their own reaction to it.

A large part of me had my doubts that this would be the end of it. Another part, however, considered that Anna truly had cut off the ties that had bound the girls together. Where Ash’s wound had never begun to heal, Anna’s might already have turned into a scar.

“We’re fucked,” Jax breathed for the first time since this whole fiasco had begun. “We’re well and truly fucked.”

I sighed. “You’re overreacting.”

“I hope Wolf finds out first.” Jax slapped his hands together, and for the first time I’d ever seen, he began to pray.

“Why?”

“Because I’d rather Wolf beat me to death than deal with whatever hell Anna would summon.” He whimpered. “ I’m scared. ”

I rolled my eyes, turned on my heels, and left the poor man to his suffering.

Opening the compound doors once more, a pale-faced Mint made eye contact with me. Torn between following after me and Jax and watching Ash, he’d hung at the edge of the black SUV, door open, but his hand was anchored to the handle.

His expression didn’t change much, and I figured he didn’t know how to take my demeanor. A good reflection on the situation would be clear, considering the building hadn’t blown up and I was walking out without a bullet wound. Mint had similar thoughts as the moment passed, and I watched some tension slip from his shoulders.

I walked toward him, the thick and damp Oregan air clinging to my skin. I could taste the storm brewing on my lips. Dark clouds began to cluster at the edge of the horizon as I hurried my pace past Mint and toward the back of the car.

I gave Mint a nod, and he leaned back into the car, popping loose the locks we had installed on our cages. It helped to prevent people from escaping. Except for certain redhead with a knack for jumping cars.

I popped open the car door just as I heard Mint’s voice pop up again.

“What’d he do?” he yelled, just as I heard the telltale dragging of Jax’s boots moping across the lot.

“Told Anna,” Jax whined.

“Fuck,” Mint swore. “How long we got before hell breaks loose?”

“That’s the thing”—Jax shivered—“she didn’t care at all.”

Mint paled even further. “We’re dead.”

I took that opportunity to ignore their whimpering and swung open the door. Ash’s head jerked toward me as if she’d just seen me standing there. She mustn’t have heard me talking, or the door opening. Her pale, clouded eyes stared at me, wide and white, jerking and flickering over my face for any ounce of information she could glean.

It was a rare moment of vulnerability, where she looked to me for answers.

I wasn’t sure I had any to give.

“Let’s go.” I leaned across, devouring the soft, light scent of her skin, and popped her belt. I hadn’t realized how little we’d been near each other in the last few days. I felt like an addict falling off the wagon. Ironic, I know.

Ash didn’t move, her head spun like an owl’s, flickering over my shoulder, to the front of the car, squinting through the windshield, and then back again. Overwhelmed by information and instinct, she hadn’t even heard my words. I was like a transparent ghost around her—not seen, heard, or felt.

“ Ash,” I repeated, my tone sharper and stronger. I cupped her hands, and they felt limp and weak between mine. “ Ash.”

Still. Nothing.

I wasn’t one to be ignored, nor was I one to be patient.

I pressed my lips against hers, jerking my hand around the back of her neck, forcing her to look at nothing but me. I stared at her as I tasted her sweet, soft lips, tracing their lines with my tongue.

At first, Ash didn’t react. Her body was limp in my arms, her eyes wide and blinking. Just as I thought I hadn’t done enough, Ash’s eyes locked onto mine. Heat and surprise burst from her eyes in an uncontrolled mix that parted her mouth, hands jumping to my shirt. Fever and desire burned through our touch, our skin melting into each other, mouths demanding more and more. The taste of bitter medicine mixed on our pallets, and I pressed further to get a better taste and—

Ash struck.

Her swing struck gold, and the indent of her knuckles against my throat had me reeling back. My bruises throbbed, and my throat sputtered air as I coughed and choked, staggering a step back from the car.

I pressed my hand gingerly over my throat, protectively and soothingly, as I looked up at her.

Ash sat with both hands propped on the front seat and back, her vicious knee tucked up to her chest, lips wet and swollen. She panted, eyes wide as she looked at me, a fractured expression of both lust and anger fighting for dominance over her face.

“Now you look at me.” I smirked, ignoring the pain and thriving in the sweet satisfaction that purred deep inside. I craved that look. Pure emotion incited by me and me alone. Her whole attention was mine.

“That was unnecessary,” Ash hissed, adjusting herself in the seat as her heckles settled. Her pale green eyes were scathing as she clambered closer toward me.

I smiled sweetly, smelling her scent closing in.

Her eyes flickered to my throat, to where the dark bruising matched hers, a fracture of guilt flashing across her features. “Consider us even.” Her shoulder slammed into my side as she barged me out of the way and climbed out of the car, straight past me and into the fresh Fellpeak air.

We aren’t even. Not even close.

I turned and observed her. She stood still in the car park, long brown hair caught in the stirring winds, her back to me. A tepid coldness swirled around her, fridged but fragile as she stood on the ground she’d sworn to never return to. She was alive, and although worse for wear, she had returned.

Ash was back.

I wondered what it meant for her to be back. How she would feel. What emotions it would stir. My curiosity would never be satisfied around this woman. I would get few answers, and even fewer would I understand or relate to. But that was fine by me.

What felt like an eternity only lasted a moment. The winds began to pick up, as did Ash. She spun toward the compound and walked, her strides long and confident. This would not be like the last time she’d been here; this time, it was different.

“Hurry up, fucker,” Jax growled, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. “Lose her, and you’re dead meat.”

Jax didn’t realize how true his words were.

Except I’d never know.

Ash was mine, and I’d never let her go.

Till death do we part.

And hell, we reunite.

I stared at my warped reflection, the bars of the holding cell widening the sharp contours of my jaw and cheekbones. “I think something is wrong here.” I folded my arms over my chest, exchanging a frown with my distorted self. “Call me an idiot but—”

“You’re an idiot,” Jax cut in, a smirk wide and proud on his face.

“ But ,” I ignored him, “I think we’ve got this muddled up.”

I stared across at Wolf, his firm, shameless face tucked between his shoulders in a shrug, his visage blocked by several metal bars. Then I looked down at the floor where the bars interrupted; Wolf and Jax on one side, and myself and Ash on the other.

“It’s getting dangerous,” Wolf explained. “It’s already leaked that she’s alive.” He tossed a chin nod toward Ash, who stood quietly, watching the situation unfold. “Since we’re the ones that covered that up, bad attention will start coming our way.”

He then swung his finger around to Ash, who threw back a crooked eyebrow, defiance radiating from her own crossed arms, mimicking his posture. Regardless of the situation and height difference, I knew these two would never see eye to eye.

“I don’t need to explain why you’re in there.”

Ash didn’t argue that point. She just rolled her eyes before stalking further into the cell.

“You, on the other hand”—he swung back to me—“your brain goes to your dick when you’re around her, and since you’ve made it abundantly clear that you aren’t letting her go anywhere out of your sight”—Wolf sighed—“you’re stuck in there, too.”

“I understand that, but—”

“You’re an idiot,” Wolf cut me off. “A clueless, fucking hot-headed, immature idiot.”

My mouth dropped open, a hand to my chest.

Well, that came out of nowhere.

“Either get that out of your system or get comfy,” Wolf finished, looking a tad bit smug at his reply. He didn’t give me a chance to respond or argue any further. He marched up the stairs with Jax, leaving Ash and me alone in the basement.

“I don’t understand,” I grumbled, staring at the vacant space where the huge Russian had stood. “I don’t see what he stands to achieve by leaving me in here. If people are looking for us, they need me.”

Ash’s sharp laugh stole my attention. I whirled to where she sat on one of the cots in the corner, her legs tucked beneath her, head lolled in her palm.

“Are you pretending to be clueless, or are you actually an idiot?”

I frowned.

“I thought you were at least self-aware.” Ash sighed, unfolding her legs and rising to a stand. She was still a little unsteady on her feet. Despite having finished her detox cycle, it still exhausted her, and I knew the thirst for a drink still plagued her. But her body was no longer collapsing in on itself, so the only way was up. Physically, at least.

“Your textbooks.” Ash took a step toward me. “Your reactions.” Another step. “Your emotions.” She now stood close enough to touch me, her scent close enough to smell. Her eyes sought mine, sharp and intelligent, as they bore into my mind. “You always choose logic over emotion every time.”

“I’m aware of my own nature,” I answered, knowing now what she was up to. I closed the distance between us, reaching up to stroke aside the hair framing her face. With my fingers, I trailed her cool skin and saw the goosebumps prickle over her exposed neck and shoulders where the collar of my shirt hung low against her collarbone. “I know what I have and what I … lack .”

“I highly doubt that.” Ash shook her head, her voice gentle and tempered. She pressed against me, her chest pressed into mine, our warmth mixing. “You are not as empty as you think you are.”

My brows creased, but it was in pity, not in confusion. I opened my mouth to answer, but Ash didn’t stop.

“What about me?” Her eyes searched mine, something frenzied filling them. “Am I just an obsession to you or …?”

“Are you asking if I love you?” A bitter smirk twisted my lips. “Again?”

Ash didn’t answer, nor acknowledge my expression. She just waited.

I thought about it genuinely, but no matter which way I turned it or looked at it, my answer didn’t change.

“I don’t know.” I thought of my childhood, of my family. “I have never loved, nor been loved in that way. I knew something was different when I saw other families; how they acted with each other in ways I didn’t understand or ever felt the need to. I’ve seen it in my brothers; how they are with their women and children. I’ve seen what they have. But I don’t think it’s what we have.” I paused, watching her process the words. She didn’t seem surprised, but something had made her stop and consider. She tilted her hips into mine, and my arms snaked around her waist, liking the way her body responded to mine. “What about you?” I turned the tables, leaning my weight into her.

Ash stiffened at my words, but I wouldn’t let her escape. I leaned in close, watching those pale eyes bounce back and forth between mine, her walls shooting up.

“We’re not talking about me,” Ash argued, trying to turn her head away. I chased her, my face following hers, closer and closer until our noses nearly touched.

“Call it Stockholm if it makes you feel better,” I purred, my teeth aching to nip the tip of that small, soft nose. I yearned to hear her startled gasp. “You’ve always been looking at me. Ever since we met, your eyes have followed me everywhere.”

“That is because you—”

“Yes,” I interrupted. “Because my eyes followed you, too.” I had never hidden that I had been watching her. Not once. I wanted her to know I saw her. Wanted her to know I saw where she lurked in the shadows, and no matter how much she wished to hide and squirm away, I would shine a light on her. I saw her. All of her.

Heat flushed across Ash’s face, and the sight of the pink blush made a burn seer in my chest. It was electric and almost painful as it rushed over my skin, knowing I had her shy and flustered in my grasp.

“So, what was it? Was it my looks? My intelligence? My position in the club?” I slid my cheek alongside hers, loving the heat burning there. My lips reached the inside of her ear, and I pressed a soft, slow kiss there, the shiver down her spine traveling straight to my dick. The fire burned brighter.

“It was the emptiness,” Ash whispered, her breath swirling in my ear. I pulled back just enough to see her face. She looked up into my eyes, this time steady and honest. “I thought you were like me—empty on the inside. Drained.” She shook her head. “But you are not. How could you be drained when you were never full in the first place. No reason to live, but no reason to die either.” She reached up, fingers stroking the edges of my face, touching deeper into my mind.

She wasn’t wrong. The days would pass in a blur as I looked from one thing to another. Nothing felt much different from the rest. My world was shades of gray, like I was waiting, watching the world pass me by. I was an observer, seeing how the world worked but never being able to find a place where I fit. It didn’t bother me, and I never craved to be a part of it. It was simply how it was.

“I am the opposite,” Ash continued, her fingers pausing on my chin, tentative and delicate. “I have every reason for both. Reasons to live. Reasons to die. But there are more than one than the other.”

“Even now?” I whispered, leaning down and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth. I pulled back, looking into her eyes.

Ash didn’t answer. Instead, with both hands, she reached up, wrapped them around the back of my neck, and pulled me closer. She pressed her lips against mine, tongues tangling together, and whatever questions left between us disappeared between our touches.

None were asked, nor answered.

Perhaps there were no answers left to give.