20. Lamb

Chapter Twenty

LAMB

I had never experienced loss.

Throughout my life, it was natural to see people come and go, and when they had, I hadn’t mourned them. My own parents had grown distant from me over the years, and though I couldn’t sympathize with their struggles, I understood why. It was hard to love a child as warped and lacking as I was.

Even when Nobel had passed, who had been next in line as president, I had only adjusted my plans. I had plotted revenge and dealt justice for our younger member and changed prospective presidents to his brother, Hunter. It was a shame to lose him, but I hadn’t felt the level of grief that my brothers’ had, nor the loss that they had suffered.

So, when I saw the needle pressed into Ash’s neck, her vacant features, and the blood trickling over her pale white skin, I hadn’t expected the explosion of emotion. The rapid, overwhelming despair that had burnt into an explosive white rage had shocked me to my core.

My fingers had wrapped over her throat, ready to murder her myself for trying to take her life, and it was illogical and confusing, but at the same time, it was instinct. A pure, unstoppable instinct that knew if I couldn’t have her, nobody could.

I had guessed something dangerous was brewing beneath the surface, but I hadn’t thought it would be able to control me like it had. I thought I’d be able to manage, assess, and act regarding the best possible results like I always had.

That was no longer an option.

I stared down at Ash’s unmoving form, her chest rising and falling, her face relaxed and tranquil for the first time in days. Mint’s medicine was working its magic, allowing her to rest in a dreamless sleep, not plagued by flashbacks or nightmares.

My gaze slid across the hair amassed on the pillow behind her, wondering how long it would take me this time to detangle it all. I looked forward to it.

Paranoia rippled across my skin; she could just be pretending to be asleep. She could be plotting anything. I had removed any possible weapon from the room while Mint had been tending to Ash, and now a random assortment of items had been piled up in the hallway and, more importantly, out of Ash’s reach.

I wasn’t sure what effect I had left on her, whether it was a strong warning or another trauma to add to the pile. Either way, Ash did not look in my direction a single time during the half hour it had taken for the medication to take effect. As she’d grown drowsy, her eyelids struggling to stay open and her body collapsing into the soft bed, she’d still focused her efforts to not let even a slither of my body perverse her view.

A part of me hoped she’d done so out of fear. Hopefully, it would be enough to deter her from doing anything else stupid. But a larger part of me hoped it wasn’t. Hoped I hadn’t just destroyed the sandcastle of trust I’d been carefully building the last few weeks.

“Wolf needs to know,” Mint cut through my thoughts.

I didn’t move my gaze, watching a stray hair bend and sweep Ash’s face with every soft breath.

“You were dangerous,” Mint continued when I didn’t respond. “You were out of control. You could have killed her.”

“I know my strength,” I argued, but it only fueled Mint’s anger more. I wondered if a part of his frustration was due to my earlier attack where I had bested him. I’d only won due to Mint’s surprise, and his tackle had shallowed with hesitation. He’d been careful about Ash getting caught in the crossfire and had attacked too wide. It was the only reason I’d been able to deflect his blow.

It was also why I knew it had nothing to do with our fight. Mint was loyal, but even more so, responsible. He was serious when it came down to his charges, whether that had been Mallory, Adair, or even Ash.

“I don’t think you can trust yourself,” Mint bit back, his voice calm, but the undertones were hard and angry. “This isn’t like you. You’re not impulsive or so … emotional.”

I glanced at Mint for the first time, his hand waving in the air, signifying his confusion as he struggled for the right word. Mint was on the money, however, much to both his and my surprise. But there was little reason to be as shocked as I was. I had sensed it. Knew something was stirring, and I had chosen to ignore it.

This was the outcome.

“You’re right.” I sighed, my chest and reservation deflating in tandem. “I’m not,” I explained. “But don’t use that as a measure to judge me or my actions. I know what I’m doing. I always do.”

“Sure.” Sarcasm dripped from his words. “I get that you must have some grand plan. Some reason for doing all of this. I’d even bet money on it.” He gave a defeated sigh, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he worked it between his finger and thumb. “But whatever effect this girl is having on you, it’s fucking with your head, man. That, back there, that can’t happen again. Ever.”

I rubbed my palm over my chest, soothing the tight knot having made its home there. It was heavy and throbbed beneath my touch as I moved my gaze back to the girl lying prone in my bed, alive and breathing.

“She won’t be leaving,” I said, my voice clear and calm. “Neither will I.”

A frustrated growl burst over my shoulder and, fortunately, neither of us was worried about Ash waking. She was out cold under the influence, and though I hadn’t been happy about it, it was what she needed.

“Fine,” Mint seethed. “But I’m letting Prez in on this. Our deal to stay quiet ended the second you put your hands around her neck.”

Mint’s thumping march traveled down the hallway, shaking the few decorated paintings on the wall, before he disappeared down the staircase and slammed the front door shut behind him.

I let him go, never having the intention to stop him.

If I had wanted, I would have had no problems convincing Mint to sew his mouth shut, whether by reason or force. But something else held me back this time. Something that Mint had nailed on the head.

I wasn’t acting like myself. Something inside of me had become unraveled … untethered. But that wasn’t even the worst part of it. Despite the reasoning, the logic, and the self-awareness that I had over my situation, I didn’t care.

When it all came down to it, I knew I’d let hell freeze over before I let her leave my sight. I didn’t understand it, but I knew the deep burning would turn to hellfire if she ever tried to leave me. Knew the wrath I would wreck if her pulse ever stopped. The destruction I’d reign down on the earth if her breaths became her last.

Mint was right.

I was dangerous.

M erlot, Cherry, Ruby …

Beautiful shades of red among many I’d seen Wolf’s face change over the years. It was to the point that I had come to expect it whenever the man knocked down my clubroom door, waited for me at the clubhouse gate or, in rare cases, like today, showed up on my doorstep.

This time, however, the huge Russian warhorse wore neither a dusty pink nor a flush of rose. His face was its usual shade, and I found that … unsettling.

I’d heard his bike bellow in the distance shortly after Mint had disappeared outside with his cigarettes and phone. Mint had met him outside, and I had awaited the familiar stomp of his boots.

I must have been early for the reception, however, as Wolf had lingered for a long time outside as he got the full story from Mint.

Mint had been the first to return, strolling up the stairs, his hand having rubbed the back of his neck red-raw. “Prez said he’d speak to you downstairs.”

I frowned. Streaks of light were slipping through the curtains where they now refused to hang straight on the bar above. They’d been pulled loose from the wall when Ash had been thrown against it, and in revenge, it allowed rays of light to cut through the dark haven they had made for her.

“Watch her,” I said with instruction and warning before giving Mint a firm pat on the shoulder and walking down the hall.

The knot in my chest wrapped itself tighter and grew heavier with every step away from her. I ignored it, descending into the hallway, where I spotted another familiar face. One I hadn’t expected but wasn’t surprised to see.

Hunter looked sheepish. His arms were folded over his chest as he gave me a weary stare. Among all the brothers, Hunter and Wolf had known me longer than any else. Both had been around in various states when I had prospected for the club. Hunter had been a lot younger than he was now, a greenhorn by the dictionary definition, attached at the hip to his brother. Life had dealt him a harsh fate, and it was showing. Though his brother would always have had it worse.

“Are those some gray hairs?” I leered, watching as Hunter’s lips hardened into a straight line. I reached for him, but he quickly dodged out of the way, an impressive feat for a man his size.

“Fuck off,” Hunter bit. “This ain’t the time.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I wiggled my fingers at him, threatening to strike again. Hunter didn’t move but gave them a cautious glare.

“Then you better think again,” Wolf growled, my feet tremoring against the rumble.

I abandoned my target, turning and brandishing my widest, sharpest smile toward the man who was leagues bigger and leagues meaner than Hunter.

The wide-set Russian was mirroring Hunter’s pose—his arms locked over his chest, dark, branch-like arms covered in a thick coat of silvery hair. His muscles were like hard stone beneath his skin and clothes, jaw set, and salted brows shadowing his light coppery eyes.

“You want to explain to me why the fuck I’m here?”

“Beats me.” I shrugged. “But if you want to make some guesses, I’m willing to offer up a bet?”

Wolf’s jaw ticked, and I took an involuntary step away from the man. Pressure pushed on my shoulders, and the weight of the room descended around me.

Hunter glanced between the two of us, and even if Wolf had barely moved an inch, his silence suffocated the atmosphere. I might have poked a bear just to see what happened, but I’d think twice before poking a monster like Wolf; his bite would be much worse.

“Explain to me.” Wolf stepped, his voice low and steady as he crowded closer. I could smell him and feel the smothering heat radiating from his skin. “Explain why I have to hear from Mint that my vice president has not only kidnapped and held hostage the one person who should be nowhere near Fellpeak but also decided that it’s now okay to try and strangle her to death.”

I glanced at the other brother, at our audience. Wolf knew what I was doing, but he didn’t know why. But our brothers couldn’t find out either, and seeing him now, his rage and anger and “shock,” I realized I’d underestimated Wolf’s ability to act.

I held my position, turning up to meet Wolf’s eyes. “It’s under control.”

“ Under control ?” Wolf barked, the sharp laugh humorless. It almost sounded real. It lasted less than a second before it abruptly stopped.

I hadn’t expected what came next.

Pain burst across my throat, my back slamming hard into the shelves of my bookcase. I choked as books littered like rain down over my head and shoulders, the wood threatening to collapse under the force. Wolf’s grip on my throat clamped down, cutting off my oxygen.

My hands leaped to his wrist, trying to resist his hold. It was futile. Wolf’s strength outweighed my own by legions. His paws were powerful, and they seized my breath with a strength that left me unable to steal even a whisper of air.

My eyes leaped to his, a fury snapping to attention in my chest as—

It was but a lighter’s flame compared to the seething, unbridled lava that pooled behind Wolf’s eyes. The dark brown was molten gold, set in a face contorted with a rage I had rarely seen from him. A rage that had never been directed at one of his own. A rage that was no act. This was real.

My blood burned, and my skin seared where he touched.

I resisted the urge to fight for as long as I could, knowing this was a battle of wills, but as my lungs began to throb, my chest started to burn, and my fingers electrified with sharp pins, it became harder and harder to resist.

My body betrayed me first. My hand released Wolf’s wrists and began pounding at the crook of his elbow, desperately trying to break the lock of his arm. But in the battle of pure power, I was greatly outmatched.

Darkness began to feather at the edges of my vision, Wolf’s hair and skin growing darker. Adrenaline burst through my veins, my fingers dug into Wolf’s skin, and my legs kicked out, trying to hit anything I could reach.

Wolf held firm.

The bastard didn’t even flinch as my foot contacted something hard. His eyes only burned brighter through the descending darkness as I struggled to break free.

I knew Wolf wouldn’t kill me. Knew this was just a ploy of his. Even so, I couldn’t fight the primal urge to escape, to fight death even in the ghost of a threat. It was powerful and overwhelming.

Let go.

Let go.

LET GO!

Wolf released.

My body hit the floor like a bag of rocks, limbs collapsing beneath me like a puppet. Air rushed into my chest, and my body threw itself forward, coughing and spluttering as it hurried to take gulps of air. My bruised and battered windpipe pounded and protested.

I could still feel Wolf’s hand around my throat, but the euphoria of oxygen made me dizzy and lightheaded, dampening the burning festering beneath my skin.

“Did that feel under control to you?” Wolf’s voice was now above me. It no longer held the fury it once had. Instead, it was softer and calmer. Almost defeated, he looked down, regarding me with a pained frown.

I pressed my hand against my throat, meeting his gaze as his words hit home.

“I know I let a lot go,” Wolf continued, brows knitting back together. “Especially with you, Lamb. But in a moment of weakness, you took that girl’s power. You held her completely at your mercy, and for someone who has been through the things she has … you had no right.”

I opened my mouth, but Wolf wasn’t finished.

“I know the situation,” Wolf interrupted. “I know what she was trying to do. But you’re damn clever, Lamb. Do you really think you had to go as far as you did?”

I assumed the tar-like sludge sinking in my gut was shame. It trickled in as I looked at my brother and harkened back to the face he’d worn as he had awaited me downstairs. Now I realized the emotions he had worn were not cold, seething anger. It was something else entirely.

Disappointment and betrayal.

I had taken advantage of Wolf’s trust and acted in a manner I should never have.

“Now”—Wolf took a step away, both physically and proverbially—“you’ve got forty-eight hours.”

“For what?” I coughed out, dusting off the splinters and the aches. I stood, hand still tenderly rubbing against the darkening skin over my neck, my throat dry and sore.

“To bring her to the club.”

“What?” I choked, surprise slicing through my vocal cords.

“The second I got that call, this became club business.” Wolf’s voice was tight and clipped, leaving little room for objection. “I’ll be leaving a brother here with you at all times until you bring her in.”

“Bring her in? Bu—”

“You had a chance to sort this yourself, Lamb,” Wolf growled, pacing to the front door. He paused at the threshold, his hand tight around the doorknob. His head stared stiffly into the wooden panel. “You fucked up, and now you lost it.”

With those final words, Wolf swung open the door and marched out the doorway. The door hung wide open, vacant in the wake of his large, familiar form.

I stared at it for a long time, my brain calculating and rapidly adjusting my plans and tactics around the newly changed situation. I could have stood there all day, mentally figuring out my next move. There was one thing I did know, though, and I didn’t even have to think hard about it.

I was fucked.