9. Lamb

Chapter Nine

LAMB

I mpulsive.

It wasn’t a word ever used to describe me; by others, and more importantly, by myself. I carried out my every action with intention and purpose, with an outcome planned and predicted. I didn’t have whims or impulses .

Or so I thought.

It wasn’t until the moment when her damp, wet face looked up at mine, tangled hair clinging to her flushing red cheeks, her lips parted, and her breaths bated, eyes yearning for something that I didn’t believe was inside of me. Until it was.

It was different from the stolen kisses in exchange for a drink. This had been my desire and mine alone. It had been instinct and thoughtless. I was already moving, pressing my lips to hers before I could even question whether it was a good idea.

I’d expected her to pull away, to fight, but when she melted into my touch and responded, my mind had vanished.

I’d wanted to take her then and there, jump into the bath, and cover her body with my own. I wanted her legs around my waist, my hands all over her naked skin, and my fingers buried in her hair. I wanted to see her submit to me, to give me her everything, to beg me to take her.

Water had sloshed onto my lap, and it might as well have been artic with how I’d jumped from her.

Pouty, swollen red lips, eyes wide and dazed, the blush spreading from her flaming cheeks, down over her quivering chest.

I’d nearly torn the tap from the faucet as I’d closed it, my actions and the moment of pure impulse registering with complete, chilling clarity.

I had physical desires and have had satisfied women in my bed, and women who’d satisfied me. But that had been nothing compared to this. The obsessive need that had rampaged inside of me was like a matchstick to gas—as fast as it was dangerous, and even more so destructive.

It made me question everything about myself. It made me ask things I had no answer to. And that, more than anything else, struck a fear I’d never tasted, piercing deep into my core.

“ Lamb .”

Even with that cold resonating deep inside, all I could see was my hard work crumbling to pieces, my plans torn to shreds.

Ash having a panic attack wasn’t strange behavior. She never hid her trauma; with the permanent bottle in her hand, the nomad lifestyle, and the prickly personality, it wasn’t hard to assume even for the average onlooker. I’d planned for it. Chosen specific small steps to get her used to me, used to this space and her new life, and now I was experiencing the exact consequences I knew came from such stupid mistakes. I could do nothing but watch as Ash’s mind dissolved like sugar in water, seeping through my fingers, intangible, uncontrollable. I had been, for one of the rare few moments in my life, utterly powerless.

“ Lamb. ”

I’d used pressure on her neck to cause her to pass out, and she’d come to a few moments later, but there was exhaustion, and confusion riddled her mind. I’d tucked her into bed, allowing sleep to give the reprise I couldn’t.

With her difficulties staying asleep, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t already awake. And even more so if she hadn’t drunk the half glass of whiskey left next to her meal.

“LAMB!” a voice roared half an inch from my face.

I covered my pounding ear as I turned, glowering at the huge giant leaning over me.

“What?” I grumbled, pushing my chair out from beneath the mountain’s shadow.

Hunter’s face was wrought into a deep frown, and as I turned to scan the room, I saw others mirroring his expression, a whole sea of brothers giving me silent stares.

“Were you even listening?” He dropped back down into his seat, dwarfing the extra-large office chairs we’d had to buy for our steroid-sized members. Dim bulb light once again washed over me, and I gave him a raised brow.

I sighed, tucking myself and my chair back in front of the table from where Hunter had spun me from it. I pointedly ignored Wolf on my other side, giving me an intense glower before opening my mouth.

“Club business profits up by fifteen percent. Run on the fifteenth will go ahead as scheduled; Hunter, Wolf, Pretty, and Jax will go. Keep an eye out for some mercenaries; they’ve been hijacking other club’s runs recently, and the last thing we need is our last winter run to go awry before we can start up again in spring. Anything I missed?”

I could hear Wolf roll his eyes, but other than that, the brothers looked a curious mash between impressed and disgruntled.

“If you were listening, answer the first time,” Hunter grumbled, turning away from me and back to the table, a shrug shifting his massive shoulders.

I reached over, sliding my hand over his huge biceps. “Sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to neglect you,” I purred, a smug smile pulling over my lips as Hunter’s face turned visibly green.

“You’re a sick fuck.” Hunter yanked his arm away, rubbing furiously, as if he could ever be rid of my trace.

“Oh, come on, baby; don’t be like that.” I pulled my chair closer, the wheels pulling me smoothly along the wooden floor.

Hunter all but sprang out of his chair, the poor thing toppling to the ground behind him with a clatter. Laughter broke out amongst the crowd, followed by some jeers and teasing Hunter’s way. A couple gave me horrified looks; others were relieved they weren’t my victim for the day.

I was about to stand from my chair, stepping in my huge bear of a brother’s direction, when a loud, resounding bang stole sound from the room.

I turned, planting my ass in my chair, as Wolf held his gavel aloft the plate. His eyes were dead and cold as he stared point-blank into the room, but even if his gaze wasn’t direct, the message had gotten across.

Quit fucking around.

Humor swept from the air, and with serious faces armed, we faced our president once more.

“Like I was saying,” he continued, shooting off a quick pointed glare in my direction. I paid it little mind. “Just because we’re not in dire straits anymore, isn’t any reason to be lax. The most trouble is the ones closest to home, under our roofs, and in our beds. Some clubs don’t give a fuck about their brothers’ personal lives; I’d like to be one of them. Unfortunately, personal shit comes knocking too often here, and that’s just how life is. No such thing as a separate home life and separate club life, so keep that in mind when you consider bringing those into the fold. We’ll stay a tight-knit group, and that’ll keep us alive because—”

“If our brothers have our backs, we have our brothers’ backs,” the room finished, like a bunch of kids at a school assembly. It was our mantra, and we knew it well enough to come naturally from our lips.

Frowns floated among the many faces. For some, Wolf’s words hit home, their bodies rigid with resonation, eyes fixed hard on their president. Others were confused and had them glancing around the room to try to catch what they had missed.

The latter was mostly the youngsters, the greenhorns, and the na?ve. They’d soon learn the harsher world that lived outside the club, the world that could hurt you deeper than physical wounds might. It’d be a good lesson for them. Alas, a painful one.

Thoughtful silence ended with Wolf’s heavy gavel, and the peace was broken. “Church dismissed.”

Brothers began to rise out of the room, funneling their varied big, broad, and barreling bodies through the single office door leading through Wolf’s office and into the hall. Shouts for beer and the following squeals of club whores ran through the open doorway.

I waited back, allowing the bulls to clear the room before pushing back my chair and rising to stand.

I thought of Ash, who had possibly escaped her room and was wandering around my house, raiding my cupboards and chewing the table leg from being locked away for so long. I was sure she’d be anxious for my return. I could already taste the softness of her lips on mine and longed to see her pleading pale eyes and hear her soft, desperate whimpers.

“Not you, Lamb.” Wolf’s voice was low and even. “You stay.”

The lingering dregs of club members sent me curious looks. They glanced between Wolf and I, reading the curious raised brow on my face, and the unchanging frown on Wolf’s. I gave a few who caught my eye a shrug before settling back into my chair, leaning into the cushioned comfort as we waited in silence for the room to clear.

Pretty, the last member to leave, wisely shut the door behind him. We’d had soundproof walls recently installed to make sure each of the rooms was secure and secrets spoken within our walls stayed there. Aside from the occasional party, the compound was a private dwelling, and strangers weren’t welcomed, but it was wise to confirm that nothing would reach ears that weren’t meant to be listening.

“You’re distracted.” Wolf wasted no time in getting to the nitty gritty.

I considered his words, and now Wolf had turned to me, his deep brown eyes hardened and an ice-cold expression solidified on his face. It wasn’t one I’d seen often, and I’d never been on the other side of it.

“I won’t deny it,” I said, remembering how my thoughts had drifted during the meeting. Sure, I’d heard everything they’d said, but my attention had been split; something I’d never experienced while dealing with club business.

Club before all.

It had been Wolf’s personal mantra for a long time, and as we’d been raised together by our predecessors to be the vice president when the time would come to pass, there was often an overlap in our beliefs and personal policies. This just happened to be one of them.

I could read the details buried behind the struggle in his eyes. Wolf had been one of my longest case studies, and now most of his ticks told me everything I ever needed to know. From the tightening of his jaw, the deep burrowing frown, and the narrow pinch of his eyes, it often revealed the many aged wrinkles he was gathering; a hasted process more so in recent years.

I could see he wanted to ask. His mouth parted a few times before locking firmly shut into a thin line. Then they opened, and closed once more, before finally, he spat the words.

“Don’t fuck this up.”

Wolf pressed his palm into the table and pushed himself to stand. The towering giant dwarfed me, and all I could do was crane my neck up to look at him. I barely got a glance as he barged past me, a strong gust tussling my hair, his exit punctuated by the open and slam of the door.

I watched the gavel rock on the pad it rested on, the noise of his departure echoing in my ears. It felt louder than it had been, and some part echoed deep into my brain, long past when the physical noise had faded.

The trust the man had for me was astounding. Our past aside, I knew I’d proven my capabilities over the years, and Wolf would have my back, the same as I’d learned to have his, more so after our prospecting years had been put behind us. Years we had spent fighting like a cat and a dog.

I just hoped the trust he placed in me wasn’t unfounded.

These new feelings and distractions were unknown to me. They bubbled up out of nowhere and skewed my brain in a direction I wasn’t used to. I had no control, and that was a new experience for me. This went beyond lust and beyond any physical desire. It was emotion-driven, a realm I had barely dipped my toes into.

I was sure it wouldn’t take me long to get them under control. Until then, I had to make sure I didn’t fuck this up. As passive as she was acting, I knew she’d take the opportunity to escape if she got the chance. For now, it was simply a case of never allowing that opportunity to rise for her, even if it meant keeping her under lock and key.

I had a plan. She and I had a destiny that would solve all our problems. I just needed to show patience. She’d soon learn that going along with me would be in everyone’s best interest, including her own. And until then, I wouldn’t let her escape.

I couldn’t.