Chapter 8

8

R ebecca's gaze lingered on Quinn's profile, her eyes tracing the gentle slope of her nose, the determined set of her jaw. "Hey, where did you just go?" she asked, her voice gentle.

Quinn's shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath before she turned to face Rebecca. "I just realized I won't be able to stay away from LA forever," she said, a hint of resignation creeping into her voice. "The movie's promo and premiere are coming up. I'll have to go back and face all that."

Rebecca's stomach twisted with a pang of sympathy. She knew what it was like to be torn between two worlds, to feel the weight of expectation bearing down on you. "And you're thinking about coming out before then," she said, her words barely above a whisper.

Quinn's eyes met hers, a flash of fear dancing in their depths before she nodded. Rebecca's heart went out to her, remembering the terror she'd felt when she'd finally admitted the truth to herself, to her friends, to Anthony, but it would be so different for Quinn. She had so many people watching her, following her every move.

"Because I'm playing a lesbian, there's going to be questions about what it was like for me, as a straight woman, to play a queer character." Quinn took a drink, her hand trembling ever so slightly.

Rebecca slid her hand away from Quinn's as she stood up and put some larger sticks on the fire.

"If I plan on coming out at all, I have to do it before I go on that press tour," Quinn said, her eyes lifting to meet Rebecca's as she stood up from the fire and turned to face her. "Otherwise… It will just look awful. I'd be lying my way through the interviews only to come out a few months later?"

Rebecca sat down beside her again, not knowing what to say, because she had no idea how Quinn lived in the public eye.

"The reason that I asked you how you knew," Quinn said her voice thick with emotion, "Is because I still can't understand how I didn't know this about myself. You said that with hindsight, there were signs. I can't think of any. There has been nothing up until this point in my life. Nothing."

"Your mother has been fooled more than once thinking that she was going to have one of Hollywood's most handsome actors for a son-in-law," Rebecca said.

"Oh I know. She's always been more disappointed than me when I told her that I'd ended things."

Rebecca angled her body towards Quinn. "Were you always the one to end it?"

Quinn nodded.

"Maybe that was your sign."

Quinn frowned. "What do you mean?"

Rebecca shrugged. "Well, maybe there were no signs that you were attracted to women, but maybe if you thought about it, you might be able to say that you were never really attracted to any of the men that you dated."

Quinn didn't say anything. She took a drink before leaving her glass on the coffee table and falling back against the couch. She closed her eyes for a second before turning to meet Rebecca's gaze. "I think that's exactly what happened. I kept thinking that the next guy would be the one. That I'd feel something eventually if I met the right guy." She sighed, covering her face with her hands as she sat forward, her elbows on her thighs. "If I hadn't taken on that role… Who knows how long I would have gone on like that?"

A thought popped into her head. "How did that role come about? Did they come to you?"

"Yeah." Quinn's hands fell away from her face. "They did."

"And did you immediately accept it? Or was there something holding you back?"

Quinn ran a hand through her blond hair. "I was reluctant to take it. But that was because I didn't want to be that straight actress taking a part that maybe a queer woman should be playing."

"Could there have been something there? I'm not saying that's not true. You could have been concerned about that, but also, deep down maybe feeling a little uneasy."

"I don't know," Quinn said.

"It doesn't really matter. The important part is that you figured it out. In your own time."

As Quinn reached for her wine, Rebecca's gaze drifted to the gentle curve of her neck, the way the soft light from the fire danced across her skin. She downed what was left in her glass.

"I think what scares me the most," Quinn said, her voice barely above a whisper, "is I feel like I've been living in this bubble, this illusion of who I thought I was. And now that it's been shattered, I don't know who I am anymore."

"You're still the same person, Quinn." Rebecca reached for both of her hands, and Quinn turned to face her with tears in her eyes. "You have months before you have to worry about coming out, if that's what you want to do. And as hard as it seems, you won't be the first actress to do it. Look at Piper… Piper. I can't think of her last name."

That brought a dazzling smile to Quinn's lips. "Piper Emerson. She's the only other person I've told."

Rebecca returned her smile. "Sometimes I forget what your life really is like now. I know we're talking about your movie, but I guess I forgot that you'd be friends with someone like Piper Emerson."

"She's been great. Listening. Giving me advice. But she's known that she was into women since she was a teenager, so I feel like I can relate more to you than her oddly enough."

"Thank you for telling me," Rebecca said, aware that she was still holding Quinn's hands and casually eased them away.

"Thank you for listening. I feel like I'm been talking all evening."

The fire crackled and hissed, casting a warm glow on Quinn's features as she leaned back into the couch, her eyes drifting toward the flames. The flickering light danced across her face, illuminating the subtle contours of her cheeks and the soft curve of her lips. Rebecca's gaze lingered on her, taking in the serene expression that had settled over Quinn's face.

"I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to tell me. I know how big of a deal it is to trust someone," Rebecca said as she stood up to add more to the fire. She reached for a split log, feeling the rough texture of the bark beneath her fingers and placed it on the fire. The flames danced and crackled, casting a warm glow on Quinn's features as she stood up from the couch.

"I should get going," Quinn said, her voice husky from the wine.

Rebecca's gaze flicked to the clock on the mantle, surprised at how late it had gotten. She nodded, feeling a pang of disappointment at the evening's end.

"Is it okay if I leave my car here?" Quinn asked.

Rebecca agreed, glad that Quinn wasn't going to risk driving after drinking.

But she felt a sense of responsibility as she stood up to see Quinn out. The evening had worn on, and the wine had flowed, leaving Quinn's eyes with a soft, glassy sheen. "Let me walk you home," she said, trying to keep her tone light.

Quinn shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "No, I'll be fine. It's just a short walk."

Rebecca hesitated, uncertain if she should press the issue. Quinn did seem a bit tipsy, but she was also a grown woman, capable of taking care of herself. Still, the thought of Quinn stumbling in the dark, alone and vulnerable, made Rebecca's stomach twist with unease.

"Are you sure?" she asked, trying to keep her concern in check.

Quinn nodded, her smile growing more confident. "Yeah, I'll be okay. I promise."

Rebecca's eyes scanned Quinn's face, searching for any sign of uncertainty, but all she saw was determination. She nodded, deciding to respect Quinn's decision. "Okay, but be careful, okay?"

Quinn laughed, a soft, husky sound that sent a shiver down Rebecca's spine. "I will," she said, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

As Quinn headed for the door, she turned to her, a shy smile on her lips. "Thanks for listening," she said.

Rebecca smiled back, her eyes meeting Quinn's in a shared moment of understanding. "Anytime."

"I might see you tomorrow," Quinn said. "When I get my car."

"I work from home, so you definitely will."

"What do you do?"

"I'm a graphic designer." Rebecca watched as Quinn paused at the door, her hand on the knob.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Quinn said..

Rebecca felt a small smile tug at the corners of her mouth. "Sounds good." She hesitated, wanting to say more, but not quite sure what. The evening had been so... Comfortable, in a way she hadn't expected.

Quinn glanced back at her, and Rebecca was struck by the vulnerability in her gaze. "Thank you, Rebecca. For everything."

The sincerity in Quinn's words made something tighten in Rebecca's chest. "Of course," she said.

Quinn slipped out the door, and Rebecca stood there for a moment, the crackle of the fire the only sound. With a quiet sigh, she moved to lock the door, pausing to glance out into the darkness. The night was still, the only light coming from the porch lamps and the sway of the flashlight from Quinn's phone fading into the distance.

She leaned back against the door, hoping that Quinn would come out to her family sooner rather than later, because Rebecca would have to pretend to have no idea what was going on with Quinn if Sarah asked her again, and she hated lying to her best friend.