Chapter 30

30

The relief after a storm is great, but new clouds ever lurk on the horizon.

~ Tholegar, captain of the Kingfisher

"I'm relieved that you were alive when I reached you," Vlerion said as they rode, his arms around Kaylina. "After finding the dead ranger—Corporal Oxten—in the tower and all those Kar'ruk prints, not to mention your taybarri coming back terrified and bloody with wounds, I was sure you were already dead." His arms tightened. "I barely refrained from changing right there. If there hadn't been others with me, colleagues I care about, I might have let myself lose control. I managed not to until I was alone, save for poor Crenoch. I know he was alarmed."

"Having someone change into a beast while on my back would alarm me too."

"I did manage to spring free first. He was wise enough to run off before I changed fully. After that… it's a blur in my memory. As it often is. I only knew I had to catch up, had to protect you. The Kar'ruk aren't known for taking prisoners unless they want to torture and question them."

"They wanted to drink my blood." Kaylina glanced back, not surprised to find a concerned expression on Vlerion's face, and she explained further. Her words did nothing to smooth the furrow in his brow. "I don't understand it either."

"They may sense the power within you. They could have believed that by imbibing a taste of your blood, some of it would convey to them. Or it may have been a superstitious ritual. They have a lot of quirks and believe bad luck will befall those who don't make enough offerings and prayers to their One God."

"Whatever it was, I'm sure my blood didn't convey anything. I don't have power; I have a brand." Kaylina held up her hand. " It may have power."

"The beast in me is drawn to you, not your hand."

"Actually, he was drawn to my boobs." Kaylina smiled to make it a joke.

Vlerion frowned and looked down at her chest. His eyes fixed on the rip in the fabric the beast's claw had made.

Since it wasn't a long rip, he might not have noticed it before—or, if he had, he might have thought she'd caught her shirt on a thorn while running. Now, the furrow appeared in his brow again. He wore the troubled expression of someone trying to remember something, something unpleasant.

"I did that," he stated with certainty.

"The beast did."

"We are not different beings. Unfortunately."

"No. You are. I can tell when I look into your eyes. And into his. There's nothing of you in there."

Vlerion shook his head, refusing to distance himself from the beast—and what the beast did.

Wanting to take his mind from that, Kaylina dug in her pack. "After all the trouble with the Kar'ruk, I almost forgot about this."

Wishing she could distract him with something more pleasant, she hesitated before handing him the journal. But when he saw it, he took it, his expression grim before he opened it. He released her to flip through the pages and read the last entry.

"It is… as I expected," he said.

"We'll keep them from printing that story."

"There are other presses."

"Once the Kar'ruk are dealt with, you can send the rangers on a press-bashing mission to destroy them all." Hoping to ease his concerns, Kaylina smiled and made a punching motion.

"One way or another, the story will come out, and the people will believe it. After all, some of what this person wrote… is not wrong. Only the recent murders can be blamed on the Kar'ruk. In the past… I remember little of the times I've changed in the past, but I've woken up before with blood on my chest. Not mine."

"I understand your concerns about that, and your guilt, but you wouldn't be doing these things if you weren't cursed. Magically cursed. It's not your fault, and the Virts shouldn't be targeting you. From some of the things you've said, I feel like you'd even defend them if they weren't using violent methods. You seem to understand their grievances and why they want what they want." Kaylina checked his face to see if her belief was correct.

"I believe they have a right to protest and argue for better working conditions and opportunities. Were they, as you say, not violent in their methods, I would not take action against them. I know you accuse me of being haughty—" his eyebrow twitched, as if he couldn't believe it, "—but that's only because I'm used to being in charge and accustomed to commanding men. It is sometimes difficult to set aside one's upbringing and accept that a man born into the aristocracy isn't any better than one born a commoner, but… I admit that's likely true. It's the actions that one takes after one's birth that define a man—or woman. It has nothing to do with blood." His expression turned pensive as he regarded her. "Except perhaps in your case."

"My blood is the same as yours. Except less arrogant and uppity."

"It is not. After all that has happened, you must believe that too."

"I'm still struggling to accept that. The rest of my family is…" Kaylina almost said normal, but that wasn't the right word. Other than her perfect older sister, there were quite a few quirky people in her family. "Nobody else has power ," she decided on.

"It's true that I haven't sensed anything in your brother. I am not drawn to him." Vlerion lowered the journal so he could wrap an arm around her again and scoot closer.

"That might have more to do with his sex than blood."

Vlerion shook his head. "I can sense the power in our other anrokk , Sergeant Jastadar. Because of his sex, his appeal doesn't manifest in me desiring physical relations with him, but I have enjoyed his company more than that of other men. I feel comfortable with him."

"Do you feel comfortable with me? I thought I mostly irritated you."

"You do that less now that you've stopped calling me pirate and suborning my taybarri."

"He stole my honey; I didn't suborn him."

"I know." Vlerion kissed her on the neck. "It was childish of me to lose my temper over that."

She leaned her head back against his shoulder, inviting more kisses if he wished.

He eyed her neck but didn't lower his lips again. "I worry that this will end badly," he said softly. "When I'm with you, it's extremely hard for me to resist temptation. When I'm not with you… you're filling my thoughts and making me want nothing more than to find you." His voice lowered, almost a growl as he added, "And take you."

That should have scared her, but it flushed her with heat, making her wish he could take her.

Vlerion pulled his gaze from her neck as if it were physically difficult and looked toward the trees they were riding through.

"I don't trust myself with you," he added, "but I can't stay away."

She wished she could make light of the dilemma and promise that nothing would happen, but she was struggling with the same thing. Drawn by their mutual desire—their mutual lust —how close had they come to rousing the beast? They'd almost done it in that park with innocent people dangerously close.

"What should I do?" Kaylina asked, though she worried he would say she should stay away from him and he her.

"I don't know. Our fates are intertwined. I'll have to… be stronger than temptation." Doubt lurked in his eyes.

"You can do it. I'll work on it too." She straightened, shifting away from him.

His frown implied he didn't think that would be enough.

Kaylina groped for a way to change the topic. Maybe back to what they'd been discussing before?

"You're a more reasonable and fair man than I originally realized. I wonder… Would the Virts be so set on overthrowing the monarchy if your family were still on the throne? I guess you'd be king, since your father and older brother passed."

"That is a duty I'm ill-qualified for and would not want. I prefer the wilderness to the city and protecting my people with my sword and taybarri, not pens and speeches."

"But if your great-great-grandfather hadn't been cursed and abdicated, isn't it a duty that would have fallen to you? That you would have been compelled to accept?"

"My older brother would have been compelled to accept it. If not for the curse, he would be alive." Vlerion stared glumly toward the forest around them. They'd climbed higher in elevation again, and snow lay mounded under the trees. The tireless Levitke was carrying them ever deeper into the mountains, where winter hadn't yet relinquished its grasp. "Vlarek probably would have been a good leader, a good king. He was better at keeping his temper than I and had the soul of a poet and a bard. He would have seen the world from both sides and perhaps found a way to appease nobles and commoners alike."

"Your mother said you have some of that temperament as well. You have a violin in your room, after all."

Isla had also said Kaylina should avoid Vlerion and not ask him to play for her. Unfortunately. Kaylina knew she would enjoy the experience. She wagered Vlerion's face would be peaceful and calm as he ran the bow over the strings, soothed by his music.

"A sure sign that I'd be a good ruler," he said dryly.

"Maybe not, but if you were ousted from power, you could dance and play on street corners and make coin."

"Ousted from power." Vlerion snorted. "There will never be any power for me, curse or not. The Virts want a new system of government, one in which commoners run things. They don't want a new king."

"I can't help but think there must be a way that both sides could come together without all this killing. With other threats to the kingdom, it's foolish for people to squabble amongst themselves." Kaylina waved toward the north to indicate the Kar'ruk.

"It is beyond me to solve that problem. All I can do is fight the battles that our leaders assign me."

"Too bad. The current leaders are iffy."

"That's your educated and informed opinion after a month in the capital?" He smiled faintly.

"It's an opinion. I won't say it's educated, but I haven't met many people in charge of things here who are… decent ."

Vlerion sighed. "The last ten years or so have been fraught. It's a challenging time for decency."

"Some people carry it with them in all times."

"That is true. You're wise for a mead maker." He patted her thigh, letting his hand settle there, but only for a moment before he pulled it back with a grimace.

"Wrestling with temptation?" she asked.

"Around you? Always." He smiled again, but his eyes were haunted. "I wish you could be…"

"Your mate?" Kaylina raised her eyebrows.

"Is that what the beast said?"

"Yeah. He growled it."

"He's not as conflicted as I am."

She started to smile, sensing he meant it to be a joke, but the words made her pause, remembering her conversation with Targon. "Are you only conflicted because you worry about us being together waking the beast or… do you not want…"

"What?"

"If we weren't— If you weren't drawn to me or my blood or whatever it is, would you want to be with me?"

"You're beautiful, Kaylina. Many men want to be with you."

"I don't mean just for sex. Would you…" She trailed off. What did she want? For him to say he adored her personality as well as her body and that he wanted to marry her? They hadn't known each other that long, and she didn't want to get married. All she wanted was someone who could care about her, maybe even love her, even though she wasn't normal. "Would you be into me, as a person, if we weren't attracted to each other because of this strange magic?"

Vlerion hesitated.

Kaylina looked away, a lump of disappointment forming in her throat. Before he spoke, she knew what his answer would be.

"I don't know. I believe it's possible, but the draw makes it hard to tell. I do admire your bravery and tenacity."

"Yeah, I hear those are sexy."

He frowned, and she lifted a hand to wave away the discussion. She wasn't being fair by wanting more from him.

"I don't wish to hurt you," Vlerion said, "but I don't want to be dishonest with you either."

"Honesty's good," she mumbled.

And it was. She'd just come to care too much and wanted too much. But could she answer the question any differently if he asked the same of her? She admired him for his bravery and abilities as a ranger, but would she risk rousing the beast if she weren't so intensely attracted to him? To that side of him?

"Sorry." She made herself meet his eyes again. "It was a silly thing to ask."

"It's not silly to wonder that. It's natural. I…" He paused to look around.

Only then did Kaylina realize that Levitke had slowed down and that they weren't alone. Numerous sets of brown taybarri eyes stared out at them from tunnels, clumps of boulders, and the alpine grasses of a valley.