Chapter Nine

Moving on autopilot, the next few days seemed to blend as Keres tried to move past the memories of her and Ronin and their tryst. At the gym, she mostly ran the front end, only doing her own workout at night after the doors were locked. Part of her expected and wanted him to come walking out of the women’s locker room again. Another part of her hoped he didn’t.

She obviously didn’t tell Darby what had happened. How could she when she still couldn’t wrap her mind around it? His kisses. His touches. The feeling of him driving into her body as she climaxed around him. Keres shook her head, trying to clear it. Damn him!

Clearly, Ronin was in her thoughts all the damn time. He was with her in the shower. In her dreams. As she walked down the street to buy a cup of overpriced coffee. The early morning sun was hidden behind a bank of clouds, allowing a cool breeze to roll over her skin. Keres shivered a little and stuck her hands in her jeans’ pockets. She’d woken up early again, after another erotic dream about Ronin. Damn him.

She wasn’t sure why she even thought about him. He’d been a one and done. A release of emotion that had been too raw to contain. It’s what therapy was trying to do, and without even realizing it, he’d put the nightmare monster to sleep. For a time. Maybe that’s the only peace she’d ever find, limited amounts where she didn’t flinch when thinking about the past. Or hyperventilate when picturing a future. For a long while now, she’d been treading water. Pretty soon she was either going to sink or swim, and she didn’t know which way she was going to go.

The small café was pretty empty when she entered the warm, rich scent of the shop. Two other people sat by the window, sipping their drinks while scrolling on their phones. The young guy behind the counter smiled at her.

“What can I get you today?” he asked.

“Small caramel frappuccino, please.”

“Coming right up.”

It only took him a few minutes to make her drink, and when he came over, she was about to hand over her money when a large, manly hand slapped down a twenty-dollar bill. Startled, she spun around and came almost chest to chest with Ronin.

“I’ll have the same,” he told the young barista.

“You got it.”

He walked away, giving them a moment of privacy. Keres picked up the money and slapped it against his chest. He immediately covered her hand, trapping her against a very defined pectoral muscle.

“I can pay for my own,” she told him in a low voice, not wanting to be overheard.

“I know you can,” he said calmly. “But I’m buying this time. You can buy next time.”

“Next time? I thought I told you to go away.”

“Yeah, you said that in my right ear and guess what? I’m deaf in that ear.”

She believed him for all of two seconds, until his smirk belied his words.

“No, you’re not. And you shouldn’t make fun of people with a disability.”

“I wasn’t, and you know it.”

The young man returned with another caramel frappuccino and sat it on the counter next to hers. Keres still had a staring contest going on with Ronin, but he held out his money and it was taken. Without thanking him, she grabbed her cup and spun, heading toward the door. If she thought to escape him, she thought wrong. He followed her out and walked next to her, sipping his drink, apparently not caring they weren’t talking.

“I thought we agreed you should stay away.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

She flicked an annoyed glance at him. “It was implied.”

“I think you made it all up in your head.”

She stopped abruptly to glare at him. “What are you doing, Ronin?”

“I’m drinking a fuck-awful sweet coffee drink. At least I think it has coffee in it. Hard to tell past the diabetes I’m developing from it. But I’m here because I wanted to see how you were holding up.”

“What?” The change of topic threw her for a moment. “I’m fine.”

“ Fine is one those words people use when they’re anything but.” He stopped her walking by placing a hand on her arm. “You killed three men and declared war on the so-called czar of the city.”

Keres frowned, studying him. “You’ve heard something.”

“Not yet, but I have a friend monitoring the airways.”

“Why would you do that?” she asked. He was a mystery. One big, beautiful mystery. “I’m nobody to you. We are nothing to each other.”

“Yeah, I thought that too, but I can’t get you out of my fucking head for some reason.” He snaked one arm around her waist and pulled her into his body. “He’s not going to rest until he finds the person responsible for him losing millions of dollars. I think you should consider leaving the city.”

She immediately shook her head. “I’m not running.”

“Keres, he’s ruthless. His Deathmen will be leading the witch hunt, scouring every part of the city that might lead back to you.”

“Darby’s business i s— ”

“Darby’s business is not worth his or your life.” When she shook her head, he cursed. “You’re so fucking stubborn, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”

He studied her. “What else are you planning?”

“Nothing.”

Ronin’s viridescent gaze roamed over her face. “You’re a terrible liar. Tell me, Keres.”

She broke out of his arms and took a step back. “Why? I don’t understand.”

“You think I do?” he asked, running a hand over his face. “I have no fucking clue why I’m seeking you out, but I’m here so get used to it.”

She had nothing to say to that, and she certainly wasn’t going to tell him the rest of the plan. Davorin thought he was untouchable, but now he’s feeling vulnerable. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be scouring the city looking for the who-done-it. Although killing Davorin might be quicker, that’s not the revenge she and Darby wanted. They wanted him to feel insecure. Powerless. Exposed. It wouldn’t bring Jonathan or Abigail back, and it wouldn’t heal her shattered soul, but it would nonetheless be a devastating blow. Their loved ones avenged. The asshole had to know the pain of loss. Her only hope was to accomplish that before Davorin found them out. Her life might be over, but she was going to make sure his was too.

She, however, couldn’t say any of that.

“There’s no need to stay with me,” she said evenly. “I’m going to be at the gym all day.”

Then she turned and left him behind, although she had a funny feeling he wasn’t going to listen to her. The man was nothing if not persistent.

****

“How was your week?” Kori asked.

Keres took a sip of her caramel frappuccino before she set it aside. “You know. Same old shit.”

Kori cocked her head, waiting. Keres may not want to talk about what happened with Ronin, but she knew it was important. That’s how therapy worked.

“I-I had sex,” she admitted in a low voice.

To her credit, Kori didn’t even raise an eyebrow.

“With a man?”

“Of course, with a man,” Keres said with a little snark in her voice. “I’m not a lesbian.”

“That’s not what I was implying,” Kori commented, a mountain of patience in her tone. “Not too long ago, you hated all things penis related.”

“Okay, yeah.” She cleared her throat. “I guess I should start at the beginning.”

Although, she didn’t know where exactly to start. Wasn’t like she could admit she killed three men, plus whoever had been in the warehouse. She felt absolutely no remorse for Davorin’s minions.

“I, ah, met this man by accident. At the gym. And we, uh, ended up having sex there. No biggie.”

Kori’s brow furrowed. “It is a biggie, Keres. You didn’t know him?”

“I mean, I’d seen him before but I wouldn’t say I know him know him.”

“I see. Did he trigger a panic attack?”

Keres shook her head.

“Interesting.”

“Not that interesting. It was just a one-off.”

“We all process sexual trauma differently. Sometimes, that might include indiscriminate sex with random peopl e— ”

“Are you implying I’m promiscuous?” Keres asked, cutting her off.

“No, but hypersexuality can be a way to reclaim your sexual expression after a nonconsensual experience. It can also be a healthy way to begin healing.”

“When it was over I just felt … off. I was raped and yet I was willing to have sex with a man I knew almost nothing about. Who does that? What kind of woman, or victim, am I if I can just brush that off?”

“You cannot compare apples to oranges,” Kori replied, her tone comforting without censor. “You’re here to heal and find healthy coping strategies. There is no judgement, Keres. Like I told you on our first session, I’m on your side. I’m here to help you navigate this new reality that was thrust upon you. Being raped. Being stabbed. Left for dead. You must never forget you are a survivor.”

“But where do I go from here?” she asked, her voice small and pitched low.

“Anxiety, depression, PTSD. They’re not issues that go away quickly or easily. Cognitive behavior therapy is one step in a line of steps. Medication can help. Reprocessing the narrative in your mind. Nothing is a surefire way to move past the trauma because what might work for one person may not work for you. We’ll both learn together what you need, but above all else, communication is imperative.”

With her words ringing in her ear, Keres finished the session. She was still confused on how she felt about having sex with Ronin. Helpful or hurtful, the jury was still out. Until then, it was time to prepare for the final assault against Davorin.