11. Holoth

eleven

Holoth

I t's been two weeks since K'Vella more or less said that she'd be willing to see if there's more to our relationship. I've eased up on biting her so much because she needs to heal, and it's obviously not pulling her bonding marks out.

Every night, when we lie in the nest together and enjoy one another, she complains about the burning in her wrists, and I purr extra hard to keep it from becoming too painful.

Jovi and Alik told me it was awful, and they wouldn't have been able to keep going if not for how Sloane always makes them lose themselves in her. I don't want K'Vella to be in that much pain, so she isn't.

I'm honestly astonished at the lack of knowledge on Varon bonding marks. Even the small amount of information out there doesn't mention the pain, only that the bonding marks showed up for groupings that found their bonded mates.

My purr gets so much use. I'm surprised my chest and throat aren't sore from how often the vibrations rumble through me.

I still don't know how to tell K'Vella she's definitely into me. I mean, we sleep in the nest together every night. We eat all our meals together. I'm always attached to her unless she's having girl time with the other females.

Still, she seems uncertain when I ask about her plans if she finds out she's pregnant. I haven't even dared ask her if she's taken any tests yet because I'm afraid once she finds out, she'll leave.

I never thought I'd ache for a female not to have young with me, but here I am, hoping that if she tests, the results come back negative. I want as much time as possible with her to get her bonded marks to appear. It doesn't help that I have no way of proving to her I'm almost certain she's my female.

I don't know if my kind can feel fated to be with another species. I'm almost scared that if I took off my blocker, I wouldn't find her smell as alluring as I think I would. It's a terrifying possibility.

Thankfully, if I ever remove the blocker, it's not like there are many Rytharians out and about. I won't find my fated because most of them stay on Rythar. This is perfectly fine. I don't want my fated. I want K'Vella.

"What are you thinking about?" K'Vella pulls me from my thoughts as she trails her fingers over the lines of the markings on my chest.

Rytharians are born with black markings all over their bodies in various patterns. It's always a toss-up on which parent we'll get our markings from. It's even more fun when we end up with repressed markings from generations back.

"Thinking about what markings our babe will have," I say.

I'd rather tell her that than about how I'm thinking there might be a Rytharian female out there who would be my perfect genetic match. I can't see that conversation ever going well. Even if I were to tell K'Vella that I don't care about my fated, I don't think she'd want to know. Especially when her own body is claiming me as hers. That would just be cruel.

K'Vella rubs her abdomen with her lower hands and gives me a soft smile. "I won't lie. I'm a little disappointed they won't be purple."

I tug her closer and plant a kiss against her temple. "We could always paint them."

She gives me a disappointed look and shakes her head. "That's too much work."

"Too much work," I repeat, leaning my head closer to hers so I can put my lips back on her.

It's late, and my knot's already been inside her once. She'd normally already be asleep, but something must be weighing heavily on her mind.

We've grown closer since she came to the ship, but she's still closed off from me in some regards. That's okay. I still have time to court her and get her more comfortable with me. Not as much time as I'd like, but more than just tonight, at least.

"Holoth." K'Vella rolls onto her side and looks at me.

It's the first time I've seen actual trepidation on her features. She's been worried, she's been scared, but never about having to tell me something. Normally, it's her own insecurities playing with her mind and making her think I won't want her. If I can get her markings to show up, I'm hoping she'll never doubt her feelings for me again.

"I need to tell you some—"

My bedroom door slides open, and a panicked Phial stumbles inside. His clawed hand covers his eyes, and his feathers are standing at their tallest. I grab a blanket and cover K'Vella's body with it as I try not to kill my best friend for coming into my room unannounced.

"Holoth, I need you now. I think there's something wrong with Avery," Phial says, his voice higher pitched and hissier than usual.

I'm on my feet and tugging on my pants before he has time to spread his fingers and check to make sure he didn't interrupt anything. He definitely did, but he also seems scared enough for it to be forgivable. While I finish tugging on my pants, I lean down and press a palm to K'Vella's cheek.

"We'll talk as soon as I check on Avery, okay?"

K'Vella nods, pulling the blanket higher to cover her chest as she sits up. "Can I do anything?"

"Will you get Essa?" Phial asks. "She's not answering her comm. She's probably already asleep."

"Of course, of course." K'Vella starts to move, not caring that the blanket slips enough for the small swell of her breasts to make an appearance as she reaches for one of her dresses.

I snarl at Phial, who turns around almost immediately. I press a last kiss to K'Vella's lips, follow Phial out of my room, and make the short walk to his.

"I don't know what's wrong. She was sleeping fine but started talking about how she's too hot and then crying because she doesn't want to do it again." Phial runs his hands over his feathers, trying and failing to smooth them down.

When we approach, his door opens, and he makes a series of taps on the glass dome that encircles his nest. Right now, it is cloudy white, but there are settings that can make it transparent.

"Go away!" Avery screams, and Phial looks like he's about to throw up.

"Avery, I brought Holoth. Maybe he knows what's happening to you. Maybe he can help." Phial's words are shaky and stuttered. My friend is breaking apart on the inside, even though he's trying his hardest not to look like it on the outside.

"No!" Avery screams the word, and Phial flinches like she's struck him. "I thought it was over. I thought I didn't have to do this again."

I grab Phial's shoulder and give it a soft squeeze. He gives me a pained expression, but I hold up my hand, telling him I'm going to try to help.

"Avery, I know you're upset right now, but I just want to see if I know what's wrong with you." I keep my voice calm and hope what I think is wrong with her isn't what's actually wrong. It'll mean she was experimented on even worse than what we thought. "I know you don't want to think about it, but did the male who took you ever purr for you?"

Phial hisses in my direction, not liking how I'm about to help Avery. I understand. I wouldn't want another male purring for K'Vella, but this is important. I need to make sure Avery isn't in any danger or going to be sick.

I expect her to scream again, but her answer comes out in a hiccuped sob. "No."

"Okay, that's good. Thank you for telling me." My purr begins to vibrate in my chest, and I hope she can hear it through the dome's glass. "Does that make you feel any better?"

Phial gives me the dirtiest look but doesn't swing at me or ask me to stop, which means a part of him knows this will help the female he's gotten close to. I don't miss how his claws have extended or how his lip is in a perpetual snarl now. We can work through those things later when we know Avery's okay.

"Yes, that helps," Avery says after a few long seconds. "What is that? Is that coming from you?"

"It's my purr. It can help relax others. It's especially calming for Rytharian females." I keep my voice even and soft. "Can you let me see you for a second, Avery?"

"No, no, I can't," she cries again, but the sobbing is softer and not as uncontrollable. "It's so hot. I took off all my clothes, and I don't want any of you seeing me like this."

I rub my hand over my face and try to figure out the best course of action. Phial might kill me if I see Avery how she is now, and that's not something I want. I don't want Avery in any romantic or sexual sense.

Now that I've been with K'Vella, I want only her for the rest of my life. How do I explain that to a female I'm almost certain is about to go into heat and her overprotective male?

"Okay, Avery, I need you to tell me if any of these things are happening. I'm not judging you, and Phial doesn't care, okay?"

"Okay." Avery sniffles.

I cringe a bit as I turn to look at Phial as I ask my questions. I figure this is the safest route since he might murder me if I were to ask them directly at Avery.

"Are your breasts swollen and tender?"

"Yes," the word is small and sad.

"And you told me you're too hot, yes?"

"I am."

"Okay, last question, and I know it's personal. Are you producing slick?"

Phial grabs the blaster at his hip and has to forcefully stop himself from drawing it on me. I keep my eyes on him, making him aware that this isn't something I'm enjoying talking about. I'd much rather be in bed with K'Vella than talking about the symptoms of heat with Phial and Avery.

"I don't want to!" Avery screams again.

I raise the volume of my purr, trying to keep it loud enough that she can hear it over her crying and hoping she can feel the vibrations inside herself. It'll help to calm her and ease the pain she's probably starting to feel.

"When did this start?" I ask Phial, who looks on the verge of going on a murder spree and starting with me.

"Maybe fifteen minutes before I came to get you," he says, hand still on his blaster like he's not quite sure if he's going to pull it or not.

"Good, then it just started," I say as Phial's bedroom door slides open.

Essa has her pack of supplies thrown over her shoulder, and K'Vella is right behind her. There's a pained expression on her face when she looks at me. My brows furrow, and I tilt my head to the side, not quite sure what has her distraught.

"What just started?" Essa asks as she sets her pack on Phial's dresser and starts going through her supplies to get stuff out.

"Her heat," I say, keeping my voice as neutral as possible because we know very well that Avery went through her last heat only a month ago, right before we rescued her from the smugglers.

Phial turns on his heels, his hands going up to his head like he wants to rip his feathers from his scales. Essa gives me a bewildered expression that morphs into one of sorrow for Avery.

"We have maybe a day before she's really in the thick of it." I turn toward the glass dome. "Avery, how did you get through the previous times this happened to you?"

"Please, no, please don't make me." Avery's crying is quiet, but her voice breaks each of us a little when she speaks.

I try to purr louder, but I don't think I have it in me. It would be best if we were next to one another for my purring to truly help her, and even better if we could find a male to mate her. He'd have an even stronger connection to her.

"How'd you get through it before, Avery?" I ask again. "We need to know how to best take care of you."

The previous male who had her said his client didn't like them using the smuggled goods, so Avery was untouched in that way, even if she was experimented on. Not being assisted through her heat would be another type of torture added to everything else.

"The collar," Avery says, her voice sounding distant, like her mind has checked out. "They made it so I couldn't move. They said I cried too much."

And if that doesn't piss everyone in the room off enough to get our minds off any other personal grievances. Phial touches the side of the dome with both hands flat against the glass. His face is a mixture of horror, pain, and sadness. Essa looks as angry as she was when she found out who K'Vella's sister is. This time, she seems able to control herself. Even K'Vella is picking up the room's atmosphere and is standing solemnly in the doorway with a grim expression.

"Okay." I nod, realizing that no one here has ever dealt with a female in heat. I have by the barest of metrics only because I grew up in a society where it was common.

From a young age, I was taught the difference between males and females of our kind. When I finally matured enough to take part in our traditions, I learned how difficult heats could be on unmated females. Our responsibility as Rytharian males is to help the smaller of our kind not suffer as best we can.

"Has the Intergalactic Alliance offered us anything?" I ask.

"Not that I know of, and I saw Alik right before I went to bed," Essa says. Now that she knows she can't help Avery, she starts to put everything back in her pack.

"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.

I don't want to go back home. The last time I was there, I did something awful. I had plans of never returning, but I won't let my friend suffer. Not when there's a chance I can help her.

"Essa, go tell Jovi and Alik we're making a jump. Phial, get her dressed in something, anything." I grab his shoulder and lean my head in close to his. I hate what I need to tell him, but Rytharians scent match, and I need him to know there's a chance Avery could scent match someone on my planet. "Prepare yourself to lose her if her sense of smell was altered."

I expect some pushback from Phial, but he gives me a stoic nod and moves towards his dresser, rummaging for something to dress Avery in.

"K'Vella, come with me. You'll have to act as second." I grab her lower left hand as I leave the room and all but drag her down to the navigation pit with me. "I'm really sorry all of this is happening."

"You purred for her," K'Vella says, more to herself than to me. In fact, it's so quiet I think she didn't want to voice it at all.

"Only to calm her," I say. "She's in pain, and I don't want her to be in pain."

"Sorry, no, of course."

Her eyes have a long, far-away look, and I don't know if my answer is good enough for her. I know K'Vella wouldn't want Avery in pain either, so I'm wondering if it's more that she's not the only female to respond to my purr that's making her think things that will only make her withdraw from me.

When we get to the navigation pit, I strap her into my seat and take Phial's. "Your job is simple. I need you to flip to this channel." I tap on the navigation comm and show her which channel. "When we make the jump, you need to request access to the shipyard."

Technically, I could do this alone, but I want K'Vella near me. One, because the last time she jumped, she passed out. And two, I want her by my side in everything I do.

"Where are we going?" K'Vella asks me as she looks over the navigation comm and tries to piece it together.

"We're going back to my clan."

I give her a small smile, and just like Phial earlier, I see a part of my K'Vella break and close off from me. I want to take my words back immediately because I've obviously done something wrong again. I can't second-guess my choices, though. Not when this is the only chance to get Avery the help she needs.

I grab K'Vella's hand after I set the coordinates for our jump. "What did you want to tell me earlier?"

K'Vella's eyes widen a fraction, and then she shakes her head. "It's not important. Not anymore."

I frown at her brushing it off because it seemed plenty important before Phial interrupted us. I turn back toward the comm and send out a message telling everyone to get strapped in wherever they are.

I start the jump before turning to K'Vella. "I don't believe you, so you'll tell me as soon as we get Avery some help, okay?"

K'Vella's flush creeps up from the V in her neckline. The ship whirs to life, and the jump initiates. The sound of it eats up her acceptance, but I hear it all the same.

This time, when she faints, I'm there to catch her and make sure she wakes up, knowing she's safe.