Chapter 21

Moira

"They're so cute!" Rory says, watching the two kittens scamper through Kracken's room. "I remember when Sassy was this little."

Or, should I say, our room, something he made very clear when we got home earlier. Right now, all of the patched members are in church, so Rory, Ryleigh, Selah, Belle, Harper, and the girls are with me as we talk. Ryleigh's little girl is currently sound asleep in the playpen that Brick brought into our room before he left to hold church.

"Calvin and Hobbes were so tiny I was worried they wouldn't survive," Ryleigh admits. "Now, they laze around the common room as if they own the place."

"They don't try to get out?" I ask. "That's a huge fear of mine, to be honest."

"They've never tried," Ryleigh says. "Has Sassy?" she asks Rory.

Rory stops to think about it before answering, "Nope, not once."

"I can't believe none of y'all have any dogs," Selah states, giggling. "It's hard to comprehend that a group of badass bikers don't have big, growly dogs roaming the property, y'know?"

We all start laughing because she's not wrong. In fact, when I was here before, I saw many of the men going out of their way to play with the cats.

"Well, that's probably because cats are far more low maintenance than dogs are," Harper finally says. "These guys are always going off on runs and shit, and it's not been too many years that either of our chapters had ol' ladies, so it makes sense to me. Granted, they could've had prospects caring for a dog, but all of these men underneath this roof have a bit too much testosterone to allow someone else to train ‘their' dog."

Once again, we're all laughing hysterically as we try to picture the men we know letting someone else take care of their dog for them. "Yeah, Butcher's a little too hands on to allow that," Selah advises through a snort.

"Mama, Daddy Butcher would let us help him, right?" Hannah asks.

"Probably so, sweetie, but right now, I think we've got our hands full with four kids. Adding a pet to the mix might just put him over the top," she replies.

"My thought process was along the lines of if we can take care of these two kittens, we might have a shot when it comes to raising kids," I state.

"You've talked about kids?" Belle whispers.

She looks a bit shell-shocked, but we really haven't had a lot of alone time to talk about everything that's happened since she and I last saw each other.

Nodding, I say, "Yeah, Belle, we have, and we want to be a couple for a little while first."

"You've got so much ‘splainin' to do, Lucy," she retorts in a horrible imitation of Ricky Ricardo.

"So, when I was here before, after they rescued the two of us, he was always around, taking care of things for me, making sure I ate, that sort of stuff," I start, "but when all of it came crashing down around me, I decided I should leave because it wasn't fair of me to bring this nightmare to the club's doorstep."

"That's some stinking thinking," Ryleigh advises. "We've all been there, I think, so no judgment from me, at least." She waves her hand at me and says, "Keep going."

"Well, Selah found me because she had left to try and find Hannah. When she realized I was mute, she took me under her wing. She did all the bartering for anything we needed, kept me safe, and helped me navigate a very scary situation," I reply.

"I still don't understand why you left. I mean, I get what you're saying, but don't understand," Belle says.

Looking at her, I reach over and take her hand in mine. "Because my head wasn't right, Belle. They did… things to me that my mind couldn't wrap itself around. Then, when they were being raided or whatever, they left me for dead. I felt horrible about myself, as if I'd never be clean again. I still battle with that, to be honest, but Hannah helped me," I reply.

Hannah crawls onto my lap and cups my face in her hands. Leaning in, she rests her forehead against mine and whispers, "I told you that you would know when it was safe to talk again, Moira, didn't I?"

"Yeah, sweetie, you sure did. Thank you for that, Hannah. Now, your mom says she knows what you've been doing at night."

Her little giggles make me laugh as she nods. "You deserve to be happy, Moira. Happy and heard. I like to visit you like that, but right now, we all live at the same place, so Mama says I have to wait until it's daytime then come over," she replies, still giggling.

I look over at Selah to see her smiling indulgently at her daughter, all while shaking her head. "I'm glad Butcher claimed me before he realized all I was bringing to the table," Selah says.

"Yeah, I don't think any of our old men knew what they were getting with all of us," Rory adds. "A bunch of hot messes for sure."

"Well, a bunch of beautiful hot messes," Ryleigh retorts. "Yet, no matter what we bring to their doors, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, they'll handle it, they'll do anything to ensure that we're safe and protected."

I think about everything all these women have said and realize they're all correct. I suspect Kracken would follow me down into Hell and bring me back without thinking twice. While it's way too soon for me to know if what I'm feeling is love, I know that every single one of his actions since he met me the first time has been with my comfort, my protection in mind. I make a mental note to ask Belle and Selah if what I"m feeling is love, or just gratitude.

"He's been really good to me, Belle," I whisper. "The day they found me, I was in bad shape, so bad they brought their brother Angel to me instead of trying to transport me here, because they didn't think I'd make it, honey. While they waited, Kracken cleaned me up, did what he could to take care of my wounds, and stayed by my side. Even as much of a bitch as I've been, he never once was mean or ugly to me. I've never had a man treat me that way in my life. Then, when I took off, he came for me, even though they took me all the way to Texas! We've spent the past few weeks getting to know each other and he helped me to see that none of what happened to me was my choice, it was all done against my will. Can you even fathom what that did for me? To know that the past I was so damn ashamed of, that was going to keep me from having any kind of a normal life, was not my fault? Neither of us deserved what those assholes did to us, nor what they did to Selah. Yet, somehow, the three of us got blessed enough to find three men who are perfect for us."

By now, we're all crying, which is definitely cathartic in so many ways. As Belle falls into my arms, she murmurs in my ear, "I've been so damn worried about you, Mo. I think that's why Jingles was so upset when you just walked away from me all those times. He knew how devastated I was when I found out what they'd done to you."

"We're not broken, just a little bit bent," I tease.

"The Japanese call that kintsugi," Rory states. "It's the art of taking pottery that's been broken and mending it with urushi lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. They believe it makes the broken piece stronger and more beautiful than it was before because it shows that even in our imperfection, we can still be of value."

"How do you know that?" Ryleigh asks.

"My grandparents were all about reusing stuff, so if it broke, my gramps fixed it. He's the one who told me what kintsugi meant, when I was complaining that it would just be easier to buy a new one instead of laboring to repair the broken one," Rory replies.

"I like that," I murmur, visualizing all the cracked and broken pieces that have been painstakingly, gently, and even lovingly put back together. Not only by Kracken, although he's done the most work so to speak, but every single person I've been in contact with since being brought to the Roanoke clubhouse.

"You sparkle now, Moira," Hannah murmurs in my head. When I glance in her direction, she smiles at me then the little pipsqueak winks!

Selah catches her and starts laughing. "Looks like my girl saw your true self a long time ago, M," she says.

"Maybe so," I reply. "But she also had a huge part in all of this as well, and I'll never be able to repay any of the kindnesses I've been shown."

"That's what us sisters do for one another," Ryleigh states. "No repayment is ever needed. Selah's the one who put two and two together when you left the second time. She always called you M, and we were, of course, saying Moira. She asked Belle if she had a picture of you and when Selah saw it, she came out and told the men."

"The ripple effect," I reply. "Like I said, I'm so blessed. I learned in college that the so-called gospel I was raised up with wasn't true, so while I'll likely never step foot in a church again, I developed my own relationship with the god of my understanding."

"That's all you can ask for," Harper advises. "Now, it's after twelve, what say we go and mix up some margaritas while we wait for our men."

* * *

Butcher's son, Nitro, is playing with the girls, leaving us ol' ladies to sit around one of the tables, drink margaritas, and talk. I haven't felt anything but acceptance from all of them, no judgment, no disdain, no contempt. The giggles from the kids have me smiling, as they roll little jingle balls on the floor and watch the cats chase them.

"Do you think they're working on getting Dragon and Wrecker out of jail?" I suddenly ask. Kracken told me what happened in Lynchburg; not all of it but enough that I know my parents will never cause me harm any longer.

"Oh, I'm positive of it," Selah emphatically states. "Hawg and Beast are definitely working to get them out."

"How's Mammoth feeling?" I question. "I mean, I know he's here with y'all, but haven't really seen him around since I got home."

Selah's face drops slightly as she replies, "He's still recovering. Those fu..jerks really messed him up."

I giggle when I hear her switch her words and realize the kids must be nearby for her to do so. "I hate to hear that, to be honest. Wish Angel was closer to help."

"Yeah, me too," Selah says, swiping under her eye. "Now, why didn't anyone tell me that Scythe is kind of a wimp?"

We lean in closer, and she tells us about their trip to Texas and the story she told, as well as how Scythe reacted. Selah starts snickering then states, "I have an idea." Since we're all practically on top of each other, she lays out her plan.

"I think that's perfect," I reply once we lean back. "Let's do it after the patch-in party since we're having a cookout to celebrate. Oh, did y'all see the links for the houses Hawg found? We picked one out but will stay in Kracken's room until it's delivered and set up."

By the time the men are done with church, we're all feeling a bit… tipsy. Kracken, seeing my loose, relaxed expression, scoops me up and without another word, carries me off to his room, where he shows me, over and over again, what I mean to him.

And I love every minute of it.