21

I realized there might be something else I could do to help even if it was too early. Stefanie settled back to rest after she fueled up, the healers knocking her out even. The other Guardians were sent home for a few days of rest but were fine.

So the medical area was just full of us who loved her. I thanked the fairies on staff at the castle who brought in more chairs and a few couches from other areas. It was hard not to laugh when they gave warnings to the commanders that they were priceless couches and not to put their boots up on them or anything.

"It's up over a hundred thousand and three hundred fairies you woke, Your Highness," Shael told me as she sat down and closed her eyes. "People are still being checked in—the amount of food that had to hurry and be brought in was ghastly."

I could only imagine. They all nodded off, but I couldn't, taking a walk and shocked when I found Neldor sitting by where my mother was frozen, guards watching him like hawks. I left it alone and basically strolled around until it was time for the specialist to arrive.

He confirmed what we were all fearful of. Stefanie's wing was too far damaged to fix even with magic. Magic couldn't do everything and certainly couldn't regrow a limb.

Stefanie thanked the healers, but I'd never seen her so lost. She looked… Nothing like Stefanie.

I made sure people were going to be staying with her and watching her. I told Shael to give her updates if she wanted—whatever. Then I snuck off to see if there was anything I could do for my idea, any way to help her.

I forgot there was normally a huge brunch with the Vogels that the Rothchilds normally joined. Hudson and I shared a shocked look that the other was there, but then I shook it off.

"Shorty, what happened?" he worried. "You don't just teleport into the castle on a whim."

I snorted. "Well, I do, but not intentionally always." I scrubbed my hand over my head. "Sorry, I haven't slept. I need Colton. I teleported here because he's here." I glanced around and found him, relief filling me. I knew it was him I needed to talk to, my gut telling me even. I hurried over to him. "In sword training, you talked about training with your left hand too."

He studied me closely and nodded. "Yes, in case we're injured. It can mean life and death."

"Right, but you said it saved lives. You sounded like it was specific. Someone lost an arm in battle, right? I—how did they survive it? Are they okay now?" I realized how horrible it was for me to just demand answers like that and blurt this all out. "I'm sorry, I need—"

"It was my cousin and he handled it honorably," Trigger told me as he moved closer. "He was—"

"Tams, did someone's arm or wing get hurt?" Hudson cut in, paying attention and knowing me well. "You didn't go cleanse, and Julian said there was an emergency in Faerie but you were fine."

I nodded, tears filling my eyes. "Stefanie protected me but…" I remembered how many people were there. I gasped as someone grabbed me, blinking up at Colton.

"What happened to Stefanie?" he demanded, fear in his eyes. People started reacting to him touching me and acting like that, but he shoved Trigger away and shook me. "Tamsin, what happened to Stefanie?" He bellowed for people to shut up, not even caring he was talking to the royal family or his king.

"She's your mate," I breathed. "That's why my gut said to find you. Not because—"

"Yes," he choked out, everyone going quiet. "Please, tell me she's alive."

"She's alive," I rasped. "But they just confirmed she won't ever fly again. We don't know about her magic yet." I nodded when he fell to his knees and let out a sob. I met Hudson's shocked gaze and then looked around to see no one knew, not even his family. "Does Stefanie know?"

He nodded as he let me go and crumpled into himself. "We have been… Something, but she made it clear that—"

"She won't consider something real while she's in the Guardians?" I bit out, running my tongue over my teeth when he nodded. "These—" I swallowed the rest of what I was going to say given she'd just saved my ass.

But what I wanted to say was these fucking idiots took everything way too seriously. They needed to learn balance . I wasn't less of a leader or focused on Faerie because I had a love life and mates.

Hell, they were hypocrites as they pushed me to mate and more.

Another fight for another day.

I glanced around and found Xavier's gaze. "No one knows yet. Sorry, but we don't… It's complicated."

"Hudson warned me about the situation. It was why your father came and strengthened the wards." He nodded when I couldn't hide my shock.

Of course, Lageos did.

"I need to see her," Colton demanded, standing and taking my hand. "Please."

"Of course, Cousin," I whispered, squeezing his hand. "Sorry I interrupted."

"Don't even think on it," Sasha forgave. "We will come visit her and check on her later if she's up for it."

I gave her a worried look. "I don't know what she is." I swallowed loudly and went to say goodbye to Hudson, but he gave me a look not to be silly, telling me to open a portal. "Thanks, beastie."

We did the portal dance and I brought them right into the castle.

Stefanie was eating and being fussed over by Irma when we walked in. She swallowed loudly and met my gaze. "Of course, you figured it out."

"I really didn't. My gut just told me to find him, and I thought it was about—we might have to deal with me getting my dad's ability."

"I don't understand," Onas muttered.

"Are you ready to out this?" Shael asked instead.

Colton did a double take. "You told someone?"

Stefanie shot him a kind look that I'd only seen her give a handful of people. "Of course, you fool. I wasn't embarrassed with you."

He stormed over to her and set her tray aside before carefully hugging her. "I'm a dumb rockhead. You have to explain stuff to me better then. I didn't tell anyone, and Tamsin just outed us to my whole family and Vogels."

Onas blinked between them. "I knew she was seeing someone but—"

Shael and I both made the motion for him to shut up and cut it off. Luckily, he did.

"How much do the gods really see or plan for?" I whispered as I watched them.

"What do you mean, shorty?" Hudson asked as he moved his arm around me.

I gestured between them. "She can fly again. Yeah, it won't be the same but—" I smiled up at him. "Riding on River when I love you is better than flying on my own, beastie. She can still fly. She'll still have magic to catch herself. She—maybe she can glide a bit and he can catch her like you do me. She won't lose it all."

I realized all eyes were on me when I was done… Including Stefanie and Colton. I felt like a complete asshole, but luckily Hudson hugged me closer and gave me a soft kiss.

"Yeah, I feel the same, Tams. It's always better together even when you couldn't lift off or land on your own." He wasn't looking at me when he talked but over at them.

So I hadn't fucked up.

"You can always ride me," Colton said hesitantly. "It—we weren't there, or it seemed odd to offer when you have your own wings."

Luckily, Taeral had more tact than Colton and I and made a comment that it was a great idea but turned the conversation back to healing now. I watched as Colton fussed all over Stefanie, and I spoke to one of the staff on getting something better and bigger for them set up. There was no way both of them were fitting on a normal hospital cot.

And if there was ever a time she needed to be comforted, it was right then.

We didn't have anything in the castle that really worked, so after a bit of discussion, we ended up getting one of those adjustable beds. But a king-sized one that you could adjust differently for either person. That would be best and help for having her wings out.

Right after we got it all set up, Shael pulled me off to the side with Onas and a couple dark fairy commanders. "Why is Trigger Rothchild asking if we're filing a formal complaint against his family?"

I blinked at her a moment and then sighed. "When I—Colton grabbed me and shook me when I mentioned Stefanie. He did it in front of both extended families, so I'm sure Trigger is just—they don't want to risk insulting us again." I snorted. "I'm more worried that Colton told his king and queen to shut up and demanded answers from me."

"Mother and Father won't care," Hudson said quietly. "They'll give him some minor punishment just for appearances and so people don't talk."

I heard his advice and winked at him. "Tell Trigger given our friendship with their family it's something easily overlooked as long as Colton is placed on a couple weeks leave or whatever." I nodded my head towards where he was helping Stefanie into the new bed.

Shael smiled. "Yes, I think that best for appearances. I'm sure the Vogels will ask for the same."

"I told them that this wasn't public yet and—yeah, they know how to keep things quiet. I shouldn't have told you all yet."

"You haven't even slept yet, Your Highness," one of the other commanders forgave. "And this is the closest you've come to truly losing someone under you. We're all worried about you ."

I blinked at him and gave the best smile I could. "I've already experienced that, mate. Not a fairy, but—I know that loss." I nodded when they seemed hesitant. "She killed herself and I found her. Her life blew apart trying to stop what was going on and… I know that loss. It wasn't just her. She was just the one I blamed myself for even if I was a kid."

He reached over and awkwardly patted me on the shoulder before heading towards the food. I guess it was something because that man originally loathed me.

I went over to Stefanie and checked she was okay, asking if there was anything she needed. "One of the captains still has my credit card for any cravings or whatever you need."

"Cousin, this wasn't your fault," Colton said gently. "This is what we sign up for. We all drop our guard, and most close to you know you immediately go fuel up after waking fairies."

"And too many knew you take off all your other magic," Hudson grumbled, his arms crossed over his chest. "Lucca and I brought that up a few times that people needed to stop being such gossips. Fairies keep everything to fairies well, but the circle around you needs to be closed tighter."

I nodded but gave him a look that this wasn't the time. He looked like he didn't want to back off though. "I'm okay, beastie. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about my almost being hurt when I blurted out what happened."

I hit the nail on the head as tears filled his eyes.

"It's all the fucking time, shorty. You've had more attacks and attempts on you in the handful of years I've known you than all of the years I've been alive against my parents."

"I know, but we're also taking out threats and I will this one." I shut my mouth fast and gave Colton a worried look.

He let out a slow breath. "You'll get my mate her pound of flesh and justice. You don't have to worry about me or my dragon. I promise."

Okay, good, because the last thing we needed was another tunnel-visioned dumb dragon making more problems than being helpful.

Stefanie shot me an amused look and I rolled my eyes, glad we were on the same page at least. She asked for some cookies from the hobgoblin bakery and for me to sleep. Also, the wedding dress catalog as she wanted to see what else I might pick.

I couldn't hide my shock she would ever want to after what happened, but Colton nodded it was okay. So she needed a distraction?

Yeah, okay, she could pick the damn dress for all I cared.

I told the other guys and they came to visit Stefanie as well. Neldor checked in but wasn't around really until after I was done with classes Monday.

"You woke two hundred and eighteen thousand and change," he told me looking wiped. He nodded when I couldn't hide my shock. "It's handled. Don't worry. I knew you were distracted here."

I felt like I should apologize, but he did, saying he didn't mean it like that but he was just exhausted. That was more than fair and I easily waved it off.

What I couldn't wave off?

People talking about what came next for Stefanie and her retirement already. I walked into the third conversation Tuesday morning after training before my classes so I could check on her and about blew my top.

"The only reason I'm not punching you all is you have a barrier up so she can't hear you," I seethed. "But this shit needs to stop . Have a fucking heart. She's—"

"She is the most senior commander, Your Highness," Talila cut in. "We're not—"

"I don't fucking care!" I blasted. "We're not at war. Fine, we're still in a state of emergency and too much is going on, but—fuck, Shael is in charge. There, eldest designated." I stared them all down. "Your unease trickles down. Remember that. The priority is our injured friend . Nothing else."

"It's seen as not facing reality by letting it linger," a different commander commented, holding up his hands in surrender when I shot him a nasty look. "I understand what you're saying, Your Highness. I just wanted you to know that it's not about Stefanie, more our ways."

"Well, our ways got a lot of fairies killed and missed too much shit. So I appreciate you reading me in, but we are doing better and having compassion ."

"It's still against the regulations of the Faerie Guardians for anyone to not have full wings," Talila whispered.

"I know that." I adjusted my neck. "I know that. It's just crass to have this conversation before the healers even know where her magic is. You're talking about getting her out the door and we still don't know the full extent of how she was injured. That's why I'm so pissed, Commander." I kept her gaze. "Don't you hope we'll be better to you if it happens to you?"

I was glad I made my point and dropped the barrier and headed for why I was even there. I swallowed down my upset when I saw she was awake and working with Calarel to do some basic stretches and movements.

"Are they talking about my retirement again?" she asked me without even meeting my gaze. Steam about came out of Colton's ears and I was a bit worried on how to answer. Stefanie sighed and focused on me. "It's inevitable, Your Highness. The wound gets infected if not treated and allowed to heal."

"You're not even fully diagnosed yet, so just focus on that and getting better, and everyone can learn a bit more fucking respect for each other. Maybe this planet wouldn't be such a clusterfuck if everyone did," I replied. "The way hobgoblins and other fairies were allowed to live. The way we just kick people while they're down and wounded. I'm done with it. Completely."

She gave me a sad smile. "Which is why you will make a wonderful queen and I fully support you." She gave me a moment with that. "But that doesn't change that I am now against the regulations—"

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Stefanie, you didn't commit a crime . You probably saved my life. You don't just boot someone out while they're still in medical!" I tried to swallow the rest of what I was feeling, but I couldn't, walking away.

I thanked Cara when she was by the entrance and had crystals for me. Immediately, I made three weather crystals and then went back to Stefanie, focused more on Calarel.

"How is her progress?"

"Good, Your Highness," she told me. "Very good given her injuries. We should be able to assess her magic by the weekend. She's also a very good patient—with her mate's support—and is doing everything we ask."

"Stubborn dragon," Stefanie mumbled, looking a bit embarrassed.

"I call mine a stupid dragon all the time, and now it just makes him smile because he knows I only do that because I love him, so be careful with these damn dragons. Izzy's learning the same," I warned her, glad when she smiled and we were okay. I let out a slow breath. "I know this changes everything, but the world won't end if we don't do it today.

"Let the grass fucking grow under this life-altering shift in your life, Stefanie. Seriously. And I've wanted to change some things up anyways, so—there are options besides you're the most senior commander or just fucking out. You're also my advisor and old enough to be an elder—we have options. Lots of them. Ones that could be better ."

Tears filled her eyes and she quickly wiped them. "Thank you, Your Highness."

I nodded and gave Colton a worried look before I moved closer to her. "It wasn't your wings or magic that helped me keep the fools in line, Stef. I still need you. Please, don't give up. Don't just—if you want to step back or retire, then you always have my blessing. I want you happy, but I want you here . I will find a way and figure this out."

She swallowed loudly and met my gaze, tears trailing down her cheeks. "I don't know what I want or what to do, Tams."

I gave her a gentle hug. "Then you don't make big decisions, twit. You just heal and hang the fuck on, okay? Just get better and we'll figure this out the best we can."

Colton gave me a grateful look and took over for me.

I was glad when the other commanders were watching as I approached them to leave. I lowered my voice as Stefanie sought comfort in her mate. "Spread the word that if anyone mentions her retirement or being out like she's fucking roadkill after saving the life of the future queen, I will demote and toss people out myself."

"Yes, Your Highness," Talila accepted. "I'm sorry our worry and fear made us heartless. Again."

I might have said more, but I saw the fear in her eyes. Stefanie was what every fairy feared. Death was preferable to some fairies than losing their wings or flight.

Yeah, they said that, but fucking wait until they were in the situation and be better people so maybe it wasn't so difficult for those who suffered.

I actually blew off classes, wanting to talk to Hudson.

He just opened his arms for me when he saw me, hugging me tightly. "I think I have the answer if you give me a bit of time to talk to you."

"Always. Always, beastie. I heard your upset, and I agree that we need to change things. I do. I just don't know how and—"

"I do, shorty, and your dad likes the idea," he whispered as he kissed my hair.

I sagged against him, relieved someone had the answer, and… It was so fucking difficult being the boss and always having to handle it all.

We met up with my dad and got some food, talking through the idea as we ate. It was perfect. It was exactly what I was looking for… Except one thing.

One very big thing.

"No, we're not asking Iolas to do that," I argued.

"He will never betray you," my father argued.

"Great, I'm glad to hear it, but—he'd do it out of loyalty, Dad. He needs to live his life and stop living for our family," I said gently. "First it was being Mom's best friend. Then being in love with her. Now it's for me because he loved her and his guilt—enough."

"I agree," Hudson muttered. "And I don't even know that position needs to be the same. I think it just needs to be better separated and—I want them to answer to me as Tam's advisor. It's all too intermingled."

"Agreed." I gave my dad a look that I did agree. "But we can change it. If this doesn't work—everything is not all or nothing. We can adapt and learn from our mistakes. Do better going forward. Okay?"

"Yes, yes , okay, well, I hope you assign that to Iolas or he is the one who reports to your mate in that way." He reached over and squeezed my hand. I nodded and squeezed it back. Clearly, he'd been affected by the attack as well.

I fully understood. I really did.

And it was time to end this threat against me.

I just had to figure out how.