12

The pain was honestly ridiculous. I'd been shot and it had hurt less.

No, I wasn't fucking kidding.

And I was a monster. I absolutely was and told them to leave me the fuck alone so I didn't lash out.

But did they listen?

Nooooo, they did not.

Idiots. Stupid, stupid men.

There were at least two of them there at all times helping me shower or soak in the tub or bringing me food or fluffing pillows or just… All of it. I was miserable for four days. It was either stabbing pain in my uterus, lower back, or fucking head.

Or all three.

And then I kept puking which made it all so much worse. I barely kept anything down even with the shots Calarel kept giving me. Seriously, it was bad and I was completely defenseless.

The worst of it seemed to pass and then I just cried for a day which did not help my head. I finally could eat, and I stuffed my face crying while shoving the guys away and then pulling them back to cuddle.

No, I had no fucking clue what was going on or which way was up. I could be a bit sensitive during my period normally and pouty, but this was… Fuck, I was a mess. I made Calarel swear to me it wouldn't always be like this or I would seriously just quit and find runes to have a hysterectomy.

No one found me funny.

I wasn't fucking kidding. I couldn't take being a nut fuck like that several times a year.

Then my stomach was a mess from not eating and then eating and… At least runes could help with that better than Kaopectate.

At least we got everything squared away medically and designated the right people so there was never another cluster fuck. I also told the guys they could quietly tell their families before we announced it to Faerie, and it trickled out from there.

Sasha came to visit and check on me. Unfortunately, she made the mistake of asking about protocols and the ins and outs about if she would be considered a grandmother of the child Neldor and I had.

I threw a pillow at her wishing I had something more threatening.

"Yes, yes, I am an ass for bringing this up now, and beat me later, but hear me that you need to decide these answers before others do, Tamsin," she warned me.

It wasn't until I felt better that I understood the warning. I was finally walking around a bit on my own and actually asked for Julian to help me shower.

He studied me and sighed. "Yes, I've been thinking about what she said too. If my mother is the grandmother of the heir of Faerie one day, it would be a nightmare."

"Not just her. Lucca's dad too. We need to decide certain things, but we are all the way in."

He nodded. "I know you said it more offhandedly, but I actually like the idea that our child inherits the Craftsman family everything. We can change the charter that it's Craftsman-Vale or whatever."

I nodded. "Make Craftsman the middle name even. I think you would be traumatized to have your child with that last name. Just have it be a name required."

"That is bloody brilliant," he whispered before giving me a soft kiss. "Of course, you've considered this. Of course , you've thought of this."

"I have. I'm not going to lie that I'm terrified of being a mother. I don't want kids. I think I will be a shit one."

"But?" he hedged.

"But I love the hobgoblin kiddos," I sighed. "I love watching you with nippers . I can see a future where we heal and have them. I can with Darby and you. Hudson. There is a world where I can see that. I know I have to with a fairy, but there is a dream or alternate reality in the very distant future where I could see it. You want it."

He didn't even deny it. "Yes, I want us to have at least one child. Maybe two. I don't know but yes, our love is—yes."

I nodded. "Then I need your mother officially cut out. Somehow. Officially. Return her to her maiden name after she's healed and… I don't know, but Sasha's warning made my blood run cold, Julian. She cannot be the grandmother of a prince or princess of Faerie and certainly not the heir, and you would die if you couldn't be the father to my child—"

"Even if biologically Neldor's. Yeah, that would gut me." He nodded. "Okay, we'll draw up something official. Some sort of trust and agreement to basically… Disown my mother? I don't know the legal terminology, but—I'm with you on this, Tams. Fully. My mum is—I don't want her in our lives and certainly not to have any sort of power or perks after how she has treated you."

"Thank you. Thank you, Julian."

"I want the same outlined for Lucca's father though if you're dating him and so he knows it. I think for Darby as well since he's guardian of his sister—all of us. I think all of us need something outlined and—let's just be smart and handle this like prenups so it's not later when it's with feelings and a child, not ideas and possibilities."

That was fair… And apparently much easier than I had thought. All five were on the same page. None objected to any of the others being fathers to their children as well while still respecting that the biological father would have a weighted say in decisions, especially if it was species-specific as a shifter would know more about a shifter, etc.

Also, they all agreed that Mr. Von Thann and Mary Craftsman were vetoed out, but the rest were welcome to be family, including Iolas and Taeral as grandpas. I think we were all shocked we felt that way. It was complicated that we would allow Mrs. Von Thann but not Mr. Von Thann, but he'd made his own damn bed and he'd have to deal with it.

And a miracle happened that he even accepted it. Neldor went with Lucca and Hudson to go speak with the Von Thanns and he accepted it as long as he wouldn't be blocked from seeing any child we might have. Of course not. He just wouldn't have public grandpa privileges and certainly not over the heir of Faerie.

Neldor made it clear also that all of this wouldn't happen for a long, long time and things could change if he basically pulled his head out of his ass. Lucca said it was impressive how Neldor had handled his father while also making it clear that this was also a matter of respect that we were speaking with them right away when the situation changed.

And before anything was made public. But their situation was vastly different than Mary Craftsman.

I didn't think so, but I understood what they were saying. I didn't think I could ever throw in with Ronald Von Thann again after he'd tried to out me and wanted to breed me as the last fairy, but… I understood placating him. I knew Lucca loved him, and the man was trying. I cared for Mrs. Von Thann.

And I wasn't going to die and leave my child alone to have to be raised by them. The others would protect them if it happened. So they were all moot points.

But it was better to make things clear, so I agreed with Julian.

I was just really, really glad that Neldor had a sidebar with me to say he blew smoke up Ronald's ass. I was shocked, but he'd shrugged and made it clear that we were on the same page, and the moment the man had ever thought it acceptable to breed someone, he crossed a line he couldn't come back from.

Glad we agreed especially when I was the person.

"Just so we're exceedingly clear, I had no idea that you would come into your ability to have children so soon when I suggested we start having sex," he told me quietly while we were alone and I was stuffing my face.

I froze in my next bite, blinking at my food and then glancing over at him.

He cleared his throat and still stared out the window even if I knew he felt my eyes on him. "I just wanted to make sure I said it after the misunderstandings we've had—the misunderstandings I've made you have because of what I've said or not corrected. I wanted this one—"

"I get it," I cut in before he worked himself into a panic. "You couldn't have known when my healer and demigod father didn't, Nel. I didn't. I'm five years early and it's not like exactly on someone's birthday. It's thirty- ish ."

"The timing is just odd."

I snorted. "Even more so since I was going to tell you that night that I agreed with what you said and wanted the same."

He kept staring out the window for a moment but then threw back his head and burst out laughing. "Yes, well, we—wow."

"Yeah, wow."

Glad we were super clear on all of this and could laugh about it—even discuss such a difficult topic like adults. For all of our faults—and we had a lot of them—Neldor and I had been there for each other when it really mattered. When we'd gotten in our wings and a lot of difficult moments for sure.

And apparently again for all of this.

Izzy found me after classes and handed me her tablet. It was weird for me to miss classes for my period, but I was rolling with it. I knew people would have questions, but they could stuff it, and all of my classes were fairy ones really anyways.

I frowned at her as I took it and hit play, frowning deeper when Neldor filled the screen.

"Let me be clear that people are under a misconception that this changes anything for them or Faerie," he said firmly. "I can understand it to a point because it was one that I was under as well. I used to believe that the realms could be joined by our mating. I have evolved from that thinking, and it is well past time that others do too.

"Princess Tamsin has said many times how foolish the idea is, and people don't want to hear it because no one likes to be told they're foolish or think they're wrong. However, she is correct. One mating, one alliance isn't strong enough to hold a world together. It's too much pressure on one damn mating, on two people who already have enough pressure on them.

"It's why she will be the most beloved and strongest queen that Faerie will have in many, many years. She sees things from the outside and the lives of those who live in Faerie. The average fairy or hobgoblin doesn't have time to think of the politics of the royals.

"The average widower cannot rely on the mating of one couple to keep peace between the realms so her children are safe. That brings stress and worry into her life. Fear." He paused to give people a moment with that. "But you know what doesn't? Knowing more fairies from the other realm. Building alliances of her own as Princess Tamsin has allowed.

"Some have gone into business together. They work together and build foundations. Not one couple. Not one pair. Many ." He let out a slow breath. "I thought our mating was the answer once too. But Princess Tamsin was right that it was shortsighted and lazy of us, and we are better than that. We are stronger than that.

"And if we want lasting peace, we need to work for it to deserve it. That is the answer. We need to deserve this peace, this miracle she has handed us and given us a path to. And I believe we can just as she does. I have seen it over these many months. I have seen the friendships built. I have seen how the commanders kill themselves so it happens and no more of us die in wars.

"So know that I am committed to the same path as Princess Tamsin and her ability to conceive children changes nothing. She wanted her people to be updated because there were genuine concerns for her well-being after she had human vaccines in her body for years. Now we know that they did not hurt her in any way and her healer and father have confirmed that.

"When she is ready, years and years from now, Princess Tamsin will be able to conceive a child. Her stance has not changed on the topic. She will not even consider having an heir until Faerie is at peace and stable for at least ten years. I agree ." Again, he paused, letting out a slow breath. "As her right hand, I agree.

"Things are still too volatile. There was just an attempt on her life by a hobgoblin. I would never have thought that possible. Never. I would never have thought… Many things I would never have thought if you had asked me." Tears formed in his eyes and he wiped them. "I would have sworn to my soul once that my mother would never have hurt her people.

"And I would have said the same that a hobgoblin would never have hurt a fairy, especially an heir. I would have said an ancient would only help our planet. So much we were wrong about. So much we all got wrong." He wiped his eyes again. "But I am more than her second. I am her mate even if we are not together. I beg her not to have a child until it is safe.

"I beg everyone to understand and accept that and not push her. She would be vulnerable and in danger. It would put her at risk. We need to be smarter, and we need her." He cleared his throat. "Many believe that there will be no Faerie without an heir or queen, that the royal bloodlines and conduits are the reason Faerie lives.

"Then you are the ones responsible for working for peace just as I am. All of us are. All of us are responsible for the fate of our world, not Princess Tamsin. Not one mating. We must work for our future. Not a child. No child should have that responsibility thrust upon them no matter their bloodline. It's insanity.

"I refuse to think it the will of the gods. More than that, the princess has received her first vision from the gods." He snickered and wiped his eyes. "Her face telling me what happened, and her disbelief was—she does not—she was not raised with this, but I believe. Her father believes and assures her that Queen Meira experienced the same.

"So I feel no issue sharing what she experienced. The princess would not want to because she would feel it would make her self-important. We know she is important and her place in our world. We know her position and role in our religion and temples. She wasn't—she needs more time to accept it. We should all be grateful that she still shared what happened as she adjusts.

"I am. I'm profoundly grateful that she trusted me to tell me what happened and allowed me to share it with all of Faerie even as she has trouble comprehending that the gods shared wisdom with her." He went on to tell them what happened minus the diamonds. "So understand that the gods clearly accept the future Princess Tamsin sees for Faerie and are ready to guide her in the future.

"This is amazing. I am thrilled and plan to pray at our temples in thanks. I hope others will as well. I pray they will continue to bless our future queen and keep giving her their wisdom and morality so this new path of peace is lasting for many generations to come. I am glad the gods spoke to her. I cannot even—the suggestion was minor.

"I understand what the gods told her, but the project idea wasn't misguided either. It was of good intent from the dragons, our allies. They truly wanted to help, and I believe even bring something wonderous to humans. They saw it as killing two birds with one stone. The framing wasn't meant to be deceitful, but beautiful, so I understood the proposal.

"I'm glad the gods made their position clear and guided our future queen. It is a slippery slope, and we don't want to trick humans. We do want to help them. They are children of the gods as well even if they pray to other deities. And the gods are right that they have done massive damage to Earth to get to this point of solar panels and wind turbines.

"Which we are now benefiting from to bring vast and wonderous change to Faerie. We have to appreciate that and reciprocate, never take advantage of. I praise the gods for making that clear to us. Our wise princess has said many times that there is always another way if we take the time and think about things as we should.

"The gods reminded us of that and that she is the leader we need. We should never rush and always look at things from many sides. I hope fairies learn from that and understand that as I have been humbled in learning as well. I hope we all take time to thank them that our future queen is in good health and can have children in the future and has been so blessed.

"That she is strong and endured this hardship. She suffered greatly as women who have come of age know, even more so given her vast power. Watching it as someone who cares for her was torture, but nothing compared to what she went through. I hope everyone takes a moment to thank the gods that she did endure and shared this with us."

I handed her back the tablet and really didn't know what to say.

"That man is seriously so in love with you it's—he gushed about those crystals you invented, Tams," she said gently. "Every time he gives an update, he gushes about you. I've heard Ara and other female Guardians talk about how women in Faerie giggle how romantic it is. How he's setting the new standard to be in love and support a woman."

I nodded. "I've heard Taeral say several times that Neldor would make his father proud for how well he supports me like Prince Alok did Queen Elora. He doesn't think I've heard or—I get it."

"The question is what are you going to do about it?" She shrugged when I shot her a less than friendly look. "You can't leave this alone forever, boo. You know you can't."

"No, but it's not all we have going on. There is more than just us on our plates and I'm buried. We—a few years ago we fucking hated each other. The fate of a world is on us, and it could fall apart if we fuck up, Izzy. So yeah, we have to be careful. For now, we agreed we're fine with having sex."

She blinked at me. "That's super romantic."

I ran my tongue over my teeth, and then faster than she could keep up with, grabbed a pillow and started beating her with it.

She was smart enough to get the hell out of my room before she had bruises.

I couldn't worry about romance when I had the lives of millions on my shoulders. I had to worry about keeping us all alive. Fed. Healthy.

Practical things like that.

Maybe later when I knew for sure the basics were covered I could worry about something more.