Chapter Twenty-two

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

ELIZABETH WAS WORRIED it would show.

Well, there was the fact their clothes were in disarray. Stains on fabric, her skirts crumpled, all of that sort of thing. Mr. Darcy didn't seem to mind his trousers. He seemed to think it was all a bit of a joke, or maybe a badge of his own virility. She thought, maddeningly, he was sort of proud of himself for having deflowered her. She could not be proud of it, of course.

But it was more than that. She was afraid it would be visible on her countenance or in her bearing. She thought she would see her father and her sisters and her aunt and uncle and something about her would declare to them, loudly, Elizabeth is no longer a virgin.

However, in this, her fears proved empty. There was not even any censure about their having traveled to London alone, though Mr. Darcy had assured her he would speak to the driver of the carriage and his valet, who'd ridden up top with him, and make sure they were discreet. He seemed quite assured of his servants' silence. Anyway, he'd said blithely, it's rather common, you know, for people not to be able to wait.

If it was common, why was there so much condemnation of it?

On the other hand, maybe that did speak to its being common. Why harp on not doing it so much if people didn't do it rather often?

It was late. She was sent straight to bed, and she lay there, still feeling the echo of him inside her, the stretch and imprint of having been filled all the way up.

She wanted to do it again.

She was the very definition of sin, she thought, but she felt herself smiling at that thought. She was sure of him, that was the truth of it. He was desperate to marry her, and she didn't have any fear that she'd really made a mistake.

The next day, Darcy, Bingley, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and Wickham all called at Gracechurch Street. The men, including both her father and Mr. Gardiner, holed up in some other part of the house and came out, later, with a marriage agreement drawn up for Lydia.

Then they all sat together in the sitting room and Elizabeth watched Jane smilingly in between the colonel and Mr. Bingley. Her sister kept laughing as if she was thoroughly enjoying herself.

Mr. Darcy sat down next to her. "Which do you think your sister is going to choose?"

"I don't know," said Elizabeth. "Do you think they'd want her so much if the other one of them didn't want her?"

He laughed. "Ah, there you are, passing judgment upon my sex, I see."

She laughed. "Can you deny that men are more drawn to someone that other men want? They see it as value. Something fought over is all the sweeter when won."

"Perhaps," he said.

"Is it not why you wanted me?" she said.

"What? You think that? You think I wanted you because Bingley pursued you first?"

She shrugged.

"We have established that I do not know why I wanted you," said Mr. Darcy.

"Wanted?" She turned on him, raising her eyebrows. "I suppose you don't want anymore. I suppose you got what you wanted." She was teasing him. She knew this wasn't the case, and she felt secure in him, so secure, maybe because of how safe she'd felt in his arms.

He was shocked, and he actually blushed. He turned away from her, gazing at Jane with the other two men. "Ah, yes, that's it exactly," he said in a very low voice. "All my desires have been slaked, and I haven't been thinking about you every single moment since we parted, haven't been feeling like a thirsty man in the desert, like just to look at you was the only thing that could give me a bit of relief."

"So, you misspoke when you put it in the past tense?"

"No, I didn't. You misunderstood me. I think you misunderstand me on purpose."

She laughed. Well, she was enjoying this. Had they always had this sort of banter between them? She studied his profile. He was still looking away from her. Perhaps they had. Perhaps that was it. "I would not misunderstand you if you were clearer in your speech."

He chuckled. "I meant, that I don't know why I wanted you before, but I know why I want you now. So, what does the past matter?"

She remembered when Mr. Darcy had spoken about how dancing was part of all civilizations or when they'd spoken more about civilization and the way that things were changing, what with the influx of trade and money. She remembered that he had been the one person to give her a decent book to read when she'd been ill.

Why had she forgotten these things about him? Had it been simply because she'd been suddenly and intensely drawn to him?

Well, she wondered, had it been sudden?

"Why do you want me now?"

"Because you're everything I've been waiting for. You're more than I could have hoped for and more than I would have even thought I'd be allowed to have. You're the woman I couldn't dare to want, for fear she wouldn't exist."

"Mr. Darcy, I do think you have an inflated idea of my charms."

"Oh, no," he said, turning to her. "Depend upon it, I do not. I have always thought this, in fact, that you and your sister both had no idea how alluring you both were. Are, I mean. You underestimate yourself badly, Elizabeth."

She only laughed. He was biased.

"However," he said, his voice dropping in pitch, "I think you're beginning to see the truth of your attractiveness, and the more you see it, and the more confident you become, the more devastating you are. I am a very fortunate man, indeed."

She could not help but smile. "You are fortunate, yes," she said. "Quite fortunate to have me."

He met her gaze, his eyes moving over her like a caress.

"When do we get married?" she breathed.

"As soon as possible," he said urgently.

"JANE, COME IN ," said Elizabeth, opening the door to her bedchamber wide. "I wished to speak to you last night, but it was so very late. We have to discuss everything ."

"Yes," said Jane.

And so they did.

Jane went first, recounting every moment of everything that had happened to her, and Elizabeth stopped to inquire about when she had realized what Mr. Wickham intended and what it was like walking along through the streets of London and how she happened to end up in the Bingleys' neighborhood.

"Just a coincidence!" protested Jane. "I had no notion where I was going at all."

"And you recognized it primarily from my descriptions," said Elizabeth, who had honestly not been there very often, really. Mr. Bingley had often come to collect her from Gracechurch Street, not invited her there. She had called upon Caroline a few times, however.

"I may have recognized the street name when walking," admitted Jane. "I did recall the address. I was so tired at that point, Lizzy. I knew it was wrong to go there, but I managed to convince myself that it wouldn't be if I went in the servants' entrance."

"Well, it seems to have worked out for you," said Elizabeth. "That is, unless you despise him."

"You would have married him," said Jane.

"He seems your knight in shining armor, now. He never seemed so willing to hate someone for me," said Elizabeth. "The way he seethes at Wickham. The way they both do, I suppose."

"Of course the colonel has other reasons," said Jane. "Whereas Charles is only doing it because of me."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "Oh, it's Charles, is it?"

"I have no desire to take your castoffs, Lizzy, but I seem to be left with nothing but your castoffs. And as it happens, I always liked him a little."

"What?"

Jane covered her face with her hands. "Well, I couldn't tell you that!"

"You certainly could have," said Elizabeth.

Jane uncovered her face. "No, you were going to marry him. There was no reason to say anything. I found him handsome that night at Meryton, at the ball. It was only that. And then I told myself to stop finding him handsome, but I couldn't seem to stop myself."

"So, it is him, then," said Elizabeth.

"Oh, yes, of course," said Jane. "The colonel doesn't even like me, I don't think. I am stringing him along to punish him for asking for my hand at all."

"Oh, indeed!" Elizabeth nodded fiercely. "He wields his proposals like weapons, does he not?"

"Yes, quite," said Jane.

"Of course, while you are punishing him, it means you are also punishing Charles ."

Jane laughed. "I may have developed a bit of an evil streak during all of this, I think. And, oh, Lizzy, don't hate me, but if you have never been fought over by two men, I highly recommend it. It is ever such fun."

Elizabeth snorted. "I don't know about that. "

"I know I cannot keep it up forever, but mayn't I keep it up just a little longer?"

"I think you may do whatever you wish," said Elizabeth. "It seems we've both uncovered our evil streaks."

"Why, what do you mean?"

Elizabeth cringed. "You'll be horrified."

"What?" said Jane. "Are you also in league to kill Wickham?"

Elizabeth laughed. "No, of course not. It's not that bad."

"Not that bad," said Jane. "How bad is it?"

"Well, quite bad," said Elizabeth. "It's a dreadful sin, and if anyone knew, it would… no one can know."

"You did not! " Jane gasped. "You allowed him to…" She trailed off meaningfully.

Elizabeth nodded. "I did, Jane." She cringed again.

"I thought, when you alighted from that carriage, that the two of you looked as if you'd been doing something very sinful."

"Did we truly? You think everyone else thought so?"

"I don't know," said Jane. "Of course, every time he looks at you, Lizzy, even back in Hertfordshire, it's as if he's committing some kind of carnal sin with you in his mind."

"It is not!"

Jane shrugged. "I think it is."

Elizabeth snorted.

Jane giggled. She lifted her shoulders. "Was it as terrible as they say it is?"

"Not even a little bit terrible," said Elizabeth. "It was… oh, Jane, it was… well, if pleasure is sin, I see why that's such a sin."

"But you do think he will marry you. You are positive of that."

"Oh, yes," said Elizabeth. "He's a very honorable man. He will always do what he thinks is right, even if it is not easy."

"And you're sure of that," said Jane.

Elizabeth considered. It was only a short time ago that she was saying that she did not know him. However, she realized she must have known his character all along, that it had been slowly revealed to her in bits and pieces as they grew to know each other better. Yes, he was an honorable man, her Mr. Darcy. Yes, she knew him after all.