Chapter Fifteen

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

THERE WAS SOMETHING about the way that Richard wasn't looking at him that bothered Mr. Darcy. And then, the entire party from Hunsford was supposed to dine at Rosings that evening but she wasn't there.

He inquired and was told she was complaining of a headache.

He invented a malady of his own, split second. He moved forward and said, "Oh, dear. I think I may have strained something when out riding today. I don't think I can sit upright after all. I'm going to have to retire for the evening."

Everyone said all the right things about how sorry they were and how much they hoped he'd be better soon, and then he was free.

He glanced about to find Richard looking at him, but when his gaze fell on Richard's, Richard looked away. Richard seemed guilty about something.

He knew what it was while he was walking across the grounds to the parsonage. He knew it, but he wouldn't admit it to himself. He was angry, but mostly at himself for not having done anything at all thus far. He'd been waiting for an opportunity, certainly, and this was the opportunity, but he was frightened that he had waited too long. He should have created an opportunity.

The servant who greeted him said that Miss Elizabeth had a headache, and he was frightened she would not see him .

He urged the servant to go and see if she would admit him, anyway, and then the servant came back and took him into the drawing room.

When Elizabeth appeared, her hair seemed hastily pinned up, as if she'd already taken it down for the night. He thought of her ready for bed, and he had an embarrassing reaction to it. He had stood upon her entrance but he sat down immediately, even though he assumed that she wouldn't notice. She wouldn't be looking at his trousers, for heaven's sake. Still, it was horrid.

He sat there, sputtering, churning in turmoil, despising himself.

She sat down opposite him.

Time passed.

Finally, he drew in a breath. "I have struggled, you see. In vain. I have attempted to see it from every angle, to escape this, whatever it is that you have done to me, but I can't."

"I don't remember doing anything to you, Mr. Darcy," she said faintly.

He lifted his gaze to hers. Oh, quite a bad idea. He wrenched it away. "You must allow me to express how much I ardently admire and love you."

She made a noise.

He tried to look at her again. "It's all a tangle, and I know that everything about this is unfortunate. You were practically engaged to my friend already, for one thing, and you are not really nearly as well-connected as I would ideally like my future wife to be, but I cannot help it. I am not in control of myself when it comes to you. I can do nothing more than beg for you to accept my hand. Be my wife, Miss Elizabeth?"

She let out a little laugh. "Oh. You have done it, then. After all this, you have."

"I see you've already considered this, then." His heart rose into his throat. She is going to refuse me, he suddenly realized, with absolutely certainty.

"How could I not, sir? This, between us, whatever it is, it is so very, very… "

"He has already asked you." Here, he said it aloud, because he'd known it from the moment that Richard wouldn't meet his gaze. He'd known it, but only now could he give it words.

"Oh, well, yes," she said. "You mean Colonel Fitzwilliam."

"I did not walk this morning, because Georgiana wanted me to ride with her, and she felt neglected, and this is how I am rewarded for my devotion to my sister. This is what he does to me. How could he?"

"He said he is accustomed to giving you your way," she said. "He said you always get it, and I think he is right about that. You have a tendency to get exactly what you want, and I would like to think that I could be at least a little bit rational about you, I really would. I would like to think I could ask you questions about your character—"

"Questions about my character?" He scoffed. "If you think Richard's character is somehow sterling, I should like to disabuse you of that notion."

"I have been confused about what was between you and Mr. Wickham—"

"Wickham?" He got to his feet. "You wish to bring him up? How dare you? Do you have any idea what that man did to my sister?"

"But did he have cause for revenge? Was he owed something you refused him?"

"Of course not."

She blinked at him. "Of course not?"

"No, I was quite willing to allow him to have the position in Derbyshire. He could have moved right into the rectory, just as my father wished."

"You were?"

"He didn't want it. I gave him money instead. We agreed on an amount that seemed fair."

"Oh," she said, hand to her forehead. "Oh, dear. So, it's all been about money, then, not revenge. Your sister, it was really just fortune hunting. He is that sort of a man."

"Can you doubt it? "

"I can, very clearly!"

"I don't think, Miss Elizabeth, you are very good at judging men's character. Mr. Wickham is not a good man. My cousin is not a bad man, but he is not responsible either. If you are looking for someone who will be good to you, and you don't see that's me—"

"Oh, because you've been so very good to me thus far?" she demanded.

He didn't answer that, because he supposed, from her perspective, he was probably just some wretchedly silent dark specter of a man, glaring at her all the time. He shifted on his feet, and he was deflated, entirely deflated, even there, most especially there . He was going to have to wish her joy with Richard, and he would never have her.

First, he was going to punch Richard, punch him hard . Then he'd have to wish him joy.

He'd waited too long, and he'd been stupid with her.

She stood up from her chair, and now they were both standing. She took a step toward him.

"Tell him you've changed your mind," he said, his voice scratchy. "A woman can get out of a marriage agreement much more easily than a man. Tell him that."

"I haven't agreed to anything," she said, breathless, "with anyone."

His heart leaped in his chest. What had she said?

And then, suddenly, she was there, just there, both of her palms pressing into his chest, her body pressing into his body, and he could no longer think anything at all. He took her in his arms, and it was as natural as breathing. He put his mouth on hers, and it was like all the stars in the sky exploded as one.

She made a little noise in the back of her throat, and he made an answering one.

And then they were kissing .