Chapter 45

Every step toward the village gates hurts me. This place, with its colorful banners, the delicious food, and the laughter... This place had my heart. I had come to love it. People accepted me here.

Or so I thought. I can't stay. These orcs might accept me as a worker, but they would never want Thorn to marry a human.

Would that make me their queen?

I scoff to myself. As if. They would never, ever want that. Ursha would be a good queen—stunning, strong, and brave.

She's also something I'll never be—an orc.

It doesn't matter. I haul my backpack over my shoulders and keep going, one foot in front of the other. My gaze is fixed ahead. It takes everything in me not to glance at the bright stores, the distant windmill, and the smiling orcs.

There's so much I haven't explored. So much I wish I could experience.

A guard steps in front of me as I approach the gates, his chunky arms crossed over his chest. My mouth goes dry. What am I supposed to do? Can I convince them to let me pass?

"Let her go." Ursha's voice cuts through the cold air. She emerges from the shadows of the guardhouse, all tall and imposing. Her gaze flicks over me and my backpack. "Thorn has allowed her to leave," she says, her eyes void of the warmth she reserves for Eirik.

The guard takes a beat, but he won't argue with Ursha. He turns to the others and orders them to open the gates.

I find Ursha's crimson eyes. "Thanks, Ursha."

She shakes her head. "Don't thank me. Thorn said he wanted you to leave unharmed. I'm doing my part. But don't expect me to put myself in danger for you."

"Trust me," I shoot back, bitterness coating my tongue, "the pleasure of your absence is all mine." And I haul my backpack higher as I leave the village behind.

The forest embraces me in soft shades of silver and blue. Time slips by as I wind through the woods, searching for the portal.

There's nowhere to go back to now. I must find it.

My legs ache; each step is a reminder of what I left behind. Fighting against tears, I find a tall root and sit there. Leaning against the tree, I give myself five minutes to catch my breath.

Somewhere above, a raven caws. I jerk in surprise. Ravens like to make me jump.

As I look up, searching for the bird, I see it. Just ahead, hidden behind a tall shrug.

The tree. The portal tree, its bark gnarled, split down the middle, and a raven perched on top.

Adrenaline rushes through my veins. I shoot to my feet so fast that I almost lose my balance. My breath locks in my lungs.

I sprint to the tree, tripping once. My heart screams at me to stay. My heart is stupid, and it really believes that love conquers all prejudices. I ignore it.

The tree looks the same. An opening in the copse allows the moon to wash it in blueish light. I circle the tree, searching for the portal.

Strange. It's… not quite the same. I mean, it is. Definitely the same tree. But the split down the middle is shallow. When I kneel and reach out, I touch the bark. There's no entrance. No tunnel.

Like that first night, I get to my feet and circle the tree again, searching. Nothing changes. I look up. The raven looks back at me.

"It's the same tree, isn't it? But the portal is closed," I say, my voice quiet.

The raven caws and then flies off.

A thousand hypotheses cross my head—maybe I had to come at a specific time? Specific day? Did I do something that opened the portal?

My heart fills with hope. It's hard to smother it.

I know I should be more upset. I finally left the orcs behind, after all. But I can't. There's only relief in my chest.

There's only the desire to go back.

To find Thorn.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I trudge back toward the village, bracing for the gates to remain shut. What am I going to say? How am I going to convince them to let me back in?

Or am I stuck out here until the morning? Will the Wolfbone Clan attack tonight? Will the guards watch me get torn apart and do nothing?

My heart thunders in fear as I step up to the palisade wall. I watch my breath mist in front of me as I try to come up with an excuse.

But then, the gates creak open. A thrill rushes through me. Will they let me back inside?

A silhouette waits by the door, framed by flickering torchlight. Tall and curvy, and her red hair catches the light beautifully.

I almost want to go back to the woods.

"I knew it was too good to be true," Ursha says, an eyebrow arched. "Did you give up again?"

I shake my head, not stepping inside. One never knows with Ursha. Thorn might trust her, but I don't.

"I found the portal," I say, breathless.

Ursha tilts her head. "And? Why are you here?"

"It's closed. I can't get through."

"Closed." Surprisingly, she doesn't sound doubtful. "A temporary portal, then. I've heard of those."

I shrug. "Yeah, I thought the same. Maybe the moon, the date, or the time mattered. I don't know."

Ursha narrows her eyes at me, then glances over my shoulder at the forest. "Come inside already. Let's close these gates."

I obey her and the gates lock with a thud. Ursha starts back up the main road. I hurry to follow.

"Convenient again," she says without looking at me. "You're conveniently stuck here. And with the king's affections."

A massive sigh leaves me. "Ursha. I left because I didn't want to create a rift. I thought leaving would help."

"It would," Ursha shoots, disbelief etched in every line of her face. "But I don't understand why you care."

"Because this—this place," I gesture wildly, "is the first home I've felt wanted. This clan warmed up to me much faster than the people back home. The children here like me. I have Eirik and I have Thorn. And Morga lets me cook, and she admires my skills. This is nothing like I've ever known."

Ursha looks at me strangely, her upper lip curled.

"Home," she echoes, her brows knitting together.

Oh, yeah. I said that, didn't I? It"s too late to take it back.

"Home."

Ursha leads the rest of the way in silence. We walk together to the house. Down empty hallways. Finally, we stop at the turn that will take me to Thorn's bedroom. With one last strange look at me, Ursha leaves.

I try not to look too eager, but I almost punch the door once I'm close enough. It swings open not a second later.

I had accepted that I would never see him again, so I wasn't ready for the gut-wrenching feeling that burns in my chest when Thorn yanks the door open and our eyes meet.

"Violet?" Thorn's eyes go wide, his massive frame filling the door. He steps into the corridor and glances down the hallway. "What happened? Are you alright?"

The worry on his face shatters me. My composure breaks and tears are running down my cheeks before I can stop myself.

"What happened?" Thorn pulls me into the bedroom, enveloping me in his arms. "Did someone hurt you? Did someone insult you?" The door closes behind us, but I can only sob against his chest.

"No," I manage between gasps. "It's just... it's just..."

"You're not hurt?"

"No."

His body relaxes against me. I ugly cry against his tunic as Thorn plucks my backpack from me, puts it down, and then strips me off my coat and boots. He picks me up in his massive arms and sits on the bed with me on his lap.

And I've never felt so comforted. I don't think anyone has ever comforted me other than my parents when I was a kid.

Thorn lets me cry, his hand stroking my hair. It still surprises me how someone this big can be so gentle.

My tears dry and I wipe my cheeks. "The portal. It's gone."

He meets my eyes and I can tell he's torn. "What a pity," he says, but he doesn't seem upset at all.

I chuckle. "That was so fake."

He shrugs. "I want you to stay." Thorn meets my eyes, his dark hair slipping down his shoulder when he leans closer. "Violet, I defended my sister's choice when she wanted to marry an outsider," he confesses after a moment. "I was one of the few who did. And I suffer the consequences. That's why I've been so reluctant about this." His fingers close around my wrist and he brings it up against his nose. "I fear my feelings might hurt more people."

"Your feelings?" I ask, my voice tiny.

Thorn nods, his dark eyes on my face, full of so much affection that my eyes water again. "I've been in love with you for a while now, and my clan's safety is the only reason I haven't mated and married you." I open my mouth to respond, but he touches my lips, stopping me. "You don't have to say it back. In fact, I don't want you to."

I frown in confusion. "Why not?"

"Because it could only hurt." He takes a beat. "I'm happy you're back and I'll support whatever you want to do here. But I can't have you. Not if I want to keep you and the clan safe."

My eyes sting all over again. My vision goes hazy with new tears.

I throw my arms around Thorn's neck and hold him close. He holds me back against him, his nose buried in my neck.

This feels like goodbye… which it is. How am I going to pass him in the hallways and pretend nothing ever happened? How am I going to pretend I feel nothing for this good, protective, brave orc?

Gathering all my courage, I pull back to meet his eyes. I brush my lips against his tusks. I'm going to miss even those.

"Can I ask one last thing?" My voice is tiny as I cling to him.

And I'm so glad he clings right back. "Anything."

"Can you spend the night?"