37. Benjamin

Bolting out of the kitchen like I've just nicked the crown jewels from the Tower of London, my heart's racing faster than a greyhound on its best day. My legs can't carry me fast enough to Mia in the lounge.

I scoop her up with all the agility of a professional baby juggler, bouncing her slightly as she wails in my ear.

"There's my girl," I murmur, trying to anchor myself with her innocence and pure joy. It's grounding, it's necessary because, hell, what just happened in the kitchen?

My gut twists at the thought of our kiss. That wasn't supposed to happen. Not now. Definitely not now when everything's so complicated. But it was like being hit by lightning, electric and wild and impossible not to feel down to my soul.

I settle Mia in the crook of my arm as I sit and attempt to give her a bottle. She's refusing again, which is worrying on top of everything else, but her temperature is steady, so I'm trying not to panic. Her sleepy eyes watch me like she knows something's up. It's as if she can feel the turmoil building inside me, and now it has reached its peak.

"Daddy's got himself into a bit of a mess," I tell her, even if she can't understand. She just yawns, making me want to protect her from all the world's chaos.

But what about protecting myself? Right now, I feel like I'm dangling off the edge of a cliff by my fingertips. The bond breaking was sudden, but at the same time, I felt it should've happened ages ago. It was supposed to be permanent, eternal, but then again, so was Nicole. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of these thoughts as I watch Mia wiggling about, but not in distress.

I've got to sort myself out. I'm a dad. A single dad. My whole world has shifted from under me, and it's freeing in a way I hadn't imagined, but it's terrifying, too, because there's no road map for what comes next.

Liam swings open the door, exuding easy charm and careless grace. His grin widens as he spots us, but his eyes dart to me with an unspoken question.

"Everything alright?" he asks as he ambles over.

I manage a nod. "Yeah, just peachy." My voice is more strained than I'd like.

He doesn't look convinced but doesn't push it, turning his attention to Mia instead, stroking her cheek with the back of his finger gently. "Want me to try?" he asks, indicating the bottle.

"Sure," I murmur. "You're riding a high. Go with it."

He snickers and takes her from me, settling himself comfortably in the chair as I pass him the bottle.

Watching them together eases some of the tension in my chest. This feels normal; this feels safe.

But there's nothing normal or safe about the way my pulse still hums from that kiss with Zara in the kitchen. The memory teases at my mind - her body against mine, her soft lips, the intensity in her eyes that matched mine. It scares me because it felt so right despite being so wrong.

It has to be wrong. Doesn't it? It's too soon for any of this.

But I can't push the thought of the mating bond breaking when Zara was in her heat. It's too much of a coincidence. Isn't it?

I glance back at Liam as he manages to get Mia to suckle on her bottle. I don't begrudge him the triumphant smile. Who cares who feeds her as long as she drinks?

"I kissed her," I blurt out, full of unwanted exclamations today, it seems.

Liam raises an eyebrow. "Zara?"

"Obviously," I growl, frustrated.

"And how was it?"

We stare at each other.

"That's it? That's all you have to say after you've given her your knot."

"You know about that."

"This is my fucking house. I know what goes on in it."

Liam shrugs, looking as unconcerned as his words would suggest. "I told you, this doesn't bother me. If Zara wants us both, then I'm cool with it."

But his words, meant to be reassuring, only grip my insides tighter. I know Liam's easy going nature, but this isn't just about what Zara wants. It's about what I want too and if I'm honest, I haven't got a clue.

Watching Mia, completely absorbed in her own little world of her bottle and Uncle Liam, I see her simplicity. My life – our lives – have just turned into something that resembles a lopsided Rubik's Cube and I'm not sure there's a solution where all the colours match up.

"Liam, it's not that easy," I finally admit, my voice low. "My bond with Nicole broke earlier, because of Zara. Her heat?—"

"I know. It brought on your rut. Same as me. It's how I was able to help her. And weirdly, I did help her. Her heat was brought to the front to deal with all these underlying issues. Fate's a bitch like that. But it's not just about me; you and Henry are involved as well. He bought her a blanket, which she put in her nest. I could smell his scent all over it. She wanted him close by with her. She's caught in the middle of three alphas, but as far as I'm concerned, she doesn't have to choose."

"Agreed," Henry says, coming into the room. "She really had the blanket in her nest?"

"Yeah," Liam says, looking up with a smile. "You moving in here was the tipping point. Her pre-heat bubbled over. I think it's back under control for now, but her full heat will be back in a few days, and you two either need to shit or get off the pot, as that saying goes."

"God, that's disgusting," I groan.

"But you get my drift, yeah?"

"I don't even know where I stand with her," Henry murmurs.

"Then go and find out."

"How do you know so much about omegas and their heats?" I ask, annoyed that he seems to be this expert all of a sudden.

He gives me a smug grin worthy of Jeremy Clarkson. "I've made it my business to know. I'm not a selfish dick."

Henry hesitates at the door, looking as though he's about to go into battle rather than into the kitchen to have a heart-to-heart. I don't blame him. Zara is a whirlwind – one that's got us all twisted up inside.

I don't even really know how to process the fact that he has basically duped me into letting him stay here so he could move in on Zara. I know I'm being unfair and ungrateful. Henry and Liam are both doing me a massive favour that I wouldn't even have asked, and yet they offered. I shouldn't be such a cock about it. Zara isn't mine, so she is free to do whatever she likes with whoever she likes.

I watch him leave, his shoulders squared in determination, or maybe it's resignation – it's hard to tell sometimes with Henry. Meanwhile, Mia finishes her bottle, and Liam entertains her with peek-a-boo with a muslin square, completely at ease despite the emotional tornado he's just casually stirred up.

Mia gurgles happily, and I'm momentarily distracted by the pure joy on her face. It's infectious, and for a fraction of a second, I forget the havoc of our lives. But then it all comes flooding back.

I shake my head; it's too much to deal with right now. "How can you be so calm about this?" I ask, turning to Liam, who's now got Mia over his shoulder to burp her.

Liam shrugs, "Life's too short to get worked up over things you can't change. Besides, Zara makes me happy. And if she's happy with Henry, or you, or all of us, then that's what counts. We're all adults. We can make this work if we want to."

I know he's right in theory, but it doesn't stop my gut from twisting into knots – and not the good kind. Still, looking at him being so effective with Mia, so unfazed by everything, a part of me starts wondering if maybe I'm the one making this more complicated than it has to be.