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14. Benjamin

Taking off my suit jacket, I sling it on the small, rickety wooden chair in the gents as I stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot, and I'm pale and sweating. Loosening my tie, I roll up the sleeves of my crisp white shirt, not even wanting to think that Nicole ironed it months ago before she left, and it's been sitting in the wardrobe ever since. Running the cold tap, I shove my wrists under the torrent and try to regulate my breathing. My mating bite is throbbing, red and angry. Cupping a cold hand over the bite, I hiss but then breathe out a sigh of relief. The rut is getting close. Mere weeks away, and I hadn't even given it a single thought since Nicole left. What was the point? But the mating bite is protesting not only the rejection, but what in the hell I'm going to do to ease my need for a knot when the time comes.

A sex doll?

I mean, I've heard alphas do this, and there are toys that omegas use to ease their heat—massive dildos with bulging knots at the base—so why not a slicked-up sex doll for a rejected alpha to get his knot wet?

"Fuck's sake," I mutter and return my hand to the water, still gushing out of the tap.

The door opens, and Liam strides in, giving me the side-eye. "You all right, mate?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

He huffs out an unusually frustrated breath and stands there with his hands on his hips. "Stop with the ‘fine' and ‘okay', okay? It's perfectly normal to be neither of those things. Especially with what you're dealing with right now. Your rut's coming up, you've got a little one at home and Zara's moved in to help. It's a lot to take in."

I can't help but scoff a little. "You make it sound like Zara moving in is the biggest issue."

Liam inclines his head, sizing me up with that familiar, knowing expression. "Isn't it? She's thrown your life off kilter. Have you even considered what you're going to do when her heat hits?"

My chest tightens at the mention of her name and heat. Just thinking about Zara gets the alpha in me riled up; she's an unknown entity in my territory, and my instincts are all over the place. The way she doesn't take my shit is something else. I am still reeling from her boldness.

"There's a plan for her. I didn't even consider me. I was hoping it would just pass on by and I wouldn't know the difference."

"Biology sucks in the way that it's never gonna happen, Ben. You can't keep hiding your head in the sand."

Turning off the tap and drying my hands on some scratchy paper towels, I ignore him.

"She cares, Ben. And you need that right now. Someone to talk to, maybe? Just to ease a bit of this hurt."

I glance away, focusing on a crack in the tile flooring. I'm not good at accepting help; never have been. But there's no denying that Zara has already made an impact.

"A sex doll!"

"What?" Liam splutters, his eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline.

"A fucking sex doll designed specifically for alphas."

"You want to knot a sex doll?" His brow furrows deeply.

"You got a better idea?" I round on him.

Liam's response is a chuckle, low and teasing. "You've got a real live omega in the house, and you're thinking about plastic?"

I feel the frustration roil in my gut. "Don't be a fucking idiot. Zara is Mia's nanny."

"I'm aware."

"You are no help. Fuck off out of my face now."

"No can do. We need to sort this out. When?"

"Four weeks."

"Okay, so we've got time. How about you hire someone from Omegas4U?"

I give him a scathing glare. "No, thank you. Bringing a stranger into my home with my daughter down the hall is all kinds of not happening."

"Okay, point taken. You could go to a hotel?"

"No!" I clench my fists in his face in annoyance. "I've made up my mind. I'll get a sex doll… It will be fine."

"Well, it'll be something, but I'm not sure fine is the word you're looking for."

"Go away."

His shoulders slump, and I feel bad for pushing him away, but I just can't talk about this anymore. I didn't want to talk about it in the first place. Turning back to the mirror, I straighten my tie and adjust my sleeves, buttoning the cuffs again so I look the part. Snatching up my jacket, I glare at Liam, who, for once, seems lost for words, and I stalk out, seeing as he isn't moving. Grabbing my phone out of the inside pocket of my jacket, I ring Zara.

She answers on the second ring. "Daddy," she says excitedly. "Switch to video!"

Daddy?

I switch the call to video in time to see Mia attempt to roll over from her tummy but not quite making it.

"It's early!" Zara chirps in that infectious way she has. "I was taking a video when you rang, but you get to see it live."

"Not in person, though," I grumble, and there's a pause.

Zara's face comes on the screen. "I know, but you're doing what's best for Mia by being there, and we're here having fun. She will show you what a big girl she is when you get back."

"Thanks," I say, my throat getting thick with emotion that I'm sick of feeling now. Hurt, guilt, misery. When will it end?

Zara's shoulders slump and she looks like she's about to cry, which makes me feel even worse. "I was trying to help, not make you feel worse. I'm sorry."

"No, it's not you," I'm quick to reassure her, as I don't want her to leave. I need her and not just for Mia, I'm starting to realise, but for me. She stops me from falling into a pit of despair with her energy and cheer. "I truly appreciate it. Thank you."

She smiles, a bit wobbly, but it's genuine. "We'll see you soon."

"See you soon."

We hang up, and I feel oddly better about life in general for a few moments before reality bitch slaps me again, and I sink down from the momentary high. Heading back to my desk, I sit down, purposefully ignoring Liam as I get stuck into the latest project, but my thoughts don't stray far from the weird timing of Liam suddenly needing a place to stay. The more I think about it, the more I think Henry put him up to it. Not that I'll call either of them on it. It's a much-needed gesture, and if they want to play along like I'm helping Liam out of a shitshow, then I'll gladly do that. Truth be told, it's a fucking relief to know that, at least for a while, the bills won't be quite so tight. It makes me feel bad for growling at Liam. I turn in my chair and catch his eye, giving him a smile. He grins and laughs, shaking his head, knowing this is the best he's gonna get for an apology from me.

But then I realise it isn't good enough. Not if he's doing this to lighten the financial load.

Before I can second guess myself, I'm up from my chair and making my way over to where Liam is sitting, buried in a mound of sketches.

"Hey," I say, the word feeling foreign as it dangles awkwardly in the air between us.

"Hey yourself," he responds, leaning back in his chair, one eyebrow arched in a silent question.

I rub the back of my neck, feeling awkward. "Look, I was a twat earlier. About everything."

Liam's face softens, and he leans forward, elbows resting on the cluttered desk. "We're all twats sometimes, Ben. It's part of our undeniable alpha charm."

I snort, unable to hold back a smirk. "Yeah, well, thanks for sticking around—even when I'm being particularly charming."

"My pleasure," he says with mock seriousness before a chuckle escapes him. "Get back to work, asshole. I don't want to stay late when I've got Zara's cooking to look forward to."

"If you're lucky. I have a feeling, since we threw this at her with no warning, it'll be cold soup and stale bread."

We share a snicker, and it's… nice. It feels normal, and that has been something I haven't felt in a really long time.

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