Chapter 27 Everything is wrong

By the time I climb out of the shower, I’m alone in the house. I expected it. They warned me they would leave, all four of them this time. I’d felt an immediate disappointment and loneliness at the very idea of being alone, but I’d pushed it aside.

They’ve done so much for me already, getting me away from my father. I can’t expect them to put their lives on hold forever.

They have work to do, and I need to respect that.

It doesn’t stop me from feeling more than a little mournful as I make my way through the empty house. Each of them had made a point of saying goodbye to me, interrupting my shower to kiss me silly. Creed had almost said fuck it and climbed in with me, but Hale had dragged him out with the promise of ‘later’ on his lips.

I love the promise of later. The anticipation of knowing that when they get back, they’ll delight in devouring me, and I’ll delight in being eaten.

But in the meantime, I’m alone for the first time in a month.

I blink at the realization. A month .

I’ve been here out of my father’s hands for an entire month. “I’ve been free for a month.” The words tumble from my lips in a giddy mass. “Holy shit.” I laugh at the realization. I don’t know why, but I feel the need to celebrate. A month of freedom feels momentous.

But there’s no one here to celebrate with.

Later.

That promise of Hale’s now holds two meanings. Yes. What better way to celebrate than by fucking the Calloway Pack all night long? And then maybe we can have that conversation that Jude promised. About bonding.

It’s been a week since my conversation with Hale and Tic, and maybe in that time they’ve changed their minds, maybe they’re more open to the idea now, to trusting that I want them and that’s not going to change.

A happy bubble expands in my chest at the idea. Jude was so sure that it’s going to happen. I want to believe him. I’m going to believe him.

That settled, I head to the kitchen and gather up a tray of snacks and drinks. There’s always my favorites on hand, and I am not entirely sure how they know what I like, but Funyuns are always in the cupboard and I’ve never seen anyone else eat them.

I add Swedish fish and a bowl of grapes, then a bar of chocolate. Some sour strings and potato chips. Way too much food for me to eat, but I don’t want to run up and down the stairs if I get a craving for something.

When I’m satisfied with my selection, I make my way into the basement and the media room, settling on the couch and flipping on the TV. I might as well catch up on Alpha Love Getaway while I’m alone. I haven’t quite brought myself to tell the pack about my obsession with the reality TV show, but I will. Maybe when the new season starts, so they can watch it with me from the beginning.

Only when I go to select the next episode I need to watch, it isn’t there. I frown. The episode list jumps from thirty to thirty-two. No episode thirty-one.

Hmm… maybe I can find it somewhere else? I reach for my laptop and open it the rest of the way. The screen flickers to life and I realize this isn’t my laptop, it’s Jude’s. But I know he won’t mind if I just look up if there are any other places to watch Alpha Love Getaway.

The screen has opened to an excel spreadsheet, which… boring. I’m about to click on the internet app when I realize the spreadsheet might not be as boring as I thought. Not if the word ‘Anal’ is on it.

Attention captured, I scan over the rest of it, my heart dropping the more I read.

I stare at the spreadsheet, not fully comprehending what it’s saying. On one side of has a list of all the guys’ names and the top is a list of… sexual acts. Groping: 1 point, Kissing: 5 points, Hand job/fingering: 10 points. The list is long and comprehensive. The points increasing until the last few. Oral: 20, Fucking: 25 points, Anal: 35, Knotting: 50 points, ILY: 75 points, Omega Bite: 150 points.

I scan over the points accrued. Under Jude there’s 41 points in the Oral section and I click on the little carrot that shows there’s a comment. 9/7 In public x2 pts, 1 orgasm , with a link to something. Hale has 41 in the same column and I click on it to see a similar note. 9/7 In public x2 pts, 1 orgasm and another link.

The last column is a total of all their points. Hale is by far the highest number, while Creed is hardly on the scoreboard.

I frown. Unease creeping over my spine. I glance over my shoulder, feeling like eyes are on me, but there’s no one there. Gnawing at my lip, knowing I really shouldn’t, I click on the link. It opens a video that starts playing immediately. It takes a moment for me to realize what exactly I’m looking at. There’s no sound, but it’s me. Unmistakably me. At the park, with the four of them around me, Jude’s mouth on my pussy, being careful not to block the shot. His phone must have been by my feet, recording everything.

Understanding hits hard and fast. The spreadsheet. It’s me . It’s all the things I’ve done with them. That I’ve let them do to me. All the wheedling, the dares, the long looks and the sweet kisses. They’ve all been lies. Every kiss, every touch, every time I came, every time I swallowed their cocks, or let them finger fuck me. It was all a game.

And the end game is an omega bite. Me wanting to bond them. Not a mating bite. An omega can bite an alpha and an inkling of a bond will form, but if the alpha doesn’t bite the omega back, it’ll eventually fade.

Not an hour ago, Jude was begging me to bite him. I thought it was because he wanted to bond with me, actually bond with me, but it was just to get the 150 points.

A whine pulls from me as I click on another link and another. One after the other, photos and videos of me with all of them in my most vulnerable moments, when I trusted them with my body, with my pleasure, with my heart. Security camera feed from the house, in the bedrooms, the sauna, the gym. Someone recorded Creed and me in the alley when I went down on him. One of his hands is in my hair and the other is flipping off the camera as he smirks into it. Me and Hale in his bed after I told him I was falling in love with him.

He didn’t say it back. I told him it was okay; he didn’t have to. Not until he was ready and he…

Suddenly my lungs feel too tight. I thought we were working toward something. I’d started to believe them when they told me they wanted me, even if they weren’t ready to bond. But they… they don’t. This is all just an elaborate game.

A joke.

And I’m the fucking punchline.

A whine pulls from my chest that I have no hope of stopping. The rejection is too fucking heavy.

Will I never, ever fucking be good enough for anyone? Not my mother who left me. Not my father, who blamed me for being born an omega. Not this pack who I thought was mine, but they are so clearly not. I have one friend. One. No life because my father has kept me isolated. So isolated.

I thought someone finally wanted me… but they don’t.

My vision goes blurry, but not from tears. From lack of oxygen. I can’t breathe.

I jerk away from the computer and stumble to my feet, hands clawing at my chest like I can reach inside my ribs and force my lungs to inflate. It doesn’t work, of course. The only option is to get out. Get out. Get out.

I stumble up the stairs and out the side door, slamming my fist against my chest, trying to spark my lungs to fucking do something. I step into the yard and the rain hits my face. The icy water is enough of a shock that I gasp. That first sip of air has me heaving in gulps of oxygen, gulps that turn into sobs.

My legs crumple and I curl in on myself in the middle of the yard, grass and mud staining my jeans, rain soaking me from above. I know I need to get up. I need to leave. To find some place where I can… what? Be safe? That place doesn’t exist. Not for me. I can’t go back to my father. Well, I could, but I refuse. I deserve more than to be his punching bag. They know where Florence lives and will assume I’ve gone there. I know my friend will fight to the end to keep me safe, and I can’t be sure that this pack of alphas or my father wouldn’t hurt her in order to continue hurting me. I don’t have any money of my own. If I use any of the credit cards in my wallet, someone will be able to find me. My father. This pack.

Maybe I can find cash. They must have a stash somewhere in this giant house, right? Maybe I can find it and hide in a hotel for a while, figure out my next move.

Or… my mind flashes to the omega I met at The Market, the pretty one with the light brown hair and the silver eyes. Sadie. Maybe she could help me. Her alphas seemed… decent. Or at least as decent as alphas can get.

And Sadie was nice. Really nice.

I have her phone number. I’ll call her.

Decided. I sniff and try to get the motivation to move. But it’s so fucking hard.

Everything is wrong.

I’m wrong.

I must be because nobody wants me. No matter how hard I try, what I accomplish, how much of a good girl, omega, person I try to be. I’m never enough.

Not enough for my mother to stay.

Not enough for my father to love me.

Not enough for a pack to choose me.

Not enough for Hale and Jude and Atticus and Creed to want me. Truly want me.

The cold from the rain and the mud seeps into me, invades my veins and my bones all the way to my marrow. My eyes drift closed. The cold turns to shivering, turns to numbness. Just get up, Haven. Move.

I don’t.

I stay as I am with my forehead pressing to the grass, my arms curled around my stomach.

This is easier. I’ll just… disappear. Yes. I can go to sleep here and never wake up. What a nice, peaceful way to go, with the scent of dirt and grass in my nose and rain on my skin.

I wonder how long it’ll take for anyone to even notice? I suppose when the gardener comes, he’ll find me. So that’s something.

No, a small voice at the back of my head snarls, or at least tries to. It sounds an awful lot like Florence. You aren’t just giving up on yourself.

Why not? I say back. Everyone else has.

The argument circles in my head, around and around. Only broken by the sound of loud voices from inside. The rain’s stopped, but night has fallen. I don’t know how long I’ve been out here. Hours? Probably. I have no clue and I can’t bring myself to care. I hear someone call my name and that makes me stir somewhat. But I can’t lift my head.

I’m too late. I should have run when I had the chance.

“She’s here!” Footsteps pound toward me. Knees hit the grass next to me, a hand comes to rest on the curve of my back. Why did it have to be him that found me? “Haven, button, what’s wrong?”

I squeeze my eyes closed against the panic in his voice, the worry. All a lie. Designed to make me want to bond him, so he can win a game.

I don’t open my eyes as he scoops me up, rolling me into his lap. My breathing becomes ragged as my chest gets tight and I battle tears. I thought they were all dried up, but apparently I still have more in me.

Jude’s big hand swipes at my cheeks, brushing strands of hair off my face. “Haven, open your eyes. Look at me.” There’s no alpha bark in the request, so I ignore it and keep my eyes firmly shut.

He curses and a second later I’m airborne, cradled in his arms against his chest. His sea salt and driftwood scent wraps around me, and I have to grit my teeth against the urge to nuzzle into him, to gulp down his scent and let it soothe me. I don’t want to be soothed.

No, that’s not true. I do want to be soothed, but by someone who actually gives a shit about me. Not by this asshole who turned me—my body and my emotions—into a game.

The air goes from chilly to warm, making my skin tingle painfully.

“Is she injured?” Tic asks. A waft of oakmoss and cedar reaches my nose as his warm rough hand cups my cheek, then slides down my body, checking me over.

“Not that I can tell,” Jude responds, rubbing his cheek over the top of my head. “But she’s cold as fuck and her lips are blue.”

Are they? How interesting. I almost want to pop open my eyes and see what that looks like in real life.

“Sauna,” Hale suggests. “To get her warm.”

I want to protest. My skin is already tingling painfully. The sauna will probably hurt like a bitch. “We need to get her out of her wet clothes. That’s a thing, right?” Creed asks, his voice worried.

Tic’s hand comes back to my face, nudging my chin up. “Haven, angel. What happened?”

I don’t answer. They don’t really want to know. They don’t care. Lies. Everything is lies. My entire fucking life. I can’t escape them.

A mournful whine pulls from my chest at the realization and I feel them all bristle at it, feel them all move closer like they want to protect me and tear apart whatever did this to me. Jude’s arms tighten around me and his lips press into the crown of his head.

“Go get some dry clothes for her,” Hale demands of someone, and I hear Tic growl in response. “Do it.”

A moment later, footsteps move away from us and Jude is moving again, too. To the back of the house, the gym, the sauna. “Gonna get you warmed up, button,” he murmurs against my forehead. “Okay? We’re gonna get you feeling better.”

Heat engulfs me, makes me hiss in through my teeth as it tingles over my skin painfully. “I’m sorry,” Jude murmurs. “So fucking sorry.”

A soft purr pulls from his chest as he shifts me in his arms. Two other sets of hands help strip me out of my wet clothes. Their hands are gentle, careful. Not a hint of desire or seduction in them.

If I hadn’t seen what I did, if I didn’t know that this means nothing to them, the careful way they touch me would make me think they actually cared for me, wanted me. That maybe they viewed me as their omega. As precious.

Tic returns. I can tell by his scent joining the others around me. A fluffy towel wraps around me, my limbs patted dry. The heat isn’t so bad now. Less biting.

“She still feels too fucking cold,” Hale mutters, his hands cupping mine. A second later, hot air blows over my fingers. He’s blowing on them, trying to warm them up.

“Let’s get her in her clothes,” Creed suggests. And the same song and dance from before is performed in reverse. They carefully manipulate my body, tugging on swaths of fabric that don’t smell like me, but them. As though they think their scents will help soothe me. Before it would have. Before, I would have loved this attention, this affection. But now it just hurts. Every gentle touch is a knife blade against my skin, every rumbling purr makes me grit my teeth in agony, every murmured word, every promise makes me want to clap my hands over my ears to shut them out.

Lies. Lies. Lies. Everything is a lie.

“Fuck, little mouse, don’t cry. Please. We’ll fix it. Whatever it is, we can fix it. You just need to tell us.”

Tears slip from under my closed eyelids faster at his declaration. Mutely, I shake my head. I don’t know how to handle this. Don’t know how to confront them. If I do, what will their reaction be? Will they laugh, drop the facade, treat me cruelly?

Or worse, will they force me to stay, use their alpha barks against me? Just because they haven’t yet, except for Hale, who freed me from my father’s commands, doesn’t mean they won’t.

Was Hale doing that for me as altruistic as it seemed? Or was it just another way to get more points from me? I won’t deny that being free from my father certainly gave me the impetus to experience everything I could with them. Once I was healed, I threw myself into the physical side of our relationship wholeheartedly.

Fuck how they must have laughed at me, congratulated each other on a job well done each time they fucked me, each time I sucked their cocks, each time I begged for a knot.

No, I can’t risk a confrontation. I can’t risk having them bark at me to keep me here, a toy for them to play with and nothing more. I need to get out, get away, and I can’t do that if they know that I know.