Chapter 21

Grace

It's Thursday evening. My period was due on Sunday. It still hasn't arrived.

I never miss my period. It's never late. The last time this happened, I ended up being pregnant with Lucas. I know I already took an at home test like five days ago, but…

Is it about time I start panicking? I think it's about time I start panicking. Definitely the logical reaction. Blind panic is always a good option.

Putting my work to the side, I grab my things and jump in my car, pulling out my phone to dial Ella since she should be finishing work about now. But before I can ring, a message pops through from Brad.

I can't live without you, Pookie.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," I mutter as I start the engine, swiping his drop-down notification away and slapping the screen to get it calling my sister. It begins to dial, and I put it to speaker and screech out of the driveway.

"Hello?"

"Ella!" I practically shout as I hurtle towards the pharmacy. "I'm on my way to get a pregnancy test. Help."

"Oh," she says with a little squeak of surprise. "I, uh… Right. Okay. Do you need me to come over?"

"I don't know. I just started panicking about five minutes ago for no reason. Need to take the test immediately. Driving to the pharmacy now."

"Okay, deep breaths, Gracie. Everything's going to be okay."

I start taking in huge gulps of air at a rapid pace, which immediately sends my mind into a further frenzy. What if I'm pregnant? What if I'm not?

At this rate I'm gathering baby-daddies left, right and center, without any signs of stopping, apparently. I'm a terrible mother-to-be and I make terrible decisions, and if I really am pregnant, I'm going to be forcing Oli into a life he never chose to lead and that makes me a terrible friend on top of everything else.

"Uh, Grace? Those breaths sound a little too

deep…"

This is not what friends do. But then, friends don't sleep with each other, either. I don't know what I was thinking, imagining I could handle physical intimacy without attachment.

And now I keep thinking that I actually want him to be the father of my children, even though I keep trying to push that thought away. It's already too late for me. I'm already in too deep. When did this happen? Oh, god. Oh, god.

"Grace," Ella says firmly, as I pull up to the curb. "Where are you?"

"Just got to the pharmacy. Going in now."

"Do not drive back home in this state, I'll kill you if you have an accident. Just walk to the diner, it's nearby. I'll meet you there, okay? I'm on my way now, Rho can pick up our kids."

"Okay," I mutter, as I power walk into the building. "Okay."

Once inside I grab three different brands of tests and head to the cashier, where the same fork-tongued guy served me last time. He raises one scaly eyebrow but makes no comment as I pay, and I rush to the Silver Spoon and straight to the bathroom, where I try to pee on all three sticks at the same time, in case there isn't enough liquid in me to go one by one.

There's still a spare ziplock in my handbag from last time, and I dump the sticks in there once I'm done and wash up thoroughly, before heading out to a booth to wait.

It's only a few more minutes before Ella waddles in with her huge belly, and I immediately grab her hands as she sits across the table.

"I'm an idiot," I say. "I skipped a pill two weeks ago and took one late last week. Both on the actual days

that I actually had sex

with Oli."

"You should be fine, you'd have to be not taking it for—"

"Not this one," I interrupt. "I'm on the minipill, the one you've got to take within twelve hours of the same time, every day."

"You're okay." Ella squeezes my hands in hers. "Everything's going to be okay, one way or another, I promise."

I take a deep breath and try to hold it, but it rushes back out of me. "I'm panicking."

Ella quirks a smile. "I can see that."

"I'm panicking because I want… " I bite my lip and pull back, closing my eyes as I rub a palm over my forehead. "I want to be pregnant."

"Oh."

"I want it to be Oli's."

"Oh . "

"But I hope to god that I'm not, because everything is getting just a little too messed up and I couldn't do that to him because he's been nothing but perfect with me, and I would hate to mess up his life like that, and I'm a bad, selfish person because I want

it anyway. And I… I want him to want it, too." I finally open my eyes, and slump back in my seat. "I don't understand why I'm reacting so strongly, Ella. It's insane. I knew I wasn't cut out for this whole ‘friends with benefits' set up. I have to just—never see him again, or something. I should leave town. I'll apply for every apartment I've looked at and take the first one that accepts and—"

Ella reaches over to take my hands again. "Shh," she mutters soothingly. "It's okay."

Tears sting the back of my eyes at her tone, and I squeeze her fingers. "No, it's not."

"Have you taken the test yet?"

I nod and pull out the clear bag the three tests are in. "I haven't looked yet. I can't."

I hand it over, and she gingerly takes it from me with a napkin to protect her fingers, which makes me glare. "I haven't peed all over the bag, Ella."

She ignores me and inspects the tests through the plastic.

"Oh, honey . " A southern drawl wafts over our table, and I look over to see Darleen come to a stop before us. She has a pen and notepad in her purple-skinned hands, and her bright eyes flash between me and the tests my sister holds. "Again?"

I groan and flop my head down against the table. "Yes. Again."

"How often are you bumpin' uglies with our minotaur, little lady?"

"Don't you ‘little lady' me, Darleen," I mutter into the wood, choosing not to comment on the fact that the waitress at the diner seems to know exactly what's going on in my personal life, since that's apparently the MO of this entire town. "I must be double your age."

"I'm three hundred and seventy-two." She cocks a hip and raises one blonde brow. "And you seem to be in quite the predicament. I hope that—" she tips the two little horns on her forehead meaningfully to the sticks in Ella's hands, "—doesn't mean you've got three buns in your oven. I forget how your human contraptions work."

"What?" I sit bolt upright, and snatch back my baggie.

"Is it one positive marker for every pup?"

The sounds around me fade away as Ella awkwardly explains that it isn't one stick per fetus, and I stare down at the tests.

Positive.

Positive.

Positive.

They've all come up with clear positive markers, and my stomach drops with fear even as my chest warms. I'm going to have another baby.

I'm going to ruin Oli's life.

***

One hour later, and I've finished my dinner with Ella.

"What am I going to do?" I moan, as I shovel chocolate lava cake into my face.

"About the baby?"

"About Oli." I sigh. "He's been so good to me during this ridiculous fiasco with Brad. Always coming to my defense, looking after Lucas, looking after me. Ella, the man has let me take complete advantage of him this whole time, I can't continue doing that. If I tell him, I'll practically be forcing him to change the entire course of his life!"

"Well…" Ella starts, but I steamroll over her, shoving my spoon back into my cake.

"He doesn't want a relationship or kids, that isn't what he has planned for himself. But he's a good guy underneath all his shameless flirting, I think he might put his own plans aside if he knew I was pregnant. That would change

everything , don't you see?"

"Grace…"

"He's shown me such a kind, selfless side of himself." I shove my spoon in my mouth and try to swallow down my emotions with the cake. "You should see the way he is with Lucas, he treats my son as if he's family. It melts my heart—and I think Lucas is getting attached to him, too."

"Okay, but Grace…"

"If Oli finds out about my condition, I don't think he'd hesitate to drop everything to support us." I look down as I scrape my spoon over the last of the chocolate sauce on my plate. "How could I do that to him? How could I be that person?"

"Grace," Ella says firmly, reaching over to grab my hand again. "Look at me." I look up, and her expression softens. "What exactly is the problem with this scenario you're building? It sounds like you're afraid that he'll be in the child's life as a supportive figure."

"Yes," I whisper, "because I'm being selfish."

Ella's lips purse, and she takes a moment before she responds. "If he were to give all this to you willingly, Gracie, it wouldn't make you selfish to accept it."

I stare at her, not knowing how to respond to that.

"You've been giving all your life," she continues. "When mum and dad both had to work double shifts, you gave your all to help raise me, even though you're barely older than me. You give all you have to your partners, even when they don't deserve it. You helped me through my first two difficult years when I was raising my twins alone, all while raising your own son. You've supported Lucas and Brad for over four years, working hard to make them both comfortable in every way you can, even when only one of them deserved it. You give and you give, and, Gracie… I'm afraid that you've forgotten what it feels like to receive."

Tears spring to my eyes, and I can't formulate words, because my throat is suddenly tight.

"You don't need to run yourself to the ground just to prove that you love someone. Anyone who demands that isn't asking for love. They're asking for servitude."

A hot tear slides down my cheek as those words strike me straight in the heart, and I watch as Ella's face softens with sadness.

"Oh, Gracie…" She gets up and waddles over to my side of the booth, awkwardly sliding in beside me so she can wrap her arms around my shoulders. "I love you so much, and I'm forever grateful for everything you've ever done for me. I can only hope I'm able to be there for you just as much."

"You are," I say with a sniffle. "You always have been. I love you, too."

"You don't have to tear yourself apart for the people around you," she says softly, running a hand up and down my bicep. "If someone loves you back, they'll want

to give."

I wrap my arm around her lower back and rest my head against her shoulder.

"Listen, you know I'll be there for you no matter what happens, right?" she murmurs, and I nod. "Good. I think you should tell Oli."

I bite my lip. "But…"

"He has a right to know, and to make his own decisions about it. Remember how badly it went for me when I didn't tell Rho about the twins? Don't try to do what you think is best for Oli. Just tell him, and see what happens from there, okay?"

I sigh. "You're right. I will. I just need a few days to process."

"Okay, but don't wait too long. This town is the most gossipy place I've ever been. You wouldn't want him finding out from someone else."

I nod against her shoulder, my mind once more running a hundred miles an hour, but this time with nervous dread weighing me down at the thought of being the one to ruin Oli's life. Despite what Ella said, my emotions can't seem to catch up with her words and I still feel wracked with guilt.

Guilt for blatantly taking advantage of his body, his time, and his willingness to stand beside me in defense whenever Brad got too much for me. Guilt for getting attached to him when he never agreed to anything other than a physical connection. Guilt for bringing a child into his life, one way or another, because that isn't what he's ever wanted. I even feel guilty for wanting my new baby, as if that desire of mine is somehow a betrayal to him.

Eventually, Darleen returns to clear our plates with a sympathetic expression, and Ella and I decide it's time to pack and head home. We pay and make our way out.

"CONGRATULATIONS," a deep, booming Russian voice calls out from the kitchen as we walk past, and we both turn in confusion to see the huge troll chef leaning over the pass and smiling. Directly at me. "I AM GLAD TO HEAR OF HAPPY NEWS. MAY YOUR BELLY GROW LARGE AND—"

Panic laces through me again, and I spring towards the chef and grab him by the collar of his white shirt, pulling him closer aggressively.

"One more word out of you," I hiss, "and they'll be finding your body scattered in pieces around America for years."

He blinks, his eyes round and surprised as he stares at me an inch away from his nose. "BUT—"

I clamp my free hand over his big mouth, and glare. "Shhh."

Behind him I see the handsome face of the diner owner, I think his name is Daniel, leans out from the walk-in cooler in the kitchen with a frown.

"Hey," he barks, "what did I say about violence in my establishment?"

I drop the troll's shirt and squeeze my shoulders past him, leaning into the kitchen so I can whisper-shout back at the owner. "If anyone else finds out I'm pregnant before… before the lodge's half-opening night this weekend," I snap, throwing out the first deadline that pops into my head, since I know that permanent silence is impossible around here, "I will personally shove so many silver bullets up your ass that even your grandkids will need bulletproof toilets!"

His brows shoot up in surprise, before he lets out a long, defeated sigh as he realizes what must have happened. "Darleen … "

"Don't let them say anything," I plead, even as I bang my fist against the pass in frustration. "Just for a few more days. Please."

Daniel sighs again and throws the towel he was holding over one broad shoulder. "I can keep them in check for a few days, but I make no promises beyond that."

"Thank you," I say, and pull back out. I send one final glare at the troll, prodding my finger warningly into his chest and growling, "Not. A. Word," before taking Ella's hand in mine and heading for the door.

My sister, for her part, chuckles awkwardly and rubs at her round belly, waving at the troll over her shoulder. "Thanks for the kind wishes!" she calls, pretending to any patrons that overheard his bellows that the congratulations were meant for her. I hope to god that's enough to derail any further rumors before I'm ready to make my move.

I've got two more days before the event. Two days to come to terms with what's happened and build up the nerves to break the news to Oli. Then once Saturday rolls around, he'll either break my heart by rejecting us, or I'll ruin his plans by making him a dad when he never wanted to be.

I just don't see any other possibilities, and they both frighten me.