Chapter Eighteen

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

S eated in the solar with Val, Cantia was working on a piece of embroidery she had been toying with for several months. It was an ambitious piece with butterflies and flowers and as she sat in the mid-morning sun, she began to realize she'd hardly seen Tevin since their return two days before.

Certainly, she had seen him during meal time and they'd spent the nights wrapped in each other's arms but for the most part, he was extremely busy as the new Earl of East Anglia and she only caught fleeting glimpses of him now and again, usually in passing. She missed him terribly but she was deeply grateful to be home, resuming a normal life.

And she was deeply grateful for Val's company. The woman had recovered fairly swiftly from her injuries and this was the first time Cantia had allowed her to sit up for any length of time.

Dressed in a soft, mustard-colored surcoat and struggling to learn the finer points of needlework, Val sat across from Cantia on this bright morning, tackling the somewhat simple scene of the sun rising over mountains. Cantia had helped her sketch out the scene with charcoal and stretch it out over the oak frame, and now Val was attempting to embroider her design. She wasn't having much luck but she was trying very hard.

A dog barking caught their attention and Hunt suddenly raced through the keep entry with George on his heels. Cantia called to her son to slow down but the boy yelled something back about fresh currant bread and that was the reason for his rushed pace. Cantia shook her head in resignation, grinning when she caught Val laughing at her.

"Trying to slow that child down is like trying to stop a raging river," Cantia sighed. "When he first learned to walk as a baby, he went straight to running."

Val giggled as she took another stab at the linen. "Perhaps the next child will not be in so much of a rush."

Cantia shrugged, focused on her embroidery. "Perhaps," she said. Then she eyed Val. "Speaking of children, when were you planning on telling me about Myles? I have given you almost two whole days to tell me and still you say nothing."

Val's cheeks immediately flushed a deep shade of red. She kept her eyes on her embroidery for a few moments until she could stand it no longer and looked up, almost sheepishly, at Cantia. She was met by a knowing smile.

"He…." she broke out in a toothy grin and tried again. "I was going to tell you, truly. He has finally stopped seeing me as a fellow knight and views me as a woman."

Cantia's smile broadened. "And why not?" she said. "You are a very beautiful and accomplished woman, and it is time he realized it. When can we expect the wedding?"

Val giggled a silly, giddy laugh. "I am not entirely sure," she said. "Myles has said he will speak with Tevin but I suspect he fears my brother in that regard, so I may have to ask Tevin's permission myself."

Cantia was giggling with the woman. "Nonsense," she said firmly. "Myles will ask Tevin and your brother will be very happy to give his blessing. I know he is very happy for you."

Val's giggling faded and her expression turned serious and nearly wistful. "I never thought this would happen to me," she said softly. "Men do not usually find affection with women who can fight as well as they can, so to have Myles' attention has me thrilled as well as surprised."

Cantia's features were warm. "I have known Myles for many years," she replied. "Brac thought a great deal of him, as do I. He is a wonderful man and I am truly thrilled for you."

Val's expression shifted into one of uncertainty and the grin returned. "Perhaps… perhaps you will help me with my wedding preparations."

Cantia was excited. "You can wear the dress I married Brac in," she said. "It should fit you very well. In fact, I do believe I shall tell Tevin to seek out Myles and give his blessing today. I do not want to wait for your happiness."

Val blushed furiously, grinning, as she turned back to her embroidery. Cantia's gaze lingered warmly on the woman before Hunt rushed into the solar and interrupted her thoughts.

The boy had a huge slab of bread in his hand, slathered in butter, and he rushed at his mother and directed her to take a bite. The bread, although smelling wonderful, didn't seem particularly appealing to her, so Cantia chased Hunt away and told the boy to play in the yards. But Hunt didn't want to go outside. He wanted to go upstairs and visit Arabel, so Cantia waved him onward.

As Hunt charged from the solar with the yellow dog trailing after him, hoping for some crumbs, Tevin and Myles entered the keep. Hunt smacked into Tevin's leg, leaving a smear of butter on the leather breeches, but barely stopped to apologize as he raced up the steep spiral stairs. Lips twisted wryly at the butter splotched on his leg, Tevin entered the solar and pointed at his leg.

"I would ask for some bread to put this on," he said to Cantia.

It took Cantia a moment to realize what he meant. She fought off a grin as she stood from her chair and grabbed the hem of her surcoat, bringing it up to wipe off the white paste.

"He was in a hurry," she said apologetically. "I am sorry."

Tevin watched her clean him up, his twisted lips turning into a smile. "'Tis of no matter," he said, kissing her on the cheek when she finished. His dark eyes glimmered warmly at her. "In fact, I have a lull in my duties and thought I would come to keep you company but I see you already have companionship."

Cantia grinned at him and wound her hands around his big forearm affectionately. "You may take me for a walk around the grounds. I am sure Val does not need us or want us here at the moment."

Tevin lifted his eyebrows questioningly when he realized Myles was in the room as well. Clearing his throat as he became aware that perhaps Val and Myles should like to be alone, he turned to leave the room.

"Behave yourself, de Lohr," he said as he passed through the doorway. "I have eyes and ears everywhere."

As Val giggled, Myles simply shook his head. "As you say, my lord."

In the entry, Cantia called back to them. "Pay no heed, Myles," she said. "I will keep our lord occupied. He will not have time to worry over you."

Cantia grinned as she listened to Val's laughter. As Tevin, somewhat disapproving that she had circumvented his authority with Myles and his sister, opened the entry door for her, Cantia sweetly patted his cheek and led him down into the bailey.

It was a mild afternoon of lazy clouds and bright sun as they began their walk across the grounds. Cantia had her left hand lodged in the crook of his right elbow and Tevin had a firm hold of her as they headed towards the gatehouse. He forgot all about Val and Myles, consumed with the feel of Cantia by his side. He had missed it.

"When were you planning on burying Geoff?" Cantia asked, shielding her eyes from the glare of the sun as she gazed off towards Rochester's soaring cathedral. "You've not said a word about it."

Tevin glanced off towards the cathedral as well. "That very subject has been one of the things that have occupied my attention," he replied. "I have had to send word to Saxlingham Castle to see what Geoff's mother, my aunt, would do. She may want him returned to her. I have not yet heard from her so Geoff's body remains at the cathedral stored in an unused vault."

Cantia glanced up at him. "I did not know his mother was still alive."

Tevin nodded. "She is very old, but still alive. I have not seen her in years."

Cantia nodded in understanding. "I see," she said, glancing at the gatehouse as they drew close. That inevitably brought about thoughts of Charles, bricked up in the depths, and she couldn't help but shudder. Her thoughts shifted quickly from one to the other. "I cannot help but wonder what Brac would say to all of this."

He glanced down at her. "All of what?"

She tilted her head in the direction of the gatehouse. "His father," she said quietly. "I know you did what you had to do to protect us, but somehow I still feel such sorrow for Brac's sake."

Tevin knew that. He'd seen it from her for the past few days, and his manner grew subdued. "Let me ask you a question."

"Of course."

"If Brac was still alive and his father behaved threateningly towards you, what would the man have done?"

"I told you before. To spare me, he would have killed him."

"So why do you feel sorrow?"

Cantia sighed heavily. "I am not sure," she admitted. "Perhaps because Charles' madness would have hurt him so. Brac and his father had a good relationship. Charles thought the sun rose and set on the man. It saddens me to see it all deteriorate so badly, not only for Brac but for Hunt's sake as well."

"Has he asked about his grandfather?"

"He has, a few times, but I simply changed the subject. I cannot keep avoiding it forever, however."

Tevin sighed knowingly. "Then I will explain the situation to him. Perhaps I will tell him that his grandfather has simply gone away and leave it at that."

"You would lie to him?"

"How do you think he will react if he knows the truth? He is a young boy and impressionable. He will not understand why I have done what I did, so in order to spare him for the time being, I will omit certain truths. When he is older, I will tell him everything and pray that he understands my reasoning."

Cantia gazed up at him, forcing a smile. "He will understand," she murmured, then lay her head against his bicep affectionately. "But I do not want to linger on such things today. It has been ages since we have spent time such as this and I would have that time spent on happier things."

He grinned. "What, for instance?"

"Your sister," she said firmly. "Let us speak of the permission you are going to give Myles to wed her."

His smile vanished. "Permission to marry?"

Cantia didn't back down at his nearly threatening tone. "Aye, you are going to give it, and give it today. I will not wait to see Val happy. She loves him, you know. At least… at least one of us should be allowed to marry the man we love."

Tevin's good humor faded completely. Her words were like a punch in the gut, something they hadn't discussed since the day Tevin had confessed everything to her. It seemed like ages ago. He didn't want to think about it but knew that ignoring it wouldn't make it go away. He sighed heavily.

"Cantia…."

She cut him off. "Please, Tevin. Do this for me."

He came to a halt and faced her, his hands on her arms. "Everything I do is for you," he acknowledged. "But Val is…."

Cantia cut him off a second time. "Val is in love with Myles and he with her," she said, her eyes filling with tears. "You must understand what it is for a woman to love a man so much that he is all she can taste or feel. To be kept from completing that circle of love and devotion, to be kept from marrying him and becoming his wife, is nothing short of torture. I live that torture more and more every day. Therefore, please tell Myles that he may have permission to marry Val. I ask this of you."

Tevin could see the emotions in her expression and it raked at his heart like great clawed talons. "Do you not think it tears at me also?" he whispered gently. "Do you not think it eats at me every day, more and more, until I can hardly breathe? I love you more than life itself, Cantia. You are my all for living. Surely you know that."

"I know that."

Tevin regarded her a moment, her expression, reading the flicker in her eyes and the expression on her features. He could see something in the depths.

"But you need proof." He thought he understood what she was thinking. "I told you I would find out what had become of Louisa but I have made no effort to do so yet."

Cantia shook her head, wiping at her eyes. "That is not true. I know that…."

This time, Tevin cut her off. "Aye, it is," he insisted. "So much has happened over the past few weeks that I have been swamped with what I thought were more important things. I should have sent out messengers long ago to find out what I could of Louisa but I have not. I beg your forgiveness, sweetheart, truly."

Cantia shook her head firmly, putting her fingers over his lips to silence him. "I know you have been occupied," she said. "You have had very important things to attend to, I do understand that. But finding Louisa… it is a risk, after all. We could search for years and never know, I suppose."

Tevin put a big hand on her head, stroking her hair with tenderness. "I was thinking," he ventured, "that if we could perhaps get a signed statement from her father saying that she abandoned her marriage and her child, that the church would perhaps annul the marriage on that basis. It is worth a try."

Cantia looked hopeful. "Where is her father?"

"Saxony."

Her face fell somewhat. "That is a long way away. Would you go yourself?"

He nodded. "I would."

"You would not leave me here, would you?"

His dark eyes flickered. "I could not stand to be separated from you for so long," he said. "We could take Hunt and Val and Myles also. It would be a grand adventure for us all and perhaps we could be married in Saxony. I am sure I could convince her father to help us."

Cantia was back to being hopeful. "Oh, Tevin," she gasped, throwing her arms around his neck. "It would be the most wonderful thing."

He hugged her tightly. "It is settled, then."

"It is," she said, releasing him. "But do not forget that Gillywiss swore he would look for Louisa as well. Perhaps if the annulment fails, we can look to him for his assistance."

Tevin cocked a dark eyebrow. "Which reminds me," he said. "I have not yet asked you why you told the man so much personal information about us."

Cantia shrugged as she tried not to look too contrite. "The truth was that he was holding us prisoner for a time," she admitted. "He threatened us. I thought that if I told him something about me, it might make him more sympathetic towards us and let us go. He discovered I was not your wife but your mistress and… well, the conversation took a turn as to why you could not marry me."

Tevin could see it was a logical progression but he was still uneasy about it. "How much does he know?"

"Most of it. What I did not tell him, Arabel did. She was afraid and her mouth simply ran amuck. Please do not be angry with us."

He shook his head. "I am not," he said. "But I will admit I am uncomfortable with an outlaw knowing so much about me and my life."

Cantia thought on the very strange man she had come to know. "I do not think he is truly a bad man," she said. "He was rather odd and pitiful, actually. He seemed to like my clothes a great deal. He tried them on more than once."

Tevin's eyebrows lifted. "Truly?" he thought on that. "Strange."

She nodded. "Strange, indeed," she said. "I think in the end, however, he would have let us go. I believe he held some pity towards us."

Tevin wasn't sure what to say to that so he merely nodded, dropping his hands from her arms and clasping her hand in his big one. He began to walk again, taking her with him. He glanced around the enormous fortress, feeling more relaxed and settled than he had in weeks. Life was returning to a sense of normalcy and for that, he was grateful. For the first time in his life, he was genuinely looking forward to what the future may hold.

As Tevin kissed Cantia's hand, watching her smile happily at him, sentries began to take up the call on the walls. Tevin paused, listening to the chatter before calling up to the men to see what all the activity was about.

A rider was evidently approaching and Tevin remained safely back from the gatehouse with Cantia in his grip as the rider passed underneath the portcullis and was met by several armed guards. They pulled the man off his horse and stripped him of his weaponry before they allowed him to deliver his message. The man approached Tevin wearily.

"Dartford is under attack again, my lord," the man told him. "Lord Chafford is requesting your aide."

Lord Chafford was the baron currently in charge of Dartford Crossing, a local baron north of the crossing with a sizable fighting force loyal to Stephen of Blois. Tevin had discovered this the day he had returned with Cantia from her outlaw imprisonment and had already been in touch with the man, allowing him to hold fast the bridge with the Earl of East Anglia's considerable support. Chafford was closer to the bridge logistically so it made sense for him to control it. Now, East Anglia's support was being called upon.

"Who are the opposing forces?" Tevin asked.

The messenger appeared grim. "We are not sure, my lord," he said. "It could be Surrey."

Surrey was a sizable support network behind Matilda. More than that, it was the same force they had fought with when Brac had been killed. Tevin was already motioning to a few of the senior soldiers standing around him.

"Mount the men," he told them. "We ride within the hour."

As the men broke up to do the earl's bidding, Tevin quickly escorted Cantia back towards the keep. He turned to say something to her at the base of the stairs but the words caught in his throat when he saw that she was silently weeping. He put his arms around her.

"Why do you weep?" he asked gently, kissing her forehead.

Cantia drew in a deep, steadying breath. "Because I am a foolish woman," she tried to smile off her behavior. "You must hurry now. Your men are assembling."

Tevin opened his mouth to reply but stopped short when Myles came flying down the exterior stairs and Tevin informed the man of the situation. As Myles raced off to do Tevin's bidding, Tevin returned his attention to Cantia.

"Please tell me why you weep," he whispered.

Cantia was wiping at her cheeks, struggling to compose herself. "Please," she shook her head, not wanting to speak on her feelings. "You must go. I will see you when you return."

"I am not leaving until you tell me why you are crying."

Her brave fa?ade wavered, clearly reluctant to speak. But she relented after a few moments of struggle.

"Because the last time there was a call to retake the bridge, Brac was killed," she whispered. Her gaze grew intense. "I cannot help but remember that moment he was brought to me with arrows sticking out of him. Tevin, if they were to return you to me in that condition, I swear I would be buried with you. I could not go on."

Tevin suspected the reason behind her tears and was prepared. He pulled her into a tight embrace, his face buried in the side of her head.

"That will not happen to me, not today," he assured her softly. "I have much to live for. I swear to you that I will return in good health."

She squeezed him tightly. "I believe you."

"Do you truly?"

"Aye."

Tevin pulled back to look her in the eye, just to make sure she wasn't lying to him. Seeing the luscious features gazing steadily back at him, he kissed her sweetly, twice, and gently directed her towards the stairs that led to the keep.

"Then go inside," he told her. "Make sure the keep is locked down. Admit no one until Myles and I return. Is that clear?"

"It is."

He blew a kiss at her. "I love you," he whispered as he turned to walk away. "Go inside now."

Cantia blew a kiss in return, mounting the steps to the keep as she watched Tevin head back towards the gatehouse. When he turned to look at her, she waved and took the steps quickly so he would not grow agitated with her. Once inside the keep, she and a male servant threw the heavy bolt across the door as ordered. Then, she went into the solar to wait out the men's return with Val.

It was a very long night, but Tevin returned whole and sound as he had promised.