Chapter Ten

A nnora held her composure until she was out of sight of the men. Once she was fully away from the area where they trained, she crumbled onto the ground hugging her knees as she allowed despair to overwhelm her. She laid her head down on her knees to choke back the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She had never let someone get under her skin before—had always been careful never to fight with anger ruling her head. But something about that man provoked her beyond measure, until any form of training she had had in the past flew out of her mind. Her only thought was to take out her frustrations on Richard. He was the reason everything in her life was a complete mess.

And then that kiss… if she had allowed him to continue she might have done the unthinkable and actually given in to the pleasure he aroused in her. Leofric had never kissed her like that and mayhap ’twas the reason she never felt anything for him beyond affection. A heavy sigh left her as she contemplated her life of old. ’Twas not exactly how she had imagined her life, but many marriages came with much less. She and her husband had a common accord and mutual respect. She had lived her life with him and was grateful he gave her a fair amount of freedom to do as she pleased.

But Richard… he could be something far more dangerous to her heart if she let him in. The possibility was there. No matter the harsh words they may spout at one another, there was an underlying amount of passion that continued to rear its ugly head whenever the opportunity took over. His handsome face and strong body stirred an attraction in her like none she had ever known, but the feelings growing in her breast went beyond simple lust. Over the past several days, she had watched him and she could not discount the fact that he appeared as though he cared for those who were attempting to survive the circumstances they found themselves in. He was more honorable than she would ever admit aloud—not to mention brave, strong, commanding. It all served to make him even more appealing, damn him.

But where did this leave her? Her son was still held by Stephen’s men back at her home at Meregate Castle. Her obligations to Stephen continued to hang over her head, and she had begun to fear he would never release her from her service to him. But why was he so determined to keep her under his command? ’Twas not as though he did not have others who were capable of fighting on his behalf. In fact, if she were honest with herself, as a woman, the strength of her arm was no match for a man’s. Against inexperienced soldiers, she could well hold her own, due to her training and the tricks she had learned to use her opponents’ size against them. But against a man who was well trained, she would inevitably tire or weaken first.

So why was Stephen so insistent on having her fight under his banner? The only thing she could ever think of was that Stephen valued her home due to Meregate’s location. A seaport, it would provide another place where Stephen’s ships could land in the event he invaded from the sea. With her away, and his men stationed within her home to monitor her son, Stephen could use that port as he pleased. It made sense, not that he ever divulged such reasoning. Had he permitted her to stay at home with her son, she’d have allowed him free use of the port—but instead, he’d chosen to drag her way and to hold her son captive. That in itself was cause to view him as her enemy no matter she had to fight for his cause.

Would Richard be sympathetic to the reason she fought for King Stephen? She could confide all to him and perchance he might help her liberate her son and her home once Oxford was no longer under siege. Could she trust him? She shook her head not knowing the answer, her heart filled with worry and confusion over how she was beginning to feel for the man. She had only been in his company for a short while. How could she have feelings for the man this soon? She barely knew him and had no idea how to handle this growing desire for her enemy.

And if her feelings continued to grow into something much greater than mere desire…then that would be more dangerous still.

She knew he stood above her before she even raised her head. His hand was held out for her to take.

“Come, Annora,” Richard offered softly. “You shall catch a cold if you stay upon the frozen ground much longer.”

This time, her gloved hand slid easily into his and he gave a gentle tug to help her rise to her feet. His thumb ran over the back of her fingers whilst he continued to hold onto her quaking limb. She was unsure if she was uneasy because of her earlier thoughts of him or what it could mean to her son if she stayed. Either way her emotions were getting the better of her.

“Thank you,” she murmured before raising her head to stare into his blue eyes. She wanted to brush back a lock of his black hair that had fallen rakishly over his forehead, but she resisted the temptation. The harsh scowl that seemed to crease his forehead whenever they had another argument was gone. Instead, he offered her a small smile of encouragement that seemed to entreat her to trust him.

“You are most welcome,” he said kindly before tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow. He began escorting her back into the keep where he made his way to the hearth. With their limited supplies, the fire there would barely take the chill from most of the room but he moved a chair closer to its warmth so she would benefit the most from its meager heat. Once she was seated, he pulled a second chair directly next to hers and took her hands again.

“Tell me what is troubling you, Annora, so I might better understand your plight. I am not the ogre you think I am,” he began with what sounded like a sincere heart.

“I never said you were a monster,” she retorted before turning her head away from him. His tone seemed so honest and another piece of ice she had built to surround her heart cracked. But apparently he was not done with her yet for he reached out to gently turn her head so he might see her completely. His blue eyes felt as though they probed down into the very depth of her soul.

“Tell me,” he whispered softly. His tone was so sincere she could not doubt he honestly wished to know her plight. Her heart split wide open.

“I have a son…” A cry left her lips and she buried her head in her hands.

He pulled her into his lap and she wound her arms around him as she sobbed out her heartache. How long had it been since arms had held her close to offer her comfort? Perchance from Merek after her husband had been killed but it had been briefly, and she certainly had not felt the same amount of relief in her captain’s arms as she felt now in Richard’s embrace.

“I did not realize you were married,” he said stroking her hair.”

“I am a widow.”

“I am sorry for your loss, but I will admit I am relieved I have not coveted another man’s wife,” Richard replied placing a kiss upon the side of her brow.

She raised her head to stare at him with tear-streaked cheeks. She brushed the moisture from her face with her sleeve not knowing what to say until the words burst unbidden from her lips. “You want me?”

He gave her a crooked smile. “As no doubt you could surmise. Rest assured that ’tis not my habit to force myself upon a lady and steal her kisses without permission. I apologize if I hurt or distressed you, but in truth, the attraction I feel for you has made me struggle to behave as a gentleman.”

Her hand automatically covered her mouth even whilst she came to the realization she was playing with the end of a strand of his hair with the other. “I give you leave to do so now,” she murmured without thinking of the consequences.

One of his dark brows rose at her words. “And what if I want more from you than just your kisses?”

She could not help herself when she widened her eyes. He could easily take her but she might bear the burden of their coupling if she were to get pregnant. She reached over to cup his cheek and he took hold of her hand to place a kiss at the inside of her wrist.

“I do not have the freedom to give you more of myself, Richard,” she said finally answering him. “I have obligations that must come first, and those commitments are to my son.”

He lowered his head in thought before raising his eyes to gaze upon her again. His smile this time was as though a piece of his heart was also breaking that they had no future together. But mayhap she only imagined the grief in his eyes since ’twas what she was feeling. His words almost confirmed her thoughts.

“I, too, am not free to offer you all that you deserve, Annora. My service is firmly placed with the Empress Matilda’s cause and until she releases me, I am her most humble vassal.”

Annora nodded and decided to confide in him. “My husband was killed during a siege by Stephen’s men. Meregate Castle is on the coast north of Dover. My guess is Stephen wished to have control of the port. He had learned of my ability with a sword for my husband Leofric was one to boast of my accomplishments and taunt his friends into seeing if they could beat me at swordplay. Stephen compelled me to join his forces, and he continues to hold my son, Leif, hostage in order to control me.”

“That is why you fight for the usurper,” Richard stated whilst running his finger down her cheek.

“Aye. If I remain his warrior to fight for his cause, he assures my son’s survival. I would not be lending him my sword arm for any other reason. I continue to think of Stephen as my enemy because of everything he has cost me, but I must obey his commands,” Annora replied softly.

“Perchance once Oxford is again free from his clutches, I might petition the Empress to help you regain your home and son,” Richard offered as he once again stroked her hair.

“Why would you make such an offer? You do not owe me anything and we barely know one another,” she asked.

“Mayhap I wish we could be more to each other one day than enemies fighting on opposites sides of this war.”

A slight laugh left her. “The world would have to completely change for such a miracle to occur,” she teased and suddenly realized she was still sitting on his lap. She tried to rise but he held her firmly in place. “What will people think if they see me like this?”

“I do not care what others think.”

She tore her gaze from his and saw that the hall remained empty. Instead of arguing with him, she took advantage of the situation. Another one might never occur, and she wanted this one moment unto herself. “Then kiss me, Richard. Just this once, let me feel what ’tis like to be desired as a woman.”

“I thought you would never ask,” he said in a tone that caused Annora to shiver in delight.

She pressed lightly at the back of his neck until their lips were but inches apart. Yet still he waited until her patience reached an end. This time ’twas Annora who initiated their kiss. She wound her arms around his neck whilst she took complete control. She supposed she should end this, and she knew that Richard would never deny her the right to pull away, but she had no notion to do so. Instead, she poured every ounce of energy into satisfying her hunger for this man. He more than proved he desired her as much as she wanted him. If only they had met in some other place and time…

For once in her life, Annora gave in to the sensation of being wanted for herself. Richard made her feel safe for the first time in months. She became completely lost, and Richard was the only man who could save her.