Chapter Six

Knight couldn't stop thinking about the way Royal had playfully walked away from him at the mall. The smile. The teasing. Royal had obviously been in a great mood. Too bad he wasn't home by the time Knight got there. Knight also couldn't stop thinking about how he had called this place his home. That was nuts. He had a house. The money coming out of his account for the mortgage reminded him each month how insane this situation was. He couldn't stay with Quentin forever. No doubt, Quentin probably wondered why Knight was still here. Knight sat on the bed in his assigned bedroom and stared at the wall.

According to Cannon, there was no longer a reason for him to be here. He wondered if anyone else knew that. Most likely, since Cannon claimed money was the reason Quentin's investigation had been closed. So why hadn't anyone hinted he should leave? How long had this case been put to bed? Did Royal keep insisting he stay because he wanted him here and was too afraid to just say that? Knight had a hard time thinking that was the case. Once again, Knight had a home. If Royal wanted to be with him, and they weren't in danger of being arrested, Royal could stay with him. They would have an entire house to themselves. Of course, it was entirely possible Royal enjoyed his high-class life here with Quentin. There were no bills here or responsibilities. Food got cooked and served without notice. Beds were made. Bathrooms cleaned. It was like living in an alternate universe. Life wouldn't be the same with Knight. He had bills. Someone had to cook and clean. Maybe Royal was the smart one. He probably already saw the fights over someone pulling more weight than the other. Then there was the issue of money.

Royal obviously wasn't broke. Like Pink, Quentin likely kept Royal's bank account full. There was also the topic of Royal's job that Knight's brain constantly shied away from thinking about. While Royal didn't go to work every day, sometimes he disappeared. Royal never volunteered his whereabouts, and Knight never asked. Occasionally, if Knight was actually awake when he slipped away, Royal would mumble something about a job and then tell Knight to get some sleep. Cannon's claims lived in the back of Knight's mind. What if Royal actually killed people? That was such a wild idea to Knight. While Royal was the quiet, brooding type, Knight couldn't picture him actually murdering people. Then again, maybe the same could be said of him. Yet Knight had done those things. Every life he had taken had been sanctioned by his country, but still. Knight's hands weren't clean.

A light knock sounded on his bedroom door, pulling Knight from his spiraling thoughts. "Come in."

Royal poked his head inside the room.

A smile exploded across Knight's lips, not only at the sight of him, but at the idea of him quietly asking for entry. Royal was more the type to take what he wanted.

"Hey."

Royal still looked unsure. "Hey. Is it okay if I come in, or do you need to hide my gift?"

A laugh burst from Knight. Even to his ears, he heard how happy he sounded. "You're good. It's refreshing to see someone excited about getting a gift rather than pretending it's okay if they don't get anything."

Royal's smile never stopped surprising him. He was grinning more and more often all the time. Knight hoped it was because of him. Royal stepped inside the room and closed the door. He shrugged. "Before coming to live with Quentin, I had never celebrated Christmas. In a way, I guess I didn't even really know it was a thing. It's kind of nice, though."

God, sometimes he said things that hurt Knight's chest. "Since my mom passed, I haven't really had anyone to exchange gifts with or anything like that. I don't even put up a tree anymore." He held Royal's stare, silently begging him to see his heart. "I'm looking forward to spending it with you." This was more than them trying to get each other out of their systems. He wanted to know he wasn't alone in that belief. Royal still stood three feet away with his arms crossed over his chest and feet braced. It seemed like a good time to find some answers. Royal wasn't touching him to distract him. "I saw Cannon today."

"Okay." Royal didn't sound angry. He merely sounded like he wondered where this was going.

Knight pushed on. "He said the investigation into Quentin had been closed."

"That's good, I guess."

Knight nodded. "Yeah, but it made me think. Should I still be staying here? I have a house payment that's not cheap coming out of my bank account each month. Maybe, after our trip, I should go home."

Royal's expression gave nothing away about his thoughts. He was as unreadable as always. "Is that what you want?"

He hadn't expected to be asked that point blank. Knight didn't know how to answer that one. "I don't know."

"I think you do, or you wouldn't have brought it up."

They stared at each other in silence. Knight wished he hadn't said anything. Not right away, anyhow. He didn't want this to end, but he couldn't stay here forever. When would be the right time to have this conversation? One week? Two? A month?

"Come stay with me." The offer was out there before Knight could call it back. He didn't stop. "Not now, but after our trip. I know it's not the same. Obviously, I don't have cooks or housekeepers. I don't know how we would work, and I can't promise it'll be easy, but you're right. You're not out of my system, and I'm starting to think it's a permanent affliction."

A smile exploded across Royal's face. "A permanent affliction?"

Knight nodded. "I don't think I want to be cured."

Royal's smile slipped away. His expression turned into something that looked a little too close to love. Something had been building between them in the last couple of months. Knight's throat swelled. Royal's tongue shot out, wetting his lips—like he was nervous. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"Yeah. I think I am."

Royal didn't respond.

Knight's nerves got the best of him. "It doesn't have to be permanent if you don't want. I just thought—" Knight snapped his teeth together, trying to stop the rambling.

"Why do you sound unsure of yourself?"

Knight shrugged. Royal always asked the hard, direct questions. "I don't know. Maybe I just think you possibly don't feel as much for me as I feel for you."

"You feel something for me?"

Goddamn. Why did he always make everything so hard? Royal was never happy until Knight exposed all of himself while Royal showed him nothing.

"Never mind. I guess I just—" Knight found himself on his back with Royal pinning him to the bed. He looked terrifying. A tiny thrill ran up Knight's spine.

"Don't take it back. I think maybe I feel something for you too, but I don't know what. My life hasn't been like yours. I don't know what normal is, but I'm irritated when you're not around. People's voices make my shoulders tense. But when I'm with you, I breathe easier. It pisses me off when I wake up and you're not there. I don't know what any of that means, but if you feel like you need to go home, then I want to go with you."

"You do?" It felt too good to be true.

"I do."

"Yay!" The breathy cheer escaped Knight without thinking.

Royal smiled. "You're crazy. You know that, right?"

"Probably, but why?" Knight was too happy to care about being called insane.

"For taking a chance on me." Royal shook his head. "No one in their right mind would do that."

Knight shrugged. "Everyone in this house has."

"I stand by my statement."

Knight laughed. His happiness had nowhere to go. Royal kissed him. It was a sweet brush of lips. Knight's laughter fell away. The air changed.

Royal's mouth moved from his lips to his cheek and then on to Knight's ear. He nibbled. "Why are you in my head?" Royal kissed the shell of his ear. "You're everything they taught me to hate. I don't understand why you make me feel so good."

Tears unexpectedly sprang to Knight's eyes. Royal rarely spoke to him about the past, and never about the men who had tortured him. It hurt to hear a single terrible thing taught to him. "That's why they wanted you to hate it. They didn't want you to know happiness. But that's not your life now, and I need to know you're smiling. Nothing they said to you was true. You deserve to feel this way."

Another light kiss brushed his skin. Knight couldn't keep his eyes open. Royal's lips felt too good. His every breath sounded like life being breathed into Knight. "I don't deserve it. If you saw inside my head, you would see how much I don't deserve anything at all. But I'm selfish." He pushed Knight's shirt up and stroked his bare skin. "I'll take as much as you give and hope you don't end up hating me." He kissed Knight's neck and moved lower. "I'll beg the old gods that you don't ever see me as I really am."

Knight's throat swelled. He felt too much. Royal had never been loved. Knight wanted to show him what it was like to know someone would always be on his side. He needed Royal to believe in him. Knight wanted to be his savior. As long as there was breath in him, he would be Royal's man. Royal would see. He deserved love. Knight would give it to him.

Royal couldn't think. His thoughts had scattered long ago when it came to Knight. Everything he had been taught and thought he knew disappeared in a haze every time he got near Knight or even thought of him. He did something to Royal's head. Royal would like to claim he hated it. He didn't. In fact, Knight was the only place he felt good. He would do anything, say anything to keep him. Knight should be fucking terrified. He wasn't. Royal couldn't decide if he was brave or stupid. Either way, Royal would do anything to keep him. That was why his mouth kept moving lower.

Every new inch of skin Royal bared, he had to taste it. He savored the feel of Knight's nipple on his tongue. Then something odd happened. Royal pressed his ear against Knight's chest. He heard Knight's heartbeat. Royal couldn't move. He was transfixed. Knight was a real living, breathing person. Another soul. Royal's throat unexpectedly swelled. No one else was supposed to be real to him. Knight was right. Nothing they said to him was true. They had tortured him, stripping away his humanity. Eventually, it was easier to believe their words than it was to endure the pain. A day had come when he stopped seeing other people as anything but in the way of a pain-free and hunger-free life. But Knight was real. Not only that, but he felt something good for Royal. Knight's heart beat for him.

Royal took a shaky breath. Knight's arms locked around him and held on tightly. Royal swallowed several times, holding back tears. Knight wanted to keep him. This wasn't like Quentin, where Quentin did a noble thing. Knight genuinely chose Royal because he wanted Royal. Memories of the orphanage slammed into him. He remembered being small and watching couples show up, eyeing them as if they shopped for bread. Despite the coldness of those visits, Royal had silently begged to get picked. The day he finally had been, it turned out to be the worst hell. His brain shied away from the memories again. It had taken years and unfathomable pain, but now he had finally been chosen out of love. Love. Is that what this was? If so, then Knight loved a monster.

A tear slipped from the corner of his eye. It was out of his control. If Knight knew the real him, he would run fast and far. He couldn't let that happen. Royal shot from the bed and headed for the door.

"Where are you going? Is everything okay?"

Royal swiped at his eyes without looking back. "Yeah. I'll be right. I just need a minute. Okay?"

"Okay, baby. I'll be all right here." Knight sounded so fucking understanding. He shouldn't. Royal wasn't good.

He headed straight for his bedroom. Royal locked himself inside. His gaze landed on the presents he had bought Knight. He couldn't let Knight know he was bad. Never. He could never find out. Royal grabbed his phone where he left it on the nightstand. He quickly sent a text while freaking out inside.

Royal: Do not terminate.

X: Clarification required.

Royal: I don't know what I want you to do. Just keep him out of the way.

X: Winging it. Check.

Royal deleted the texts the way he always did. None of them would make sense to anyone outside of their circle. It equally didn't matter the phones were un-hackable. They were military-grade phones that were not only untraceable, but they also scrambled any data sent through the devices. But Royal still deleted all evidence of the texts between X and him. He couldn't risk anyone in the house getting nosy and simply scrolling.

With his guilt a bit assuaged, Royal grabbed a stuffed octopus from the bags on the bed. He headed back to Knight's room. This time, he didn't knock. He found Knight on the bed, staring at the ceiling as if lost in thought. His gaze shot to the doorway when Royal stepped inside the room. Royal closed the door behind him and moved to climb onto the mattress beside Knight. He settled on his back next to him and held the octopus over them.

"I want to give this to you early. You know I'm not good at reading your mood. This will help. See, it's happy." The pink octopus wore a bright smile. Royal flipped it inside out. It turned dark red and wore an angry-looking frown. "Now it's mad. You can show me your mood."

A sexy soft chuckle rumbled from Knight. He accepted the gift. Knight spent a moment flipping it back and forth. "It's adorable. Thank you. I wish it had a worried face."

Royal turned his head and met Knight's stare. "Why?"

Knight clutched the octopus to his chest. He never looked away from Royal. "I don't know if you're okay right now and it worries me. I care. You don't talk to me when you're upset. You just bury it. I can't make you tell me anything and I won't push. But you can always tell me anything and I'll listen. Okay? I need to know you're happy and… I don't know. You matter to me."

Royal didn't know how to respond to that. "You're with me."

A smile exploded across Knight's face. "You said that so seriously. I don't know what that means."

"You're with me," Royal repeated. "I'm always happy when we're together."

Knight clutched the stuffed animal tighter. His smile grew. "Okay. Same."

Something swelled inside Royal's chest. He didn't know what would happen when he moved his things to Knight's place. Royal didn't know what their life would look like from day to day, but he would keep Knight happy. That much Royal knew. When Knight looked at him the way he did now, everything else disappeared except them. It was the life Royal wanted. He would protect it at all costs. Whatever it took. Knight was his. He always would be. One way or another.