Chapter Four

Knight was all the way inside Royal's head. His thoughts raged twenty-four-seven. Royal hadn't thought someone could understand him. Before now, he never wanted anyone to try. But it was like Knight reached into his mind and saw everything. Then he did the exact thing Royal needed to make him feel good. Royal didn't feel. Yet he did. He should be terrified. Instead, he was enraged. Not with Knight. He was fully obsessed beyond the point of crazy stalking with Knight. Royal was enraged by the idea of Cannon.

It didn't matter Knight had immediately come home with him. Royal had stood in the kitchen and listened to Knight's conversation with that fucking FBI guy. At first, he told himself he wanted to see if Knight would sell them out the first chance he got. But that wasn't true, and Royal knew it. He had always had an ugly feeling in his gut when it came to Cannon Whitley. Royal had seen the way Cannon looked at Knight. Royal wasn't the only person relentlessly stalking Knight. While Cannon watched Knight's every move, Royal watched them both. Cannon was a man in love. But he was weak, and that sickened Royal. The guy was too much of a pussy to step out of the closet. He had no balls. That shit made Royal sick. A strong man didn't need society's approval, and Knight deserved someone proud to be with him.

As Royal had listened to all his suspicions substantiated, a fury had built inside him. He saw Cannon. Royal knew the type. Even though he didn't have the stones to openly love Knight, he would ensure no one else did either. Royal wondered how many past relationships Cannon had sabotaged without Knight knowing. No doubt he always rode to the rescue afterword, comforting Knight in bed before scurrying away again. He made Royal sick. Royal hated him. He wanted him dead.

Unfortunately, Knight had witnessed the threat that had passed between them. If Cannon turned up in a shallow grave, Royal would be the first person Knight suspected. He was already having a hell of time dodging questions about Cannon's accusations. Royal didn't think Knight would be too forgiving of Royal's career.

"Look who's back!"

The shout pulled Royal from his thoughts.

Pink and Adam strolled into the dining room, looking tan and happy.

Quentin shot to his feet. "Why are you two so tan? I thought you were in Rome?"

Pink hugged Quentin. He looked genuinely happy to see his dad. "We were, but we decided to head to Malta for a few days before coming home. Since we can't miss Christmas with you guys, we sneaked in a few days of relaxing by the sea before coming home for a while."

"A while? Does that mean we actually get to spend some time together?"

While Pink and Quentin chatted, Royal's gaze slid Adam's way. He looked like a different person. The once brooding butler glowed with happiness. Marriage agreed with him. Pink materialized at Knight's side. He kissed Knight's cheek.

"Hey, babe. I'm so glad you're still here. I was worried I'd have to hunt you down to see you."

Royal watched them together.

Pink sat on Knight's knee while chatting. He looked very animated, and Knight seemed engrossed. Royal's gaze moved back toward Adam. Adam looked to be deep in conversation with Quentin. There was no jealousy or ugly looks turned Knight and Pink's way. He knew Pink belonged to him.

Royal went back to watching Knight. He visibly hung on every word Pink said. It was odd. He expected to experience the same burning rage he had with Cannon. It never surfaced. Knight didn't look at Pink the way he looked at him. Royal didn't know how to explain it.

A chair appeared next to Knight and everyone shuffled down the table so Pink and Adam could squeeze in to join them for dinner. Under the table where no one could see, Knight's hand swiped up Royal's thigh. He focused on the sensation. Emotions swelled in his chest. He noticed the room had turned silent. All eyes were on him. He realized he was smiling. Royal pressed his lips together, forcing the smile away.

Quentin cleared his throat. "Well, now that everyone is here. I have to tell you what I got everyone for Christmas. As much as I hate spoiling the surprise early, I have to, so you can plan accordingly. Christmas Eve morning, we leave on a private yacht for a ten-day Caribbean cruise. Everything is included, of course. Other than the crew, it'll be only the family onboard."

A lot of happy chatter went around the table. Royal couldn't stop looking at Knight. He looked uncomfortable.

Royal draped his arm across the back of his chair and leaned Knight's way. "What's wrong?"

Knight shrugged.

Quentin glanced their way as if he felt Knight's unease. "That includes you too, Knight. You're part of this family."

Pink bumped shoulders with him. "Of course you are. We wouldn't leave you behind."

He felt Knight relax, but he still argued. "That's too much."

Royal eyed him.

Knight carefully kept his face turned away from Royal.

"What would make you more comfortable?"

Pink turned Knight's way at Royal's question. "Would you feel better if Royal and I split the cost with Quentin? That way, it's a Christmas present from three people instead of one."

Adam leaned forward and looked Knight's way. "Four."

Everyone took turns going around the table, adding themselves to the number of people willing to split the cost until Knight was smiling again. "Okay. Okay. I feel better. Thank you."

Royal felt the corners of his mouth turning upward again at the sight of Knight's smile. He touched his mouth to Knight's ear. "Don't worry. You'll still get a real gift from me."

Knight's gaze slid his way. A heated glance passed between them. He looked away before he embarrassed them. Unfortunately, his gaze landed on Pink, who obviously hadn't missed a thing. The knowing way he looked between them had Royal turning away. He didn't like being scrutinized. Only Knight was allowed to see beneath his skin. He had to stop showing these people his weakness. Those were always exploited. The idea of Knight being used against him had the rage returning. That was fine. Constant rage was where he felt the most comfortable. Still, he wanted to run.

While Knight listened to Pink talk about Italy, Royal disappeared. As much as Knight wanted to go after him, Pink had already eyed him like he saw too much. Knight didn't know why, but he didn't want to share their story yet. They weren't in a relationship. Knight was willingly allowing Royal to use him. He didn't want to explain that. Knight had a bad feeling he came off as the fool in that tale.

When the table cleared away and only Pink remained, Pink's dark green eyes flashed in a way that had Knight biting back a groan.

"So… Royal."

Knight tried looking innocent. "What about him?"

A knowing laugh burst from Pink. "I distinctly recall telling you on Halloween he looks at you like you're his next meal. You denied it then. I think it's time to spill."

Knight didn't know what to say.

Pink took his hand. "Come on, Knight. It's me. You know I don't judge and we share everything. I saw the way you looked at him earlier. What's going on?"

Love washed over Knight. Pink was right. They had spent months living together and sharing everything. There was nothing they hadn't talked about and nothing Knight couldn't say. He trusted Pink more than anyone else in the world.

A sad smile touched Knight's lips. "I don't know. He's under my skin, you know? But it's hard because we're so different and he's so hard to reach. I don't know what I'm saying."

Pink nodded. "I do. You're dealing with someone who came from a background so horrific, you can't even begin to really know what he's endured." Pink leaned closer and smiled. "But let me tell you a secret. The most damaged men make the best partners. I've seen your heart. I know how hard and deep you love. Someone like Royal doesn't stand a chance against that. You're showing him a life he's never seen. It won't be easy. No doubt you scare the hell out of him. He's been trained through the worst of abuse not to feel. You making him feel might cause him to lash out or withdraw. But if you keep showing up every day, proving you can't be budged, he'll be the most loyal man you've ever met. Like a wild dog protecting its food source, he'll turn feral at the idea of losing your love." Pink sat back. "That should either elate you or terrify you."

A surprised laugh burst from Knight. "Maybe it's a little of both."

Pink chuckled. "That's probably smart. I don't know Royal that well. No one does. He was here before me, but he hasn't tried making friends. Adam says it's like that sometimes. Some of these guys don't acclimate well to a normal life. Everyone's kindness feels suspect. I kind of get it. When Quentin said he wanted to adopt me." Pink paused. His eyes filled with tears, and he blinked them away while Knight watched with his heart in his throat. Pink swallowed. When he spoke again, his voice broke a little. "None of it felt real. In my childhood, only certain men were kind, and it came with strings. Terrible strings. Sometimes a normal life still feels like I'm wearing fake skin." He seemed to turn inward for a second. Then he blinked and was back to focusing on Knight. "I might not know Royal that well, but I understand him. Someone like you has to feel like a freaking miracle to someone like him."

Knight's chest hurt. Everything Pink said resonated with his soul. Sometimes, Royal's mask slipped, and Knight saw a deep well of neediness inside him. He made Knight want to hold him and make everything better.

Pink looked around. "Well, I guess I should find my husband and unpack." Pink shook his head. "Or maybe I shouldn't bother since we're going on a cruise."

Knight smiled. He still felt uncomfortable over the idea of Quentin inviting him along, but he looked forward to having Royal trapped on a yacht for ten days with no escape. His stomach fluttered at the idea. They would have so much time to just focus on each other. He could show Royal so many things. Damn. He really needed to find Royal.

Knight blinked, and he was alone. He didn't realize how hard he had zoned out. Life had just been so goddamn odd lately. His mind constantly moved at the speed of light, trying to process the crazy changes. He was thirty-two and had lived more than people twice his age had. Knight had been all over the world during his time in special forces. He had done things he couldn't take back, and that still kept him up at night. Knight had come home afterward and finished college. He had settled into a life of art and beauty. Peace. He had desperately needed the goddamn peace. Now nothing felt calm any longer. He was back on a constant roller coaster. Except this time, Knight felt the knowledge grow every day that something huge waited for him at the other end. For once, life wasn't a pointless monotony. He was headed toward something… toward someone.

A shadow fell over the table. Warm lips landed on the side of his neck. Knight's eyes fell closed as Royal's mouth opened against his skin and licked his pulse point. He reached over his head and buried his fingers in Royal's hair. A pant escaped him as Royal sucked the spot he had kissed.

"Do you plan to sit here all night?"

"I don't know. Do you plan to give me a reason to move?"

A sexy chuckle rumbled against his skin. Knight lost his breath as the craziest thought of all hit. He could love Royal. He was in for a world of hurt.