Chapter 34

Later Friday night – Nashville - Luke

After Meg, the bomb-dropper, left the studio earlier, I couldn't concentrate for shit. Why had she said that to me? What did I care if Ellie had a date with a doctor next week?

Only I did care that Ellie had a date with a doctor, and Meg knew I would care, and that's why she said it. Damn. Damn. Damn.

It was true that since Ellie had left two months ago, I'd been—I don't know—not myself. But I'd been through a lot in the past year. Who even was I anymore? The truth was I had changed. I was damn glad I hadn't been rich and famous when I was twenty-four instead of thirty-four because I would have made some very bad decisions. But the one thing fame had taught me over the past year was that while money came with some real perks, trust and familiarity with someone were things you couldn't buy.

After Ellie left, I'd continued my therapy with Dr. H, and I was finally able to leave the house and talk to fans and even pose for pictures with them. But I never felt as secure and comfortable as I did during that one week with Ellie. Having her with me had felt like home. And I knew for sure that her time with me, however short, was the reason I'd finally been able to get better and go back out in public. God only knew how long I would have been trapped in the house if Ellie had never been here.

What Ellie had taught me was that laughing with someone and truly enjoying their company was rare. And finding someone you could kiss as long and as hard and as much as we did was even rarer still.

I'd laid in bed each night over the past two months, thinking about every single relationship I'd had since I was sixteen. There had always been something wrong with every girl or woman I'd dated. But there was nothing wrong with Ellie, I finally admitted to myself. And now that I was being this kind of honest with myself, I realized that what was wrong with each of the others was that they weren't Ellie. Ellie had always been there, at Meg's side. Sometimes she made snarky comments, but she always made me laugh. She'd always been loyal to my sister and to me. She'd been the pinnacle of the girl next door for me my entire life. She was the only female who'd been my friend first. The only one who made me feel lonely when she went away and the only one who'd been there to do a huge favor for me when I asked.

It was clear now. Ellie wasn't only a true friend. She had always been in the back of my mind as the perfect woman.

My last call with Dr. H popped into my mind. One part of it haunted me. She'd finally gotten me to open up and talk about my dad. And once I'd explained to her how my dad being my dad was how I knew I'd be a bad husband and father, Dr. H had simply said, "Have you ever considered that sometimes other people control us not by what they did to us but what their treatment of us keeps us from doing?"

That had been deep. Deep and unforgettable. It had been living rent free in my head for days now and that combined with what Meg had said about me not being like Dad really made me think.

Then Dr. H had delivered the final blow. "You've mentioned Ellie a lot this summer. Are you sure there wasn't more between you two?"

Of course I'd stanchly denied it. But now I knew the truth. There had always been something more between Ellie and me. And she'd been right there, all along. The perfect woman for me. Instead of pushing her away like I did, I should have begged her to stay, begged her to give me a chance. I wasn't the type of guy she was looking for, but if she'd just give me one shot, I knew I'd never let her down.

Meg was right. I was one to play the odds. Didn't I always beat the hell out of my friends at poker?

I stood and pulled the strap over my head and placed the guitar back in its case. I had some phone calls to make. What I had in mind would take some doing, and I'd call the paparazzi myself if I had to.