9. Perry

Killing the engine of the ATV at the edge of the lake, I grip the wheel and stare out at the water's surface. Not much has changed since the last time I was here. But more open water peeks through with a promise that warmer weather is on the way.

The clicks of the cooling engine overpower the bird chatter, and for the first time in a very long time, I feel the crack inside me open. And it hurts to know Sasha spoke so ill of me to a person I never met. To a man who has captivated me since the moment I walked into the kitchen and saw him laughing with a gingersnap cookie in his hand.

Isn't that a double kick in the teeth?

So what am I supposed to do now? It's my brother's big weekend coming up and there's no way I'll allow it to be anything but perfect. He doesn't need a moping little brother to worry about. Which means there's only one thing I can really do, and that's just pretend until it's over.

I never thought Sasha of all people would hurt me like that, though. There's no way I can be that wrong about someone… is there? My gut feelings are always on point. Sasha is a good egg. So what did I miss here?

Cocking my head, I focus on the low hum of an engine in the distance and it's drawing closer. Walking down to the lake, I pick some rocks from the ground and throw them at the water. If it's flat, I try to skip it across the ice. If it's a round rock, I try to aim it to land in the open water with a solid sploosh. A mindless activity, but it sometimes helps.

With the crush of tires on gravel, the engine I heard arrives and comes to a stop. There are only two people who would come here looking for me and I should feel better knowing that one of them did. But a bruised ego and hurt heart don't comfort that easily.

"Can I join you?"

Sasha stands next to me. A giant pair of green rubber boots over his dress pants.

"You should be with my brother."

"The meeting was over. It was just socializing when I left."

"Why did you leave?"

He picks up a few rocks from the ground and tosses them at the water.

"Because one of my best friends called me to confess he fucked up."

And the hurt stabs more when I face my friend.

"Is that what you really think of me, Sasha? I'm just the lodge gigolo and fuck anything that moves?"

My voice bites and Sasha"s shoulders droop.

"That's not what I told him and no, I don't think that." He places his hand on my arm, but I shrug it off. "Will you let me explain? Please?"

"It's what you came here for. Go ahead."

He has this little growl of frustration, and despite being angry with him, my lips try to smile.

"I'm sorry I said anything to Roman at all. That was wrong of me. But what I said was that you like to flirt with the guests. That's all. I never implied you were sleeping around with everyone. That was Roman making assumptions on his own."

"Well, I have slept with a few, so it's not wrong."

Sasha kicks at the ground with one giant boot.

"That's not the point, Perry. Sure you like casual sex. Who doesn't when you have a busy life and things to hide?"

"Things to hide?" I stare back out at the water and throw another rock. "Are you my therapist now?"

"I'm your friend and I know you." He whips a rock into the lake with more force than expected, and I turn to face him again.

"What is it you think you know so well, Sasha?"

I'm scared to hear his response, but I suppose I need to hear it, too.

"I know you let no one get close because of your former job. Just because you were always away from home and your previous partners left doesn't mean you're not worthy. It means they weren't strong enough to accept you as you are." He drops his remaining rocks and pokes a slim finger into my chest. "Which is a truly selfless man with a giant heart that's too tender for most of the world. And I'm sorry that I might have hurt you." Tears well in his eyes. "Not because you're like a brother I never had, but because you saw the real me when I needed a kick in the pants. And I don't want to let you down."

He sniffs and pokes me again. "And I don't want you out of my life, okay? I'm sorry and I love you."

"Don't cry, Sasha. I'm not going anywhere." Shaking my head, I stare back out at the lake. "It hurt. I won't lie. He made it sound like you were talking shit about me."

"I wasn't. I promise. He didn't tell you the rest of the conversation."

"And what's that?"

"That you remind me of him."

"Of Roman?" I snort. "In what way could I possibly remind you of your gorgeous model best friend with a sharp tongue who dislikes every molecule of my being and merely tolerates my existence?"

"He is gorgeous, isn't he?"

I sigh and stuff my hands in my pockets.

"Anybody with eyes can see that."

"True. I'll let that slide. But nobody sees past that Perry. He's like you in the way he guards his heart for literally everyone. He flirts and has casual hookups because he's afraid."

"Afraid of heartbreak? It happens to everyone at some time."

Sasha sighs and I feel bad that he's caught in the middle of this spat with his two closest friends.

"I've already said too much to you about him. I guess I really am a gossipy bitch." He laughs, but it's humourless. "It's not for me to tell, but if he ever shares with you about his losses…he trusts you. And he feels safe with you. Which is a huge thing for him."

"You both had some shitty pasts, didn't you?"

Sasha shakes his head. "No. I had a shitty past. Roman had unfortunate events. There's a difference. But the outcome is still the same." He touches my arm again. "Do you forgive me?"

His soft voice carries hope and I can never not forgive him. He's my ball of sunshine on cloudy days.

"Only because I love you and my brother. I don't want to believe you could ever be cruel like that."

"I can't. He wanted to make you angry and twisted my words."

"Why though?"

Sasha chuckles. "Because you're getting too close, Perry. He likes something about you and that scares him. It's what he does."

My heart shouldn't thump faster when Sasha says Roman likes something about me. It really shouldn't. Right now, he's still a prickly asshole who I'm attracted to on the physical level only. There's absolutely nothing about me he's indicated he likes. He hates the way I dress, drive, and talk. Fuck, I'm pretty sure he just hates the fact I breathe the same air in the room.

"What could he possibly like about me?"

"I think the better question is what's not to like about you."

"Please, Sasha. Be serious."

"I am! You're thoughtful and kind. You have this whole mountain man vibe going on that's ultra sexy. You have a sexy laugh and smile when you think nobody is watching and you're pretty buff, Perry. I don't know if you're aware, but you wear the plaid well." He chuckles again. "Not as good as your brother, though, in case you're wondering."

Sasha's laugh and twinkling eyes are infectious and the previous weight on my chest with the potential loss or damage to our friendship lifts.

Offering my hand to him to shake, he swats it away and instead wraps his arms around me in a hug.

"Thank you. Now I have a very important question for you."

"What's that?"

"Have you read book two in that rockstar series yet? I'm dying for it and you said we'd buddy read."

"I haven't. But when I'm in the mood to read again, I'll text you?"

"Deal. I'll read other books until then." He checks his phone with a grimace. "And I need to get back. Leaf wants to celebrate that he got the supply deal with the grocery store."

"Oh my god! Why didn't you start with that!? That's amazing."

Sasha beams with pride.

"It was more important to me to make sure we were still okay first." He grabs my hand again. "He knows I'm happy for him and excited already. I couldn't let you think bad things for too long. You don't need to go there."

And with a soft smile, I drop a kiss to the top of his head.

"We're okay, and thank you. Now let's go celebrate."

He blushes and bites his lip.

"Uh…well…the first one is a naked celebration. For two. But we'll call you?"

I shake with laughter and push him toward his ride.

"Please don't talk about my brother and you naked. It's not right."

"Sorry." He walks up to his ATV and grabs the flame helmet I bought him when he proved he could drive on his own. "Can I ask you a favour?"

"Sure."

"If anything comes up or you sense something off with Roman, would you…could you offer to help him?"

It's what I do even when I know my hand will get bit. Which will probably happen again with Roman. But Sasha knows I'm a caregiver. I can't help it.

"You don't even have to ask. Of course, I will. It's important to you. I can put our differences aside for you."

He snorts as he fires up the ride he arrived with.

"Differences. Sure. Right. Thanks, Perry!"

With a wave, he reverses and, after a few attempts, he has the vehicle turned and he speeds off. With a final rock toss at the lake, I do the same.

After parking the ATV in the shed and cleaning up, I've stalled long enough. After much internal debate and thinking about what Sasha said, I'm offering the olive branch to Roman. It might not get me anywhere with him, but at least it's a good faith action to keep the peace for Sasha and Leaf.

I get along with everyone and it won't interfere with my brother's business. Ever. End of story.

Ducking into the guest bathroom quickly, I wash up before walking to Roman's room. But turns out I don't need to go that far to find him.

He's sitting with the flirty man from earlier in the common area. Two open bottles of wine sit between them and Roman has his head thrown back in pure, unfiltered laughter. His smile is like an arrow to my heart, but when he leans forward and touches the other man's knee, that arrow twists. And I want to rip it out and stab the man with it.

Roman notices me first. His cool blue gaze drinks me in and he leans back, removing his hand from the other man. The man twists to see what has Roman's attention and when he notices me, he smiles like I'm the buffet for dinner.

"Well, hello. I wasn't sure I'd see you again." He pats the chair next to him. "Come and join us."

Roman shifts, angling himself away from me, so I accept the man's invitation and take the chair.

"I'm Perry. Nice to meet you."

He grips my hand tightly. "Bruce. It's my pleasure."

His words are a flirty purr, and my gaze flicks to Roman. He says nothing but sips from his glass.

"I was just telling Roman here that my partner and I will be at the big event Saturday night and we'd love to have Roman join us. The more the merrier, right?"

Bruce holds my gaze and only now lets my hand slip from his and while I read his intentions loud and clear, I can't read Roman.

"I'm not sure I agree. Sometimes it's nice to keep gatherings small. You know, just two people."

Bruce smirks and leans towards me. His wine sloshes in his glass and I instinctively reach out to prevent him from spilling the whole thing on the floor.

"I've always had a thing for the burly woodsmen type."

"Is that right?" Bruce licks his lips and I shift away. "Well, you should visit The Log Jam downtown tomorrow. After the woodsman competitions, it will burst with all kinds of them."

"But not you?"

"No."

"Well…" He leaves my personal space and sips his wine. The man is pure sex and if I wasn't interested in attention from the man across from us, I might flirt back. "Do you still want to come and meet Avery then Roman?"

Roman drains his wine in one gulp. "Sure. Lead the way."

Bruce takes the bottles from the table and smiles far too friendly at Roman. He heads to the hallway where most of the rooms are and Roman takes a step to follow, but I grab his arm.

"What do you think you're doing?" I hiss.

"None of your damn business." He wrenches his elbow from my grip. "I'll see you at the party, Perry."

As he walks away, I can't fucking keep the words inside me.

"Enjoy being sloppy seconds, Roman."

His steps falter, but he doesn't stop or look back.

And I storm out.

In a jealous rage over someone who's not even mine.