5. Perry

What a fucking way to start the morning.

Roman Auclair should not be allowed to stay at the lodge. It's throwing me off and now I've accidentally eaten his strawberries.

Channelling my pissy attitude into the axe and the wood, I swing the axe down and sigh with the crack of the splintered wood. Not that I'm wishing harm on Roman. I'm sure he's a nice guy. If he's a friend of Sasha's, he has to be. Sasha's just the sweetest guy ever. But I can't seem to do anything right when Roman's around and it's only been one damn day.

Taking a break from chopping, I walk to the nearby ATV for my water bottle. The cold liquid feels good going down, and the sensation gives me something else to focus on so I can settle my thoughts. It's been a rough week with the nightmares returning and if I don't address them soon, it's only going to get worse.

Chopping wood used to help. But it's clear that it's no longer the balm it used to be for me. The spring chickadees twitter and swoop and my anxiety isn't draining away as it normally does here.

With a sigh, I pull out my phone from my overalls and when it pings in my hand, I almost drop it.

Sasha:There's a weird smell in the bathroom of Roman's suite. Can you check it out?

Perry:Sure. I'm just at the sugar shack. I can be there in twenty.

Not that I'm in a rush to displease Roman simply by existing again.

Sasha:It's no rush. We're actually working. Could you wait until closer to suppertime?

Perry:Yep. No problem.

He replies with one of his cute smiley emoji animals and I feel my chest loosen a little. Sasha, while he's my brother's partner, always makes me feel lighter. Like there's nothing I can't conquer. He understands what it's like to carry heavy things. Other than Leaf and my friend Ted, Sasha is the only person who knows my heavy thing.

A pair of chipmunks race around the woodpile and I smile while at their antics. Their little striped bodies disappear in the bushes and I wonder what Roman will think of the wildlife here. Something tells me he's not a lover of nature. Which is unfortunate because nature soothes me. It always has.

Eating fucking strawberries should also soothe me.

Staring at my phone, I remember what I was doing before Sasha texted and I hit Ted's number.

"Hey, Perry. It's early." His voice softens from his brisk, ‘get down to business' tone. "How long have you been up?"

"Since 4 A.M."

A low hum from Ted.

"Want to talk about it?"

"I'm, uh…" Come on Perry, talk! "My usual coping isn't working. I tried chopping wood. I've been on walks."

"Sometimes that happens to me, too. Are you medicating?"

My doctor gave me a prescription for a heavy-duty sleeping pill, but that scares me more than not sleeping. I don't want to be addicted and I'm terrified of taking too many by accident.

"Not the pills, but last time this happened, I forgot I accidentally discovered a great way to feel better." The heat flushes up my neck and I chuckle. I can't believe I forgot about this.

"Well, are you gonna share? Maybe I can try it, too."

I bark a laugh so loud it sends the chickadees off in a flurry. Ted and I are as close as anyone could be after sharing the job we did. But we've not talked about what I'm about to share before.

"Fuck, Ted." I pass a hand down my face and a laugh escapes. "I jerked off. I was surfing channels at some god-awful hour and that Android box has six hundred channels of porn. I stopped on one and rubbed one out. Ten minutes later, I was fast asleep."

Ted's laughter is immediate and I feel like a high school kid swapping stories in the locker room.

"Buddy, I love you, but I don't want to share stories about whacking off. Jesus, if you go through a really rough patch, you're gonna chafe if that's your go-to coping method."

We both start snort laughing and making jokes and the heavy weight on my chest lifts. Talking to Ted always helps when he's available.

"Have you been okay?"

"Yeah, I've been real good." The silence hangs and I swallow with his next words. "It's not your fault, Perry. We couldn't save him even if we had ten more minutes. He didn't want it."

Staring off in the distance, I nod to myself, not always convinced.

"I know. Tell that to my brain when it acts up."

"Are we still on for a visit soon?"

"Absolutely. You're coming to scout out the property for the rockstar's build, right?"

"I am and I can't wait to have a proper catch up, my friend."

We chat a bit more before Ted has to get to his next build site and I pocket the phone in my overalls.

Leaf"s sugar shack is ready for its grand opening party. The Maple Festival kicks off in town tomorrow, but this place will swarm with its first visitors in almost ten years on Saturday. The sign to Connor's Cabin, a nod to my late brother-in-law, shines brightly in the sunlight. I'm so happy my brother is finally living his dream and I'm a part of it.

Stacking up the wood I chopped and making sure the grounds are still just as pristine as they were before I arrived, I hop into the ATV and travel the main road for a few hundred meters before turning off onto the trail down to Emerald Lake.

Behind the wheel of the ATV, I can let my mind zone out. I know the way like the back of my hand and muscle memory takes over while I soak in my surroundings. The beginnings of new grass and shrubbery fighting up through the last bit of snowmelt. The sun glinting off the ice on puddles that formed overnight. Soon, this trail will be as lush as any tropical jungle.

I've always loved the springtime and the new life. Perhaps because it meant the ice was gone off the lakes and rivers and I wouldn't have those calls at work. Not that people started behaving responsibly around water in the warmer weather. Because they didn't. I had my share of those rescue calls, too.

Slowing down to slosh through a large puddle, the water rushes over the floorboards and wets my feet before it drains out, leaving a trail of mud behind. Yeah, there's no way Roman would ever do this. And why the hell should I even want him to?

You know, coward.

Arriving at the clearing on the edge of Emerald Lake, I kill the ignition and walk to the water's edge. A light crust of ice covers the surface, easily broken if you throw a rock. In another week or two, this place should be ice free and the spring birds will be everywhere.

That's one thing Sasha and I have in common. He loves ducks mostly because they remind him of his mother, but I love all the birds that come here. The majestic herons who wait like blue sentinels to catch a frog for dinner. The bald eagle who swoops down with a gracefulness that takes your breath away. Even all the songbirds that nest in the forest here. I know all their calls and bird songs have a calming effect on me. Once I learned that, I started coming here when I could.

But I should really get back to the lodge and help Millie if she needs it before guests arrive. It's not high season yet, so it's a small crew and, while I'm usually given free rein to do what I want, I know I need to be more present for this. It's a big deal for Leaf, and I want to ease his burden if I can. He's carried too much for too long and it's the least I can do for him.

With a last glance at my favourite place, I return to the ATV and head back to the lodge to work.

"Is there anything else, Millie?"

Stacking the last pan in the sink to dry, I pull the plug to let the dishwater swirl down the drain. She's been baking and prepping pancake batter by the vat most of the day and tomorrow it will be much of the same, except Pete will help.

She sets her clipboard down with a tired sigh.

"I think it's okay for now. I've enough food for the continental breakfasts for lodge guests for the first two days. And I have pancake batter started to last several hours at the sugar shack Saturday." She pauses and scribbles on her board. "I'll make sure I have a staff to come in for help with room cleaning Sunday."

"Make sure you tell me what you need. I can help with that, too."

"Of course, darling. I'll need you for lots, I'm sure."

"Except tomorrow. I'm taking Roman to the city so he can buy a car."

She raises an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Leaf is busy, so I offered to take it off his plate."

And to smooth things over, hopefully. It will either kill him or drive me insane, but it's only one day. I can handle it.

Millie pats my arm. "You're a good boy, like your brother. I think he needs a friend."

"Who? Roman? He has a great friend in Sasha already."

"True, but everyone could use more, right? Did Sasha tell you why he wanted him to stay here and not get an apartment?"

Placing the mixing bowl I finished drying on the table, I find Millie watching my every move.

"He said he wanted him close so they could work together. I just assumed it was a proximity thing. Why?"

She shakes her head. "I think there's more to it. It's a fashion business, Perry. They'll need more space than that suite can give them. And I know Sasha's studio is small, so that's not an option for the material and stuff, but…"

"But what, Millie? Is there something I need to know?"

Like maybe why the fuck he hates being in my presence, but I'll take anything right now.

"I just think it's odd they wouldn't have secured another business space is all."

"Maybe to save on costs?"

"I don't think cost is an option. Roman had bigger deals than Sasha for the last few years, including posing for Calvin Klein as their elite underwear model."

I level her with a look and she blushes.

"I googled him. Sasha said I could. If I was forty years younger and he was straight, I'd be banging on his door."

"Millie! God, you're like a mother to me. Please don't talk about banging the hot…"

Closing my eyes, I sigh with the slip. When I open them, her eyes sparkle with delight.

"Don't look at me like that. Anyone would think he's attractive. Especially if he's an underwear model. He's already shown most of the goods to half the world." Not to me, though. He barely wants to be in the same room.

"You two sure got off on the wrong foot. It's not like you."

I remain quiet and dry the pots and pans waiting. Millie puts them away without pressing me for more.

"You can always talk to me, you know. I know you keep it all inside, but my door is always open and I love you like my own."

"I know."

She nods, effectively ending the conversation and when I'm done drying, I kiss her on the head with a hug.

"I'm going to check on him now. Well, the suite. Sasha thinks there's something going on in the bathroom. Then I'm going home. But I'll call you if I need to. Promise."

She hugs me back and pats me when I leave.

"Thank you for your help. You're a good man."

That's debatable most days, but it's nice to hear, anyway.

Meandering through the lodge, I take the short flight of stairs to the hallway of Roman's suite. The melody of classical music floats into the hallway and I'm not sure why I was expecting techno or rock music, but I'm pleased it's something I recognize.

After knocking, I wait and hear movement inside, but he doesn't come to the door. I knock louder.

And suddenly the door flies open, and the air whooshes from my lungs.

Roman's pouty pink lips part in surprise and neither of us move. And I don't know where I should look, but it's not away from the man in front of me.

Mother of God.

First, I didn't know I liked a man in a corset when he showed up. Now it appears I might like a man in lace.

No. Scratch that. I do. That's not up for debate.

Roman stands before me in nothing but the tiniest scrap of lace that leaves little to the imagination. He's all smooth alabaster skin and ice-blue eyes. And he's the most beautiful creature I've laid eyes on.

"Sasha said you smell."

He snaps his head back. "The fuck?"

"The bathroom. He wants me to check you out."

I'm still fascinated with the pretty lace he's wearing, and he clears his throat.

"You're here about the smell in the bathroom, then?"

"That's what I said."

"No. No, that's certainly not what you said."

Playing back my words, it takes me far too long to process what I said, and he spins from the door leaving me with the back view and it's then I wonder what the hell I've done in my life to be punished so cruelly.

Good lord. That ass. That lace. The little fucking bows asking for a tug to unwrap the gift that's inside.

He turns again to find me still in the hallway.

"The bathroom is that way when you're done staring."

Finally coming to my senses, I rush through the room and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.

How do models just prance around like that in front of strangers? If I was his partner, I don't know how I'd hide my jealousy. Not that I'm jealous. That makes no sense. He doesn't even like me, so there's nothing for me to get all caveman over.

Get a fucking grip here, Perry!

Finally, my heart stops pumping blood away from my brain, and I focus on the bathroom. Roman must use vanilla-based products because it smells like someone spilled a bottle of extract. It's all my nose detects for several minutes. Until I open the doors under the sink and smell the wetness Sasha must have called me about. But there's no obvious leak here.

The only other place is behind the panel where all the plumbing is and I didn't bring my flashlight or tools. Which is… dumb. Why didn't I grab them before coming here?

And why am I stalling from leaving?

"Is everything okay in there, Perry?"

Sasha's voice—and I didn't even hear him come in or the music being turned down.

"Yep!"

I throw open the door and make a beeline to get out of there.

"I'll grab my tool tomorrow and come back."

"Are we still going to the dealership tomorrow?"

Right. I knew there was something else.

"I'll be here at 8 A.M."

"Are you okay, Perry?"

Sasha has every right to wonder why I'm so frazzled.

"Tell your friend not to make it a habit of answering the door half naked."

Risking a glance at Roman, I can't read his expression, but he's now wearing a short silk robe in a gorgeous blue that sets his eyes off.

And once that thought registers, I know I'm fucked. Since when do I notice a shade of blue making eyes pop? Who even talks like that?

Ugh.

Don't fantasize about the asshole who dislikes sharing the same air as you.

"Next time announce yourself and you won't have to see it." Roman steps in front of a backdrop I didn't notice earlier and unknots the tie at his waist. "I suggest you leave now if you didn't like the first free show. It's only going to get worse."

Before the door closes, his laughter rings out.

"Don't forget to use your tool tonight!"

Asshole.