Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

B leddyn walked along battlements of the north tower, breathing in the night air and trying to enjoy the cold winter moon. He missed the Night Gardens and their twisted beauty and made a plan to recreate them at Gwaed Lyn.

Anything to take his mind off his own failures.

At least in the Aos Si, he had been active and useful. Now all he felt was a creeping sense of helplessness as he failed to help Balthasar.

Zalan and Vincenzo had left, taking their armies back to their kingdoms with promises to search through their own resources to find a cure for Balthasar. Saul had left the mansion to spend time with the settling Unseelie, and the whole of Gwaed Lyn felt empty. For the first time in a long time, he was alone, and he felt it in every part of his being.

Bleddyn sat down on a stone bench and put his head in his hands. He had sent Rosa away, knowing she would be furious with him, but he wouldn't sit back and watch her waste away.

You mean you don't want her to see how you're failing , a cold, mocking voice said in the back of his mind. It sounded far too much like Aeronwen. He never thought he would ever regret Aeronwen's death, but no one could have anticipated her using god magic on Balthasar. He was still cursing himself when a raven landed on the stone in front of him and squawked loudly, making him start.

"What do you want?" he snarled.

Magic flared around it, sharp with the taste of midnight, and with a hard flutter of its wings, it started to transform. Small bones snapped and grew. Black feathers turned to silver-white hair and disappeared under skin until Eirianwen was crouched on the ground in front of him. Even covered head to toe in a viscous slime, she was still the most beautiful thing he had seen.

"I want a nicer hello than that," she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"You…" Bleddyn didn't have the words, so he simply pulled her to him, wrapping her shivering body inside of his overcoat. "I'm so relieved that you are here. I had no idea that you could shape shift."

"Good to know I can still surprise you," Eirianwen said. "I don't suppose I could use your bath?"

"Follow me," Bleddyn replied. He took off his coat and draped it over her before leading her back into the north tower. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to leap out of his skin with happiness she was there.

"You've been starving yourself again," he said when she was standing in the warm light of his bedroom.

"Don't mother me, Seren Du. I'm not one of your children," she said half-heartedly.

"I'm not mothering you. I was pointing out the obvious."

"And did you want me find a handsome Seelie to drink in your absence?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. He bristled at the thought, and she smirked. "I didn't think so. Animals aren't as fortifying. I'm not starving. Now, where is your bathroom?"

Bleddyn left her to shower and went to his workrooms for a bag of blood. He stood still, holding it a good minute before he put it back and opened his own vein over a glass for her, mixing it with a whiskey he knew she would like. It was embarrassingly true; he didn't want her having anyone's blood but his own.

"I can't believe you are here," Bleddyn said, once she was sitting comfortably, dressed in one of his bathrobes. He handed her the drink, and she stared up at him. "Just drink it and don't give me that look."

"As you wish, sire. I'm here because Bran said you were having a hard time, so I accelerated my plans to come sooner," Eirianwen replied and had a mouthful. Color instantly bloomed back into her pale cheeks, and his worry eased.

"After you left the Aos Si, I threw myself into helping establish the council and maintaining the peace, but once that was done, I realized I had no place in the new regime. Maybe I have seen too much war that I don't recognize the Aos Si without it. I don't feel like I belong there anymore, so I thought I'd see if I could belong here…with you, if you want."

"I love you, and to have you with me is all I ever wanted," Bleddyn said, pulling her close. "I couldn't force you to choose."

"I had to feel like my duty to them was done before I could leave. It is, and now I will have what I want." She kissed him very softly, and he drew her closer, breathing in her warmth and scent.

He wanted to get on his knees in front her, tell her all the things he should've said before leaving the Aos Si—that he didn't want to live without her, that she understood every dark part of him and was the only one who had ever been able to meet him there and love him all the same. That he loved the woman she was now more than the memory of what she used to be. Eirianwen kissed his knuckles and smiled at him as if she knew anyway.

"Why is the house so quiet, Bleddyn? Where are your argumentative children?" she asked finally.

"I've sent everyone away until I can heal Balthasar. I'm failing him, Eirianwen. I didn't want them to see it."

"If what Bran told me is true, you aren't failing anyone. You have always been too hard on yourself. You need to learn you can't control everything, Bleddyn, no matter how hard you try," Eirianwen said, her arm wrapping around him. "We need to treat this like we would anything else. We will work methodically through what we know of Aeronwen and her liaisons and figure out where the spell came from. You don't need to do this alone, my love." He pulled her onto his lap just as a hunting horn echoed through the skies.

"What is that?" Eirianwen jumped.

"The Hunt," Bleddyn said. "What is he doing here?"

They hurried downstairs and found Gwyn and a group of warriors standing on the driveway. The Lord of the Hunt looked furious, which wasn't a good sign.

Bleddyn bowed. "My Lord, I wasn't expecting you. Did everything go to plan in Glastonbury?"

"More or less," Gwyn dismounted and removed his helm. "Your son is a disrespectful lout, Seren Du."

"I'm sorry?"

Gwyn made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. "Where did you put Rosa's beast?"

"Why?" Bleddyn asked suspiciously. He knew Rosa would be angry with him, but he didn't think she would ever hand Balthasar over to the Hunt.

"Because you'll never be able to break his curse without my help," Gwyn said. "And Merlin is a meddling bastard."

"He is that. This way, my Lord," Bleddyn said.

"What in hell is Merlin playing at?" Eirianwen whispered.

"Gods only know."

Balthasar growled angrily when they filed into the dungeons. His tail swished, and ears flickered as Gwyn opened the door to his cell.

"That is enough out of you. Come to me, you unworthy beast," Gwyn commanded, his magic lashing out like a whip.

Balthasar snarled and obeyed, his head low. Gwyn hissed, making Balthasar lie down whimpering. Bleddyn made to step forward, but Eirianwen grabbed his hand, holding him back.

"He's hurting him," Bleddyn protested.

"Wait," she whispered. "If he were going to kill him, he'd be dead."

Gwyn crouched down to where Balthasar was submitting to him and placed his hand on the silver seal buried in his fur. He whispered a spell and Balthasar shuddered as the silver pulled itself together, reforming into a heavy ring.

"I knew that bitch stole this," Gwyn cursed and slipped it on his finger.

Balthasar howled in pain and tore at his fur with his long claws. His horns snapped off, and with a screaming cry, he pulled himself out of the beast's skin, bloody and naked as a newborn. Gwyn watched him with guarded silver eyes.

His lip curled as he said, "So you are the one she loves so much. Pathetic that she chooses you over me."

Balthasar lunged for him, but Gwyn was too quick, flipping him onto his back. "Listen to me and heed my warning, Leiddiad. If you don't pull yourself together and be the man Rosa deserves, there isn't a hole in all the worlds that will hide you from me."

"You knew this was your magic the whole time?" Bleddyn demanded, his tone icy.

"I don't answer to you, Bleddyn Seren Du," Gwyn said, and he walked from the dungeons.

"Leave it. It's done," Eirianwen said, blocking his path. She rested her hands on his chest. "Look at me. Your son needs you more than you need to yell at the God of the Hunt."

Bleddyn turned back to where Balthasar was huddling in the corner of his cell, shaking and bleeding.

"It's going to be okay, Bal," he whispered gently as he wrapped a blanket around his son's broken and emaciated body. Balthasar looked up with wide, frightened eyes before he collapsed sobbing into Bleddyn's arms.

There was muffled light and heat. The noise of far away voices mumbled through the floors beneath him. Balthasar put his hands over his ears, holding them tight as he turned over, burying his head under his pillow. His body kept reaching for senses he no longer had, a phantom tail itching, the weight of antlers on his head.

Bleddyn had insisted that Balthasar return to his attic to recover. Balthasar, in turn, had insisted on them locking the door from the outside. It had been two days, and he still didn't trust his body's reactions. His memories were scattered, half filled with human thoughts and those of the creature he had become. All of them were of blood, screaming, and death.

Balthasar rolled over, pressing his face into the mattress, inhaling the scent of Rosa's perfume still on his sheets. His body cramped with want, heartache, and need. Bleddyn and Saul wanted to send for her, but Balthasar had refused. No matter how much he longed for her, he wouldn't trust himself near her until he knew it was safe. Saul had woken him up to eat that morning, and Balthasar had nearly ripped his throat out. He couldn't bear the thought of accidentally doing that to Rosa.

"Knock, knock," Saul said from the doorway. He was carrying a tray of food, and Balthasar's stomach recoiled.

"What," he murmured.

"You have to eat, Bal." Saul placed the food on his bedside table. "You have a real Christian Bale in The Machinist vibe going on that isn't very sexy. You have to regain your weight if you don't want Rosa to change her mind about which Vane brother she wants to be smooching. Mind you, she might skip the both of us and go for Arthur Pendragon. God knows I would. He's a mythical beast all right."

Balthasar growled. "I will kill you, Saul."

"Not in your current state you won't. Leiddiad my ass. You couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag right now."

Even though Balthasar knew Saul was provoking him, it still worked. He sat up slowly and looked at the bowl of stew and the tumbler of blended green juice.

"It's not as good as Rosa's," he mumbled after a few mouthfuls.

"Nothing is. You know if you stopped being so stubborn, Rosa could be here right now." Saul's smile turned devious. "She could put on a cute little nurse's outfit for you, take your temperature the fun way…"

"No," Balthasar said firmly.

"Have it your way, big brother. Just don't come crying to me when she kicks you in the nuts for not telling her that you were okay and recovering."

Balthasar forced himself to swallow another mouthful of stew. "She'll understand. She's better off in France."

"They aren't staying in France for much longer. Merlin is shipping them off to New Orleans tomorrow."

"She's leaving Europe?"

"Yep. She's stopped trying to murder him now that she's had sleep and calmed down. Merlin has people in New Orleans he wants to see, and they have a restaurant Rosa can work in. She wants to be a chef, so they are making it happen."

"She'll like that," Balthasar said quietly.

"She'd like you even more." Bleddyn appeared and sat down at the end of his bed. "Saul, can you give us a minute?"

"Sure. Eirianwen has asked me to escort her to the Unseelie settlement, and there is nothing I like better than a winter stroll with a beautiful woman who could kill me in one move," Saul said cheerily.

"How are you feeling?" Bleddyn asked once they were alone.

"Confused and angry," Balthasar replied. "The things she made me do…"

"You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to," Bleddyn insisted. "Rosa made sure the Autumn Queen could never hurt anyone again."

"My sweet Rosa, what have we turned her into? How could we have let this happen?" Balthasar shook his head. "I never wanted her to end up dark and twisted like us."

"She did it for love, not enjoyment." Bleddyn folded his arms. "To be honest, Bal, I think she was always like us. Our time in the Aos Si was very illuminating. Gods above, she summoned Gwynn ap Nudd when she was seven years old on a whim."

"Only Rosa." Balthasar shook his head. "The Wylt Witchy Woo streak must've been strong in her even before the magic."

"It's still strong. If it wasn't for Arthur, she would've been eaten by the sluagh."

"She gets along with him then?" Jealousy, deep and sharp clawed at him. Damn Saul for putting that in my head.

"They are thick as thieves. That can't surprise you. I was reading her Arthur stories by the time she could demand things. No matter what has happened since you've been apart, she is still your Rosa. Trust me on that. She doesn't care what the queen made you do…or what I have made you do," Bleddyn said sadly. He looked around the attic at the unfinished artwork and the piles of papers and paint. "I'm sorry, Balthasar. So, so sorry."

"For what?" Balthasar hadn't seen Bleddyn upset for centuries. The Aos Si had changed him somehow, as if a coldness in him had finally broken. He had a woman who loved him, and Balthasar could see the way it already softened him.

"When I turned you, I thought to make you into a leader, someone ruthless and powerful as Cosimo was. You have natural ability, but it wasn't what you wanted," Bleddyn admitted. "I forced you to be something that you weren't. I forced you to kill, to make the decisions no one else would, to try to shape you into something that you were not. It was selfish and wrong of me. Being back in the Aos Si, I remembered what it felt like to have a responsibility forced onto you that you never wanted. I'm so sorry, Balthasar."

"Why are you saying this?"

"Because I'm releasing you of any responsibility to the clans or me. You are Leiddiad no longer. You will always be welcome here. You are my family and my blood, but only if it's what you want. If you want to wander the world with Rosa, painting every landscape, then do that. Do whatever you want. I'm giving you your life back. It was never mine to take from you."

"Father, I-I don't know what to say." Balthasar couldn't believe his ears. "But what will happen without me to help you?"

"I have help. Saul is a better politician than either of us will ever be. Don't worry; I've been apologizing to him as well. He has done an admirable job while we've been away. The Unseelie and the Gam like and trust him. He enjoys it and should have been doing it years ago."

Balthasar smiled. "How will he handle the responsibility? He's been the dilettante for so long. He's not going to know what do with himself."

"He loves it. I'm thinking of leaving him and traveling with Eirianwen myself. He doesn't need us to keep the family businesses running," Bleddyn said before sobering once more. "Can you forgive me for being a terrible parent? I promise I will learn to do better. If I don't, Eirianwen will make me suffer for it."

"You've never been a terrible parent. A hard parent, yes, but not a terrible one," Balthasar said, placing his empty bowl on the bedside table. "I think I am going to like Eirianwen if she makes you this nervous. I have to admit, I find it amazing and disturbing to see you in love. It's about time."

"You will like her, trust me. I haven't seen a Seren Du that can resist her. She's like Rosa that way." Bleddyn sighed. "Are you sure you don't want me to summon Rosa?"

"I don't want her to see me like this. I can't even walk properly."

"Then we'll get you a cane. She isn't going to care, Bal."

"I know, but I do. Rosa deserves?—"

"She deserves to be with you. The man who loves her. The one she fought for and nearly broke apart the Aos Si for. There isn't anything she wouldn't do for you. She quite literally went into a Hell realm to bring an army of the dead to help save you. You need to save yourself now. Let me tell her you are back at least."

"You think your protection wards will be strong enough to hold her back if you do?" Balthasar raised an eyebrow. "I don't think they will be."

"Then tell me what I can do, and I'll do it."

Balthasar took a deep breath. "Give me time? I need to get my mind right before I go anywhere near her."

Bleddyn had only left the room when a phone beside his bed began to ring. He didn't recognize the number but answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hello, baby brother! So nice to hear your arrogant tone again," Merlin replied from thousands of miles away.

"How did you know I was healed? If Bleddyn has told Rosa?—"

"Bleddyn hasn't said anything, and shame on both of you for not doing so. I wanted to see if Gwyn could be decent, and looks like he has been for once."

"Don't tell Rosa. Not yet. I'm not well, Merlin. I don't want to hurt her, or for her to see me like this."

Merlin snorted. "I don't care what you want, you little bastard. Do you have any idea what she has gone through for you? And what? You don't want to see her because you aren't pretty enough?"

Balthasar growled out Italian curses at him until he ran out of breath.

"Yes, yes, I understand recovering from horrible spells can be hard," Merlin interrupted him. "I'm glad you understand how horrible they can be so you know I'm serious when I say to you that if you don't want to have another nasty curse put on you, you will be getting on a plane as soon as you can stand upright, yes? Great . I'll see you soon, little brother."

The phone line went dead. Balthasar hissed in anger and threw it across the room.

Then he climbed out of bed.