Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

" I s your life always like this?" Arthur asked Rosa as they sat around a fire.

Rosa had her knees tucked to her chest and had only just managed to shield herself against Gwyn's call and stop crying.

"Since I came back to Gwaed Lyn, yeah. This crazy shit is normal," she said, sipping her whiskey. "I'm scared a lot, but I'm getting used it to it, and I don't know if that's worse. While Bal was with me, it was okay. I felt like he was the calm in the crazy. Now, I feel like I'm slipping away and becoming something else entirely."

"I know that feeling. Merlin can be a force to be reckoned with when he believes in something. There is an intensity to being a part of his family and his life," Arthur said. "He is different. Time has twisted parts of him that used to be gentler, but he still has that reckless focus that causes unforeseen collateral wherever he goes. I saw him sporadically as a child, and then he arrived one night and thrust a destiny upon me that I didn't have a say in. His belief in it, in me, made everyone else believe it."

"Did you regret becoming king? You don't talk about it very much," Rosa said. She had been so excited that he woke, but everything had been soured by the relentlessness of the Court, the queen, and the huge hole of Balthasar in her life.

"I resented it for a time, but I did my best. As Merlin put it, 'If you wanted the job, you wouldn't be the best man for it.'" Arthur poured himself another drink, and for a moment, he seemed very old and unlike the friendly man that had been fighting by her side. "I miss my old companions, and I don't know why God saw fit to bring me back into this life, but it's a relief not to have to worry about being a king anymore."

"You know there is a prophecy about when you return that you will be king once again," Rosa said and instantly regretted it as his face fell in horror. "But I am pretty sure it's just a bullshit story Merlin spun to throw everyone off the truth. He did a lot of that."

"Oh, God, I hope so."

"Fuck destiny, Arthur," Rosa exclaimed. "Be who you want. Do what you want. Fuck who you want. Live where you want. Make your own destiny. You are Arthur Fucking Pendragon, and you have a new world waiting for you."

His face broke into a sunshine smile, and he burst out laughing. "You are a delight, Rosa Wylt. It is no wonder Merlin loves you so much. You are a lot like him, you know?"

"A grumpy bastard who drinks too much?"

"No. You are someone that people can't help but love."

"Nice save, Pendragon," Merlin said from the doorway. He dropped a pillow in Rosa's lap before lying down on the couch and placing his head on it. "What are we talking about, children?"

"Arthur making his own destiny," Rosa said, "and how loveable I am."

"Oh, aye, I wish you'd be a little less loveable for your own fucking good, Rhosyn." Merlin looked up at her, his golden eyes repentant. "I am sorry if I hurt you with that shake. I panicked, and I shouldn't have done it. You know I would never intentionally hurt you."

"I know," Rosa placed her hand on his forehead. "I absolve you, and I probably would have done worse in the same situation. I…I've made a huge mistake, haven't I?"

"We've all made huge mistakes, Rosa," Arthur said. "One of my mistakes got nearly five thousand men killed once. You were taken to bargain with the Lord of Annwn, and the choices you made, you made them from love."

Merlin twisted the bronze bracelet around her wrist, his magic drifting over it.

"Don't bother, cousin," Rosa said. "I already tried to take it off, and I can't."

"He's protecting you as much as binding you," Merlin replied thoughtfully. "It's his token, a sign of your agreement, but it's also a warning to anyone that would try and hurt you. He will always be able to find you while you wear it, and you'll always be able to summon him if you are in trouble. It's both a blessing and a curse."

"Jesus, what did you do to him to give you such a thing?" Arthur asked.

"I was kind to him," Rosa said softly, remembering his confusion when she had offered him bread as a child. "He'll get what he wants, especially Glastonbury, but his fascination with me, I think, is because I wasn't afraid of him, and I wanted to talk to him."

"Even gods get lonely," Merlin sighed. "Look at Bleddyn. He's been lonely for centuries."

"He has too many children to be lonely," Arthur replied. "Loud, obnoxious, magically powerful children."

"You know better than anyone that you can always be surrounded by people and feel completely alone. This liaison with Eirianwen is changing him. I haven't seen this side of him since Deryn. He has so many secrets. He never spoke of Eirianwen to me, not once," Merlin said.

"Sounds like someone I know." Rosa poked him in the shoulder. "Some secrets hurt too much to tell. I only hope she doesn't break his heart, otherwise, I'll have to kick her ass."

"Settle down, Rhosyn. You already have one faerie to kill. Get her out of the way first," Merlin said, his expression clouding. His magic spiked, and Rosa felt it like a deep well that was so full that it was starting to crack through the barrier that had always held it in. It was but a flash before he buried it once again.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her hand tightening on him. "Your magic…"

"Is nothing for you to worry about. It's been a long time since I put part of it in the ground at Glastonbury and having it back is going to take a while to get used to, that's all," he reassured her gruffly.

"Just make sure you release it in the right direction when you finally blow your stack," Rosa said sternly, a whole new layer of worry settling on her.

"Two day's time, I'll get my chance," he replied ominously.

"Steady on, Wylt," Arthur warned. "We don't need another repeat of the Black Feast."

"Oh, come on! That was not my fault, and you know it," Merlin spluttered, his head jerking up from the pillow on Rosa's lap. "That charlatan should've known better than to pick a fight."

"No, you should've known better not to overreact when you're provoked," Arthur said sternly, the touch of the king's tone to make Merlin simmer down into a sulk.

"The Black Feast?" Rosa questioned, looking from one man to the other. "Care to explain, cousin?"

"I do not," he replied, "and neither does Arthur."

"I absolutely want to tell you the tale," Arthur said, a glint in his eye. "Imagine it. The end of a weeklong hunt, my kings and their courts gathered for the first time in over a year. We had servants roasting our kills, everyone drinking, flirting, and having a generally merry time after many months of conflicts with Saxon raiders."

"He means a bunch of blooded, shit-faced, knuckle dragging warriors, Rhosyn," Merlin interrupted.

She casually placed a cushion over his face.

"And then what happened?"

"One of the nobles had bought a cyfarwyddiaid , a storyteller, with him who also considered himself a magician. The nobleman started to make loud boasts about the man's talents."

"Because he was fucking him," Merlin mumbled from under the cushion.

"Naturally, as the only other magician in the hall, drunken warriors started to compare him to Merlin," Arthur said over the top of him. "The lad was handsome by all accounts, lots of golden hair and a charming manner, so rare a talent amongst magicians. Our dear Merlin was very drunk at this stage."

"Why am I not surprised?" Rosa said. "Let me guess, Merlin called him out on it."

Arthur shook his head. "Actually, it was the other way around. The lad, full of praise and encouragement, offered to give an example of his skills but wanted Merlin to get up and put on an entertaining show for everyone."

"Like I was some kind of petty conjurer," Merlin huffed, pushing the pillow away.

"He was too busy flirting with some court maiden or another, I can't remember her."

"Brenna," Merlin said, a filthy smile on his face, "and she was no maiden."

"Irrelevant. The lad got up in front of everyone and started showing off his skills and became very full of himself at the applause he was getting," Arthur said. "He wasn't bad. He got loud and insistent that Merlin join him. Honestly Rosa, I think the boy just wanted his attention and acknowledgment. Cai started to goad Merlin to get up, and no one could irritate Merlin like Cai."

"As in the Cai?"

"There is another?" Arthur frowned at her, but she waved him on. "So Merlin, finally over the game and eager to get back to the challenge of trying to get under Brenna's skirts, decides to put the boy in his place. Merlin gets his cocky, arrogant face on, you know the one, Rosa, and says, 'Very well, you show me your most impressive trick, and I'll try to outdo you.'"

"And this guy took him up on it? Mistake! You baited him, Merlin." Rosa pinched him.

"It wasn't my fault he was too stupid to realize it."

Arthur shushed them. "The lad wasn't bad. As I said, he decides to levitate six feet off the ground. The hall went wild. People were up in seconds, checking for ropes, walking underneath it, you name it. The boy was the real thing. 'Get off yer arse and show us what you got Glitter Fingers!' Cai shouted at Merlin."

Rosa burst out laughing. "Glitter Fingers! I think I would've liked Cai."

"Oh, aye, and he would've liked you too, probably a little too much." Merlin's eyes turned vicious. "Tell her what happened next."

"Merlin gets up with that smile he's wearing now and looks up at the floating lad, congratulating him on his trick." Arthur's eyes brightened. "And then he lets go of his magic and his self-control, and turns himself into a dragon."

"A dragon!" Rosa laughed. "You're not half extra."

"But he's drunk, and he overdoes it and keeps on growing. In seconds, everyone is screaming and racing out of the hall as he rampages, breaking his way through the roof and setting everything on fire." Arthur glared at the laughing Merlin. "It took him two days to sober up enough to turn himself back into a human, and the day was forever known as the Black Feast."

"Everyone learned their lesson never to provoke me while I was drinking, or bring upstart, sniveling magician fledglings to Court to challenge me," Merlin said smugly. "I don't know what you are still complaining about, Arthur. I fixed the Hall."

"You should've taken the higher ground and been mature about it," Arthur said.

"That's where you are wrong." Rosa and Merlin shared an identical grin. "We Wylts don't do maturity well when we are drinking. To be honest, I'm more annoyed that I haven't been taught how to change into a dragon."

"Stop making death gods fall in love with you, and I'll teach you."

"Whatever you say, Glitter Fingers," Rosa snorted.

"Don't make me turn into a dragon right now and bite you, brat."

Arthur shook his head at them. "Jesus, help me survive you two."