Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

B leddyn paced the halls of the palace, brooding and angry. He hadn't slept, and it seemed unlikely that he would. He had wanted to stop Merlin and Rosa from leaving because he hated the idea of being alone, shut up in an empty palace full of ghosts with only his thoughts for company.

There was much he had missed about the Aos Si, but being back meant that a flood of memories, long suppressed, were constantly bombarding him.

He longed for Balthasar's cool presence in the War Councils and the way they tempered each other's personalities. He and Merlin had always brought out the very best and worst in each other, in equal parts competitive and supportive. Balthasar was the son that calmed him. Bleddyn missed having that comfort of knowing that someone had his back without question or price involved. He had forgotten how petty and spiteful the fae could be. He didn't have the patience for politics and intrigues.

He should've kissed Eirianwen in the gardens, damned the consequences.

Bleddyn had been so surprised by her warm hands against his face that he hadn't given any thought to what it could mean. They had always been like charged magnets from the day they had met. With a tender touch, she had shattered his shields and woken a beast that had peacefully slumbered for centuries.

His magic was itchy under his skin, mind tangled with everything and nothing. He wanted to get drunk. He wanted to kill something. He wanted to go to Eirianwen's mansion and command that she never touch him again. He wanted to forbid her from having secret meetings with Merlin. His want and desire was a thing with claws that raked at him.

Bleddyn was so caught up in his own misery that he almost collided with Bran and Daesyn.

"My king, I thought you might still be awake and in need of some company," Bran said. "Eirianwen told me your children left this morning, and I believe she was concerned about you being left on your own."

Bleddyn snorted with disbelief. "I doubt it. It sounds like she wanted to make sure I was babysat in case I decided to run back to the human world. That woman's suspicious and difficult as ever." He realized too late that there was a keen intensity in Daesyn's eyes. His whole family had been slaughtered. Of course, he would be curious about what remained of them after being alone for so long.

"I can return at another time, Uncle," Daesyn said with a deep bow. "It's not my intention to disturb you if you are busy."

"No, stay. I apologize," Bleddyn said hurriedly. "I become bad mannered when I haven't slept. Come, let us find something to eat."

"Excellent. I'm famished," Bran declared. "I wonder if the brùnaidh here still make the honey and raisin cakes that I love so much."

"I'm sure it can be arranged, old man." Bleddyn clapped him affectionately on the back. He had missed Bran and his wild way and hoped he could convince him to come back to the human world when the time came. Conscious of Daesyn's nerves, he led them to the sitting room in his chambers. He wanted to put the boy at ease, but that wasn't something he had ever been good at. Rosa or Arthur would've known what to do and say. Rosa had simply accepted him as family, and she would treat him as she did all the others.

The brùnaidh had laid food out for them, including the cakes that Bran had mentioned, and hot spicy wine. Bleddyn missed his dark coffee more every day, but he still took a glass and sipped, hoping it would relax him.

"I didn't expect to find any of my kin alive," Bleddyn admitted. "It was something that the Autumn Queen taunted my brothers with—that we were the last, and only by her good graces did we still live. How did you survive? You were only a boy."

"A small, skinny boy," Daesyn reminded him. "I used to hide inside the unlit fireplaces whenever my brothers were feeling particularly vicious. When the soldiers came for us, I did the same. There was nothing to ransack in old fireplaces, so I covered myself in soot and waited them out."

"It's one of the reasons why his magical talent is so impressive now," Bran prompted. "Show him, Daesyn. Don't be shy."

Daesyn smiled nervously before his magic rippled over his skin, and he melted into a glittering cloud of ash, reappearing on the other side of the room.

"The Seelie soldiers call him the Ash Knight."

"Incredible! And you can do this in the middle of a fight?" Bleddyn asked.

"Of course. Fighting and spying are how I learned how to do it." Daesyn sat back down next to Bran.

"The Seelies are frightened of him almost as much as your son, Leiddiad," Bran pointed out.

Bleddyn touched his chest. The phantom pain of his blood tie breaking throbbed through him. "I'm hoping that the fear of Leiddiad and me will stop the Court from killing him. I suppose it is too much to hope."

"Aeronwen won't destroy her best bargaining chip. She is a cruel witch, but she isn't stupid," Daesyn said. "Lady Eirianwen will have her spies out who will alert us if there is any news of what is going on in the Court."

"Hmm," was all Bleddyn could manage.

Bran gave him a perceptive look, his black eyes filled with hidden knowledge.

"Don't doubt her loyalty, Bleddyn. She might be angry with you, but it won't stop her from doing what is right," Bran assured him.

"It doesn't matter. I'm sorry that you had to endure so much hardship so young, Daesyn," Bleddyn said. "The queen told me that everyone was dead. I should've come back to make sure of it. If I had the slightest hope that you were alive, I never would've left you here. I would have taken you with us."

Daesyn nodded his head, expression grim. "I don't hold you responsible, Bleddyn. You were younger than what I am now, and you had your brothers to think of. I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same in your place." He held out a hand, and Bleddyn clasped it.

"I will make up for it, I swear it. In saying that, I want you to move back into the palace."

Daesyn's eyes went wide. "I'm flattered, Uncle, but I don't think I could leave my warriors?—"

"Bring them. There are more rooms in this place than there are ghosts. Fill them. These halls belong to the Seren Du family. You are my family, Daesyn. Never forget it." Bleddyn sat back in his chair. "Go and get them. Let the brùnaidh feed and fuss over them like they are meant to."

Daesyn got to his feet and bowed low. "Thank you, Uncle."

"By the gods, stop bowing. I'm not a king here, and you are my kin. Call me Bleddyn."

"Bleddyn," Daesyn said with a nod of his head before he vanished in a cloud of ashes.

Bran chuckled and poured himself another glass of wine. "That was well done."

"He is good company. It was easy enough to invite him. Family is important, and I want it around me. Despite how it may seem, I mean it when I say I would've come back if I had known he had lived." Bleddyn looked into Bran's wrinkled face. "If I had known you and Eirianwen were still alive, there would've been nothing to keep me away."

"I'm not the one you need to convince of that."

"I have tried convincing her, Bran! She won't talk to me about any of it." Bleddyn threw his hands up angrily. "She just wants to blame me for things and be angry and bitter."

"Bleddyn," Bran said, soft and indulgent, "did you stop to think that perhaps talking about it fills her with shame and regret? Eirianwen has always used anger as a way of dealing with her hurt. There is much you don't know about what happened."

Bleddyn exploded. "How can I make things right if she refuses to tell me what she is blaming me for? I saw her fall, Bran. I never returned because I couldn't bear to be in a world that didn't have her in it! I still don't know how she lived. She won't even tell me that!" Bleddyn leaned forward, clutching his head in his hands. "The woman is insufferable."

"I was the one that found her, Bleddyn." Bran's voice cracked, and Bleddyn looked up between his fingers. "I was about to bury her when I realized her stubborn spirit still clung to life. I thought if there were even the smallest chance that I could save her, I would risk everything. I took her to the Caves and used magic to piece her back together. Her wounds…" Bran broke off, and Bleddyn felt he was holding something back, but he didn't know why. What promise had Eirianwen made him swear?

"It took many months before she regained consciousness completely. The first thing she heard of you was that you had thwarted the queen, that you had become her lover and betrayed her, and then fled to the human world. I don't know what made Eirianwen angrier—that you stooped low enough to become the queen's lover or that you had left the Aos Si without her."

"I did what I had to do to save my brothers," Bleddyn said coldly. "I won't apologize for that anymore. I had nothing left to lose and no reason to stay. What aren't you telling me, Bran?"

"They aren't my secrets to share, Bleddyn. Give her time. They are not easy things for her to talk about." Bran tilted his head to one side. "She is coming."

"Stay," Bleddyn said. "I need a witness if she's come to run me through with a blade."

Eirianwen didn't bother to knock as she burst into the room. She wasn't in her finery today, only her customary tunic shirt and leather pants.

"Bleddyn!" she called before freezing when she spotted them watching her. "Bran! Good. You being here saves time."

"Good evening, my lady," Bleddyn said through his teeth. "What brings you rudely barging into my chambers?"

"One of my ravens just delivered this." She tossed a small scroll at him. "It's from Fintan. He's one of my Seelie spies that I recruited while I was in prison."

Bleddyn scanned the contents of the hastily scratched note, his heart heavier by the second. "Oh, Bal, what has she done to you."

"She might have turned him into a creature, but he still lives, which means there is still hope," Eirianwen said. "Fintan's making sure Nimue is being fed and looked after the best he can while she's in the oubliette."

"And you trust that this Seelie guard is telling you the truth?" Bleddyn demanded. He stood, thrusting the parchment back at her. "He could be your spy under the queen's orders."

"I trust him because he did the same for me while I had my own stay in the pit," Eirianwen snapped. "I thought the news of your son still living would please you. It will give Rosa hope."

"Rosa can't know anything about this. Aeronwen has turned him into a monster, a creature that has no will except hers. That is almost worse than him being dead."

"No, it's not. There will be a way to bring him back?—"

"You aren't a parent," Bleddyn hissed. "I don't expect you to understand what I'm going through."

The blow that hit him was so hard that he staggered backward, blood pouring from his nose. Eirianwen was breathing heavily with fury, unspilled tears in her eyes. She spat at him in disgust before storming from the room.

Bran steadied Bleddyn with one hand and then shoved him towards the open doors.

"Go after her, Bleddyn. Right now. Don't let her leave this palace or you will regret it."

Bleddyn didn't need to be told twice. He ran after her, his anger a living shadow as it flew ahead of him, stopping her in the main hall. He caught her from behind, his arms wrapping around her and locking her arms to her sides.

"Let me go, you bastard!" she struggled, her legs kicking out.

"No! I'm not letting you go until you talk to me." The predator in him was roaring. Her back pressed up to his chest, and the small wriggling movements she made only made him tighten his grip. "I swear by the gods, if you don't tell me what you're hiding from me right now, I'll bite you and take the memories right out of your stubborn head," he threatened.

Like a deer finally submitting to the wolf, the fight seemed to go out of her, and she stilled in his arms. He couldn't see her face, but he could feel the small tremors running through her as she wept.

"Do it," she whimpered, dropping her head to one side, exposing the side of her neck to him. "I don't…I don't have the words. I know you can find my memories through my blood. So take them, Bleddyn."

He bent his head, a growl reverberating through him. He brushed his nose down the soft skin behind her ear, breathing in her scent of war and woman, her magic and blood singing to him.

"Do it," she repeated hoarsely. "I give you permission."

With that consent, he sank his teeth into her. He was aware of her groan, but it he didn't loosen his hold on her. Memories flowed into him, coming so fast and thick that he had to struggle not to lose himself in her. It wasn't the first time he had taken her blood, but the taste of her overwhelmed him as it always had done, robbing him of his senses.

He searched back through her memories until he found the day he had done everything to forget. Eirianwen's fear was overwhelming her as she spat curses at the Autumn Queen's smug face, the golden soldiers cornering her. Pain ripped through her arms and legs as arrow after arrow was shot into her. Through the clouds of smoke, she had seen Bleddyn screaming, soldiers struggling to hold him back, the grief and fury turning his face feral.

He lives. He lives , Eirianwen thought as life flowed out of her. She could die in peace knowing that her beloved lived on. The soldier was a blur above her as he drove the tip of his lance through her. The next memory was of waking up to Bran's concerned face. He was speaking to her, but she struggled to understand the words.

"I am so sorry, my lady. I couldn't… I couldn't save it," he said, tears streaming down his face. "The lance had done too much damage. I couldn't save your womb…or your baby." She hadn't even known that she was pregnant. Fae children were so rare that they were treated as treasure, and the queen had killed it.

That wasn't all Bleddyn saw.

Bran had used blood magic to bring her back from the dead, awakening a thirst and violence inside of her. She wasn't like the Gwaed Gam or even his own children. She was pure Unseelie transformed into something else entirely with all the power of a Gam and all of the magic of the fae. That was why they called her the Bánánach.

Bleddyn lifted his mouth from Eirianwen's neck before dropping to his knees. Eirianwen turned to him, shaking with tears.

"So now you know," she choked. "You know why I couldn't tell you what I am, what we lost…"

"Show me," Bleddyn commanded, grabbing her legs to stop her from running.

With trembling hands, she lifted up the edge of her shirt, revealing the ridges of scar tissue across the round curve of her stomach. Bleddyn pulled her closer and rested his tear-wet cheek against it. Her hands shook as they tangled in his hair, holding him gently against her.

"I didn't know, Bleddyn," she whispered. "I never would have fought that day. I would have run as far and as fast as I could. I never would've done anything to jeopardize the life of our child. You have to forgive me…"

"Forgive you? Eirianwen, none of this is your fault. I'm the one that needs your forgiveness," he said. "I…abandoned you. No wonder you never came after me. I have spent a lifetime failing you. I can't give your child back, but I swear to you, I won't stop until Aeronwen is dead and her cursed ashes are scattered from one side of the Aos Si to the other."

The Night Courts shuddered as the deep well of magic inside of him opened like a void, the living embodiment of his pain. His hatred and grief rolled out and into the stones under him. Magic overrode him, rushing in his ears like a raging waterfall, the world buckling beneath him.

"Bleddyn," Eirianwen took his face in her hands, "look at me! Focus on my voice. Come back. Don't let the power take you!"

The panic and fear in her voice made him pull back, slamming shields down hard on the flow of power. He pulled her down into his lap, cradling her tightly to him to ground him and force the magic to leave.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I couldn't," Eirianwen admitted. "I almost did last night in the gardens, but I thought if you knew, you wouldn't let Merlin and Rosa go. It's horrible and selfish, but we can't win this without Gwyn, and I need to win this, Bleddyn. Revenge is all I have left."

"Then you're wrong on two accounts. One, you should've told me last night instead of running from me because Merlin would've left with or without my approval," Bleddyn said, stroking her silver hair. "I just got him back, and being overprotective will only push him away again. Where Merlin goes, Rosa will follow, but I know he will do anything to protect her. If Gwyn turns them down, I'll contact my brothers and convince them to bring their armies through the portal at the next full moon."

"And the second thing I am supposedly wrong about?" Eirianwen asked.

"Revenge is not all you have. I know we are different people now, and you might not want me the way you once did, but family is more than blood. That bitch stole our future once, Eirianwen. I won't let her steal it from us again. Whatever the change did to you, whatever you are now, you are no Bánánach. You are something new, and you are perfect. Do you hear me?"

"I drink blood, Bleddyn. I kill and take life so that I may live, or whatever this in between state is. I'm a monster." She let him go and put distance between them, the vicious glint back in her eyes.

"Perhaps, it is destiny. It will take a monster to kill a monster, and make no mistake, I will see the Autumn Queen dead if it's the last thing I do."

Still on his knees, he took her hand and held it to his heart. "I swear to help you in any way I can to see it done."

Eirianwen touched his cheek. "Will you start a war with me tomorrow?"

His answering smile was beautiful with its promise of violence. "It would be my pleasure."