Chapter 37

Chapter

Thirty-Seven

ORION

I ’m burning up with guilt.

Although I had already been feeling guilty for the moments of lust and lack of control I’ve had around Alyx, now that there are rumours floating around the palace—rumours that I was seen kissing Alyx in the Scholars House—that feeling has only grown. Of course this is a lie, it was a peck on the cheek, but I have kissed her before and I want to again.

Something does need to be done, however, about the rumours before they destroy us, and then I need to lock these feelings away and make sure I never act on them again. Joha is my king, my best friend, and I never should have let that assassin worm her way between us.

At least, this is what I keep telling myself. I have a will of iron, and I have never let anything come between Joha or my duty before, so what is it about her that is so damn addictive? She is like a slow-acting poison that has infected my system and is taking over me a bit at a time. Poisons have antidotes, even if they are hard to find, so I just need to find my antidote to Alyx, and once this is over, I can return to my usual self.

Striding through the palace grounds, I make my way towards the meeting hall where Joha should be with his other guards when I hear hurried footsteps. Frowning, I look up, my gaze locking on the doors of the queen’s palace.

Alyx, is she?—

The doors burst open, and Joha practically runs from the building without a single guard to be seen.

Frustration and concern race through me as I hurry towards the king.

“Your Majesty, is everything okay?” My gaze sweeps over him, searching for any signs of injury, but luckily, he seems to be physically intact. Before he has a chance to answer, I’m already scolding him. “You cannot keep ditching your guards, Joha. Someone is trying to kill you.”

“I am well aware, Orion,” he snaps, his temper fraying in a rare display of anger.

He’s never spoken to me like that before, and I recoil before I can recover. Schooling my features into a professional mask, I nod my head sharply. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

Sighing, he seems to shrink as all the air leaves his body. “I’m sorry, Orion. I’m just . . . Everything is getting to me. I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

I want to comfort him, yet I am fully aware we’re being watched. There are very few places in the palace that are safe from prying eyes, and the king’s bedroom is one of them, thanks to the strict security I put in place.

“Let me escort you back to your rooms, Your Majesty.” It might sound like an order or dismissal, but I know he can see it for what it is—an invitation.

Nodding, he gestures for me to lead the way. We walk in silence, but the source isn’t anger, but companions who don’t need words to communicate. When we make it back, I send his other guards outside of his suite and personally check his bedroom to make sure we’re alone. Joha watches me the entire time and eventually clears his throat.

“Orion, I?—”

“I kissed Alyx.”

I hadn’t meant to cut him off, and this was certainly not how I planned to tell him about my moment of weakness, but it seems my mind has different ideas. The guilt coursing through me is driving me wild, and I have to tell him, even if he hates me for it. It is a huge lapse of judgement on my part. I kissed the king’s betrothed. While I am well aware that this is not a love match and is all part of our plan, I have seen the way he looks at her. If he wasn’t my friend, I could be tried for treason.

Joha freezes at my blurted admission, his eyes travelling over my face, and I wonder what he’s reading there. Taking a slow, deep breath, he nods his head.

“I heard the rumours. Alyx just reassured me about the kiss on the cheek in the Scholars House, but I get the feeling you’re talking about something else.”

There is no accusation in his tone, which takes me aback. I fully deserve his scorn. Finally able to think past my shock, I speak once more. “She told you?”

“Yes.” He winces, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I stormed into her rooms and demanded to know if the rumours were true.”

I can imagine exactly how that conversation went down, and it explains why I found him trudging from her quarters. Some might leave the conversation at that, since I have been given an out and at least this way I won’t damage our friendship any further, but that just isn’t who I am. Rolling my shoulders back, I prepare myself for the backlash of what I’m about to do.

“There was another occasion.” I pace around the room, unable to look at Joha, fearful of what I might see on his face. “I don’t know what happened. I was so mad at her. She infuriates me! One moment, I was shouting at her, and the next thing I knew, I was kissing her. It didn’t last long, and I quickly came to my senses.”

I don’t tell Joha that his arrival was actually what stopped our kiss. While I’d like to think I would have stopped before we took anything further, I cannot say that for sure—not with how crazy she drives me.

“Well, they do say that love and hate are often confused.” There’s humour lacing his tone despite the conversation.

I snort, my nostrils flaring with agitation at the mere suggestion. “I do not love her.” I put emphasis on the words, slashing my hand through the air between us. “It is purely physical attraction, nothing more. You are the most important person to me. I have dedicated my life to making sure you are safe, and that will not change now that she is here.” My sense of duty burns in the back of my mind, and I take a deep breath for what I have to say next. “However, I understand if you no longer trust me and feel the need to demote me. I can recommend some trusted guards to take my position.”

The words taste like acid, but I have to be honest. Our relationship is built on trust, and if I have shattered that, then I am no good as his guard.

“Orion, stop.” Crossing the room, he places his hands on my shoulders and fixes his gaze on me. “You are the only person I want protecting me. Thank you for being honest with me.” Sighing, he drops his arms and takes a step back, brushing some of his long hair from his face. “I have no idea what is between Alyx and me. I will not pretend as though I don’t like her. She is a beautiful woman, and she intrigues me. Everything about her pulls me in, but I know how dangerous loving a woman like her would be.”

His words are like a kick in the chest, but I force myself to ignore the feeling and slowly nod my head. “I strongly recommend not getting romantically involved with her. However, I will support you no matter what you decide.”

Despite my twisted feelings over Alyx, I mean every word I say to my king. My recommendation doesn’t come from selfish motivations, but as pure desire for him to be safe and happy.

“Thank you, friend.” His eyes sparkle, and a smile pulls at his lips, lighting up his whole face. “We should do this more often.”

“I do not know if you are talking about the heart-to-heart or getting involved with an assassin,” I remark, my voice full of mirth. “Either way, my beard is going to be completely grey by the end of the year.”

Joha laughs and slaps me on the shoulder. “Me too, Orion. Me too.”