Chapter 10

Chapter

Ten

CRUX

P acing the length of my room, I barely notice the little rat nervously waiting for me to dismiss him, his eyes tracking my movements worriedly. Honestly, I forgot he was even there, so lost in my own frantic thoughts. Each step is agitated and full of pent-up anger and frustration.

This can’t be happening.

What the fuck is going on with Alyx? The things I’ve been hearing recently are so unlike her that the delusional part of my brain tells me the rumours must be about someone else. My Alyx wouldn’t get herself twisted up in this sort of mess. She would talk to me. What I’m hearing, however, it’s like I don’t even know her.

My room is just down the hall from Alyx’s, but I don’t tend to spend much time here. It’s got a few stolen paintings on the wall, but it’s nothing like hers. This room is where I come when I need to get away from everyone else or to grab a few hours of sleep. Sleep doesn’t come easily these days, and when I can, I slip into Alyx’s bed and wrap my arms around her. In those sleepy moments, I can pretend that we’re together like we should be. Occasionally, I think I see longing in her eyes, but it’s gone in a moment. A braver man might bite the bullet and ask her if she feels the same way, but I won’t risk losing her, so I keep my mouth shut.

Everyone knows not to bother me when I’m in my room. I’ve made the consequences very clear, so when this little rat knocked on my door, quivering with fear, I knew something had happened. I run the information he told me through my mind over and over, taking it apart and examining it from each angle, looking for possible reasons Alyx might do this.

“Your . . .” The warble in the rat’s voice grates on me.

Stopping mid-stride, I spin on my heel and pin the weaselly man with a look. “You’re absolutely sure about what you heard?” I stalk towards him, my anger making each step rough and powerful. Stopping in front of the rat, I lower so I can stare directly into his face. “If I find out this isn’t true, I will hunt you down and gut you like a rodent.”

It might be harsh, but I didn’t get to where I am now by being nice to everyone. I may look after my own people, but I won’t tolerate liars.

With impossibly wide eyes, he swallows his fear with an audible gulp and nods so frantically that he’s going to make himself dizzy. “Y-Yes, sir. I heard it myself and followed the stumblers back to the castle. It was the k-king.”

Shit. That was not what I wanted to hear.

“Leave.”

Dismissed, he doesn’t waste time, practically throwing himself out the door. Finally on my own, I resume my pacing, running a hand through my messy hair. It probably looks worse than it usually does thanks to my agitated movements, but that’s the least of my problems right now.

There’s a light knock on my door, and before I can roar at whoever it is to leave me the fuck alone, the door opens, and someone slides quietly inside. Only one person would dare enter my room without permission—Alyx.

Turning around, I see her glance back over her shoulder with a wry smile, amusement written on her face.

“One of your rats just passed me in the hall.” She closes the door behind her and turns to face me. “He looked like he was going to pass out when he saw me . . .” Registering the tension in my body and the flat expression on my face, she trails off and frowns. “Crux? Is everything alright?” she asks carefully. She knows something is up. She thinks she knows but isn’t going to give it away, in case she exposes herself.

That makes me mad.

“I don’t know, Alyx. Why don’t you tell me?” My voice is deceptively light as I cross my arms over my chest, trying to keep my cool. However, I’m not able to hold myself back and find myself speaking again before she has the chance to answer. “How was your meeting with the king?”

Cursing loudly, she shakes her head and glares at the door as if she can see through it to the man she passed. “Fucking rats,” she growls, realising what must have happened before she got here. Huffing out a frustrated sigh, she pushes her mass of unruly hair back from her face so I can see her glimmering green eyes.

“I was coming here to tell you what happened.”

Raising a single brow, I tilt my head to the side. “I know what happened. The king stumbled through the Lowers, telling everyone he passed that he was looking for you. Everyone is talking about it. Thankfully, they just think he’s a noble and not the king.”

I’m angry, really fucking angry. If it wasn’t the king and his guard dog, I would have him killed for exposing Alyx like that. Talk about being conspicuous. He’s probably never had to lie low a single day in his privileged life and thought he was being stealthy as he bustled around and caused a fuss.

“That was the guy you saved the other day? The fucking king, Alyx?”

Her face shuts down as I speak, and she mirrors my stance and crosses her arms. “I didn’t know that at the time.”

Hissing a breath through clenched teeth, I close my eyes for a second as I attempt to regain my composure.

“What did he want?”

My rat only caught the end of the conversation and couldn’t hear everything from his position. While I know the king offered her a deal and wants her to work for him, I don’t know the details. Who does he want killed, and why does he want Alyx to do it? Doesn’t he have enough soldiers to do that for him?

Alyx takes a deep breath, her expression contemplative as she tries to decide what to tell me. That makes me nervous. She never picks and chooses what she tells me, and we tell each other everything, so why is she holding back now?

“He needs someone on the inside, and he asked me to be the one to do it.”

Time seems to pause for a moment, and I feel like I’m in a dream—no, a nightmare as I watch the horror about to unfold, but I am unable to do anything to stop it. She can’t mean what I think she does, and even if she did, she wouldn’t be so foolish to accept.

“On the inside. As in, inside the palace?” I hiss.

I’m getting ready to laugh with her over the stupidity of it all, but her expression tells me everything I need to know, quickly souring my mood further.

“Fucking hell, Alyx. He wants you to sneak in and snoop around? For what, information?”

Her neutral expression cracks, and dread rises in me like an insidious tide, threatening to wash me away. “It’s not quite that simple . . .” Sighing, she shakes her head. “Look, he asked me to pose as his fiancée, and as queen-to-be, I’ll have access to every part of the palace, where I can get information. I have the training of the Lowers but the knowledge of the Uppers, which makes me one of the only people who could do it.”

I wait for the punchline, my eyebrow raised expectantly. When it doesn’t come, I laugh out loud, but there’s no humour in it. She’s speaking in present tense, like she’s already thought this through and has made her decision. That must just be a slip of the tongue, though, because Alyx would never accept something like this. She hates the stumblers more than anyone else.

“Are you serious?” I shake my head. What has this kingdom come to when our useless king is trying to hire assassins to be his bride and help him run the country? “I hope you told him what to do with his offer.”

She steels herself, her expression determined. “I’m going to say yes.”

“No.”

The word comes out before I’ve even finished thinking it. It’s an order, a flat denial. There is no fucking way I’m letting her do this, and I’m sure it shows on my face. This isn’t the way to speak to Alyx, as it will just make her want to do it all the more, but I can’t stop myself. I won’t let her leave us, leave me, to do this.

Shock crosses her beautiful, stubborn face. “What do you mean, no?” Indignation colours her words, and in any other situation, I’d apologise for speaking to her like this, but not now—not when she’s trying to leave.

“He’s going to pay me,” she explains, forcing her tone to lighten. “Plus, think of all the things I’ll learn about the castle. This will make us rich. That’s what you want, right?”

I close the gap between us, and she looks up at me with confusion and hope glistening in her eyes.

“It’s not about the money,” I bite out. “This is the king, Alyx. He’s asking you to pretend to be his fiancée. A Lower. Doesn’t this sound ridiculous to you? Are your alarm bells not ringing?”

Fiancée. Fiancée. Fiancée.

The word circles repeatedly in my mind, getting louder and louder, crowding out all other thoughts. Jealousy is like a living thing within me, tearing me up on the inside and crawling into my brain, whispering foul things.

“I don’t understand, Crux. This is what we do.” Gesturing around us at the stolen art and luxury furnishings, she attempts to hide her hurt from the way I’m speaking to her. I see right through it though, hurting right with her. “We take jobs to kill and spy, and then we move on to the next. Why are you so against this?”

I want to explain and make her see why she can’t do this.

Fiancée. The word whispers through my mind once more, and a flare of anger washes away my intended sentiments. “This isn’t a normal job, Alyx. If you get caught, you’ll put everyone here at risk. You’ll destroy everything.”

That’s not what I meant to say. I wanted to tell her that I can’t bear the thought of her spending time with the king. No matter if she’s pretending to be his or not, the very knowledge of it causes physical pain within me. Would I care if my operation was exposed? Not as long as I know Alyx is safe, but in the palace, she won’t be. I need her here, where I can protect her. I need her.

Why can’t I tell her that?

My comment hits her like a blow, and I watch as she straightens, determination clear in her stance. “You know I’ve taken more dangerous jobs than this. Besides, last time I checked, I take whatever jobs I want. I’m telling you this as a courtesy to our friendship.”

Friendship. That’s what I’m left with, while the king gets a fiancée. It’s not right, and it’s not fair.

“You can’t go. I won’t let you,” I command.

Laughing with disbelief, she takes a step back and looks me over, as if seeing me for the first time. “Let me? What the fuck has gotten into you, Crux? I thought we were friends.”

I’m fucking this up. I can feel her pulling away from me, but I can’t stop myself. I want to tell her so much and confess how I feel. I want to beg her not to go. The world is so much darker when she’s not around. I need her. Why can’t I just tell her all of this?

Because I am a fool who isn’t eloquent, like the king.

Taking a deep breath, I push down my anger and jealousy and try again. “We are friends, which is why I’m telling you not to do this. I can’t protect you inside the palace. I need you to be safe.”

She huffs in annoyance. “I can protect myself.”

My softer words come too late because her walls are already being built up against me, her decision made.

“I know, but?—”

She cuts me off, anger flaring in her eyes as she jabs an accusing finger at me. “Fuck you for suggesting I can’t look after?—”

“I can’t lose you!” I bellow, my heart bleeding in my chest as I open myself to her. I can’t say everything I want to, but it’s a crack in my barriers. I only hope that it’s enough to convince her to stay.

We both fall silent as the words hang between us. Her eyes are wide, and for a moment, I think I see her softening as she reaches a hand towards me. Stumbling forward, I make the most of the moment and take that hand, pressing it against my chest so she can feel my pounding heart.

“I can’t lose you, Alyx. Please don’t do this,” I beg.

She stares up at me, her expression a mix of sorrow, pain, and determination, and I know I failed.

“I can do this, Crux,” she whispers. “I need to do this.”

No. Please don’t leave. Without you, life is pointless. All the riches in the world wouldn’t make me happy if you weren’t in my life. It’s for you. All of this is for you .

Except I don’t whisper those words. “If you go, I can’t help you. You’ll be on your own.” It comes out harsher than I meant it to, my own pain causing me to lash out.

She stares at me, and it’s clear she never expected me to say this, to give her an ultimatum. Dropping her hand from my chest, she takes a step back, and it feels like she’s taking a piece of me with her.

“Then so be it.” She pauses, taking one last look at me, sorrow lining her eyes. “Bye, Crux.”

She turns away, and I watch the love of my life walk out the door and into the life of another man.