17. Chapter 17

Chapter seventeen

T he next time I saw Felix, I showed up with a plan. I'd spent all summer researching, thank you porn writers, and I was ready to take our relationship to the next level. Which was why I purchased a pizza delivery man uniform from Amazon.

And also why I bought an actual pizza to go with it—in preparation.

It'd been difficult to find something in my size, but I'd managed.

I was supposed to be going over to Felix's house for the night. We were going to watch movies. Movies he told me would be…enlightening. You know what is also enlightening? My dick. This pizza box. And the box full of condoms Winnie had given me.

I rang the doorbell, pizza in hand, feeling ridiculous-stupid-idiotic-in-love as I waited for him to answer. Like usual, it was after dark. The block was quiet aside from a house a few down. A couple kids were out playing basketball by porch light. The thump, thump of the ball hitting the ground filled the air as I waited.

If Barry saw me I'd never live this down.

At least from a distance it was impossible to tell that I was not, in fact, a real delivery man. But Marshall, the block's resident "thirty-eight-year-old-grump."

When Felix pulled the door open, he had a sunny but nervous smile on his face.

That smile died a slow, painful death as he stared at me. His eyes flickered up to my pizza cap, my polo with its logo, and down to the box that I was holding. "I…don't understand." It seemed I'd broken Felix's brain.

"Hello, neighbor." Fuck. Shit. I wasn't supposed to say that. I wasn't supposed to acknowledge that we were neighbors. Fuck. Retract. "I mean—customer."

"Um." Felix stared at me some more, stepping back inside to make room for me, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"I am your delivery man." Why was he not getting this?

Hopefully he did not have mace.

I didn't know how much more obvious I could be.

Was sex not the obvious conclusion to take from this? I was a delivery man. Therefore, Felix should be inviting me in—telling me how hot I looked—and trying to hop on my dick. I squinted at him, trying to figure out if he was teasing me or not.

Maybe I needed to pose sexier?

I stepped inside the house, making sure to check behind me. When I'd confirmed that no one was watching from the street through the little stained glass window at the side of his door, I leaned against the wall on my elbow and struck—what I hoped—was an enticing pose.

Felix did not look enticed.

He still looked confused.

"What is happening?" He laughed, eyes dancing with mirth. "Did you get a new job—?" He blinked. "Speaking of, you've never told me where you work."

"I'm CFO of a pharmaceutical company," I answered automatically. "And no. This is not my job." How was he not getting this? I had thought this was a fool-proof plan.

I wanted to fuck him, dammit.

Why hadn't he fallen for my charms?

I squinted at him some more. "Why aren't you getting naked?" I asked, point blank, pizza box still in hand. "I'm seducing you."

Felix blinked at me like I'd grown a second head. "Is that what's happening?"

"Obviously," I gestured with my free hand to my pizza outfit. "I'm the delivery boy. You're supposed to swoon and ask me in."

"I am?" Felix blinked, then his lips curled up into an amused grin. He was dressed for the day, unfortunately. Not in that silky, slinky pajama set that shouldn't have been as sexy as it was .

"You are." I waited for him to correct his behavior, but it seemed to be taking him a moment. Maybe he needed more instruction? God knows, I did. "You're supposed to let me in, swoon—" I repeated, more slowly this time. "And then…when I've successfully wooed you…" My gaze dragged over his shoulders, down his supple chest to the tiny waist I knew—firsthand—was tight and the perfect size to grip. I licked my lips. "I'm supposed to get to fuck you."

Felix's eyes flooded dark, a sharp little exhale leaving him.

He'd had a visitor the night before.

Hopefully he still had an orgasm left in him?

I was starting to really hate all his so-called "friends." One of these days I was going to sit in the entryway with a shotgun and see who tried to follow him to bed then. Still though…I was the one with a key—so I knew I was different.

I just…

I wanted to be everything for him.

Was that so bad?

Felix's expression did not inspire confidence. He still did not look seduced. I blinked, confused. Perhaps I'd done this all wrong?

"I'm supposed to fuck you…right?" I blinked again, brow furrowed.

"Seems fair." Felix cut me some slack. Even though he apparently did not watch porn—as I couldn't see there being another explanation for his ignorance—he stepped in close. His fingers curled in the hem of my polo, pulling me in close as he tipped his head up for a kiss.

I met him in the middle, melting with a happy groan.

I dropped the pizza box.

But neither of us seemed to care.

Immediately, my hands slid to his face, clutching it in a tight grip as I sucked and licked, and whined into his mouth. His lovely little teeth threatened to tear into my lip again. I'd thought I'd imagined it the first time, as there hadn't been even a scratch left behind before—but I was certain now that they were sharp enough.

They pricked, and I shuddered, clutching him even tighter, his blond hair fluttering against my fingertips as I ate him the only socially acceptable way I could.

When we parted—it was only because I had to breathe.

I sucked in a ragged, needy pant, our lips still brushing, his face still clutched in my grip.

"You put a lot of effort into this, didn't you?" Felix murmured, lips bumping mine as his fingers gave my outfit another gentle tug.

"Of course I did," I kissed him again—now that my lungs were full, I was excited to empty them again. "I'm asking you to let me have you. The least I could do was put in a little effort."

"Mmm," Felix hummed as I dove in for another, longer, greedier kiss. One of my hands slid to his throat, fanning along it, dipping beneath his collar. The way he shuddered lit me up from the inside out. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, but Felix didn't seem to mind.

Apparently my unpracticed groping was good enough for him.

That only became even more clear when one second I had my tongue in his mouth, sliding hot-wet-cool-slick along his, and the next, his hand was latching onto my cock for the very first time and he squeezed.

I growled, hips thrusting up into his grip, my cock aching as I felt his fingers close more surely around it, his palm pushing against me to give me something to fuck against.

Bliss fluttered behind my lids, and a frankly horrifying sound escaped me as I pulled away from the kiss—too blind-sided by pleasure to do anything other than stupidly flex into Felix's grip. Led by my dick. Like a fucking plebeian.

And I couldn't even be mad about it.

"As romantic as this is," Felix said, plucking at the hem of my pizza-polo at the same time he gave my dick another pointed rub. Precum leaked from the tip immediately, making my boxers sticky and wet and uncomfortable as I panted against his lips, mindlessly pushing into his grip. "I hope you know it wasn't necessary."

"It…wasn't?" I managed, even though my brain had taken a vacation.

"No, Marshall." God, I loved it when he said my name. He gave my dick another rub, and my toes curled. "I've wanted you since the day you moved across the street. "

This was news to me.

Mind-blowing news.

And yet…my dick still won the battle with my head.

Stupidly, I gasped against his cheek, the hand that had been toying with his collar, slipping down to grip his ass tight. Felix gasped, and I felt like I'd won the lottery. God, his ass was nice. So supple. I gave it a greedy squeeze and he laughed, a throaty, rough sound. "That's…" I managed, pausing again to grunt when Felix gave my cock another pointed rub.

"Ten years, Marshall," Felix said softly, like I wasn't wrapped around his finger. "Ten years, I've wanted you, just like this. Sitting in my kitchen. Sharing our nights—sharing my bed."

I didn't know what to do with a declaration like that.

No one had ever said anything more perfect.

"I was raised differently," Felix continued, toying with me—his grip lightening to the point of madness. I squeezed his ass, and he sighed, lashes fluttering. "Where I'm from, we wait till marriage to share what you so clearly want."

"I'd marry you tomorrow."

Felix laughed, startled. "You can't mean that."

"I do."

"Marshall—" I could tell he was about to release my cock. And I didn't want him to. I didn't want that. For the first time in my life, I understood the appeal of sex. I understood why people might chase this. Why they might go out in public hunting for one-night stands if this kind of pleasure was at the other end of the long, overstimulating evening. Though… once again, I was forced to face the fact that I'd never be comfortable having sex with someone other than Felix.

It was him and me. The only equation that made sense in my head.

The only reason this sort of intimacy felt comfortable at all.

I'd never had an interest in it before.

And now…I…well…

I was insatiable.

"What if you don't know…the truth about me?" Felix asked, voice wobbling. "Because you don't."

"It doesn't matter."

"How can it not matter?" He didn't understand.

He didn't understand—

But…that was my fault.

That was my fault, because I hadn't told him, had I?

I'd shown up with a hard cock and a pizza box, and expected him to know how I felt.

"I hate the world," I told Felix, my voice shaky. "I hate going out. I hate people. I hate touching . I hate pop music. I hate Nascar, fried chicken, olives on pizza, pickles, picnics, and pastels."

"Marshall—"

"I hate Christmas in July, buying presents, bullies, flip-flops, sand, soda, and Barry (the blockhead)." I sucked in a steadying breath. "I hate sunscreen, SPF50 specifically, those popsicles that always break before you can get them out of the bag, dogs that are brachycephalic." Another breath. "I hate people that say good morning to strangers, hot sauce, and when my sister, Winnifred, calls me Marshall the Martian."

I had never laid myself bare like this.

It was terrifying.

Awful, awful, awful.

But if it meant I'd get to keep Felix… If it meant he'd understand that this wasn't only physical for me but that it was more , that it was… everything I'd never offered anyone before, perhaps, he'd say yes. Perhaps, he wouldn't be lonely anymore if he knew that he was my supernova.

My obsession.

Steady as the stars.

"I hate so many things that I can't possibly keep track of them all," I said, voice quaking. "But, Felix…I…" Just do it, Marshall. You've already laid your heart on the line. What's one more truth? The biggest truth. The most important truth you've ever hoarded. "I don't hate you ."

My heart was pounding.

Nerves tingled at my fingertips, twisted around my insides, and tied my gut into knots.

"I could never hate you. Not ever. Not even a little. Even if I tried."